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Thread: How far should I take the "Friendship"

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    Default How far should I take the "Friendship"

    So I struck up a "friendship" with someone, who turns out is luckily for her, getting back to work soon as clubs open more. She and I both have about zero expectations of this going anywhere, but the mind does wander.

    Really do not want to convey too much info here, but we text/talk multiple times a day, as any friends would do. Been spending some long weekends getting to know each other as Friends, truly platonic, if there is such a thing. We just enjoy walking in each other arms, or hand in hand, and having some nice dinners, etc.

    Anyone have any experience on how long these Friendships last, before they either get too serious, too transactional, or just interest is lost.

    I am feeling really lucky I stumbled across a really nice friend.

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    Default Re: How far should I take the "Friendship"

    If i were you, I'd try not to overthink it. The more you overthink it, the more you risk changing the great energy that originally attracted you into each other's lives. Enjoy it for what it is, try to relax, and go with the flow. I know that's easier said than done sometimes!

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    Member Robcartruck's Avatar
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    Default Re: How far should I take the "Friendship"

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    If i were you, I'd try not to overthink it. The more you overthink it, the more you risk changing the great energy that originally attracted you into each other's lives. Enjoy it for what it is, try to relax, and go with the flow. I know that's easier said than done sometimes!

    Your right! and thank you!!

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    Default Re: How far should I take the "Friendship"

    It will go where it goes, without your help.
    I loved going to strip clubs; I actually made some friends there. Now things are different for the clubs and for me. As a result I am not as happy.

    Customers are not entitled to grope, disrespect, or rob strippers. This is their job, not their hobby, and they all need income. Clubs are not just some erotic show for guys to view while drinking.

    NOTE: anything I post here, outside of a direct quote, is my opinion only, which I am entitled to. Take it for what you estimate it is worth.

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    Default Re: How far should I take the "Friendship"

    Quote Originally Posted by Robcartruck View Post
    So I struck up a "friendship" with someone, who turns out is luckily for her, getting back to work soon as clubs open more. She and I both have about zero expectations of this going anywhere, but the mind does wander.

    Really do not want to convey too much info here, but we text/talk multiple times a day, as any friends would do. Been spending some long weekends getting to know each other as Friends, truly platonic, if there is such a thing. We just enjoy walking in each other arms, or hand in hand, and having some nice dinners, etc.

    Anyone have any experience on how long these Friendships last, before they either get too serious, too transactional, or just interest is lost.

    I am feeling really lucky I stumbled across a really nice friend.
    Between the "friendship" in quotes and the comment about things potentially getting 'too transactional", I'm going to assume that you are paying her.

    If I were you, I wouldn't let my mind wander too much. If what you're getting in return holds value for you then all power to you, but don't confuse this with a genuine relationship. It will inevitably have a shelf life. I do not know how old you are, but you might be better served in finding someone who wants to spend time with you for organic reasons rather than for compensation.

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    Member Robcartruck's Avatar
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    Default Re: How far should I take the "Friendship"

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    Between the "friendship" in quotes and the comment about things potentially getting 'too transactional", I'm going to assume that you are paying her.

    If I were you, I wouldn't let my mind wander too much. If what you're getting in return holds value for you then all power to you, but don't confuse this with a genuine relationship. It will inevitably have a shelf life. I do not know how old you are, but you might be better served in finding someone who wants to spend time with you for organic reasons rather than for compensation.
    I am too old for this. lol Older, and wiser about these things yes. So no misconception of what I have gotten into Neither of us is looking for a relationship. We just got to where we are through bringing the friendship mainstream. Crazy stuff, by all means. She and I both shake our heads, on how we are not supposed to be doing this, and not supposed to be having this much fun.

    This board has definitely given me, a lot of incite from her perspective, because lets face it, I will never know the truth.

    Just spent another couple days (not over night, to be clear) together, and we actually got through it pretty good. Most of the meals she cooked at her place, with her stuff (really good cook, made from scratch type meals).

    Think we are going to take a break from visiting each other for a few weeks. Schedules are just too busy for the both of us next few weeks. Maybe that will be a good test.

    Why am I posting this here? Well, where else would I post it without getting instantly flamed.

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    Default Re: How far should I take the "Friendship"

    Quote Originally Posted by Robcartruck View Post

    a lot of incite


    Incite to do what?

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    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: How far should I take the "Friendship"

    Quote Originally Posted by Robcartruck View Post
    I am too old for this. lol Older, and wiser about these things yes. So no misconception of what I have gotten into Neither of us is looking for a relationship. We just got to where we are through bringing the friendship mainstream. Crazy stuff, by all means. She and I both shake our heads, on how we are not supposed to be doing this, and not supposed to be having this much fun.
    I suspect that she is not caught up in the same whirlwind of amazement or having as much fun as you are. You are paying her. When the money runs out, so does she. I'm sure you know what you're doing, but these romanticized snippets in your posts make me wonder if you're perspective is getting blurred.

    Anyway, good luck with this...whatever "this" really is.

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    Default Re: How far should I take the "Friendship"

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    I suspect that she is not caught up in the same whirlwind of amazement or having as much fun as you are. You are paying her. When the money runs out, so does she. I'm sure you know what you're doing, but these romanticized snippets in your posts make me wonder if you're perspective is getting blurred.

    Anyway, good luck with this...whatever "this" really is.

    hey, thanks. BTW, I am not paying her. Sure, got her a few small gifts, and pay for dinner when we go out, but would do that anyway.

    Will be interesting to see what the Shelf life of this is.

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    Default Re: How far should I take the "Friendship"

    You never know where it might go. Just enjoy. Good luck!

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    Default Re: How far should I take the "Friendship"

    ^ You describe it as having a shelf life so you must *know* at some level there is some mismatch ? Are you much older for example ?
    You didn't give too much background. If you want a romantic option with this person why not bring it up ?

    We miss 100% of the shots we don't take right ?

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    Default Re: How far should I take the "Friendship"

    This is one of those intentionally ambiguous posts designed to allow the OP to shift his story line depending upon the responses. Actually trying to get specific details and a full clear picture of the situation will no doubt be like trying to pin jelly to a wall.

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    Default Re: How far should I take the "Friendship"

    Quote Originally Posted by carmen_b View Post
    ^ You describe it as having a shelf life so you must *know* at some level there is some mismatch ? Are you much older for example ?
    You didn't give too much background. If you want a romantic option with this person why not bring it up ?

    We miss 100% of the shots we don't take right ?

    Appreciate your reply. Only reason I said shelf life, is it was mentioned by another poster.

    Sorry for not giving much background info, but well, for all I know she logs in here. This industry is not that large, and with respect to her, just do not want someone to stumble upon her, and ask stupid questions, that would offend.

    Mismatch items, let me see if I can post a few...but first is that neither of us was looking for a relationship. So we are just friends. So the idea of a romantic option is just not there yet. But she did appreciate it when I asked her to slow dance alone at her place.
    Sure I am about 10 years older, than her. Not that far of a stretch.
    Lets face it, we are from different life styles. Not that I am that vanilla, but I do not work as a contractor, so I have to do the daily grind.
    Distance is a problem. Long distance things never work out. So hence the long weekends.

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    Member Robcartruck's Avatar
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    Default Re: How far should I take the "Friendship"

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    This is one of those intentionally ambiguous posts designed to allow the OP to shift his story line depending upon the responses. Actually trying to get specific details and a full clear picture of the situation will no doubt be like trying to pin jelly to a wall.
    Your funny. The main purpose of the intentionally ambiguous posts, is to attempt to keep some privacy to this. Would not want to shift a story line, and have to time to even attempt it.
    But you are right in some ways, specific details will be limited here, for all the right reasons.

    But truly do appreciate you pointed posts.

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    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
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    Default Re: How far should I take the "Friendship"

    Sounds like you are hoping this 'friendship' will turn into something more. And if you are putting in the 'friendship tokens' hoping that sex or a relationship happens, then is it really a friendship? Or you pretending to be a wolf in sheep's clothing?
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    Default Re: How far should I take the "Friendship"

    Rob, have fun, but, stay grounded and keep your expectations realistic.

    You're buying her gifts and spending money on her. There is nothing wrong with that, but, don't fool yourself. Ask yourself honestly, "Would she still be with me without the gifts and whining and dining?" To some extent, we all buy gifts and spend money on our GFs, but, we can usually tell which ones would stick by our side through thick and thin and which ones would head for the door if the money dried up.

    Are you a good looking dude? Are you in shape? Are you confident? Can you go to a club and get some phone numbers with ease? Rate yourself on the attractiveness scale and rate her. If the numbers don't match, then, do yourself a favor and don't start fantasizing about love. Enjoy it for what it is. There is nothing wrong with that kind of relationship as long as you are grounded in reality and don't spend more than you should.
    Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
    - Oscar Wilde

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    Default Re: How far should I take the "Friendship"

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    Sounds like you are hoping this 'friendship' will turn into something more. And if you are putting in the 'friendship tokens' hoping that sex or a relationship happens, then is it really a friendship? Or you pretending to be a wolf in sheep's clothing?
    Lol, by that standard, the only real female friends a guy can have are ugly girls. If a guy is friends with a hot girl, there will always be a part of him that wants to cash in his 'friendship tokens' for an extra benefit.

    Also, in my youth, a guy generally was required to put in 'friendship tokens' before getting to sex or a relationship. (There were one-night stands, but, that was more of an exception.) Have things really changed that much? What tokens (other than gold and silver) do you use now to get to sex or a relationship in a non-pay-to-play scenario? I'm just curious, in case I'm ever single again.
    Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
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    Default Re: How far should I take the "Friendship"

    Oh boy.

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    Default Re: How far should I take the "Friendship"

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    Rob, have fun, but, stay grounded and keep your expectations realistic.

    You're buying her gifts and spending money on her. There is nothing wrong with that, but, don't fool yourself. Ask yourself honestly, "Would she still be with me without the gifts and whining and dining?" To some extent, we all buy gifts and spend money on our GFs, but, we can usually tell which ones would stick by our side through thick and thin and which ones would head for the door if the money dried up.

    Are you a good looking dude? Are you in shape? Are you confident? Can you go to a club and get some phone numbers with ease? Rate yourself on the attractiveness scale and rate her. If the numbers don't match, then, do yourself a favor and don't start fantasizing about love. Enjoy it for what it is. There is nothing wrong with that kind of relationship as long as you are grounded in reality and don't spend more than you should.

    Thank you Jack, well written, and great advice. I appreciate that. Most relationships I have been in, in the past, the lady is typically on the higher end of the scale. So I guess I have the personality, confidence to be with whom I choose. I do like to have arm candy. Fun for me I do not mind spoiling a girl a little, and be the romantic, holding doors open kind of guy. I am definitely a behind the camera guy, but in good shape, and confident enough to be behind the camera, or be in front of it, when they want some pics with me in them. Also, hope my posts are not showing the fantasizing about love comment you made. Not what this is about at all. Just a strange situation, that has developed to where it is. Just some interesting conversations, and fun times, to deter from the day to day bull sh*t, we all get to endure. She is 40ish, I am 50ish, we both know what we are doing here

    She is staying over at my place for the long weekend, this time. So will be fun to hang out here, and see how long we can put up with each other. I will probably cook for her this time, as she spoiled me last time I visited her, with some really good home cooked meals.

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    Default Re: How far should I take the "Friendship"

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    Sounds like you are hoping this 'friendship' will turn into something more. And if you are putting in the 'friendship tokens' hoping that sex or a relationship happens, then is it really a friendship? Or you pretending to be a wolf in sheep's clothing?

    as always, appreciate the comment. actually thinking on how to NOT take it too far, and just get it over sooner rather than later just too many reasons to not take it farther, before it gets bad for either party.

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    Default Re: How far should I take the "Friendship"

    Well, half way through the long weekend. this time she came to visit me...
    I made breakfast today.
    staying together for long periods of time, are always challenging for any friendship.
    so far so good. but, the time together, is definitely putting a strain on our other relationships. and in turn those are putting a stain on this..... " "

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    Default Re: How far should I take the "Friendship"

    Nowhere. There's no reason for you to even try. For her it's probably just a business transaction. How old are you and how old is she?

    Just take it for what it is.
    Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it

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    Default Re: How far should I take the "Friendship"

    Quote Originally Posted by Raziel View Post
    Nowhere. There's no reason for you to even try. For her it's probably just a business transaction. How old are you and how old is she?

    Just take it for what it is.
    age question answered above in thread.

    I believe I am just taking it for what it is.

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    Default Re: How far should I take the "Friendship"

    Well the long Memorial Day weekend is over. She stayed over until mid week. Just worked out better that way for both our schedules.

    Had a lot of fun, showing her areas where I live, suburbs and metro area. Explored a few places in Metro area. Did a boat tour, walked all over the place. Rode bikes to the park. Had some nice dinners out, that provided for some left overs for breakfast/lunch. I cooked breakfast a few times, something of a specialty I cook, that she had been waiting to try. Yes she thought it was very good, and she asked for it more than once. She is definitely more of a clean freak than me (although I admit I am pretty clean for a guy), did my laundry and some things like that while she was here. I told her I did not want he cleaning or anything while here, but just make yourself at home. She tried, and did ok with that. I just worked from home some of the mid-week days she was here. So the pop-ins from her where a fun distraction from work for me

    Had some pretty deep conversations about what this is, and how it is impacting each of us. Those conversations are for she and I alone

    Next few weeks will be off meeting weeks for us. Trying to plan for some things later in month, and after, but tough with us being opposite work schedules. That and the distance are probably the hardest part of this. So we will try to have some fun this summer, but going to be hard to see us spending much time together after that.....

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    Default Re: How far should I take the "Friendship"

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    Lol, by that standard, the only real female friends a guy can have are ugly girls. If a guy is friends with a hot girl, there will always be a part of him that wants to cash in his 'friendship tokens' for an extra benefit.

    Also, in my youth, a guy generally was required to put in 'friendship tokens' before getting to sex or a relationship. (There were one-night stands, but, that was more of an exception.) Have things really changed that much? What tokens (other than gold and silver) do you use now to get to sex or a relationship in a non-pay-to-play scenario? I'm just curious, in case I'm ever single again.
    this guy just told it like it is ladies….

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