Is fantasizing about another person (like a person they know) who is not your partner/spouse considered cheating? Is it healthy or an emotional affair? Would you tell your partner/spouse you have fantasies of another person or is this oversharing?
Is fantasizing about another person (like a person they know) who is not your partner/spouse considered cheating? Is it healthy or an emotional affair? Would you tell your partner/spouse you have fantasies of another person or is this oversharing?



I honestly have such mixed feelings about this. At one viewpoint, I know my spouse does this and it hurts my feelings...because I guess I'm pretty sensitive nowadays. But at the same time, he's not actually doing anything really wrong. In my near 7 year relationship, he has been the most loyal man I have ever been with or known for that matter. Sure, he'll look at the menu & think dirty thoughts but has he acted out on those thoughts? Nope. So I might just be overly sensitive - mostly from my previous emotionally/mentally abusive relationship where all the guy did was cheat - among other things that I won't mention here. On the other viewpoint, before that relationship, I use to be one the most perverted chicks - like I was borderline "one of the guys" because I would look...and I could never really be emotionally attached to anyone I was in a relationship with (except with the man I'm with now & have known practically all my life) so I would also 'order from the menu' if you get what I mean. I wasn't loyal to anyone because I just couldn't fall in love/be in love with them - I could care about them in the sense I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to them but my genitals & getting my rocks off were more important. The man I'm with now is the only man ever in my life to make me feel that way so I guess those emotions are what makes it a bit different when he does look & fantasize to where it hurts my feelings.
The dilemma & struggle is so real with this situation lol.



Are you feeling love for the other person, or just lust?
no, i don't think so. not unless they are fantasizing about the same person all the time.
I don't think fantasizing about someone else is cheating. Personally I wouldn't tell the person I'm dating about my fantasies of another person unless it was a cuckold type who was open to that.
If it's in the brain, no. The mind wanders.
As a little thought experiment: Try NOT thinking about a White Horse. Whatever you do, don't think about a White Horse.
Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it
^ the subconscious mind doesn't register the word no/not/etc.
I think it's pretty normal. Just the other day, my bf tried to bring up the topic of "how often do you masturbate/what do you think about/do you ever fantasize about other people?" And it felt really intrusive, tbh. Like, I'm not actually fucking anyone else so why do you need to "police" what I think about in my private time? I think it's completely normal to be attracted to other people, and even to think about them from time to time. The important part is how you actually handle your IRL interactions with them. I would be totally open to hearing about my partner finding someone else attractive and telling them that I find someone else attractive if I didn't know that he'd flip his fucking shit and not be able to handle it maturely. I don't not tell him because I think it's inherently wrong, but because I don't think it's inherently wrong and don't feel like instigating some days-long argument over something that I don't consider a big deal.
I do agree with it being worrisome if it's always the same person though. It's one thing to have a rotating list of people that you flip through when you're just having fun, private, sexy time. If it's always the same person, that's probably indicative of more than just lustful feelings that you can otherwise ignore and brush off. And I say this from the perspective of the person who does the fantasizing. I can tell the difference between randomly thinking about someone else from time-to-time and when I legit have a big thing for someone else and they are always occupying my thoughts.
Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.
Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
Okay so if it's the same person over and over that might be an issue...
What about if it's someone your spouse/partner knows - like a close friend?

1 no
2 healthy
3 no tell
i mean if it's a random fleeting thought here or there then NBD.
if it's someone you know and every time you're together all you think is romantic/sexual thoughts and you also even fantasize about them a lot when they're not around then yeah that's a problem. if you're crushing hard on another person something is probably wrong in the relationship





How about dreaming of another person having sex with you? A person you know?
Not according to psychologists; it just means you are horny. The person in your dreams is an abstract lover representing the opposite sex part of your mentality.
I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.
Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.
NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.





Somethings you should keep to yourself.
Men watch porn or think of their ex's while jerking off. I don't need to know anything about it.
It's not cheating.
Men look at other women all day long & imagine what they are like in bed. Why are you compelled to tell them what you are thinking? Men know to keep their mouth shut on this subject when they do it.





If it is a good friend or relative of your SO and you are thinking about them so much you feel compelled to turn to the opinions of strangers on the internet you may be in dangerous territory.
But, in general thinking about or fantasizing about someone is healthy and normal. I do not feel the need to tell a partner at all. It is asking for a problem.
XoXo Gia
Danielle Fishell (the Dish): "If the Super-Star thing doesn't work out, Gia makes a great stripper name"





Men keep secrets of cheating on their spouses with real people all the time. Yet, thinking about another person is supposed to be confession time for a woman. Pssshhhh So men are to own our thoughts too?
Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it
I was asking from a marriage standpoint. For example Christian marriages. Where two become one and nothing is private and you tell each other everything thing because there are no secrets.
But I could see where that would cause problems if the thoughts won't be acted on. And maybe every single thought does not need to be revealed.
It still seems like an omission though. Like you know something they don't. For example If I were married, I want to ride my husbands best friends' face. My husband has no clue I am secretly attracted to his friend. I tell him I am only attracted to him (Lie). I spare him the truth to spare him his feelings which may save the relationship.





There are secrets in every marriage.
He will use it against you in every argument so why give him ammunition.
He sin't going to tell you about every women he has a fantasy about. Do you really think he should own your thoughts because of a piece of paper? Does that mean he now owns all the money you make? What about properties you come into the marriage with? What about inheritances?
Men don't own us & every thought.. What if you have a fantasy about kicking his ass when he tries to fuck you in the middle of the night & you have to be up early? Oh wait, that wasn't a fantasy, but a real event.
Do you want to hear if he had sinful thoughts about fucking your Grandmother in the ass? Or should he keep that to himself?
Getting married doesn't mean you magically stop finding other people attractive or sexy.
More importantly men don't want to hear everything we think. They want us to shut up most of the time instead of going on & on & on about nothing to them. Tell him every thought you have & he will leave you for never shutting up.
Men like to chase, they like a little bit of mystery.









There are going to be lots of things you don't confess to your spouse. Like how much it really cost to get your hair done.
My Step mom's secret coleslaw recipe that my Dad praised for weeks at a time. She hid those KFC containers deep in the trash can.
Just like he is going to brag about fixing the air conditioner when actually when you were out he paid a real repairman to fix it. If you find the receipt, just throw it away, cause cold air is more important.
My Dad ate spaghetti every Thursday for 14 years then one day popped off that he hated it. It was my Mom's favorite meal. 2 years later ordering & eating it one night wondered out loud why my Mom didn't cook it anymore. She was livid. Still think that is the real reason they got divorced.



Good grief I thought I was reading a throwback to the 1950's! Hell no its not cheating and if it brings so much added energy to your love life so much the better. Do you think for a nano-second your partner doesn't fantasize? Now if it becomes an obsession well that's entirely another matter.
As to secrets we all have secrets. Revealing them a little bit to our partners can be fun and invigorating. Having no secrets is frankly just boring.





Sec. 3.001. SEPARATE PROPERTY. A spouse's separate property consists of:
(1) the property owned or claimed by the spouse before marriage;
(2) the property acquired by the spouse during marriage by gift, devise, or descent; and
(3) the recovery for personal injuries sustained by the spouse during marriage, except any recovery for loss of earning capacity during marriage.
It depends on where you live.
Sec. 3.002. COMMUNITY PROPERTY. Community property consists of the property, other than separate property, acquired by either spouse during marriage.



Well personally I like hearing about my lover's fantasies and seeing how many of them we can have come true. But know who they fantasize about is absolutely no threat to our relationship.
Partially because I'll be down with whatever game she wants to try but also because what happens in the privacy of your own mind is hers not mine or ours
. I know for me when I take care of things on my own so to speak I'm looking for something that isn't likely to happen in my current relationship or maybe is totally implausible
after all that's kind of the whole point of porn isn't it
we know girls and guys don't act like that most of the time in real life
most people don't want to be filled up with 5 or 10 different peoples ejaculate, but sometimes it's fun to watch.
Most people don't want to be hung upside down suspended and in pain most people don't want to be covered in whipped cream and then farted on but there are those people who find that entertaining to watch once in awhile.
while I'm curious what she's interested in and I'm open to trying many things... if there are things she wants to keep private that's entirely fine
when it starts to step into the realm of real world that's when I start to be concerned if she can't talk to me about her real world desires to act on something then we do have a problem
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