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Thread: A Moment

  1. #1
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    Default A Moment

    Bahuba, maybe this one is more up your alley. I thought of the first two lines and the last three this morning. Filled in the rest when I got home. Sometimes free verse can be.. freeing. Only problem is it's tough to convey tempo without being able to read it myself. As always, please comment/critique. Thanks!



    A verse.
    A verse.. a curse upon my mind,
    my soul, my love, ability to love, to think
    Clearly.
    Circling around, drowning out
    of focus. There, then gone.
    Fleeting, flitting back and forth, in and
    out of my mind.
    Where are you?
    You..
    The muse, my muse, my inspiration.
    My reason for rhyming, the timing
    of our meeting, lives aligning,
    pieces falling together just so.
    A single moment in time
    is all it took for me.
    Your eyes,
    the sky, I'm falling through, falling free
    from the moment, the single moment we shared.
    Frozen.
    In time..
    And in that moment, you're there
    you're mine
    and then.... gone.

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  3. #2
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    Default Re: A Moment

    Man this is some deft shit! You've got alliteration, rhymes, matching syllables, structure, meter, and meaning.
    Where Am I? Missing NYC

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    Default Re: A Moment

    Quote Originally Posted by Bahuba View Post
    Man this is some deft shit! You've got alliteration, rhymes, matching syllables, structure, meter, and meaning.
    Thanks man. It came to me quick. Poetry slam style. I just wrote what came to mind and spent about 2 minutes cleaning it up a bit. Glad you thought it was alright!

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    Default Re: A Moment

    I just read this it is pretty awesome. How's your relationship with the dancer going?

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    Default Re: A Moment

    Quote Originally Posted by pinups4 View Post
    I just read this it is pretty awesome. How's your relationship with the dancer going?
    Spent last weekend together. Had some highs, had some lows. She's starting an alcohol rehabilitation program today, so it was kind of a last hurrah. That led to some lows. I think her getting sober will help a lot with some of the stuff she's dealing with. I've talked to her about eliminating alcohol when we hang out, and she seems receptive. Hesitant, but receptive.

    I believe in her. She's an incredibly tough, strong woman that just needs more belief in herself. She can do it, especially because it'll get her custody back for her daughter.

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