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Thread: How Important Is A Woman's Career?

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    Question How Important Is A Woman's Career?

    I am wondering, from a mans perspective, how important is a woman's career - as far as a woman you want to marry and/or be the mother of your children?

    When I say career I'm thinking of factors like earning potential, hours at work, working from home vs working in office, type of career, etc.

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    Default Re: How Important Is A Woman's Career?

    Not important at all unless you need the supplemental income.

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    Default Re: How Important Is A Woman's Career?

    It's important in the sense that I'd want my SO to be happy at work. I've had jobs and been with people who had jobs they hated and it always spills into the relationship eventually. You can't put a price on being able to come home to a happy home.

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    Default Re: How Important Is A Woman's Career?

    Anyways - the question was not "can women have careers" it was more along the lines of "how does a woman's career (and related factors) influence your decision to consider them as long term partners.

    women consider men's careers when selecting a long term partner. They think about factors I listed above. So I assume the same is done when men select long term partners and one of the things they think about is their partners career.

    Male family members I know consider time away from home, hours worked, career benefits, especially if they want to have children or have young children.

    I'd be interested in hearing perspectives from those who can provide mature discussion to this topic.
    Last edited by miss.a.p1600; 08-15-2017 at 07:21 AM.

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    Default Re: How Important Is A Woman's Career?

    I think men have way different perspectives than us because of social gender roles. I'm interested too!

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    Default Re: How Important Is A Woman's Career?

    I think it's wise to not be depending on a man's husband. If/when he divorces you then what? Sure you might be able to get alimony but that's not going to pay the rent, bills, and put food on the table. If you weren't married then you're just shit outta luck, thrown out on the streets with nothing. If you got kids you can get child support but child support isn't enough to survive on. You end up on government assistance living in some ghetto section 8 apts, a food stamp budget that doesn't cover your grocery bill, counting every penny you have. I've been down that road before and it was the darkest, hardest years of my life. You gotta have your own source of income.

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    Default Re: How Important Is A Woman's Career?

    From what I've seen, most men do not place too much importance on a woman's career. They just don't want someone who is unemployed and lazy and depends entirely on him financially (I'm taking about the average man, generally speaking). Every man is different though. Men who are snooty and act all elitist may want a woman with a high profile, successful career to fit in his social circle. Then you have successful wealthy men who want a woman to be a stay at home mom for their children. I think as long as you have a career that makes you happy, pays you decently, and gives you good work/life balance, most men are perfectly fine with that. But always do what makes you happy regardless.

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    Default Re: How Important Is A Woman's Career?

    I am perhaps unusual in that I was raised by a single mother whose career was very important to her.

    I can't stand seeing women who want above all to submit to a dominant male and will sacrifice everything for him, including her own career/source of income. But there are literally many millions of them, in the USA alone.

    I fear this won't change until girls stop being raised to be submissive, and boys to expect that submission. But we have a few thousand years of cultural patterns to overcome, and the atavistic mammalian herd instincts as well.
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    Default Re: How Important Is A Woman's Career?

    For every woman I've been close to, what was important to her was important to me, and vice versa.

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    Default Re: How Important Is A Woman's Career?

    Interesting.

    Yes. It can be dangerous to be in a situation where the man knows the woman relies on him financially.

    I've also seen the flip side where the woman is the dominant one in the relationship but her partner earned most of the money.

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    Default Re: How Important Is A Woman's Career?

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    women consider men's careers when selecting a long term partner. They think about factors I listed above. So I assume the same is done when men select long term partners and one of the things they think about is their partners career.

    Male family members I know consider time away from home, hours worked, career benefits, especially if they want to have children or have young children.
    In my experience, men don't care. With the couples I know, this is probably skewed by at least one person in the relationship having a professional job, so money wouldn't be a constraint anyway. Of the few couples with children, only one woman gave up the career, and that was part of a plan that was agreed-upon before the pregnancy. The rest took maternity leave and then returned to work, using day care. As for hours worked and time away, work-life balance is usually a concern for the man, and not the woman.

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    Default Re: How Important Is A Woman's Career?

    From what I've seen in my social circles, most men don't really seem to care one way or another if a woman is even employed. The grand majority of my female friends do not have jobs, and are entirely supported by their boyfriends/husbands. Two of them are stay-at-home moms of multiple children, so that's a different situation all by itself. The rest really have no excuse. They either claim they're "working on other stuff" but not taking it seriously, are in school part-time which is an asinine excuse, or are else just really lazy and don't see a need. Yet, their SOs put up with it.

    I think the only time I've seen it become an issue is that, while a man might be totally happy to support a woman who isn't working, there is an expectation that the "work" will be made up in other ways - ie: household chores. And when even that isn't getting done by the person staying home all day doing next to nothing, tensions, understandably, rise. But I still have yet to see one of these men actually leave a woman for being lazy and literally doing nothing to contribute to a shared household.

    I honestly don't get it though. My bf has offered to pay for my tuition, or help me out financially if I wanted to focus on less lucrative careers, and I just straight-up can't imagine doing that. The idea of being that dependent on someone else is terrifying. While I'm sure some of my friends have perfectly healthy relationships that function this way based on discussions and logic, the rest have confided in me at some point or another, how much it sucks that they feel like they rely on their man for everything so they're literally mostly sticking to him just out of lack of other options. Why anyone would put themselves in that situation unnecessarily is really weird to me.

    But yeah - to answer your specific question, they don't seem to care whether you work or not. How that skews if the woman is making more than them/works more hours/is traveling more for work than they do - I'm not sure. I imagine it would have complications? But I have no personal experience seeing it.
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    Default Re: How Important Is A Woman's Career?

    Not even remotely important. What mattered to me when I was thinking about marriage was that she was bright, had a strong personality and would be a good mother to my children. Looks did matter a bit too since, let's be honest, genetics matter. which is why bright was also important. Ugly people breed ugly children and dumb people breed dumb children and I did not want to curse my kids with either one of those conditions. I lucked out and now have three beautiful and bright children.

    As far as who has what career, does it really matter? Nobody is going to go to a funeral for any of us and sob out loud that "he/she was such a GREAT accountant!" In my mind, the greatest measures of a person are the people that we bring into this world and the good we do for others and my wife scores high marks in those departments. She is the primary caregiver for 3 great kids and has made a far greater impact on this world, through her involvement in various charitable drives and causes as well as more direct helping efforts, then I will ever make. I may have the more advanced "career" but she is the one who will be remembered, not me.

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    Default Re: How Important Is A Woman's Career?

    I thought I would relate my story. When I started dating the woman who was to become my spouse, she had been working professionally for eight years. She was doing well, and in fact her first husband had left her because she was making more than he was (she didn't care about that).

    After we married, she continuned to work and I was fine with that (not that she needed my approval).

    But after we had our fourth child she totally shocked me: After twenty-two years in the work force, she wanted to retire! I was totally unprepared for that. Our income was scheduled to drop in half, and everything would change. She said she just wanted to be a stay-at-home mom at this point in her life. I made a deal that she would manage the money and pay all of the bills which she did until her death six years ago from breast cancer. Yes we had to tighten up our spending, but we managed fine.

    The only thing she insisted on was after all of the kids were in school, that I come home for lunch for playtime, about the only time we had to ourselves.

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    Default Re: How Important Is A Woman's Career?

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    I am wondering, from a mans perspective, how important is a woman's career - as far as a woman you want to marry and/or be the mother of your children?

    When I say career I'm thinking of factors like earning potential, hours at work, working from home vs working in office, type of career, etc.

    Depends on what she wants. If she's happy, i'm happy.
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    Default Re: How Important Is A Woman's Career?

    My aunt & uncle went from growing up without indoor plumbing to millionaire status by BOTH working their asses off. Remember that.

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    Default Re: How Important Is A Woman's Career?

    Screw the man, do a career for yourself and your own dignity.

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    Default Re: How Important Is A Woman's Career?

    I would never trust a man who "cares" about that shit (factors like earning potential, hours at work, working from home vs working in office). As long as the woman does SOMETHING with her life, money making or not, and she's a decent woman who treats him well and he's attracted to her, it shouldn't matter.

    Type of career? Of course it matters. Our choice of career can reflect our values, though it doesn't say everything about us as people. There's certain careers I wouldn't marry into either. I can understand if a man is wary that the woman is a sex worker (say he's a pastor who needs to keep his reputation) or it's something really out there like she's a spy/hitman for the CIA, but caring about how much she earns? No. Fuck no. A man who cares about how much a woman makes, will only care because he sees money as power and he's trying to scope out how much power and advantage he'll have over her in this power struggle that he calls "relationship".


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    Default Re: How Important Is A Woman's Career?

    So in the name of equality let's flip the question. How important is a man's career to a woman as far as someone you want to marry or be the father of your children?

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    Default Re: How Important Is A Woman's Career?

    Shiiiit. Honestly very important. But for me it's just one factor because a dude could have a stellar career but be the asshole of the century and make a shitty father/husband.

    But if we're going to be considering equality we have to consider paygrades and female leadership which I still wonder about.

    That's why I asked the question because I know it's important to a lot of women but I was curious do men think the same?

    But I am more traditional in certain aspects like men as the providers. And typically men still make more than women even in same positions.

    It's still a rarity to see male house husbands

    It's weird like even though we have progressed from the views of the 50's for example, more women are in the workforce, birth control is easily accessible, etc. there are Still lots of traditional aspects that are present today
    Last edited by miss.a.p1600; 08-21-2017 at 01:56 PM.

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    Default Re: How Important Is A Woman's Career?

    Well here is kind of why I asked the reverse question. Let's take Cashmere Star's response for example and change the she and hers to he and hims and vice versa. Now this isn't a judgement of her response because I agree with it. I just want to know, if we are working for equality, is this the equality that we are striving for? Would the following post draw any negative responses from the ladies or this board?

    "I would never trust a woman who "cares" about that shit (factors like earning potential, hours at work, working from home vs working in office). As long as the man does SOMETHING with his life, money making or not, and he's a decent man who treats her well and she's attracted to him, it shouldn't matter.

    Type of career? Of course it matters. Our choice of career can reflect our values, though it doesn't say everything about us as people. There's certain careers I wouldn't marry into either. I can understand if a woman is wary that the man is a sex worker (say she's a pastor who needs to keep her reputation) or it's something really out there like he's a spy/hitman for the CIA, but caring about how much he earns? No. Fuck no. A woman who cares about how much a man makes, will only care because she sees money as power and she's trying to scope out how much power and advantage she'll have over him in this power struggle that she calls "relationship"."

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    Default Re: How Important Is A Woman's Career?

    I think it depends on how you define equality or what aspects of equality you're looking for.

    For example a man could make say 100 grand a year while his partner makes 20 grand a year but he still sees them as equal in a relationship and doesn't pull the "I make more so I have more power or I'm better than you" Card.

    Me personally as long as men have testosterone and can't get pregnant, I will always think of men as the providers. If I'm out of work for 9 months (or more) last thing I want to do is be rushed back into the workforce or have to toss an infant into daycare because the man can't provide for a family without dual income. Now this is just me so not trying to rain on parades of people who think otherwise.

    Other things I'd like to see equal is women being able to have their shirts off and not be harassed by predators
    Men being okay with more female leaders
    Women being able to have sexuality like men without being seen as sluts, whores, etc
    Adult work not being stigmatized for women

    Everything else can be traditional.

    I actually don't mind men making more money as long as they aren't dicks about it but sadly many of them are.

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    Default Re: How Important Is A Woman's Career?

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    I think it depends on how you define equality or what aspects of equality you're looking for.

    For example a man could make say 100 grand a year while his partner makes 20 grand a year but he still sees them as equal in a relationship and doesn't pull the "I make more so I have more power or I'm better than you" Card.

    Me personally as long as men have testosterone and can't get pregnant, I will always think of men as the providers. If I'm out of work for 9 months (or more) last thing I want to do is be rushed back into the workforce or have to toss an infant into daycare because the man can't provide for a family without dual income. Now this is just me so not trying to rain on parades of people who think otherwise.

    Other things I'd like to see equal is women being able to have their shirts off and not be harassed by predators
    Men being okay with more female leaders
    Women being able to have sexuality like men without being seen as sluts, whores, etc
    Adult work not being stigmatized for women

    Everything else can be traditional.

    I actually don't mind men making more money as long as they aren't dicks about it but sadly many of them are.
    I appreciate the honest reply. I think we can be equal while still being different.

    My thoughts on this when it comes to "providing" would differ though. Equality to me would be equal pay for equal jobs and equal expectations of each gender in providing for the family unit. Obviously maternity (and paternity) leave issues would have to be addressed much better than they are right now though.

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    Default Re: How Important Is A Woman's Career?

    Interesting.

    Can you elaborate what you mean as far as equal expectations of each gender providing for the family?

    Also entrepreneurs who don't have benefits like maternity/paternity leave would require fiscal wiseness. So I think women at least myself would look not only at the mans career but also his ability and desire to manage finances or willingness pay to hire someone to help manage finances/learn to efficiently manage finances.

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    Default Re: How Important Is A Woman's Career?

    Not really important, as long as she actually does something.
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