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Thread: Paid dates??

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    Default Paid dates??

    What are your thoughts on these and do you do them??

    Been a monthly regular with a dancer for over a year now, so she's gotten at least a sense of who I am. The thing is, as much as I enjoy seeing her in the club, it's getting a little redundant. By that I mean we talk about the same stuff over and over. I was thinking about asking her to dinner and a concert to expand the experience. I get it, it would be for payment of course. So a few questions...

    1. First would you even consider a paid date?? I'm talking moreso a clean date, not trying to imply extras. But something where your comfort level is as clearly expressed and respected.
    2. If so, would there be an ideal way to broach the subject?? I know some may want club life to stay strictly there and not bring anything to the outside world, but the only way is to ask. And trying to find suggestions to do so in the most respectful way possible
    3. Maybe the most important. What would be a good compensation?? I think this would vary on too many factors, so I was thinking about offering the average of how much I spend on her in the club as a starting point. There would pros and cons to it for both of us. IE PROS: Hopefully, if I don't across as creepy, she actually has fun on the 'date' and gets paid, vs for me -let's be real, more time for less cost per hour. which leads to CONS:She would be making less per hour, since our 'date' would be longer than my typical visit vs visually/physically on my side would be less stimulating.

    Hopefully this doesn't come across as offensive and wanted to see your thoughts.
    Thanks

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    Default Re: Paid dates??

    Quote Originally Posted by tookewl View Post
    What would be a good compensation?? I think this would vary on too many factors, so I was thinking about offering the average of how much I spend on her in the club as a starting point. There would pros and cons to it for both of us. IE PROS: Hopefully, if I don't across as creepy, she actually has fun on the 'date' and gets paid, vs for me -let's be real, more time for less cost per hour. which leads to CONS:She would be making less per hour, since our 'date' would be longer than my typical visit vs visually/physically on my side would be less stimulating.

    Hopefully this doesn't come across as offensive and wanted to see your thoughts.
    Thanks
    If you aren't going to cover her lost pay why would she even consider it?


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    Default Re: Paid dates??

    It isn’t offensive to ask, certainly, but what is your end game? A night out? Or something more? You say your relationship isn’t progressing now, but it will have to stop progressing at some point unless you imagine she’ll be your GF. Describe your ideal outcome and you’ll get the best answers.
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    Default Re: Paid dates??

    Quote Originally Posted by laurielegs View Post
    If you aren't going to cover her lost pay why would she even consider it?
    I apologize if I'm misunderstanding your question, but she is getting paid. Maybe not at VIP or the per song rate, but paid none the less. There's always trade offs and why I mentioned both PROS and CONS.

    Quote Originally Posted by Bahuba View Post
    It isn’t offensive to ask, certainly, but what is your end game? A night out? Or something more? You say your relationship isn’t progressing now, but it will have to stop progressing at some point unless you imagine she’ll be your GF. Describe your ideal outcome and you’ll get the best answers.
    A night out. If it leads to something more I won't say no, but that's not part of the expectations. The proposed outcome is to have a great date night.

    Sure, I can go to SeekingArrangements, establishedmen, or any other SD/SB sites but the draw here that I already know her somewhat. And I'd rather have a night out with someone I know vs starting from ground zero.

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    Default Re: Paid dates??

    I don't know if I can give a specific number because what seems like a lot in one area may be chump change in another area (cost of living).

    All I know is the income from working usually goes towards some worthy goal - tuition, car, health care, living expenses, etc. I'm sure she could relax with you knowing that even though she has taken a night off work/possibly losing out on money to be with you that she can still have for example say something like most pressing bill paid or if all of her bills are paid then something of leisure she'd been saving up for like money for a spa visit, money towards travel, etc.

    Also it depends on how she views this outside interaction....Like for her is it an extension/in lieu of work (then monetary items/cash would be ideal) if it were more like a "real world" type of date (then gifts you know she wants would be ideal - to seem less "transactional")

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    Default Re: Paid dates??

    I absolutely wouldn't. There's a chance she has a boyfriend that she never mentions. Even though I got harassed with questions, I denied up and down I had a boyfriend when I was dancing.

    Even if the guy swore up and down he wasn't expecting anything, I wouldn't give out my number and I wouldn't go out on dates with a patron. It's an absolute hard no for me.

    Other women can be different, but honestly if it's the same stuff each time, she's just trying to do her job.

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    Default Re: Paid dates??

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post

    Also it depends on how she views this outside interaction....Like for her is it an extension/in lieu of work (then monetary items/cash would be ideal) if it were more like a "real world" type of date (then gifts you know she wants would be ideal - to seem less "transactional")
    I'd want her to view it in an as comfortable way as possible. I don't want it to be about her entertaining me during the date, but also me entertaining her where we both have a fun time.

    Quote Originally Posted by ThornyAndHot View Post
    It's an absolute hard no for me.
    Totally respect that.

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    Default Re: Paid dates??

    Quote Originally Posted by tookewl View Post
    The thing is, as much as I enjoy seeing her in the club, it's getting a little redundant. By that I mean we talk about the same stuff over and over. I was thinking about asking her to dinner and a concert to expand the experience.

    Talk about the same stuff over and over in the Club. How is outside the Club going to be any different? Sounds like you two don't really click.

    I haven't done a paid date. I just go to dinner, a concert, sporting event, etc. and pay their way. Mostly on their day off, sometimes before or after their shift.

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    Default Re: Paid dates??

    59 has a point. So you've been dropping hints & she just isn't picking them up. She goes back to subjects that are in her comfort zone.

    She gets asked out 50 to 500 times each shift, then every time she goes to the grocery store, gas station & bank. It gets to be overwhelming & frustrating when someone just isn't getting the hint. You at this point sound just like every other guy who wants to fuck her.

    Now you think because you've spent a enough period of time & money to earn her trust for a dinner date or concert. Somehow those outings will deepen the friendship or connection you feel currently. She is just doing he job & doesn't want to go beyond what it is now.

    Here you are thinking she isn't picking up your hints & maybe if you paid for that time outside the club could motivate her. Let's flip this around, you are NOT picking up her hints that this is as far as she wants it to be. Even if you think that you are not being pushy, you might be. More you want it & push more uncomfortable you might be making her. Cause when a guy pushes or hints once, twice, three times on up to 20 times, it starts feeling aggressive are wrong.

    It is emotionally draining when someone wants more from you than you are willing to give. Just go, flirt, have some fun.

    Before you write how you are not being pushy or aggressive, there is always pressure we all feel when someone wants us more than you want them.

    I'm sure you have felt that need in women you have dated in the past. You just wanted sex & they wanted a relationship & marriage. You felt that need, You liked them, you were having fun, you didn't want to hurt them. But that neediness that desire for more eventually made you stop seeing them anymore.

    What if you were cook at a pizza joint. You love cooking, you love pizza. You love sharing your food with others for the money. You enjoy the customers company while there, but still expect them to pay the bill. Now, what if they loved how you made pizza & thought ya'll were friends. What would happen if they kept insisting how after work you need to come to their house & make more pizza for them there. Of course, they will pay you. After putting 8 to 12 hours in on your feet, over a hot stove cooking pizzas all day long. You really dont feel like going to their house & cooking them another pizza. What if they asked you & gave you all kinds of compliments but asked you several times a week to cook for them. They just never stopped asking. You are flattered. Still want their business, just not to go home & cook for them in your off time.

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    Default Re: Paid dates??

    Quote Originally Posted by 59 View Post
    Talk about the same stuff over and over in the Club. How is outside the Club going to be any different? Sounds like you two don't really click.
    We click well and that's why I enjoy her. There's a difference between just talking vs sharing an experience together. Sure we can talk about a concert we both enjoyed, but I'd rather have that experience be where we share it together.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    59 has a point. So you've been dropping hints & she just isn't picking them up. She goes back to subjects that are in her comfort zone.

    She gets asked out 50 to 500 times each shift, then every time she goes to the grocery store, gas station & bank. It gets to be overwhelming & frustrating when someone just isn't getting the hint. You at this point sound just like every other guy who wants to fuck her.

    This will be the first time I ask her out, and one of the reasons is because she mentioned being a fan of a band that happens to be coming to town. So it's not just a random date request, but I'm hoping an actual reason for something she would enjoy.

    Now you think because you've spent a enough period of time & money to earn her trust for a dinner date or concert. Somehow those outings will deepen the friendship or connection you feel currently. She is just doing he job & doesn't want to go beyond what it is now.

    The reason I mentioned past spending is more so for a little background and by no means I'm expecting any obligation of earned trust

    What if you were cook at a pizza joint. You love cooking, you love pizza. You love sharing your food with others for the money. You enjoy the customers company while there, but still expect them to pay the bill. Now, what if they loved how you made pizza & thought ya'll were friends. What would happen if they kept insisting how after work you need to come to their house & make more pizza for them there. Of course, they will pay you. After putting 8 to 12 hours in on your feet, over a hot stove cooking pizzas all day long. You really dont feel like going to their house & cooking them another pizza. What if they asked you & gave you all kinds of compliments but asked you several times a week to cook for them. They just never stopped asking. You are flattered. Still want their business, just not to go home & cook for them in your off time.
    Fair enough. I think really what I want is to maybe ask in a way that would make it as comfortable for her as possible to say no. She's still get my business either way.
    Last edited by tookewl; 12-03-2017 at 07:48 AM.

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    Default Re: Paid dates??

    Quote Originally Posted by PinkPopcorn View Post
    Are you trying to turn this into a SD/SB relationship? Asking because you brought up those sites.
    Not strictly one. No. But maybe the option for it when something comes up that I think we both might enjoy.

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    Default Re: Paid dates??

    If things are getting boring with this dancer, try other dancers. One of you is not very interesting, and hopefully, it's not you.

    I think you are setting yourself up for major failure, disappointment, and heartbreak. Somewhere is your mind is the notion that, maybe, after a few 'dates' she will develop genuine interest and affection for you. You can deny that this is your true purpose, but, I strongly suspect that is what you are hoping will happen. Even if this is not your agenda, there is a huge risk that you will become romantically attached and this will lead to heartbreak.

    A better option is to find a good escort to spend time with. You can take her on a 'date' and you'll have a happy ending at the end of the date. Then, at least you are getting a quid pro quo for your money, and will not feel like a chump that gets nothing at the end of a paid date.

    A third option is to pay her to be your wing woman at clubs and bars, instead of your 'date'. The idea being that she hangs out with you at clubs and bars and helps you meet other women that could turn into a real relationship. Does having a young gorgeous girl with you raise your attractiveness factor to other women? Yes, specially if she lies and says you guys used to date, but now, you're just good friends. That is like in Seinfeld, when Costanza showed women pics of his smoking hot ex-GF and it made him instantly more attractive to them.
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    Default Re: Paid dates??

    Quote Originally Posted by tookewl View Post
    I apologize if I'm misunderstanding your question, but she is getting paid. Maybe not at VIP or the per song rate, but paid none the less. There's always trade offs and why I mentioned both PROS and CONS
    paying the average you pay her is not going to get you a night is my guess, you should be offering what she makes in a shift.

    A night out. If it leads to something more I won't say no, but that's not part of the expectations. The proposed outcome is to have a great date night.

    Sure, I can go to SeekingArrangements, establishedmen, or any other SD/SB sites
    not to be harsh but if she wants a night out I'm sure she could do that. remember this will still be work for her even though you guys are friends, that's just the nature of the relationship

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    Default Re: Paid dates??

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    If things are getting boring with this dancer, try other dancers. One of you is not very interesting, and hopefully, it's not you.

    I should clarify; it's by no means boring, just redundant. We still have plenty fun, though not as fun as it was in the beginning. And by expanding outside I'm hoping to recreate some of the prior magic.

    I think you are setting yourself up for major failure, disappointment, and heartbreak. Somewhere is your mind is the notion that, maybe, after a few 'dates' she will develop genuine interest and affection for you. You can deny that this is your true purpose, but, I strongly suspect that is what you are hoping will happen. Even if this is not your agenda, there is a huge risk that you will become romantically attached and this will lead to heartbreak.

    You're right I would love for that to happen, but I understand it won't. And I'm fine with it. See below.

    A better option is to find a good escort to spend time with. You can take her on a 'date' and you'll have a happy ending at the end of the date. Then, at least you are getting a quid pro quo for your money, and will not feel like a chump that gets nothing at the end of a paid date.

    I would be getting something, it doesn't have to be sex. But something none the less.

    A third option is to pay her to be your wing woman at clubs and bars, instead of your 'date'. The idea being that she hangs out with you at clubs and bars and helps you meet other women that could turn into a real relationship. Does having a young gorgeous girl with you raise your attractiveness factor to other women? Yes, specially if she lies and says you guys used to date, but now, you're just good friends. That is like in Seinfeld, when Costanza showed women pics of his smoking hot ex-GF and it made him instantly more attractive to them.

    Not looking for real relationship, more so someone to have a fun night out with.

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    Default Re: Paid dates??

    Quote Originally Posted by Aammeelliiaa View Post
    paying the average you pay her is not going to get you a night is my guess, you should be offering what she makes in a shift.



    not to be harsh but if she wants a night out I'm sure she could do that. remember this will still be work for her even though you guys are friends, that's just the nature of the relationship
    price is negotiable. think it would depend on how long the date is compared to how long a shift is??

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    Default Re: Paid dates??

    So you ladies were right. Didn't work out as I hoped. She agreed to 400 and upon meetup I was going to gift another 2C to 600 (it's the holidays). Unfortunately, she cancelled last second and gotta say am disappointed both with the cancellation and the way she did it.

    The good news is I'll stick to the club and still see her. She has a way of sweet talking me into just about anything

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    Default Re: Paid dates??

    ^ You paid her 400 and she did not even show up?
    Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
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    Default Re: Paid dates??

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    ^ You paid her 400 and she did not even show up?
    We agreed to 400. Never paid.

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    Default Re: Paid dates??

    Quote Originally Posted by tookewl View Post
    So you ladies were right. Didn't work out as I hoped. She agreed to 400 and upon meetup I was going to gift another 2C to 600 (it's the holidays). Unfortunately, she cancelled last second and gotta say am disappointed both with the cancellation and the way she did it.

    The good news is I'll stick to the club and still see her. She has a way of sweet talking me into just about anything
    Quote Originally Posted by tookewl View Post
    We agreed to 400. Never paid.
    The crowd-sourced wisdom of SW is very seldom wrong.
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    Default Re: Paid dates??

    Quote Originally Posted by tookewl View Post
    We agreed to 400. Never paid.
    Good! Be glad it worked out the way it did, it was probably for the best.
    Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
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    Default Re: Paid dates??

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    Good! Be glad it worked out the way it did, it was probably for the best.
    Maybe. But I'm sure I'll be too hard-headed to learn

    The way I see; it's 400 saved, 400 more to use for dances.

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    Default Re: Paid dates??

    ^ You should look into escorts. I don't have personal experience, but, I've heard of guys taking them out dinner or clubbing, etc., before the highlight of the 'date'. If you pay for 2 hours, and the highlight of the date only takes about 20 minutes, you have a full hour and forty minutes to do something fun or 'romantic'.
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    Default Re: Paid dates??

    If you’re planning on paying her less than you would inside the club, why would she have any reason to agree? She’s going to feel less comfortable in a one-on-one situation with no security and no other customers to rely on. Unless a customer were paying me more than I would make in a shift, it’s not even close to worth it for me to miss a night of work or spend my day off technically still working

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    Default Re: Paid dates??

    There are some gals who would be happy to do a paid date like this & some who would not.

    Clearly she wasn't into taking the conversations beyond what they are now, nor the friendship to a dating situation. She goes to the club, makes her money & that's it.

    Going beyond that can go very sour very quickly. When she leaves the club at the end of the shift, that is it for her. I was the same way as a stripper & as cam girl. When I log off, I'm done. I log on, make money, log off & I'm done. Hate my private & personal time interrupted.

    You wanted more from her than she wanted to give. Enjoy the dances with her at the club or move onto a different girl or club. Pressuring her only makes it awkward all the way around.

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    Default Re: Paid dates??

    As a guy who has dated a stripper (a decade ago)..
    If you only know her from the club, you are a customer, not a friend. Most girls have a barrier up that just can't be breached about customers vs friends.

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