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Thread: Customer Prying Into Your Race/Ethnicity/National Identity and Labeling you

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    Default Customer Prying Into Your Race/Ethnicity/National Identity and Labeling you

    So I'm having a really big issue with this, and I'm not sure if I should just get over it or somehow learn to work with it, or learn to avoid people causing me emotional distress altogether.

    I was born in Russia and might have what some people consider an Eastern European look. A lot of people who think I'm Eastern European have never been to Russia, nor have they spent a lot of time around Russian people. In the various cities I've worked where there are 'Russian girls', it wouldn't be so readily obvious to them that I was originally from Russia. I'm completely Americanized, have spent the majority of my life in America living all throughout, worked in America before entering this industry, have been educated in America in secondary and postsecondary schools. I have a slight accent but also a very distinctive voice that I do not think is due to race, unless one is a racist and wants to make it so. So the issue I'm dealing with, have been for a long time, is a lot of what I perceive as racism. A lot of it is at work because that is where I come in contact with the most people, but also, a little bit outside of work when I come in contact with people that apparently lack any sense of cultural sensitivity and worldliness.

    For example, on a job in LA, I had someone ask me whether I speak English, when I felt that their direction wasn't clear. I'm constantly told I have an accent by strangers, which confuses me because loved ones (close friends/family throughout the US, who are of American origin) would not corroborate it to be true. I've been in situations in the Bay Area where I would be asked when I'd be "going home;" approached by strangers, obviously American, in a nightclub who'd start speaking to me in Russian (broken but still somewhat understandable); had an Asian-American in the Bay Area point to my face, and tell me that my face was not American; stuff like that. People constantly comment on my facial features, hair, pry into where I am from/born. I find it incredibly rude and intrusive.

    Anyhow, I understand that this behavior is pretty low, and a lot of good customers, big spenders or not, won't be so crass. But is there any way to deal with it better?

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    Default Re: Customer Prying Into Your Race/Ethnicity/National Identity and Labeling you

    Men are rude.
    They ask rude questions, flip the script & ask them the exact same questions. See how fast they get the point.

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    Default Re: Customer Prying Into Your Race/Ethnicity/National Identity and Labeling you

    People are rude, period. As I tried to explain but maybe unsuccessfully, I've had it from men and women in and out of the industry. So, it's just hard for me... because no one likes to be perpetually singled out like some freak show. And, I have flipped the script on men who are obviously minorities asking me racist questions. I see the point in doing that, but in some ways, the old adage rings true in that 'two wrongs don't make a right.'

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    Default Re: Customer Prying Into Your Race/Ethnicity/National Identity and Labeling you

    I've had people speak to me in Spanish, Russian, Hungarian & German. Everyone tries to figure out where someone is from in order to try & find a common ground. It is normal. I don't find it to be so rude. I live in Miami, EVERYBODY here is from someplace else. I like it that way.

    People who are being rude should be told they are being rude. Two wrongs do make a right, my Mom used to say the same thing. Until I showed her that the person who is being rude keeps being rude UNTIL you put a stop to it. Good manners is a tool they will use against you.

    You can just lie & say you are from Vermont & really cause a confused look on there face.

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    Default Re: Customer Prying Into Your Race/Ethnicity/National Identity and Labeling you

    I think I'll start saying I'm from Yemen. If I ever get to Yemen to teach English, or whatever, then I can finally tell people I'm American without question.

    I got Finish and French in the past several weeks but from those who don't know of countries smaller than Russia or the United States, Russia is their most capable guess and they are R-E-L-E-N-T-L-E-S-S which is what's so bothersome.

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    Default Re: Customer Prying Into Your Race/Ethnicity/National Identity and Labeling you

    Men have Fantasies about women from other countries... Name 1 man that doesnt have a fantasy about foreign women and Ill show you a liar.

    Just roll with it... Feed the fantasies. Use it to your advantage.

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    Default Re: Customer Prying Into Your Race/Ethnicity/National Identity and Labeling you

    Is it the question or the way the question is asked that bothers you? Or are you maybe inferring some nefarious intent behind the question? I know the word "racism" gets tossed around a lot now but I didn't realize we've gotten to a point where asking where a white woman (I'm assuming since people are guessing Russian/Finnish) with an accent is from would bring that word to mind.

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    Default Re: Customer Prying Into Your Race/Ethnicity/National Identity and Labeling you

    Well, I'm not sure that I would call a guy's interest in your accent and origins inherently racist. Some guys really do just want to get to know the girls who they are talking to.

    But since you did mention that you recently moved to NYC, I will say that you might run into a number of guys in your local clubs with preconceptions about Russian dancers. In the last 15 years, there has been a flood of Russian girls in the NYC metro clubs, many of them commuting to the clubs in vans from various parts of Brooklyn. But it should be pretty for you to debunk those pre-conceptions simply by sharing a bit more about your background. Also, over the last few years, more of those Russian girls have been moving out of Brooklyn and setting roots in other parts of NYC and elsewhere, so the dynamics relating to many Russian dancers are changing and this will eventually change the pre-conceptions as well.

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    Default Re: Customer Prying Into Your Race/Ethnicity/National Identity and Labeling you

    I don't have too much of an accent, maybe slight. It may be a hybrid from other regions in the US where I've lived, or maybe a little European but it's definitely not strong, more like a hint. It's not like I'm fresh-of-the-plane. What bothers me is people imagine/hear an accent that they ascribe however they want sometimes before I even open my mouth. Of course, when I open my mouth, I'm already labeled and to them, have a much stronger accent than I do in reality. So in a way, it is the way the question is asked too because it's asked in the form of a leading question, because it steers to a very specific answer.

    And as I've tried to explain above, I'm very Americanized, don't speak Russian and don't have any relatives there. So misclassification as non-American definitely feels offensive to me. Yes, prying into someone's ethnic origins and labeling them, is definitely racist. I don't walk into a bar and try to ask every guy I'm interested what "breed" of human he is.

    The Finish is actually a recent guess, and I'm happy that there exists a man or woman who knows of other countries on the map besides Russia or that of his/her own.
    Last edited by ZeroSugarMonster; 08-19-2017 at 01:51 PM.

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    Default Re: Customer Prying Into Your Race/Ethnicity/National Identity and Labeling you

    Quote Originally Posted by ZeroSugarMonster View Post
    Yes, prying into someone's ethnic origins and labeling them, is definitely racist.
    You would know their intent behind the questions more than I would so I won't negate your experiences. However, based just on your quote, no it is not racist. Sounds like something that bothers you though so I'm sorry if I derailed the thread.

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    Default Re: Customer Prying Into Your Race/Ethnicity/National Identity and Labeling you

    People are morons about that kind of thing. I'm white as a ghost with blue eyes, entirely French/Scottish/Irish, and men have insisted I was Asian. Then they try to argue when I say they're wrong. That's literally how stupid some people are.

    I agree with flipping it around on every single one of them. I often don't answer such questions anymore; just steamroll over them; "Where are you from?" "Where are YOU from? You look blahblahblah" If you want to answer vaguely, tell them "Oh I'm a mutt, hee hee..." before flipping it on them. Do it very aggressively. Next thing you know, they're talking about themselves with no idea how it happened, or else they've gotten the point that it was a question you found inappropriate.
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    Default Re: Customer Prying Into Your Race/Ethnicity/National Identity and Labeling you

    Quote Originally Posted by Selina M View Post
    People are morons about that kind of thing. I'm white as a ghost with blue eyes, entirely French/Scottish/Irish, and men have insisted I was Asian. Then they try to argue when I say they're wrong. That's literally how stupid some people are.

    I agree with flipping it around on every single one of them. I often don't answer such questions anymore; just steamroll over them; "Where are you from?" "Where are YOU from? You look blahblahblah" If you want to answer vaguely, tell them "Oh I'm a mutt, hee hee..." before flipping it on them. Do it very aggressively. Next thing you know, they're talking about themselves with no idea how it happened, or else they've gotten the point that it was a question you found inappropriate.
    I fucking LOVE this^!!!


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    Default Re: Customer Prying Into Your Race/Ethnicity/National Identity and Labeling you

    Quote Originally Posted by ZeroSugarMonster View Post
    People are rude, period.
    EXACTLY


    Quote Originally Posted by ZeroSugarMonster View Post
    As I tried to explain but maybe unsuccessfully, I've had it from men and women in and out of the industry. So, it's just hard for me... because no one likes to be perpetually singled out like some freak show. And, I have flipped the script on men who are obviously minorities asking me racist questions. I see the point in doing that, but in some ways, the old adage rings true in that 'two wrongs don't make a right.'

    You wouldn't have any trouble here. Walking down the street in Key West, you're going to hear half a dozen languages in 15 minutes.

    There's also probably more eastern European dancers here than American (about even with the Latin American dancers).


    When I first started working down here, it was mostly girls from the Czech Republic. Shortly afterward, we got a huge wave of Ukrainian and Russian women. Still get a lot of those, but slightly more from Hungary (especially), Romania, and Bulgaria.

    We also get customers from all over the world and all different parts of the USA, and a lot of military guys. Since most of them are drunk to one extent or another, you do get the assholes. But that kind of ethnic categorizing is way harder here than other places I've worked.
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    Default Re: Customer Prying Into Your Race/Ethnicity/National Identity and Labeling you

    They're probably just trying to stir up conversation with you and don't realize that they're being rude. Like Sam said, if they're making you uncomfortable just start flipping the questions onto them - if you really don't want to talk just pull the hardest accent you can and then answer half the question in your native tongue, so:

    "Where are you from?"

    "Oh, I am from (OBSCURE TOWN NAME, NOT COUNTRY OR CAPITAL NAME - they probably won't recognize Valec as much as Prague, for example) (go on a thirty second tangent about anything in your native tongue; keep it relatively on topic though incase they speak it)"

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