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Thread: Men --- When Do You Start Spending Money on "civilian" women???

  1. #26
    God/dess baer45's Avatar
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    Default Re: Men --- When Do You Start Spending Money on "civilian" women???

    To me, A relationship is always aimed at the long-term. A short-term relationship is an arrangement. Obviously, an arrangement has its terms while a relationship is more related to the life goals. I am saying this because I didn't understand your question except the part that you want to be comfortable financially.
    I like being alone, I just don't like being lonely.




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    Default Re: Men --- When Do You Start Spending Money on "civilian" women???

    Quote Originally Posted by Selina M View Post
    At the risk of sounding like a bitch, I think part of the reason you're still looking is because you're so hung up on finances.

    And honestly I don't know anyone who is married/cohabitating where the man is paying for the woman's school or business... the only unbalanced households I see (and this may be a mid-20s culture thing) is if they have a young kid. Any ladies that have wanted to go to school or something have paid for it themselves and didn't expect the man to put them through it. The relationship is more of a team effort with both pulling equal weight, not as a project for one person to invest into the other.
    I have a younger brother in his 20's married with a toddler and they are srtuggling. She refuses to work and he thought he'd be able to provide for them all on just his one job. He thought that because our father was the primary provider that he could do the same. But what he failed to realize that in the beginning both of our parents worked two jobs and we barely saw them. By the time he came along the money had started rolling in. Now here he is with a partner who feels betrayed because they dont have all the nice things money can buy. Even if she just brought in a mininum of $1000 a month that would help them immensely. She won't do it. And he's now realizing thay maybe he chose the wrong teammate.

    Things dont always go according to plan but it helps if you go with someone with a similar work ethic and moral standards. You have to be able to work together towards a common goal and really really want the same thing enough to compromise from time to time. Money is important but you kinda need the same perspective when it comes to getting it in order for a relationship to work.

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    Default Re: Men --- When Do You Start Spending Money on "civilian" women???

    Pretty much any loving stable long term relationship I know of, including my own, revolves around supporting each other however you can. If one partner is working and going to school the other partner might try and lighten the load doing laundry and meal prep. If my partner is in a tougher spot than me I try to float them. I have definitely been helped out by partners who earn more than me making it so I can quit a bad job, or focus on my health, or fix my car. If there's a big income discrepancy we often do things by percentage, half my paycheck and half theirs might look very different but we're both putting equal effort in. Definitely would do whatever it takes to help each other make our dreams come true including helping with school or a business venture. Definitely would be their through any kind of medical hardship.

    Part of most LTRs is sharing finances and lifestyle....so basically if you are partnered with a millionaire they'll probably want you to upgrade from a beater car and will make sure you have enough cash flow to be comfortable in their lifestyle. If you are going for the whole Julia Roberts thing, someone might take pity on you and see you as a fixer-upper project with so much potential and invest in your transformation into their perfect pretty woman. Sugar baby relationships...while running the line of "civilian" can definitely have a let me make all your dreams come true and gift you with tuition vibe and are probably the most honest way to be a gold digger. There are also always lonely old rich people looking for human connection and willing to give everything to the people who are kind to them...if you don't mind being a little mercenary or predatory. Also even in a vanilla lifestyle there will always be people who get off on giving their partner an allowance.

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    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: Men --- When Do You Start Spending Money on "civilian" women???

    Quote Originally Posted by baer45 View Post
    To me, A relationship is always aimed at the long-term. A short-term relationship is an arrangement. Obviously, an arrangement has its terms while a relationship is more related to the life goals. I am saying this because I didn't understand your question except the part that you want to be comfortable financially.
    Gosh darnit - trying not to get too off track but well.......

    Not just me.

    I'm saying like for all the ladies in this thread who wants kids/family the whole 9 yards......

    How yall want the family to look like?

    Daycare for your newborn infants? Quality of schools? College tuition paid easy or kids working/taking out debt? etc....


    I really just wanted to know if 'civilian' men spend money during the dating phase (not including the dates) but the thread has kind of taken a turn in another direction

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    Default Re: Men --- When Do You Start Spending Money on "civilian" women???

    Quote Originally Posted by PhatGirlDynomite!!! View Post
    She refuses to work and he thought he'd be able to provide for them all on just his one job. He thought that because our father was the primary provider that he could do the same.
    Thanks for sharing this story.

    When you say she refuses to work can you elaborate? Do they have kids? Does she refuse to work at all or just doesn't want to work outside the home or doesn't want to work full time?

    Quote Originally Posted by PhatGirlDynomite!!! View Post

    Things dont always go according to plan but it helps if you go with someone with a similar work ethic and moral standards. You have to be able to work together towards a common goal and really really want the same thing enough to compromise from time to time. Money is important but you kinda need the same perspective when it comes to getting it in order for a relationship to work.
    I agree!
    Last edited by miss.a.p1600; 01-11-2018 at 01:34 PM.

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    Default Re: Men --- When Do You Start Spending Money on "civilian" women???

    Quote Originally Posted by Selina M View Post
    At the risk of sounding like a bitch, I think part of the reason you're still looking is because you're so hung up on finances.

    And honestly I don't know anyone who is married/cohabitating where the man is paying for the woman's school or business... the only unbalanced households I see (and this may be a mid-20s culture thing) is if they have a young kid. Any ladies that have wanted to go to school or something have paid for it themselves and didn't expect the man to put them through it. The relationship is more of a team effort with both pulling equal weight, not as a project for one person to invest into the other.
    Well, I paid for my first wife to earn two Master's Degrees, but we were married and I viewed that as an investment in our collective future. I have no idea where she's coming up with these theories about guys eagerly doing this stuff in more casual relationships because I've never seen it, even with the guys who could do so without breaking a sweat. Most wealthy people don't become wealthy, or stay that way, by casually investing large sums of money in girls who are never going to be anything to them other than short-term flings and some even protect themselves when they get married through pre-nups.

    But with that said, I don't think that being "hung up on finances" when evaluating a guy for a more serious commitment is such a bad thing. Until men can become pregnant, carry kids to term and then breastfeed, women are going to continue to bear the brunt of career disruptions and other life complications relating to kids. This means that their men need to be able to step in and close the gap when needed, at least if they would like to live in a situation somewhat comfortably over the poverty level. Also, some mothers, once kids are born, yearn to be with them until they are at least school age, an option that only exists when a man can sack up and shoulder more of the load.

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    Default Re: Men --- When Do You Start Spending Money on "civilian" women???

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    Thanks for sharing this story.

    When you say she refuses to work can you elaborate? Do they have kids? Does she refuse to work at all or just doesn't want to work outside the home or doesn't want to work full time?
    They have a 3 year old kid who's so incredibly sweet. They live in a really expensive apartment, a car note and health insurance and other expenses. He's been doing it all on his own but he needs help. She won't hold down a job long enough so he can catch his breathe and get ahead. She flips out at the thought of living somewhere less expensive or driving a less expensive car. But yet wont contribute in any way. They dont even have to pay for a babysitter because our family will watch the kid for free. Its like shes mad and punishing him because things didnt turn out the way she dreamed they would. They both entered the relationship under unrealistic terms. Its gonna take time to build wealth but that takes teamwork and they aren't working together. Its pretty bad right now.

    I think that anyone who seeks a successful and wealthy mate should at least respect and understand what it takes to get there.

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    Default Re: Men --- When Do You Start Spending Money on "civilian" women???

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    Well, I paid for my first wife to earn two Master's Degrees, but we were married and I viewed that as an investment in our collective future.
    Can you say at what point did you discuss you would pay for her to get college degrees?

    Quote Originally Posted by PhatGirlDynomite!!! View Post
    They have a 3 year old kid who's so incredibly sweet. They live in a really expensive apartment, a car note and health insurance and other expenses. He's been doing it all on his own but he needs help. She won't hold down a job long enough so he can catch his breathe and get ahead. She flips out at the thought of living somewhere less expensive or driving a less expensive car. But yet wont contribute in any way. They dont even have to pay for a babysitter because our family will watch the kid for free. Its like shes mad and punishing him because things didnt turn out the way she dreamed they would. They both entered the relationship under unrealistic terms. Its gonna take time to build wealth but that takes teamwork and they aren't working together. Its pretty bad right now.

    I think that anyone who seeks a successful and wealthy mate should at least respect and understand what it takes to get there.
    Interesting. So you when do you think a discussion about the terms should have occurred?

    I agree 100 percent with your last sentence. I think everyone should have some type of work ethic and understanding/management of finances

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    Default Re: Men --- When Do You Start Spending Money on "civilian" women???

    Quote Originally Posted by PhatGirlDynomite!!! View Post
    They have a 3 year old kid who's so incredibly sweet. They live in a really expensive apartment, a car note and health insurance and other expenses. He's been doing it all on his own but he needs help. She won't hold down a job long enough so he can catch his breathe and get ahead. She flips out at the thought of living somewhere less expensive or driving a less expensive car. But yet wont contribute in any way. They dont even have to pay for a babysitter because our family will watch the kid for free. Its like shes mad and punishing him because things didnt turn out the way she dreamed they would. They both entered the relationship under unrealistic terms. Its gonna take time to build wealth but that takes teamwork and they aren't working together. Its pretty bad right now.

    I think that anyone who seeks a successful and wealthy mate should at least respect and understand what it takes to get there.
    Sounds like he needs to have a coming to Jesus conversation with her about the realities of their income vs. expenses. Maybe he also needs to get a second (weekend, night, etc.) job, but that won't help so much if she keeps spending it as fast as he makes it. He's not blameless as he should have put his foot down sooner. but it sounds like it is time for them to make some adult decisions. I'm not sure if there is much they're going to be able to do about the car since it is likely underwater anyway, but they should be able to trim down housing and other living expenses, as well as entertainment and other wasteful spending.

    I'm not going to blame her for wanting to be the primary caregiver for her kid, but I would heartily agree that she needs to do a lot more to make that possible. When my wife and I had our first child, it was also the first year of my brand new business. If it were not for a ton of cooperation on her part, including careful budgeting and watching the expenditures, I would have been forced to choose between abandoning my business in favor of a stable paycheck or asking her to help make ends meet (I likely would have chose the first option).

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    Default Re: Men --- When Do You Start Spending Money on "civilian" women???

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    Can you say at what point did you discuss you would pay for her to get college degrees?



    Interesting. So you when do you think a discussion about the terms should have occurred?

    I agree 100 percent with your last sentence. I think everyone should have some type of work ethic and understanding/management of finances
    In my brothers situation I believe they had the financial conversation right away. But maybe they were too immature to have it based on any form of reality? Lets get married. Lets have a baby. You stay home. I got to work. The end.

    Maybe if they had dated long enough to have a few low moments then he'd would've been able to see how she responds to stress and difficulties.

    My husband and I moved in together pretty quickly but took awhile to get married. We talked about long term goals almost immediately. I could actually see the moves he made so I didnt have to just take his word for it. Basically I think if a person sets a benchmark for themselves and they consistently reach them, then they are legit. Successful people do the things they set out to do. I feel if you place more focus on those sort of actions when choosing a mate, will bring you more satisfaction in the long run.

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    Default Re: Men --- When Do You Start Spending Money on "civilian" women???

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    Sounds like he needs to have a coming to Jesus conversation with her about the realities of their income vs. expenses. Maybe he also needs to get a second (weekend, night, etc.) job, but that won't help so much if she keeps spending it as fast as he makes it. He's not blameless as he should have put his foot down sooner. but it sounds like it is time for them to make some adult decisions. I'm not sure if there is much they're going to be able to do about the car since it is likely underwater anyway, but they should be able to trim down housing and other living expenses, as well as entertainment and other wasteful spending.

    I'm not going to blame her for wanting to be the primary caregiver for her kid, but I would heartily agree that she needs to do a lot more to make that possible. When my wife and I had our first child, it was also the first year of my brand new business. If it were not for a ton of cooperation on her part, including careful budgeting and watching the expenditures, I would have been forced to choose between abandoning my business in favor of a stable paycheck or asking her to help make ends meet (I likely would have chose the first option).
    He just recently started a second venture that is bringing in a little more money but it will take time to develope. In fact she could help him develope it without even leaving the house. But she believes it to be beneath her. Sorry to derail this thread. I think its still relative and may help someone who has aspirations of becoming a stay at home parent. Or just looking to be kept in a certain lifestyle. Not every soccer mom starts out with a bmw suv or doesnt start out with a job. Many of the ones I know started out working before they became fulltime home makers.

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    Default Re: Men --- When Do You Start Spending Money on "civilian" women???

    It is unrealistic to think a man can rescue & be the answer for all your financial needs now & in the future once married. There are very few men that rich & ones who are have prenups & lawyers to protect or hide those assets.

    Know many of women who married rich, were stay at home Moms and when he found a younger gal & divorced her. These women had to start from scratch & beg, plead & cry for every dime in child support.

    Women's futures & well beings depend upon being rich themselves, NOT marrying for it.

    As someone who has dated plenty of Hedge fund managers, millionaires & Billionaires they all love to power trip with money & leave you stranded at sometime or another. When you have your own money & they play those games, you go about your biz ignore them until they come begging back with jewelry.

    Have plenty of stripper friends who married middle class, help those men run their businesses. Sooner or later when those guys cheated, first thing they did was remove their wives names from the bank accounts & cut the credit cards off without warning. Even though they were in the wrong & the one cheating. Thankfully, we all had each other's backs & flipped the script on those guys. When they went to hire their wives replacement as in handling all the permits, accounts & IRS they ended up paying triple the money she spent and then those wives insisted on a salary.

    There will never be a time you don't have to worry about finances.

    Rich men power trip like crazy unless the woman they are involved with are financially independent.
    Last edited by Sam38g; 01-11-2018 at 04:13 PM.
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    Default Re: Men --- When Do You Start Spending Money on "civilian" women???

    Part of what you are saying makes sense. The whole convo is slightly off topic but.....

    What is the difference between you (for example pretend you are an escort) getting your income from multiple men then investing/saving a portion vs. a woman who happened to marry a wealthy man, so 1 man, who gave her a portion of his earnings which she then invested - for her self to use how she chose?????

    Both scenarios the woman is achieving financial independence regardless of whether 1 man gave it to her or 299 men gave it to her.

    There is no difference....

    And keep it real - if you had 2 kids from a previous divorce/relationship and had to chose between marring a man who worked at McDonalds who treated you like a queen vs a hedge fund manager who treated you like a queen ...... who are you choosing????

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    Default Re: Men --- When Do You Start Spending Money on "civilian" women???

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    I'm saying like for all the ladies in this thread who wants kids/family the whole 9 yards......

    How yall want the family to look like?

    Daycare for your newborn infants? Quality of schools? College tuition paid easy or kids working/taking out debt? etc....
    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    Maybe this is a crass question but I am really curious if my theory is right or not.

    If you like a "civilian" woman at what point are you comfortable with investing in your lady/giving her cash if she asks/offering cash if you see it's something she needs, etc? I'm not talking about the average paying for dates, birthday gifts, holiday gifts, etc... I'm referring to more than this
    To me these^^ 2 things are completely different; how a man takes care of his family vs how much money he's willing to shell out to his girlfriendS. <---I emphasize the plural because if you expect him to shell out tons of money to you just for dating him then you need to expect that he's done that for every girl he's dated before you and for every girl he will date after you(which I think helps explain why this kind of behavior isn't very likely to occur, it's pretty financially reckless behavior).

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    I was trying to see to civilian women dating get compensated in any way......looks like they don't but if they do they have to invest a shit ton of time and probably their pussy for free and they have to be damn good at discerning whether they end up in long term relationships with men who have the economic standing they are looking for.
    When I date a guy I don't see my participation in the relationship as being a calculated investment; when I spend time with a guy it's because I genuinely enjoy being in his company. When I fuck a guy it's because I love fucking him, I'm not 'wasting my pussy on him' or anything of the sort. If you are participating in a relationship in such a grudgingly fashion it's probably not going to go very well for either party.

    For example:

    I used to have a friend/coworker who was a complete gold digger; her sole ambition was to marry a rich guy or to at least get knocked up by one, she could care less about love and she made no bones about it. She is friends and fuckbuddies with lots of rich guys who take her on expensive trips, buy her plastic surgery, give her money when she needs it...etc. The problem that she always runs into though is that they never take her seriously and they treat her like shit. She never understands why and she is forever under this bizarre assumption that she should be able to treat men like toilet paper and yet not be treated the same way in return. She's now in her mid-forties and still can't find her 'Prince Charming.'

    Also I would like to point out that I definitely have certain standards for men and I would only be involved with a guy if I thought he was husband material---but I can figure that out about a guy pretty quickly. Not sure why you would need to spend "a shit ton of time" with a guy and have to be fucking him before you find out if he is actually what you're looking for.

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    Default Re: Men --- When Do You Start Spending Money on "civilian" women???

    Yes. youre right those are different questions. I intended to only ask about the dating/gf but somehow the convo got derailed.

    Buuut......How a man takes care of his family ---- is somewhat the same as how he takes care of you during dating phase like men who are dating with the goal of marriage.

    But I see what you mean as far as they might be dating more than one woman at a time. And for the average guy spending a shit ton of money on women they have no connection with, might not be around next week, etc is not feasible.

    And I did post earlier post #22 reasons a man spends during dating phase and one reason was that it could be fiscally unwise for a man to spend like crazy on random females.
    Last edited by miss.a.p1600; 01-11-2018 at 09:09 PM.

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    Default Re: Men --- When Do You Start Spending Money on "civilian" women???

    Quote Originally Posted by Genoveve View Post
    To me these^^ 2 things are completely different; how a man takes care of his family vs how much money he's willing to shell out to his girlfriendS. <---I emphasize the plural because if you expect him to shell out tons of money to you just for dating him then you need to expect that he's done that for every girl he's dated before you and for every girl he will date after you(which I think helps explain why this kind of behavior isn't very likely to occur, it's pretty financially reckless behavior).



    When I date a guy I don't see my participation in the relationship as being a calculated investment; when I spend time with a guy it's because I genuinely enjoy being in his company. When I fuck a guy it's because I love fucking him, I'm not 'wasting my pussy on him' or anything of the sort. If you are participating in a relationship in such a grudgingly fashion it's probably not going to go very well for either party.

    For example:

    I used to have a friend/coworker who was a complete gold digger; her sole ambition was to marry a rich guy or to at least get knocked up by one, she could care less about love and she made no bones about it. She is friends and fuckbuddies with lots of rich guys who take her on expensive trips, buy her plastic surgery, give her money when she needs it...etc. The problem that she always runs into though is that they never take her seriously and they treat her like shit. She never understands why and she is forever under this bizarre assumption that she should be able to treat men like toilet paper and yet not be treated the same way in return. She's now in her mid-forties and still can't find her 'Prince Charming.'

    Also I would like to point out that I definitely have certain standards for men and I would only be involved with a guy if I thought he was husband material---but I can figure that out about a guy pretty quickly. Not sure why you would need to spend "a shit ton of time" with a guy and have to be fucking him before you find out if he is actually what you're looking for.
    Good points however I do not understand how on one hand you say you don't see relationship as a calculated investment but you only get involved with guys who are husband material. That is a calculation no? You go about who you chose to date in a calculated manner with only those who have husband type characteristics qualify to be with you

    Intersting story...IDK maybe she is not really looking for love but something else

    Anyhow I don't believe in just using people for money in a psychopathic manner - im referring to win-win situations here.

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    Default Re: Men --- When Do You Start Spending Money on "civilian" women???

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    Yes. youre right those are different questions. I intended to only ask about the dating/gf but somehow the convo got derailed.
    Its not derailed. It evolved and that tends to happen on message boards. As long as everyone is being respectful of one each others opinions then it's all good. Everyone responded based on their own perspectives and from what I gather many of us don't just date for financial gain. Even though its 2018 it sounds like many of us here still hold traditional values and think dating is a prerequisite to marriage. It's only natural that it comes up in a conversation about courtship. Even if marriage isn't for you it still came up in almost every response or something about long term commitments.

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    Default Re: Men --- When Do You Start Spending Money on "civilian" women???

    Quote Originally Posted by Bahuba View Post
    When we're in a relationship. Lots of people have debt issues and it puts a real damper on any relationship. I start small, and of course I have hard limits. Dating before a relationship I wouldn't do that, because you never know. I have made mistakes with that. Once I bought a salesperson a BMW as a bonus and she quit 4 months later; same thing applies with relationships - you can easily overdo it.
    How do you start a relationship if not by dating?

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    Default Re: Men --- When Do You Start Spending Money on "civilian" women???

    Hmm well for me, I do care about a mans finances in so far as that tells me he isn't an irresponsible loser with no ambition, and can take care of his own bills and himself. I think it's pretty easy to deduce after a short time, too.
    But I don't need him taking care of me, that's what my job is for. I feel very uncomfortable banking on anybody taking care of me (I also like being in a position where I know I can take care of my kids on my own if smthg happens) because you CANNOT depend on someone else and I think it can lead to unhealthy power imbalance. Where a man starts power tripping, it happens very easily.
    So I enter into a relationship because I love the person, love being with them, sleeping with them, growing our lives together, etc. I want things as equal and supportive as possible.. give and take.
    A money arrangement/working is totally different and seperate . That's business.
    I guess I'm not understanding the question either..
    I've done business with men who think I'm as silly as I look; by the time they figure out I'm not, I've done got the money and gone -Dolly Parton

    a motherfukin hustler kamikaze//I used to bus tables but now I sell my body

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  31. #45
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    Default Re: Men --- When Do You Start Spending Money on "civilian" women???

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    Buuut......How a man takes care of his family ---- is somewhat the same as how he takes care of you during dating phase like men who are dating with the goal of marriage.
    I don't think so. I mean obviously how a man treats me while we're dating is indicative of how he will treat me in a marriage, but I don't expect(or want) a guy I'm dating to fund my life. I don't see why a boyfriend should be so obligated just for dating? Now if a guy wants to do that, hey I'm all for it(not for me, it would skeeve me out). I'm sure there are plenty of super generous men out there that would do it and if that works for a couple then more power to them. But I don't think that a guy's unwillingness to go to the financial lengths that you're talking about for a girlfriend means he's a complete miser and means he wouldn't make a good husband.

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    But I see what you mean as far as they might be dating more than one woman at a time..
    I didn't mean to say anything about guys dating more than one woman at a time.

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    Good points however I do not understand how on one hand you say you don't see relationship as a calculated investment but you only get involved with guys who are husband material. That is a calculation no? You go about who you chose to date in a calculated manner with only those who have husband type characteristics qualify to be with you
    I think most people choose to date someone, or are even just able to become attracted to someone, based on them(the potential partners) meeting a certain criteria. I don't consider me only wanting to date guys who I could see myself being married to as being any more of a calculated decision or machination than I would me only wanting to date guys who are kind.

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    Intersting story...IDK maybe she is not really looking for love but something else
    That's exactly what I said, that she's NOT looking for love. It's a shame too because she's a really cool chick and I feel like she has a lot to offer; she's really funny and she's gorgeous and she (for the most part)has a great personality. I feel like if she could let go of being such a money-sucking leech with men and could just date normally she would make someone a great partner and thus would finally be able to find her dream man. I'm not trying to diss gold-digging by the way, there's couples who do it successfully to where both sides are getting what they want....that is NOT my friend's approach though.
    Last edited by Genoveve; 01-11-2018 at 10:31 PM.

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    Default Re: Men --- When Do You Start Spending Money on "civilian" women???

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    Not obligated but more of wanting to. Obligations are what they have to wives they signed a contract with.
    I think that if you expect men to financially support you in order for you to be willing to date them, that's your obligation for them. (I find nothing wrong with your preferences btw, just clearing up what was meant.)

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    They want to buy gifts or fund something for a woman they are seriously dating with the goal of marriage to show her what it would be like to be married to him.
    I don't know that men when they purchase gifts for a girlfriend they're specifically doing it with the intent of showing them 'what it would be like to be married to them,' I think they just do it to show that they care. When exes have bought me nice things in the past it wasn't because they were trying to bribe me into marriage, they were just....buying me nice gifts to be nice. I think you have an idea that involves dating being nothing more than one big, long opportunity for a man to demonstrate his financial generosity to a woman so that she'll want to marry him. While I'm sure that it does happen I think it's definitely not the norm and honestly it doesn't sound like it would ultimately make for a very healthy relationship anyway. Also I think there's a huge difference between buying gifts and funding stuff like this:

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    When I say investing in a woman I mean someone you have a relationship (could be short term or long term) with and I mean something that would help her reach her goals and or improve her economic standing or improve her quality of life - like invest in her business/career/education/favorite charities/etc.
    And really after rereading that^^^, most well-adjusted men probably aren't going to be attracted to a charity case like that.

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    Default Re: Men --- When Do You Start Spending Money on "civilian" women???

    Quote Originally Posted by Genoveve View Post



    And really after rereading that^^^, most well-adjusted men probably aren't going to be attracted to a charity case like that.
    Well I suppose that is your opinion however I guess every woman on this thread is a charity case then. Men give you money through your work no? And you invest it to improve the quality of your life correct?

    You are also jumping to conclusions based on your bias regarding whatever rants or whatever I posted in the past. For example, I had a dude I went out with on 1 date buy me a book about law of attraction - that is an example of a guy buying something that can help to improve goals/economic standing/etc. It doesn't always have to be extravagant but it can be. I also mentioned once that I had a very short-term goal of getting a bike. Dude I've known for all of 30 min hands me cash and was like here go get that bike you want. Both instances I was not in long-term relationship and dudes gave me something that improved the quality of my life. I also like to believe I gave them something as well (not necessarily sex/anything sexual) but just being attentive to them

    Also you are speaking of people who are wanting to improve in life in what seems to be derogatory way. How are you as a female who hasn't done any research on what men REALLy want to say that they would not be attracted to women of lower economic status than themselves? I actually created a thread a while back (I'll see if I can find link) but you know what? Men really don't place as much value on women's economic status/income as much as they do the woman's character. Now maybe they were lying or maybe there was some reason for them to give this response. idk
    Last edited by miss.a.p1600; 01-12-2018 at 12:03 AM.

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    Default Re: Men --- When Do You Start Spending Money on "civilian" women???

    Quote Originally Posted by Genoveve View Post
    I don't know that men when they purchase gifts for a girlfriend they're specifically doing it with the intent of showing them 'what it would be like to be married to them,' I think they just do it to show that they care. When exes have bought me nice things in the past it wasn't because they were trying to bribe me into marriage, they were just....buying me nice gifts to be nice.
    If a man buys gifts I'm sure there could be more than one reason/motivation. Maybe it's to be nice, maybe it's to make it up to you if they pissed you off, or maybe it's to woo you/court you (old fashioned style).....

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    Default Re: Men --- When Do You Start Spending Money on "civilian" women???

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    Well I suppose that is your opinion however I guess every woman on this thread is a charity case then. Men give you money through your work no? And you invest it to improve the quality of your life correct?
    Every woman in this thread? I'm under the impression that the majority of the women in this thread have expressed disapproval at the type of relationship dynamic you keep advocating for. And no I do not consider my customers paying for me for my services at my JOB as me gold-digging. Me making money via my job is me providing for myself, having a boyfriend 'improving my quality of life' and 'economic standing' would not be me providing for myself.

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    Default Re: Men --- When Do You Start Spending Money on "civilian" women???

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    You are also jumping to conclusions based on your biased regarding whatever rants or whatever I posted in the past. For example, I had a dude I went out with on 1 date buy me a book about law of attraction - that is an example of a guy buying something that can help to improve goals/economic standing/etc. It doesn't always have to be extravagant but it can be.
    I don't know what rants you're talking about, I'm only talking about what I'm reading in this thread. Yes that example of the book is a very inexpensive yet helpful gift, but let's be clear in this thread you are not talking about little inexpensive, thoughtful gifts. You're talking about some pretty pricey stuff like this:

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    If you like a "civilian" woman at what point are you comfortable with investing in your lady/giving her cash if she asks/offering cash if you see it's something she needs, etc? I'm not talking about the average paying for dates, birthday gifts, holiday gifts, etc... I'm referring to more than this
    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    something that would help her reach her goals and or improve her economic standing or improve her quality of life - like invest in her business/career/education/
    .....

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    If a man buys gifts I'm sure there could be more than one reason/motivation. Maybe it's to be nice, maybe it's to make it up to you if they pissed you off, or maybe it's to woo you/court you (old fashioned style).....
    Well yes...but that's not what you were talking about. You specifically said that men buy women gifts to show them what kind of generosity they could expect to receive upon marriage, I argued that that's probably not why most men buy women gifts and gave you a different example, and now you're arguing against my example by giving even me more examples that go against what you initially said. ? Like someone else said it's kind of hard to discuss this with you because you keep changing the parameters and switching back on your own words. I mean ultimately it doesn't really matter because we have very different ideas about relationships so it's not like either of us is going to learn anything from the other. Btw are you a Capricorn? You seem very materialistic and money-hungry like me and those are big Capricorn traits. I especially wouldn't be surprised if your rising sign is Capricorn.

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