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Thread: what to say to a friend?

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    Default what to say to a friend?

    Hi folks!

    I'm not sure how to begin this I will just write a brief summary.

    I have never been much of a guy to go to strip clubs. I never was at one until early in my career on a business trip, one of our sales reps took me and a small group of our customers out to a very nice club. I felt pretty awkward because I had no idea how to behave in the situation so I mainly just sat and watched. What a show! I was really impressed by the dancing but afterward I never really felt like I needed or wanted to go again.

    The second time was with a group of friends and again I felt pretty awkward (partly because my one friend's sister joined us with her husband). I really enjoyed myself but again never went for a long time.

    The third and most recent time, I again unexpectedly was taken to a club with my brother-in-law and an old friend of his. It was a very slow afternoon (actually Christmas Eve) and we basically just chatted with one of the dancers for a while (she was in no real hurry to hustle us it seemed). We had a couple of beers and tipped her fairly well before leaving.

    So, my total trips to strip clubs is 3. I still have no idea how to tip or anything.

    A couple of years ago, I became good friends with a new employee at work (we are both engineers) and I kind of fell for her but for various reasons including the fact that she had a boyfriend and I had a girlfriend, I never tried to push it further than friendship. She had been rather circumspect about some holes in her work history that she explained away as having worked as a bartender.

    But over time she dropped some hints that I never quite picked up on until much later. Looking back, I can see that she was giving me some basic info on her past and implying she had danced for a number of years. I will not go into specifics to protect identities but she gave me plenty of info and it almost seems she wanted to tell me but couldn't for whatever reason bring herself to do it.

    At one point, early in our friendship, she asked me what I thought of strippers and strip clubs. We were on a business trip together and our hotel wss near a strip club. She jokingly (I thought) asked if I wanted to go, and I sort of awkwardly mumbled that it wasn't really my thing.

    Of course, I now wish I had said something different but I was terrified of having this discussion with a female colleague, especially one whom I was just getting to know.

    She has now moved on to another company in another city but we still correspond occasionally.

    My question to you ladies is, will it ever be apprppriate to bring the subject up with her? I am certain she eventually expected me to find out because of the nature of info she shared with me, but I was too dense to get it at the time.
    Will I ever be able to talk with her about it? I have zero problem with it of course. I have the highest respect for sex workers in general and do not at all judge. It's obvious she told a white lie about her work history because she didn't want it to be widely known in professional circles.

    I can respect that choice, but I wonder why she gave me such specific information that led to this conclusion. (by the way she is not the only engineer I know who worked as a stripper during and after college.)

    I really would like to talk with her about it but I have no idea if it would be appropriate to do it. Of course, the very fact that I am asking probably meeans that I already have my answer.

    So anyway, can any of you offer advice on this?

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    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: what to say to a friend?

    Dude....there is nothing "brief" about this summary

    Why are you trying to talk to her about this so long after the fact? This was years ago and she has already moved away so now it will be even more awkward if you say anything. Just let her lead on the subject.

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    Default Re: what to say to a friend?

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    Dude....there is nothing "brief" about this summary

    Why are you trying to talk to her about this so long after the fact? This was years ago and she has already moved away so now it will be even more awkward if you say anything. Just let her lead on the subject.

    Lol about "brief" yeah that is just how I think, sorry about the wordiness but I just kept going. I am sure you are right about not bringing it up but I feel like I wish I could have a conversation with her about it. I guess that ship has sailed. But it is kind of a new thing for me because I just figured it out...so it still has me thinking a lot about it.

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    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
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    Default Re: what to say to a friend?

    OMG move on

    If she wanted to discuss anything more with you on this subject she would have. She didn't, she moved on & doesn't even give it a second thought. Now where as you being nosy trying to come here to confirm your instincts on it READS like you want proof so you can go trash her reputation.

    She no longer works with you. What she did or didn't do before is NONE of you business. She is an Engineer now, end of story. Not like you wouldn't blab it to someone else. No matter how cool you are with it, it is gossip that at some point that could cost her a promotion, a new job opportunity.

    Your mere curiousity is a ticking time bomb for her career and income earning potential. You are one of those so-called "Good Guys" men are always telling us that exist and how not all men are bad.

    You wanted to fuck her. Now, you want to be able to chat up with her some real or imaginary stripper history so that ya'll are discussing her being nude. To open the door to you putting her in a position that allows you to be more easily hitting on her & not creepy about it. You are being creepy.

    Creepy as fuck. Do you think if she was then you have a chance to fuck her despite having a gf & her having a BF. Are you making the assumption then she will be more likely to cheat on her bf? Thus not have the same morals is she just a bartender.

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    Default Re: what to say to a friend?

    Sam38g,

    I can't say anything to convince you other that what you have written. I know my motives and I know you have read me wrong.

    I would never mention it to anyone for my personal gain at work or otherwise. The only reason I brought it here was to get an honest appraisial of my situation from folks that may understand her better than I will ever be able to. I won't attempt to rebut you other than to say once again that I would never and will never hurt her with this. That is non negotiable.

    Thanks for your honesty.

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    Default Re: what to say to a friend?

    Doesn't matter what your intentions are what matters is the REAL repercussions to her career.

    You run the risk of looking like a misogynist pig who is pretending to be her friend and former co-worker who is trying to dig up her past to use against her at some point in her current career.

    One night out with the guys and bragging how she used to be a stripper is all it takes. Now, if you don't know for sure then that info will never just slip out.

    If she REALLY trusted you and thought that it would go no further, then she would have straight out just told you. Now, you don't have the right to put her on the spot & ask.

    Then giving her no choice to either lie or be truthful if she did.

    If she wasn't a stripper, now she will think you assume things about her on purpose to demean & disregard all the hard work & education she did to become an Engineer.

    Which is why your merely being curious is dangerous to her career. If you liked her so much, considered her a friend, then you would RESPECT her right to disclose whatever information she wants to you about her past.

    RESPECT How can anyone call themselves a friend when they refuse to respect your privacy enough NOT to go digging into your past. Since whether or not she was a stripper doesn't matter to you then getting to the truth of the matter wouldn't either.

    You are asking her to TRUST you with information that can destroy her career. Friends do NOT force others into such situations.

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    Default Re: what to say to a friend?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    Doesn't matter what your intentions are what matters is the REAL repercussions to her career.

    You run the risk of looking like a misogynist pig who is pretending to be her friend and former co-worker who is trying to dig up her past to use against her at some point in her current career.

    One night out with the guys and bragging how she used to be a stripper is all it takes. Now, if you don't know for sure then that info will never just slip out.

    If she REALLY trusted you and thought that it would go no further, then she would have straight out just told you. Now, you don't have the right to put her on the spot & ask.

    Then giving her no choice to either lie or be truthful if she did.

    If she wasn't a stripper, now she will think you assume things about her on purpose to demean & disregard all the hard work & education she did to become an Engineer.

    Which is why your merely being curious is dangerous to her career. If you liked her so much, considered her a friend, then you would RESPECT her right to disclose whatever information she wants to you about her past.

    RESPECT How can anyone call themselves a friend when they refuse to respect your privacy enough NOT to go digging into your past. Since whether or not she was a stripper doesn't matter to you then getting to the truth of the matter wouldn't either.

    You are asking her to TRUST you with information that can destroy her career. Friends do NOT force others into such situations.
    Thanks very much for your clarification. If there is any risk that this could lead to identifying her and causing her trouble, I ask a moderator to delete my posts here (is it possible for me to do so?)

    I won't ever mention it to her unless she mentions it first. Thanks for your advice. It is what I came here for.

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    Default Re: what to say to a friend?

    Now ask yourself about your male privilege problem.

    Do you go over all the other people you work with histories. Do you look for employment gaps in all your male co-workers work histories?

    Do you ask all your male co-workers what they did to support themselves during college?

    Why would you even know there was holes in her work history? Did you have access to her resume? Which means you were her boss?

    If a co-worker named Bob told you he was a former bartender & had holes in his work history, would you jump to the conclusion he used to be a male stripper?

    She can be curious about strip clubs, she may even like going to them. OR she realizes the guys from the office & higher ups go to them & do deals and help their careers along but due to the nature of it being a strip club her career may stall due to business being done there. I do know women in all kinds of industries who never stripped go with the guys when meetings go there or after meetings to hang out. Due to those who go get promotions.

    After all your first visit to one was with a Sales Rep. Clearly people in your office or industry use them as a tool to get more business. How do you think such events affects or excludes your female co-workers? Male Privilege!

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    Default Re: what to say to a friend?

    If she really wanted to talk to you about it, she would have. She chose not to, for whatever reason, no matter how many heavy hints she may have dropped.

    At this point you know, or at least think you do. But why do you want to "talk to her about it?" What do you want to ask her or talk about? There's no reason for a discussion on it. I hate when my friends come to me and grill me about my adult industry past and present. It's one thing to want friends who you can mention or rant about certain things while you're currently working and just want to talk about your day like a normal person, but most strippers and other sex workers I know hate being treated like research subjects for the merely curious. If she hasn't even stripped in some time, there's really no reason to start a Q&A on it and make her feel like that's always going to be the most relevant thing about her even though it's in the past and she's a successful engineer now.

    Just focus on your current friendship with her and leave her past jobs in the past, like you probably would with any other job. If you don't bring up her "bartending" job from the past just to chat about it, why bring this up? It was a job for her, and now she's moved on.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






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    Default Re: what to say to a friend?

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurora_Sunset View Post
    If she really wanted to talk to you about it, she would have. She chose not to, for whatever reason, no matter how many heavy hints she may have dropped.

    At this point you know, or at least think you do. But why do you want to "talk to her about it?" What do you want to ask her or talk about? There's no reason for a discussion on it. I hate when my friends come to me and grill me about my adult industry past and present. It's one thing to want friends who you can mention or rant about certain things while you're currently working and just want to talk about your day like a normal person, but most strippers and other sex workers I know hate being treated like research subjects for the merely curious. If she hasn't even stripped in some time, there's really no reason to start a Q&A on it and make her feel like that's always going to be the most relevant thing about her even though it's in the past and she's a successful engineer now.

    Just focus on your current friendship with her and leave her past jobs in the past, like you probably would with any other job. If you don't bring up her "bartending" job from the past just to chat about it, why bring this up? It was a job for her, and now she's moved on.
    Aurora,

    Thanks. I think your advice is wise and I will drop it. It is completely up to her.

    As a moderator, are you able to delete my posts and the copied text from others' posts? I really would not want my friend to be exposed by any action of mine. I don't think there is any personally identifying information so far but the more this gets discussed, the larger the chance gets.

    I really appreciate the advice I have received here.

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    Default Re: what to say to a friend?

    She's a "good friend." Ah huh.

    Translation: "She's really hot and I think that being a stripper would make her even hotter, so I want to pry until she fesses up. Maybe I can even find out where she strips and go see her take her clothes off."

    What is it with this string of guys lately who can't just sack up and keep their mouths shut when they see these girls in vanilla workplaces? I'm not buying this herbivore BS about wanting to be friends. It's coming across as weird and creepy in a passive aggressive way.

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    Thumbs up Re: what to say to a friend?

    1. I didn't/could'nt read the entire OP, sorry but my eyes totally glazed over..got the gist of it tho
    2. Agree/Yep to MsP 's post way wordy
    3. San: the male privilege post: in a word: EXQUISITE!!!
    THANKS for that, I nearly fell off the bed LMAO 'Bob the bartender' LOL..
    How you put men in their place is a triumph, can u run for office please?

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    Default Re: what to say to a friend?

    & Rick, yes I actually experience this, a guy on a date proceeded to tell me how he found out about his co-workers former stripper history, ugh.
    Also, I personally was on the receiving end of being outed.

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    Default Re: what to say to a friend?

    Quote Originally Posted by whirlerz View Post
    1. I didn't/could'nt read the entire OP, sorry but my eyes totally glazed over..got the gist of it tho
    2. Agree/Yep to MsP 's post way wordy
    3. San: the male privilege post: in a word: EXQUISITE!!!
    THANKS for that, I nearly fell off the bed LMAO 'Bob the bartender' LOL..
    How you put men in their place is a triumph, can u run for office please?

    LOL Thank you
    Apparently I am the anti-venom for all the snakes crawling onto this board recently.

    Only reason the OP wants this thread deleted because he started another where they still work in the same office & now he is a regular of hers at the club. He is also married instead of girlfriend and got this object of his obsession fired.

    He doxxed her.

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    Default Re: what to say to a friend?

    Sam where is the above thread? Here? If so I will ban right now. OP if you dox anyone we will immediately delete and ban you. Is there a full moon or something?
    Where Am I? Missing NYC

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    Default Re: what to say to a friend?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bahuba View Post
    Sam where is the above thread? Here? If so I will ban right now. OP if you dox anyone we will immediately delete and ban you. Is there a full moon or something?
    https://www.stripperweb.com/forum/sh...reaks-The-Norm

    I dont mean he doxxed her on here, but in real life. He started a new thread and just framed it all a different way and a bit of the info changed. Same guy & same writing style.

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  29. #17
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    Default Re: what to say to a friend?

    *points to eyes* *points at OP*
    Where Am I? Missing NYC

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    Default Re: what to say to a friend?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bahuba View Post
    Sam where is the above thread? Here? If so I will ban right now. OP if you dox anyone we will immediately delete and ban you. Is there a full moon or something?
    It is coming up on a new moon tho.

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    Default Re: what to say to a friend?

    Quote Originally Posted by whirlerz View Post
    It is coming up on a new moon tho.
    Which doesn't explain men for the rest of the month. lol

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    Default Re: what to say to a friend?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    Which doesn't explain men for the rest of the month. lol
    Lol. Reminds me of the joke, "If we can send a man to the moon, why can't we send 'em all up there"?

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    Default Re: what to say to a friend?

    Quote Originally Posted by whirlerz View Post
    Lol. Reminds me of the joke, "If we can send a man to the moon, why can't we send 'em all up there"?
    Because you'd miss us.
    Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it

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