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Thread: Overcoming what others(family, friends) think of your job choice.

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    Default Overcoming what others(family, friends) think of your job choice.

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    Last edited by Kittykatrina; 01-03-2018 at 10:07 AM.

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    Default Re: Overcoming what others(family, friends) think of your job choice.

    Don't pour your energy into negative, insecure, self righteous people who have always judged you and been critical. You can't change them. Don't ever feel like you're not a "good person" cause younwaitress at a stripclub. You work a legal, honest job, and honestly a lot of people are jealous we can use our looks/charm/attritubes/hustle to make a very good living, so they try and dish out the "well...I'm a BETTER PERSON" cause they're envious.
    Pick up your w2s at the club.
    And get a po box or something
    I've done business with men who think I'm as silly as I look; by the time they figure out I'm not, I've done got the money and gone -Dolly Parton

    a motherfukin hustler kamikaze//I used to bus tables but now I sell my body

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    Default Re: Overcoming what others(family, friends) think of your job choice.

    Great advice! This is very helpful. Thank you so much. I've always been put down by my family.. even when I went vegan. I'm vegetarian now though but every choice I've ever made was not good enough. I just feel alone because I'm living in secret. Didn't even tell my boyfriend because he's super insecure. Only closest friends know and one didn't even text me back after I told her about my night so whatever....

    Thank you so much for the inspiring words. <3

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    Default Re: Overcoming what others(family, friends) think of your job choice.

    My background is similar to yours. Do you know how much power you get when you learn to detach yourself from your family's expectations? You can do anything. It's hard not to seek approval from family, but once you get past that and realize it truly doesn't matter, you'll be stronger and more self-actualized as a person. Don't expect support from your friends. I always found forums like this one, and blogging anonymously, useful forms of support. So props to you for coming to the right place!

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    Default Re: Overcoming what others(family, friends) think of your job choice.

    This forum is awesome and it's advice like this that helps me feel better. It's nice to know that I can just login and talk to like minded people. I'm learning day by day to not care what anyone thinks.

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    Default Re: Overcoming what others(family, friends) think of your job choice.

    My family is super judgy, as well, and I could never make them happy. Letting go of the need for approval is SO much easier said than done... it's kind of a lifelong journey. I'd advise keeping it a secret, or at least not talking about it very much. It's easier that way. They don't need to know your business.

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    Default Re: Overcoming what others(family, friends) think of your job choice.

    Quote Originally Posted by seashell View Post
    My family is super judgy, as well, and I could never make them happy. Letting go of the need for approval is SO much easier said than done... it's kind of a lifelong journey. I'd advise keeping it a secret, or at least not talking about it very much. It's easier that way. They don't need to know your business.
    ^^

    The only people who need to know what you do are your employer, the IRS and your accountant. Anyone else can mind their own business.

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    Default Re: Overcoming what others(family, friends) think of your job choice.

    Yeah my family is psycho and the last thing I need is their approval.

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    Default Re: Overcoming what others(family, friends) think of your job choice.

    Secrets can be fun at times, haha!

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    Default Re: Overcoming what others(family, friends) think of your job choice.

    So true. Yup, it's my life.

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    Default Re: Overcoming what others(family, friends) think of your job choice.

    Yes, I feel you on the psycho part.

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    Default Re: Overcoming what others(family, friends) think of your job choice.

    Realize that they don't accept you or understand you and let yourself get angry and upset about it. Letting yourself feel your emotions is sooo important. As a culture we are constantly trying to numb ourselves out and it does nothing but make our emotions fester inside of us. Let yourself feel what you are feeling so those emotions can wash over you, and you can end up being the bigger person, because the inevitable result of letting yourself feel things is healing and self-compassion (which leads to compassion and empathy for everyone else), always.

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    Default Re: Overcoming what others(family, friends) think of your job choice.

    I grew up in a very strict Catholic family and hid dancing for over 5 years. My parents found out about it when I got in a fight with a friend and he told them. I hid it from them because I knew they would never accept it or understand. We get along okay now, but still sort of strained. I'm the oldest of 5 children and female, so I think they were strictest with me. My brothers get away with a lot of shit that I could have never gotten away with. lol






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    Default Re: Overcoming what others(family, friends) think of your job choice.

    What other people think does NOT pay your bills.

    Do you want a better financial future?

    All the praying in the world does not keep the heat on in the winter or food in the frig. Do they live up to your standards? Are they good enough for you?

    Religion is often used to keep women from success & independence financially from men. So you can make life choice based upon what is best for you. Don't buy into the holy sanctimonious bullshit of religion, what has it ever done for women?


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    Default Re: Overcoming what others(family, friends) think of your job choice.

    I have waitressed at a club and it is very competitive, dancing is much easier, the club I worked at just had us pick up our paychecks every 2 weeks, also there was another name on the check not the club. Maybe ask your club if it says the name on the checks or if you can pick up checks from club. Good luck and stuff what people think.
    xoxo

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    Default Re: Overcoming what others(family, friends) think of your job choice.

    ^ What EVERYONE has said! Seriously, its 2017. People who come from ultra conservative backgrounds who are grounded in their belief will probably always stay that way and tbh that's their own issue. My mom knows what I do, she's semi religious. She always tells me how she can't tell people what I do for a living when they ask about me (aunts, family friends etc) and I just laugh it off now. There's crazier stuff happening on a daily basis than a girl deciding to waitress at a strip club or dance. Keep doing what you're doing so long as you're happy / comfortable.

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    Default Re: Overcoming what others(family, friends) think of your job choice.

    Whether or not the strip club makes it obvious that you work at a strip club when your checks or 1099s are sent to your home depends on the club. I've worked for a lot of places, and most of them have a name that is super vanilla but accurate. Most of them categorize themselves as some form of entertainment venues. Sometimes they categorize themselves as a bar or restaurant.

    My last club, Sapphire NYC, unfortunately uses a bar/club name for it's 1099s and checks, which traces back to the exact address of the place where it's located. You can google the name of the company on your checks and it pops up as Sapphire NYC address on the UES. Not sure if this was a stupid mistake on the corporate's part or whether they simply do not care about their worker's privacy. However, most places are a lot more discrete. You can ask management when you are hired and express to them that discretion/privacy about your job is important. If it's good management, they will be sympathetic, maybe even offer the option of picking up your checks or 1099s in person.

    As far as ppl judging you, I'm really sorry about that. I think we all struggle with that issue. I really want ppl to like me. I think everything has a little bit of that in them, even if to a lesser extent than I. Also, I'm horrible at lying, so it's difficult to conceal what I do for a living.

    I would suggest you don't tell anyone you don't know well, especially if they are dudes. Otherwise, you'll risk being sexually assaulted, played, degraded, etc etc etc. It's bad enough being a woman nowadays. Being a sex worker makes you even more game for all sorts of things.

    As far as family members: I dunno what to say. The way I make myself feel better is by thinking of how much financially better-off I am than many of the people who judge me. If you do this for a while, live like a poor person, and save, you may not get rich but you'll be better of than a lot of young ppl in today's economy (unless they come from a well-off background) and you'll be able to afford a better quality of life than most of the people who judge you. I've paid off my loans for two degrees, traveled to a few of countries, am continually saving big chunks of change for retirement, and have dabbled in other forms of entertainment which may or may not take me places before I may decide to go back to school. Unless you are in finance, tech, medicine or turn 18 or 21 with a hefty trust -fund from mom and dad, the US is not the land of opportunity it once was, so dancing actually makes a lot of sense as long as you are in a region where you are able to consistently turn a profit.

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    Default Re: Overcoming what others(family, friends) think of your job choice.

    My family or friends didn't have any issue. One of my friends all the girls in her family were strippers at one point or another. Their Grandmother ran a boarding house for male strippers for years. Not all families are conservative & religious.

    Religious people have an issue it seems with everyone. Depending upon their domination and such, Baptiste think everyone who isn't a Baptiste is going to hell & such. They all seem so miserable.

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    Default Re: Overcoming what others(family, friends) think of your job choice.

    ^ I'm in the same boat kindred spirit When my mom went to prison when I was a teen over a man, she left me with nothing. Literally all I had was myself & being under 18 I was shuffled around thru her side of the family who also decided to treat me like garbage. I was a good kid & did as I was told but that wasn't good enough for them bc I was always a black sheep as they say.

    I of course started rebelling & lost my virginity at 15, threw wild house parties, and started drinking LOL. I started dancing at 18 bc I had NO money & staying in school wasn't an option at that time. I quit school, packed my bags and hopped on a plane to California where I'd always wanted to live & had my own apt within 2 months of my arrival. I never looked back after I grew a set of balls and left that shitty life.

    Needless to say, years later at 34 , my mom & my sister still pretty much dislike me. My mom seems to struggle with it but since my sis married into "money" she literally looks down on me & snubs anyone that doesn't have money or some sort of "money background". It's disgusting really.

    Just stick with what you know & who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks. As the other posters here have said, praying & living a holier than thou lifestyle won't keep the lights, heat going or keep food in the fridge. And don't EVER give up your freedom & independence for a man!

    *Hugs *good luck!
    "Alot of people are afraid to say what they want, that's why they don't get what they want"~ Madonna




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    Default Re: Overcoming what others(family, friends) think of your job choice.

    Quote Originally Posted by blondhottie View Post
    I grew up in a very strict Catholic family and hid dancing for over 5 years. ......I'm the oldest of 5 children and female, so I think they were strictest with me. My brothers get away with a lot of shit that I could have never gotten away with. lol
    Also raised in a strict Catholic family the oldest with two brothers. Me: 1000% responsibility for every single thing that ever happened, My brothers: 0%.

    Best thing I've ever done in my entire life? Getting rid of pathological guilt, self-imposed ideals and obsession with perfection and social expectations. That shit will literally kill you faster than meth.

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    Default Re: Overcoming what others(family, friends) think of your job choice.

    There is famous saying and I don't remember the exact words but it goes something like this ....."you can try to put Cotten all over the world so your feet wouldn't hurt or you could choose to wear shoes ".Meaning you can try to change everyone or you can change your mind set.Which one do you think would be easier ?? Focus on yourself. Love yourself.Be around people who make you feel safe and listen to your own heart if you do that you will be okay.

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    Default Re: Overcoming what others(family, friends) think of your job choice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    What other people think does NOT pay your bills.

    Do you want a better financial future?

    All the praying in the world does not keep the heat on in the winter or food in the frig. Do they live up to your standards? Are they good enough for you?

    Religion is often used to keep women from success & independence financially from men. So you can make life choice based upon what is best for you. Don't buy into the holy sanctimonious bullshit of religion, what has it ever done for women?

    I agree!!! All these religious nutcases are brainwashed. I'm more of a spiritual individual. You couldn't be more right. It has took me years to realize this and I'm still trying to totally overcome all their crazy ways of thinking/beliefs.

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    Default Re: Overcoming what others(family, friends) think of your job choice.

    Quote Originally Posted by xxxGothBarbie View Post
    ^ I'm in the same boat kindred spirit When my mom went to prison when I was a teen over a man, she left me with nothing. Literally all I had was myself & being under 18 I was shuffled around thru her side of the family who also decided to treat me like garbage. I was a good kid & did as I was told but that wasn't good enough for them bc I was always a black sheep as they say.

    I of course started rebelling & lost my virginity at 15, threw wild house parties, and started drinking LOL. I started dancing at 18 bc I had NO money & staying in school wasn't an option at that time. I quit school, packed my bags and hopped on a plane to California where I'd always wanted to live & had my own apt within 2 months of my arrival. I never looked back after I grew a set of balls and left that shitty life.

    Needless to say, years later at 34 , my mom & my sister still pretty much dislike me. My mom seems to struggle with it but since my sis married into "money" she literally looks down on me & snubs anyone that doesn't have money or some sort of "money background". It's disgusting really.

    Just stick with what you know & who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks. As the other posters here have said, praying & living a holier than thou lifestyle won't keep the lights, heat going or keep food in the fridge. And don't EVER give up your freedom & independence for a man!

    *Hugs *good luck!

    Wow, it's comforting to know that there are people on a similar situation who have overcome the negativity and didn't allow others to hold them down

    I like how you mention that you grew some balls, haha. That's definitely what my goal is. Not literally but once I do that I will truly be free.

    Yeah, my sister has become a total snob and tells me the meaning of life is to have kids and get married..........
    Her way of thinking is so idiotic. I don't even talk to her anymore. This is really great advice and I appreciate it.

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    Default Re: Overcoming what others(family, friends) think of your job choice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Anyaoscar123 View Post
    There is famous saying and I don't remember the exact words but it goes something like this ....."you can try to put Cotten all over the world so your feet wouldn't hurt or you could choose to wear shoes ".Meaning you can try to change everyone or you can change your mind set.Which one do you think would be easier ?? Focus on yourself. Love yourself.Be around people who make you feel safe and listen to your own heart if you do that you will be okay.


    Yes, definitely will be focusing on myself from now on!

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    Default Re: Overcoming what others(family, friends) think of your job choice.

    Quote Originally Posted by We had a rabbit like you View Post
    Don't pour your energy into negative, insecure, self righteous people who have always judged you and been critical. You can't change them. Don't ever feel like you're not a "good person" cause younwaitress at a stripclub. You work a legal, honest job, and honestly a lot of people are jealous we can use our looks/charm/attritubes/hustle to make a very good living, so they try and dish out the "well...I'm a BETTER PERSON" cause they're envious.
    Pick up your w2s at the club.
    And get a po box or something

    Yeah, I won't lower myself to their level. Not everyone can be a saint, haha. I'm actually really a kind person and I think that's why people think they can put me down easily.

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