Results 1 to 17 of 17

Thread: general lapdancer/customer question

  1. #1
    Newbie
    Joined
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    5
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default general lapdancer/customer question

    Hello
    Im not exactly a regular at clubs but im single and free so from time to time go.anyway i visited one club and met one dancer and ended up spending the night in the club chatting and getting dances from just her.Subsequently i went back and did similar-dances and chatting with her. We just got on very well-had similar interests,enjoyed each others company and came from similar backgrounds.
    anyway She gave me her number and since then we have been meeting platonically(as friends),for dinners,days and nights out and have been on a couple of holidays together. I like her and enjoy her company and want to keep her as a friend.Now of course im only human and a man but im not too stupid to realize shes out of my league looks wise and that what goes on inside the club and outside are very different.Shes offering me friendship and nothing else.
    anyway i havent been back to the club but she has casually mentioned(and i do mean casually not in a way that makes me feel shes hinting shes keen on money!) that if im free and bored im welcome to come in again.A Part of me wonders would it be awkward-now of course i have seen her naked and we kissed etc in the club-but friends dont really do that with each other do they?Or see each other naked-at least not men and women! and while obviously a part of me would like to do the whole dancing thing again,i dont want to risk losing her as a friend and complicating things.
    So my questions were-is it common for dancers to dance for 'friends',are lapdancers just brilliant at distinguishing between what goes on in the club and outside and are you perhaps just more free and liberal in terms of nakedness etc?
    Should i avoid going back or is this just common for dancers? and most cool with it?
    thanks
    x

  2. #2
    Member
    Joined
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    33
    Thanks
    12
    Thanked 54 Times in 18 Posts

    Default Re: general lapdancer/customer question

    Honestly, if you've gone on holidays together and hung out as much as you say you have. You should ask her. "Is it ok even though we're friends? I'm not sure how I feel about buying dances and don't want to take your time away from paying guests."

  3. #3
    Newbie
    Joined
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    5
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: general lapdancer/customer question

    hey thanks for the reply.Well she has said she only ever does dances in the club,never outside it and that shes happy to dance but doesnt do freebies! I just little worried that the relationship between us now is different to when i first went to the club and would intimate dances,kissing etc in some ways impact on being friends or are most lapdancers just brilliant at acting the part in the club whoever it is.I just dont see it now as something 'friends' would do.Now of course i find her very attractive as i do most women! and i dont want to get more attached to her in a way i shouldnt! though im generally very good at knowing boundaries. It would just seem strange doing something so intimate one minute then forgetting it and being 'just normal friends' the next. I guess im wavering towards not going back! x

  4. #4
    Featured Member Girl Anachronism's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    1,194
    Thanks
    230
    Thanked 2,637 Times in 851 Posts

    Default Re: general lapdancer/customer question

    that's kinda weird. how much do you spend on her in the club? how fancy are these 'holidays'?

    sounds like she wants more money from you if possible. so just go in and get dances if you want, don't overthink it. i'm sure she likes you better than many other customers but you're still a customer. if she told you to come back in then she wants you to come back in for dances. if she cared or thought it would be awkward she wouldn't say that.

  5. #5
    Newbie
    Joined
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    5
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: general lapdancer/customer question

    hi girl anachronism
    i wont deny that at first i was supicious of her intentions-after all strippers have 'reputations' but she has never given me any reason to suggest her intentions are financial gain and i think you are doing many of the ladies a disservice by trying to basically suggest they must be after money-arent women able to 'like' some of their customers? are all dancers solely motivated by money? in fairness it has been months since we first met in the club and it was me who brought it up asking a question about the club-she rarely mentions it and her work and as i said in my first post she purely casually added afterwards that it would be cool and she wouldnt mind if i came in again. Now of course im sure she would appreciate the money-i tend to be pretty generous but she hadnt mentioned it before or since. i am purely asking for advice as to whether people thought it would be good idea to go back again or whether it could make things a little awkward. but perhaps i should speak to her more directly to see how awkward she would find it or whether she totally doesnt mind and yes perhaps im overthinking it! its just a few lapdances!
    x

  6. #6
    Veteran Member PinkPopcorn's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2017
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    256
    Thanks
    511
    Thanked 709 Times in 291 Posts
    My Mood
    Mellow

    Default Re: general lapdancer/customer question

    It is possible for the workers to enjoy their customers on a non-business level. Whether or not she does is impossible for us to tell without the entire story and all of the details. If I were you i'd go back, I don't think, based on what you've said, that it'd ruin your friendship.

  7. #7
    Featured Member Girl Anachronism's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    1,194
    Thanks
    230
    Thanked 2,637 Times in 851 Posts

    Default Re: general lapdancer/customer question

    Quote Originally Posted by Leopard62 View Post
    hi girl anachronism
    i wont deny that at first i was supicious of her intentions-after all strippers have 'reputations' but she has never given me any reason to suggest her intentions are financial gain and i think you are doing many of the ladies a disservice by trying to basically suggest they must be after money-arent women able to 'like' some of their customers? are all dancers solely motivated by money? in fairness it has been months since we first met in the club and it was me who brought it up asking a question about the club-she rarely mentions it and her work and as i said in my first post she purely casually added afterwards that it would be cool and she wouldnt mind if i came in again. Now of course im sure she would appreciate the money-i tend to be pretty generous but she hadnt mentioned it before or since. i am purely asking for advice as to whether people thought it would be good idea to go back again or whether it could make things a little awkward. but perhaps i should speak to her more directly to see how awkward she would find it or whether she totally doesnt mind and yes perhaps im overthinking it! its just a few lapdances!
    x
    i have liked and been friends with a few customers in the past. i've dated some, too. but i would never want them to NOT spend money on me/get dances if they come into my work lol i really don't see how it's weird at all it just sounds like you are overthinking it. if it's awkward to you then don't go but it doesn't sound like she'd have a problem with it

    the only reason i could see dancing or a friend being awkward is if it's a friend you know from outside of the club. but you guys met in the club and have already done dances and stuff

  8. #8
    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2010
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    4,570
    Thanks
    4,406
    Thanked 7,481 Times in 2,715 Posts
    My Mood
    Amused

    Default Re: general lapdancer/customer question

    Why is it that 300 lb women with growths on their faces never seem to find such great male friends?

    So let me translate from Herbivore-ese to English (U.S. version): "Man she is so beautiful/sex/hot that I'd really like to still get close to her in whatever way I can. But I'm torn because she might not be cool with it now that we've become "friends" outside the club and if I just hang in there, maybe, just maybe, she might eventually see me for what I am and want more with me. But if that never happens, then at least I'd like to see her naked again in the club."

    A conundrum to be sure, but one completely of your own making. I have no real advice because nothing you can do will matter one bit in the long run anyway. You will never have a relationship with her and this so-called "friendship" will also go away sooner or later. However, now that you've muddied up the interpersonal dynamics with this herbivore friendship play, you've also complicated your ability to enjoy her naked ITC.

    Good luck I suppose.

  9. #9
    God/dess WendiStarr's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2013
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    7,027
    Thanks
    10,650
    Thanked 22,084 Times in 6,140 Posts

    Default Re: general lapdancer/customer question

    I really don't think that it would be awkward, considering that you two met in the club in the first place. It would only be awkward if you came there just to hang out with her and not spend anything on her. Sure, a dancer might like you in a friendly way but you have to remember that you met her at her workplace as a customer.

  10. #10
    Moderator
    Joined
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    2,508
    Thanks
    4,404
    Thanked 3,977 Times in 1,532 Posts

    Default Re: general lapdancer/customer question

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    Why is it that 300 lb women with growths on their faces never seem to find such great male friends?

    So let me translate from Herbivore-ese to English (U.S. version): "Man she is so beautiful/sex/hot that I'd really like to still get close to her in whatever way I can. But I'm torn because she might not be cool with it now that we've become "friends" outside the club and if I just hang in there, maybe, just maybe, she might eventually see me for what I am and want more with me. But if that never happens, then at least I'd like to see her naked again in the club."

    A conundrum to be sure, but one completely of your own making. I have no real advice because nothing you can do will matter one bit in the long run anyway. You will never have a relationship with her and this so-called "friendship" will also go away sooner or later. However, now that you've muddied up the interpersonal dynamics with this herbivore friendship play, you've also complicated your ability to enjoy her naked ITC.

    Good luck I suppose.
    I know this is a tongue in cheek question but I'll try to seriously answer the above question just from my own experience. I have friends that perhaps would not be considered physically attractive women. Women who perceive themselves to be less attractive *sometimes* are less social because they assume they'll be looked down upon, but let me assure you, not all. I have one friend who is 56, in a good position, lost her husband, has five children, and is extremely social and happy though she would not be considered physically attractive.

    One time I went hiking with her and ripped my pants accidentally. It was a small tear, but in her telling of it, it has become that my pants were practically falling off, my assets were swinging in the breeze, and I had to dress in a handkerchief to keep from exposing myself (I put it in the tear, but in her story she has me wearing it like a skirt). Every time I go to her office, they ask how my pants are doing, etc. The other day the governor of the state made a pants joke right to my face, which I thought was hilarious. She clearly has a huge network at her job and uses it to spread the funny story of my pants.

    But the fundamental point you raise is, I think, correct. If, as a dude, you are only trying to be friends with dancers or other "hot" women, you might not be doing so from the best motivations.
    Where Am I? Missing NYC

  11. #11
    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2010
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    4,570
    Thanks
    4,406
    Thanked 7,481 Times in 2,715 Posts
    My Mood
    Amused

    Default Re: general lapdancer/customer question

    Quote Originally Posted by Bahuba View Post
    But the fundamental point you raise is, I think, correct. If, as a dude, you are only trying to be friends with dancers or other "hot" women, you might not be doing so from the best motivations.
    That was a big part of the point I was making, but I'm also making a broader statement about the motivations of an awful lot of men in these situations. You have been able to maintain friendships with women for long periods and I'm sure that there are others out there like you, but you aren't necessarily the norm. IME a lot of guys do not have the emotional nuances needed to separate friendship with women from attraction and other feelings. So while I won't criticize your particular motivations for choosing your friends, I don't believe that being anti-social is the sole reason that less attractive women attract far fewer male friends. IME, the overwhelming majority of M/F "friendships" die out sooner or later, most often because one or both of the parties settle down with real partners.

    On a strip club board, IMHO it is important to explore and understand the likely motivations of guys who hang around a young dancer wishing to be her "friend", regardless of whether they are club customers or outside acquaintances. Now I do believe that this calms down a bit as we get older, especially when dealing with others our own age, but even still I believe that a young dancer who is getting a lot of attention from a much older guy who wants to be her "friend" needs to be wary of his motivations.

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to rickdugan For This Useful Post:


  13. #12
    Moderator
    Joined
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    2,508
    Thanks
    4,404
    Thanked 3,977 Times in 1,532 Posts

    Default Re: general lapdancer/customer question

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    On a strip club board, IMHO it is important to explore and understand the likely motivations of guys who hang around a young dancer wishing to be her "friend", regardless of whether they are club customers or outside acquaintances. Now I do believe that this calms down a bit as we get older, especially when dealing with others our own age, but even still I believe that a young dancer who is getting a lot of attention from a much older guy who wants to be her "friend" needs to be wary of his motivations.
    I agree with you on this - I'd have to say the majority as well. I'm not naive, certainly, and I see that you need maturity (not age) to understand the value of a friendship over a conquest. If you see the wreckage a few times, you learn that being a good jedi is better.
    Where Am I? Missing NYC

  14. #13
    Newbie
    Joined
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    5
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: general lapdancer/customer question

    hi thanks for interesting replies and can certainly understand the cynicism.I think there are good reasons for men and women to be wary of each other and their intentions outside the club-men just wanting sex,sleazy etc and women after money etc.But i would like to think that its possible in the odd rare case for something more 'real' to actually happen.
    In fairness most strip clubs are full of pretty good looking women but there are many i certainly wouldnt want to be friends with! looks can only get you so far.I am only 5 years older than her and like i said we have quite a few common interests we enjoy talking about. Whether it lasts, who knows?! The reason i asked the original question was that i would rather put her friendship above anything becoming awkward and complicated hence why unsure of actually going back. Its not a scenario i have been in before but if both totally ok with it and dont feel awkward then i guess it may not be an issue if i were. But i understand the cynicism that i only want to be friends with a stripper because shes hot and wouldnt mind seeing her dance still etc! I have thought it myself! But i did say i am usually very good at knowing boundaries and not overstepping them -not all men who frequent strip bars are old sleazy guys desperate for sex etc.

  15. #14
    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2010
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    4,570
    Thanks
    4,406
    Thanked 7,481 Times in 2,715 Posts
    My Mood
    Amused

    Default Re: general lapdancer/customer question

    Quote Originally Posted by Leopard62 View Post
    But i did say i am usually very good at knowing boundaries and not overstepping them -not all men who frequent strip bars are old sleazy guys desperate for sex etc.
    Says the guy who posed his original question because he would very much like to continue visiting his "friend" ITC, nakedness and kissing included.

    But you're right about one thing. Not all regular strip club patrons are old sleazy guys desperate for sex. Some are young deluded guys desperate for affection from hot girls who are normally out of their league.

    Idk, but I suspect that you have some tuition payments coming in your future. Please feel free to update us down the road.

  16. #15
    Newbie
    Joined
    Nov 2017
    Posts
    5
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: general lapdancer/customer question

    i think rick you have rather distorted what i actually said to suit your own agenda! I said i met her twice in the club and havent been back in months,and it was her who mentioned that if i wanted to and was bored she didnt mind me coming by-so im not sure how desperate and sleazy that actually makes me! And like i have said while it would be nice to have her dance for me again as yes she is hot,friendship is more important to me than dancing,so it would only happen i think,if she is totally 100 per cent ok with it-if she werent then i totally wouldnt do it.
    You seem to want to make me out to be the villain here as i suspect you have issues with guys-but it is ok for men and women to be friends,it is ok for people to be friends with people who are good looking and it is ok to think friends are hot! as long as you know and respect the boundaries which is why i messaged here to find if this was quite common and any protocols,do dancers dance for friends etc. At the end of the day-she gave me her phone number-i didnt ask for it,and she seems happy to meet up and do things-so whats the problem ?

  17. #16
    Featured Member Girl Anachronism's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2011
    Posts
    1,194
    Thanks
    230
    Thanked 2,637 Times in 851 Posts

    Default Re: general lapdancer/customer question

    Quote Originally Posted by Leopard62 View Post
    i think rick you have rather distorted what i actually said to suit your own agenda! I said i met her twice in the club and havent been back in months,and it was her who mentioned that if i wanted to and was bored she didnt mind me coming by-so im not sure how desperate and sleazy that actually makes me! And like i have said while it would be nice to have her dance for me again as yes she is hot,friendship is more important to me than dancing,so it would only happen i think,if she is totally 100 per cent ok with it-if she werent then i totally wouldnt do it.
    You seem to want to make me out to be the villain here as i suspect you have issues with guys-but it is ok for men and women to be friends,it is ok for people to be friends with people who are good looking and it is ok to think friends are hot! as long as you know and respect the boundaries which is why i messaged here to find if this was quite common and any protocols,do dancers dance for friends etc. At the end of the day-she gave me her phone number-i didnt ask for it,and she seems happy to meet up and do things-so whats the problem ?
    idk, i always find it annoying when guys i meet at work claim they want to "be friends". what they really want is to hang out with me in hopes that some day i'll hook up with them. doesn't mean we can't have fun hanging out, i've been out with some guys i met at work before when i was single. just because they were respectful and i didn't fuck or date them doesn't make us friends. i don't think that's how friendship works.

    what i'm curious about is the fact that you say you've been on vacations together and have kissed already.. but somehow dances would be weird? did you pay for the vacations and dinners? i just don't get any of this

  18. #17
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    571
    Thanks
    107
    Thanked 445 Times in 203 Posts

    Default Re: general lapdancer/customer question

    It all depends on the situation will between you and the dancer. Since you’re such relatively casual friends there should be no problem at all with you going to the club whenever you feel like it and realizing that it’s not your friend on stage it’s a dancer persona

    If she wants you in the club AND IR YOU WANT T BE THERE you need to treat her as a working dancer and compensate her accordingly

    not until she physically take your tips back and shove them up your ass do you know it’s not OK to tip her when you were in the club

  19. The Following User Says Thank You to pinups4 For This Useful Post:


Similar Threads

  1. Age customer question and Skype question
    By alexalexx in forum Camming Connection
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 03-29-2016, 04:06 PM
  2. Replies: 6
    Last Post: 08-08-2009, 03:10 AM
  3. Mainstream Film requires Lapdancer in LONDON
    By fullserviceuk in forum Dancing Jobs
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 11-01-2005, 10:22 AM
  4. Lapdancer: the book
    By heidi in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 10-31-2004, 05:27 AM
  5. lifestory of a lapdancer book out soon
    By anabolic in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 05-08-2003, 09:01 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •