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Thread: Significant others and Camming

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    Default Significant others and Camming

    First time posting long time lurker, and I know I've seen something about this before but now I can't find it. But a bit over a year ago I was a part time cam girl, and had to quit unexpectedly. Since then I've gotten into a relationship, I surprisingly really miss camming. But whenever I bring it up to my S/O he turns it down he considers it cheating. I've tried explaining it to him but he doesn't listen. So where this is going, is I need input on either how to get him to understand (especially since we could use the money) or how for me not to miss it so much.

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    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
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    Default Re: Significant others and Camming

    We can't do that for you.
    Either he supports you or he doesn't. You have much bigger issue to deal with than just camming. As in how the two of you are going to make it in the long run with such financial hardships?

    How are you going justify to yourself on not taking opportunities & improving your own finances & investing over a man?

    Why does a man determine what you do or how you earn your money?

    Do you have the same veto power over what he does to make money?

    He is your S/O NOT your husband but has control over you & how much money you make & how you make it. How does that not seem weird to you?

    Why do you want to work harder & more than him & support him?

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    Featured Member MistressX's Avatar
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    Default Re: Significant others and Camming

    Neither of those things. Get rid of the SO, is my opinion. He will never understand if he legit considers it cheating (which is kind of ridiculous), and trying to figure out how to "not miss it so much" is letting him control you. Do what you want, get yourself a man who's evolved enough to know this is just a job. Sounds like hes insecure and immature to me. Don't let a man tell you what you can and can't do, it NEVER ends well.





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    Default Re: Significant others and Camming

    I don't agree that it's selfish or immature for him to consider camming cheating. Most people would and do consider you purposefully bringing other men to orgasm to be inappropriate in a relationship, and that's one of the things that we accept as sex workers. It might benefit you to think about why you miss camming (is it the money? is it the attention? if you could be paid that money to do something else, like spending time with your boyfriend, instead of camming, would you? or is it about camming itself?) and explain that to him. If he understands everything, if he's not working off of misconceptions or assumptions, and he's still not comfortable with it, you may be out of luck. It takes a particular type of person to successfully date a sex worker. If you're comfortable with it, you can try proposing an open arrangement (I don't think camming for money and fucking other people for fun are at all on the same level, but some do and this might work for them) but that takes a particular type of person as well.

    Most people on here seem to have SOs (I think there was actually a poll a while back), so it's not at all unusual to be in a relationship as a sex worker, however it does make things harder. You can absolutely cam and have a boyfriend, but you may not be able to cam and have this boyfriend. All you can really do is be totally open with him and see if it's something he can learn to embrace (embrace, not accept--there are tons of stories on here about women whose boyfriends clearly aren't really OK with it and make their lives hell), if not, you'll have to make a choice.

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    Default Re: Significant others and Camming

    I've gone on a few dates with guys and while i don't tell on the first date, it has been the reason quite a few relationships ended. On that note, in just over 2 weeks I'm marrying an awesome guys who is completely on board with how i make my money.

    One of my biggest regrets is giving up camming for the ex when i was 18-19 and could've been making bank.

    If he's your forever and you want him more than camming do that, but be aware guys who are good with it are out there if you look hard enough!

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    Default Re: Significant others and Camming

    Okay, maybe I should have elaborated a bit more. Especially with why I can't just up and leave him and why I quit in the first place. We have a son together and that's one of the reasons why I'm taking his feelings towards this in account beforehand I did it anyways. And as for what I miss about it is the money yeah, I'm not gonna lie, but also being my own boss. Either way I'm gonna start work here soon and is rather do something I'm good at and know that I can take time off when my son is sick compared to something corporate.

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    Default Re: Significant others and Camming

    Financial well being does matter especially when you have a child.
    Men often times use kids to control women & their finances in order to have total control over them. By keeping women knocked up & broke they can get away with more crap.

    Women are always asked to make sacrifices for men, but what sacrifices do they ever make for us. I'm sure he never looks at porn or goes to titty bars? right Cause by his terms that is cheating too.

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    Default Re: Significant others and Camming

    I agree with Sam on this one. I had a guy like yours. Ditched him and now have one who supports me. He didn't mind the camming but struggles when I decide to escort. But he supports me because he loves me, he respects my decisions and he doesn't want to control me. He wants me to be me.....with him. That's how it should be in my humble opinion. Doesn't mean it will always be easy but it's respect. And it took me until I was nearly 40 to realise that. I wish I'd realised it earlier....lofe would be a whole lot different x

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    Default Re: Significant others and Camming

    As a couple ya'll will come upon many financial ups & downs. Besides this option, do ya'll discuss how to have more money coming in?
    Do either of you take on part time jobs, side jobs or try to create new revenue sources?

    If it is to be a true partnership then both of you have to come up with ways to resolve economic issues & budgets.

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    Default Re: Significant others and Camming

    Although being a camgirl isn't my entire identity, it does consume a huge part of my time and is how I support myself, so its an intrinsically important part of my life. Its just how it is, when you decide to make this a career, it's a part of your identity, just like any other career choice would be. For me...I just couldn't be with a man who doesn't support my work like he would other aspects of my life. My boyfriend is the most supportive man I've ever met and absolutely stands by me no matter what I decide to do, but I've had my share of guys who just couldn't deal with it. Those were the same guys who, ultimately, would try to control who I spoke to, who I was friends with, what I wore, etc. Not saying your dude is like that, its just been my personal experience. Nobody here can really tell you what to do, but there's been some great advice given. At the end of the day, its YOUR life, and you need to do what's best for you and your child. There is no reason to be in financial dire straits just because of a mans disapproval. Should he have a say? Well, yeah. He should, BUT it sounds like he is not even trying to compromise or give it a chance....so, he can have a say, but his say is not THE decision. That's all yours. If he wants to leave you because you decide to use your skills to support yourself and your child, then...c'est la vie. Do you, honey. Follow your heart, but don't let it drown out your mind.

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    Default Re: Significant others and Camming

    I understand the issues another person can have with their s.o. camming or being in the adult industry in general but at the same time I could never let someone tell me what I can and can't do especially if what they're saying hinders me. Like ytf would you want me to struggle...especially if there's a child involved?

    I fell the only person that has authority over me is my mom and even then it still depends on the situation. Like I can respect how another person feels and their reasoning but at the end of the day I'm still gonna do me. If a s.o. said you can't do that or I won't allow that....yeah that's not going to work for me. I also would never tell someone what they can and can't do unless it was my child. I give my opinion and my feelings but to dictate and control what another person can and can not do is something I don't do or believe in.
    Last edited by Blovely; 11-10-2017 at 08:45 AM. Reason: corrections

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    Default Re: Significant others and Camming

    Most of us have been in this situation, and if we're still posting here on StripperWeb, it's because we ended those relationships or did our own thing despite our significant other's opinion. Sex work has outlasted all of my relationships. It's been a consistent way of making money, accomplishing goals, and getting ahead in life. It's always been there for me, sometimes even when the people I loved weren't.

    Don't live your life according to someone else's close-minded opinions of the world. A job is not the same as cheating. If he can't understand that, he's either ignorant of what camming is, or he's insecure, or he's just trying to control you. None of those things are desirable. You can try to educate him on what camming is, but it doesn't sound like he's very open to that or willing to change his mind.

    I would go ahead and cam, and see how he responds. If he disapproves or makes your life difficult, it's probably best to move on to the next guy.

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    Default Re: Significant others and Camming

    he sounds horribly controlling. My general rule of thumb is if a guy isn't paying for everything & giving me the financial backing to do as I please, he has absolutely no right to judge me for putting a roof over his ass unless it's physically hurting him. If you're struggling financially and you have a child to raise, you need to weigh whether or not his feelings are worth the needless struggle. Took me a really long time to realize I prefer to be alone and have the financial means to do as I please over a companion I love but financially hinders me.

    What's going to make you happy long term? what will give your kid the most stable childhood? is changing your life so drastically something you can actually handle?
    personally I would talk him into giving it a chance, get a couple weeks of cam money into your account, decide whether to keep him around (and if not)

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    Default Re: Significant others and Camming

    I'd be very curious to check his online history or set up some spywear on his phone or computer. I'd be willing to bet dollars to donuts that he is a frequent watcher of porn!

    Has he even put a ring on it?

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    Default Re: Significant others and Camming

    I think when you are loving this job and you have a guy who does not want you to do this, you are totally on a different level.

    Me and my bf where not together yet when i started camming, and when he came in my life and things started to get serious, i told him what i did, and also that i would understand if he found that hard in a relationship.

    In my mind i made the decision already if he would not be able to deal with it, i would not be in a relationship with him, because then we would be so totally different people, it would never work out. I did not let that be obvious tho, i wanted to see his true feelings about my job, and not him pretend to be oke with it because he was scared of losing me.

    but he thought it was awesome, and was really impressed by me being able to do this.

    It did took him a while before he understood that for me it was a JOB, and sometimes i had to drag myself to it. He thought I had the most amazing time during work, and its all pony's and unicorns for me, and its my biggest hobby to fuck my pussy alll day. he was really suprised that i fake the smile 9/10 hours. He was like, you making all that money doing porn omg thats the most amazing job in the world.

    So yeah i can imagine your guy has a different kind of view on this. But personally i would not want to be with anybody judge me or my goals en decisions like that. I want to be with someone who supports me.

    hope you 2 work it out xxx

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    Default Re: Significant others and Camming

    I think it's a case where he genuinely misunderstands what camming is. Perhaps if you look through your chosen cam site with him, discuss what you'd be doing, watch some models working on there etc. He'd get more of an idea what it's really about. My husband is pretty jealous sometimes but never about camming as he understands it's a job and I don't personally get off on these guys. We have some agreements/compromises like I won't ever cam or make clips with anyone else sexually (non nude/fetish etc is fine), and I keep it to purely sexy stuff with the guys, no deep and meaningfuls. We have 'our' time as well where camming doesn't even get mentioned and all my phone lines/business related websites are off. It helps to make it a proper joint decision, just like if you started any job you'd no doubt discuss it with him. If he won't agree to approaching this with you in those ways then I'd be questioning how much of a future you might have together. As others have said, he can't control or dictate what you do or don't do, you need to do what is right for yourself.
    "If you want to earn more, learn more" ~ Zig Ziglar




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