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Thread: How to tell my fiancee?

  1. #1
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    Default How to tell my fiancee?

    Hello

    I danced for about 2 years before taking a break and focusing on school. During my year-long break, I met someone who I'm engaged to now!
    The problem is, I miss dancing so much. I miss being my "own" boss, dressing up, performing, my stripper friends, and obviously the money. I was lucky to have found a super clean, classy club with minimal drama.

    Now, I reeeeeally want to get back into dancing, but I have no idea how/if I should tell my fiancée. He's well-educated and from a middle class home in the Middle East. However, he's pretty liberal when it comes to sexuality. I'm just terrified to tell him. Which sucks, because I feel like this is a part of me. And I wanna use my money to make our lives better. He's living on a small stipend & I'm stuck at a low-wage job working full time, so I'm not able to go back to school.

    Has anyone been in a similar situation? I know my situation is mine and it'll be up to me in the end, but I'd love to year from you guys!

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    God/dess arielbriel's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to tell my fiancee?

    So you never told him you used to be a stripper and he's middle eastern? He may call off the entire wedding just on that fact alone let alone tell him you want to go BACK to stripping. This is not going to go well so I think you need to make a decision prior to talking to him. Good luck!

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    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to tell my fiancee?

    Are you talking about the middle of the East Coast kind of Liberal?

    Best to know before you get married. Rather than spring it on him afterwards. If you make it out to be a big deal it will be, if you don't then it might not be.

    Don't you want to marry someone who accepts all of you & you the same of them?

    It isn't about supporting him as much as it should be about you being able to finish your education. Do you want a life time of jobs you currently work at now? Would finishing your education lead to you having better jobs & careers? Being able to increase you ability to make money over a lifetime?

    Marriage can NEVER replace an education. Marriage can never get you good jobs with great pay & benefits.

    Since he & his relatives are middle income earners you will never be able to financially rely upon them for yourself or any children that might be born.

    He is liberal sexually because he is getting laid. Marrying you means he can become a citizen of this country. Having kids with you also means dual citizenship. You say he lives on a stipe-end, does that mean he can not get a job in America? Does it mean he is not going college right now? So what does he do all day? What kind of future does he have in ways of making money?

    If he is middle-eastern at any moment his visa can be rendered invalid & he will have to return home. If you have kids with this person, where does their futures lie? Do you have any idea how much an international custody battle would cost you?
    __________________________________________________ __________

    While you may love him, your financial well being & education has to come first. Marriages can end, the ability to get a good job with an education is forever.
    Last edited by Sam38g; 12-26-2017 at 06:40 PM.

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    Default Re: How to tell my fiancee?

    Lots of men from the middle East are very liberal here in America away from their relatives eyes. Once they get married many of them at any point can become a traditionalist. Catholic boys are no different. Wild until they settle down & then become prudes, prime example Mark Walhberg.

    You also need to take into account the type of Visa he is here on, how long that Visa is for. Why he wants to marry you? What country he is from?

    At anytime his family can be income dependent upon him if the country he is from becomes a war zone. Once he is married & a citizen, he may try to move them all here & in with YOU. Even if you are the ONLY one financially supporting everyone, dont count on them being nice to you.

    You also need to discuss religion & circumcising of your daughters. No matter how he feels, how does his family feel about it?

    There is a lot more to worry about & discuss than just you having been a stripper.

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    Senior Member moonangelko's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to tell my fiancee?

    I say tell him u used to strip before the wedding, go back to stripping after the wedding.

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    Senior Member aliwonderland's Avatar
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    Default Re: How to tell my fiancee?

    What sucks about your dilemma is that you're damned if you do/damned if you don't... you need the money, and you need to be honest with your future husband, and yet telling someone you're close to that you're a dancer is a revelation that's impossible to undo..

    As someone who grew up in an alcoholic household where no one ever approached issues directly, I'd recommend a roundabout approach.
    Mention that one of your old friends was a stripper, or something.
    That way you can feel him out, if he says "well that's horrible", versus if he doesn't bat an eye.

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    Default Re: How to tell my fiancee?

    Agreed. ^ See what he thinks about strippers and strip clubs first.

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    Default Re: How to tell my fiancee?

    "How would you like to go to a strip club this weekend baby?" And see what he says. Talk about how much you looooove strippers and looooove supporting the girls.

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    Default Re: How to tell my fiancee?

    My friend who married a liberal Muslim is now divorced. She had always been honest about her former job and had even been to a club with him. She is retired and works as a professor. After they got married he became obsessed with her "past" and eventually said, how can I have kids with someone who did what you used to do. She divorced him and then he tried to guilt her for that and get her to come back. Her whole marriage was basically miserable. You definitely need to figure out if this is something he is cool with or offended by. If he's grossed out by strippers, run.

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    Default Re: How to tell my fiancee?

    Ay ay ay. Good luck!!

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