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Thread: Fetishes and Long Term Relationships

  1. #1
    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Cell Phone Fetishes and Long Term Relationships

    Would you marry or have a long term relationship with someone who you have to explore your fetishes in secrecy and/or alone?

    For example say a person is into idk a rubber fetish but their partner is straight laced and doesn't understand anything else outside of traditional sex. This person is compatible in every other way except the fetish part and would probably freak out.

    So is the secrecy what makes the fetish more exciting or more nerve wracking because it's something that will have to be done in secrecy/alone?

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    God/dess WendiStarr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fetishes and Long Term Relationships

    I've never been married but I've been in long-term relationships where I've had a certain fetish or two and the other person had no interest to even try it. I ended up fantasizing about it but then it gets too frustrating if I'm with someone who's too close-minded. It's more of a don't ask, don't tell thing with my bf because he's extremely vanilla, knows I have fetishes, won't try them, and has erectile dysfunction that he refuses to treat. So, I go elsewhere to satisfy my fetishes.
    Last edited by WendiStarr; 08-18-2017 at 03:10 PM.

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  4. #3
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    Default Re: Fetishes and Long Term Relationships

    I guess the first question is will they be okay with you exploring your fetish without them?

    I think if you have to hide your exploration that is definitely a red flag.

    If it's like my friend who she loves to travel he hates to travel so she travels with other friends and that's cool except yours has a sexual connotation... then you're probably okay. but if you have to hide what you're doing at some level you're cheating.

    My wife knows I have my friends in this business and we hang out together and do pics and play and stuff and is totally cool with it.

    She has no interest in hanging in that way and we just work it out that way.

    I know what the line is and what I shouldn't cross and she has her Endeavors that I don't need to know about except that knowing she won't cross the line

    That's reasonably okay for a healthy relationship that's simply two partners having different interests.

    I don't think it would be fair to either one of us if I had to hide or she had to hide what we were interested in and pretend it didn't exist... Eventually, at least for me, I'm going to screw up I'm too dumb to keep a big secret for too long and then all of a sudden it will turn everything to crap

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    Featured Member lemiwinks31's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fetishes and Long Term Relationships

    If you are in a marriage......I think you and your partner should know everything about each other. Before you are married/commit to each other, is when this type of thing should come up. Then both of you can decide how important it is, and what to do about it. Will the person without the fetish be open to try it...maybe just a little sometimes? would they be completely turned off by it and want nothing to do with it ever(probably not compatible). Would they say, I don't like it, but you can try it with someone else?

    Either way....at least you are making informed decisions, your partner has a right to know about something like this before you are married. Hiding it, when you are dating(and after you are married) is dishonest and selfish.

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    Default Re: Fetishes and Long Term Relationships

    As someone with BDSM fetishes I realized that nine times out of 10, telling "civilian" women what you're into ends up blowing up in your face. Odds are they're not into it, and if they do oblige you then they're just doing it for you and not their own enjoyment. And I say this as someone who isn't even into the more extreme stuff on the BDSM scale.

    The thing is, you screw enough relationships up, you end up becoming scared. You meet a nice woman and envision a future with her - do you really want to take that risk and scare her away or strain the relationship because you want to get off? There's a reason why theres lots of money to be made with pro domination & online domination.

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    Default Re: Fetishes and Long Term Relationships

    Yeah, no. That's just signing up for a lifetime of frustration. Sexual compatibility is just as important a criteria as everything else.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Default Re: Fetishes and Long Term Relationships

    No, sex is important and this is one aspect where the partner should know about you. I believe that some things can be kept secrets but it's only a matter of time until you got to tell them. Think about that.


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  14. #8
    Featured Member lemiwinks31's Avatar
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    Default Re: Fetishes and Long Term Relationships

    Quote Originally Posted by subrick1 View Post
    As someone with BDSM fetishes I realized that nine times out of 10, telling "civilian" women what you're into ends up blowing up in your face. Odds are they're not into it, and if they do oblige you then they're just doing it for you and not their own enjoyment. And I say this as someone who isn't even into the more extreme stuff on the BDSM scale.

    The thing is, you screw enough relationships up, you end up becoming scared. You meet a nice woman and envision a future with her - do you really want to take that risk and scare her away or strain the relationship because you want to get off? There's a reason why theres lots of money to be made with pro domination & online domination.
    So you are saying you will hide it...and just go to a dom on the side? keeping that a secret as well........

    you think THAT wont 'screw up the relationship' more than just being fucking honest about who you are with the person you are supposed to love?

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    Default Re: Fetishes and Long Term Relationships

    No. I will NOT marry someone who isn't doing things 100% right. Life is too short to be living sour.

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