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Thread: Career camgirl/relationship discomfort

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    Default Career camgirl/relationship discomfort

    .Please someone tell me I'm overreacting??
    I'm starting to feel like it's just not possible for me to be in a relationship and do my job... I've been a full time cam girl for about 7 years, been in this relationship for almost 3. I took a year off from camming because he was uncomfortable with it, but had to get back into it because I have a house, a car, and horses that I can't afford without this kind of income. He *says* he's fully supportive now, and blames all the comments he made about it in the past on just being drunk at the time.
    But still just little comments he makes are making me extremely uncomfortable doing my job... I rarely make videos/do privates anymore, its mostly just hangout on mfc/hitachi/shower shows etc. (because of his discomfort.) But every now and then I need to make a video with an actual dildo or something. Then he'll just say little things like sex "feels different" after I made a video. Maybe it does but... does he really need to say that?? Idk if I'm overreacting but that's like super upsetting to me. I almost feel like it's either all in his head or him being passive aggressive, because the only other time he has said it "feels different" was when I went out drinking without him, and he was convinced I'd cheated on him ( I didn't.) Could be due to me being relaxed and drunk those times, but there are plenty of times I was relaxed and drunk that we've had sex and he didn't mention that it "felt different."

    Other things like his telling his mom, brother, and best friend what I do for a living without my permission (I'm still upset about that and talked to him about it but well there's no un-telling them)... just all adding up to me feeling like I have to choose between him and my job, because I can't seem to do well at camming or focus on it when I'm worried if my partner who I live with is going to have a reaction to it.

    I hope my reaction to all this is disproportionate to what it should be and has more to do with my own sensitivity about it?? So I guess I'm hoping someone can just help me put my own reaction into perspective, i.e. is it normal for me to be feeling this way? I've already tried talking to him about it and he say's he's trying to be as supportive as he can, but in light of things that have already been said/done I'm having a hard time feeling truly comfortable anymore; it's hard for me to stick to a set schedule at all because I feel like I have to assess what his reaction will be if I work any given day or night; as well as being limited in what I can do as far as shows.

    Sorry this got long and thanks in advance for any help!!

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  3. #2
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    Default Re: Career camgirl/relationship discomfort

    Never change your work for any man, it's his issue and drunk or not he is not over it. he doesn't respect your boundaries of understanding your work is your business to tell people when you are comfortable doing. It's not like you went out drinking and were talking to people at the bar, about your work, where they could be people you might not even see ever again in your life.

    He is out there telling his circle of friends because he is not comfortable with you. He is never going to be comfortable with it, because of the bull shit he is like I am trying but yet still he is making comments. of fees different. No point in having sex with someone when they aren't into you or the act of being connected to you. you could easily go online be with someone online and have more enjoyment.

    How much is this guy really worth putting up with and his comments, insecurities and constant breaking boundaries.

    From the sounds of it he will never be comfortable with it. He needs to accept it and move on and actually not even talk about it. and then it helps on how you bring up work in a conversation in your relationship.

    I thought for many years I would never find anyone who couldn't accept my sexual history or that I am naked online, I also have recently cut off friends who have issues of me working from home full-time. I don't have the energy to have them bark at me and telling m what work I should be doing or worst how I should be paying my bills and in what order.

    Yea it will take time to find someone new. it's more worth it to be with people who you enjoy being with them then having them come in to your life for short periods of time to just tell you all the things they don't like or that you are doing wrong.


    There is the work, and also not everyone needs to know how you make a living, that's something I've learnt recently where you reach a certain age and people are only interested in your wallet, the days of being friends as an adult are getting harder and I much rather be alone then have people size me up over how i spent my time because I want more freedom in how i earn and where I spend.

    Sounds like you need to do some inventory on this relationship.
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    Default Re: Career camgirl/relationship discomfort

    I PM'ed you.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

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    Default Re: Career camgirl/relationship discomfort

    My ex husband actually said sex "feels different" after a tampon, lmao! He wanted me to use pads. (If a tampon makes sex feel different, then maybe I need a man with a cock wider than a tampon, haha it's so ridiculous for a man to say that). What if you had a baby, what does he think that would do! It's nothing to do with the dildo at all.

    This is totally his insecurity talking, wouldn't matter what he pins it on. He will probably always be insecure, if not about camming, about something else.

    I hope I'm wrong but you may be dealing with these type of issues no matter what you do. I had to leave the relationship but maybe if you can get counseling, not sure if it were me I would have the patience any more.

    The betrayal of him telling people without your permission is another dealbreaker. Why be with a man you cannot trust? That's horrible of him to do that.




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    Default Re: Career camgirl/relationship discomfort

    Okay a grown ass man making comments about your pussy 'feeling different' is misogynistic, rude, and disrespectful. As a matter of fact it is him projecting his insecurities onto you. But if you were to turn it around back on him and tell him his dick is always feeling smaller than before he would have an issue.

    He told your people about your career without your permission = he lack boundaries and respect

    He haggled you for providing for yourself in a legal manner but didnt provide you with any financial or emotional support when you quit to appease him.

    You are feeling this way because what he is doing is fucked up and it's all in an effort to undermine you

    From what you describe, he does not act like a boyfriend should act. He could either get his act together and change or you can ditch him and find better.

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    Default Re: Career camgirl/relationship discomfort

    He's trying to control you. Do you want that for your life? Someone who tells you what you're allowed to do?

    He's insecure. A mature adult would look inward to meet his emotional needs, but instead he's looking outward and asking YOU to make him less insecure. That doesn't work. HE is the one who needs to make changes in his life, and it's not easy to get a person to do that.

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    Default Re: Career camgirl/relationship discomfort

    Relationships can get so complicated when you have an insecure boyfriend. It sounds to me that your boyfriend is an insecure person. He is using dumb reasons to project his insecurity and obvious trust issues(ie. blaming a dildo on making you "feel different" down there and using the fact that you went out drinking without him as confirmation that you must've cheated on him). His insecurity and trust issues are making him paranoid and quick to make assumptions that aren't true. This is negatively effecting you because you feel like you're walking on eggshells around him when it comes to your job. You will be miserable if you continue to be with him and deal with this unless you find a way to put an end to his controlling, insecure behavior. Who wants to be with someone who's going to be constantly accusing you of cheating? It's selfish of him for not realizing that you are working to support yourself. You should talk to him and let him know that this is your job. You have to work to pay the mortgage, bills, put food on the table, take care of your horses, etc. He needs to either somehow work on getting past his insecurity issues and learn to trust you or else you need to reconsider your relationship with him. After all what is a relationship without a foundation of trust?

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    Default Re: Career camgirl/relationship discomfort

    ^^^ amen

    I might be projecting my own stuff. So take what you like leave the rest.


    We’ve all been there with a guy who doesn’t take care of us $$$ but throws our job in our face. The only solution I found to the drama is not dating- thank goodness I’m a loner by nature.

    We know babe. It’s ultimstely a decision you have to make, but I’ll tell you if I could do it over again I’d say fuck love, get money.
    Last edited by Ifyouseekamy; 03-18-2018 at 06:05 AM.

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    Default Re: Career camgirl/relationship discomfort

    I think you and your boy friend are both to blame and you are both projecting your own insecurities onto each other which is bad for any relationship. I'll give it you you straight.

    The fact that you are upset that he told his mother, brother and friend that you are a cam girl speaks volumes. It seems you are ashamed for them to know your profession because you are afraid of societies negative perception of sex workers. Yet you are not afraid to get naked on cam for the whole world to see you naked, This makes no sense to me. What if his friend or brother catch you on cam, how is he supposed to explain things if he told them you worked at a company and instead you are naked on the web. Then the both of you look like liars trying to cover up for your immoral profession.

    You need to OWN IT and be secure with your decision to be a cam girl. If you think you are doing something wrong and don't want people to know that you are getting naked and getting men off (virtually) for money then you will take anything he says that you perceive as negative about your profession and blow it out of proportion which it seems you are doing.

    I strip, model nude and do cam shows, my husband is proud of me and has no problem with what I do nor do I have any problem with what I do. I do it for the money but I also have fun and enjoy what I do.

    Until you and your bf stop thinking what you are doing is wrong you will continue to have this negative feedback loop. So to sum it up I think the issue isn't just with your BF hating on you for being a cam girl but you also being insecure about your chosen profession.

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    Default Re: Career camgirl/relationship discomfort

    Whether or not she is insecure it was still a dick move for him to out her without permission.

    He sounds like he's being a manipulative insecure asshole.
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    Default Re: Career camgirl/relationship discomfort

    Do you get to control his job or income?
    Does he get to decide all your future income & investments?
    Why is a boyfriend making financial decisions for you?

    Why is what he thinks more important than your ability to financially be independent?

    He is jealous of a dildo? too funny
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    Default Re: Career camgirl/relationship discomfort

    You don't have a relationship..you have an insecure whiny ass adult baby, who, when you changed yourself & your livelihood to appease, whined all the more, then told his fam/friends personal shit??
    Then made a personal comment about your body?
    I'd kick him right in the d he obviously doesn't have, & GTFO.
    Trust me, this would never end well regardless, if you changed everything & did what he wanted (making yourself miserable AND broke in the process) he still probably dump you anyway, not that that would be any loss to you.

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    Default Re: Career camgirl/relationship discomfort

    Three hundred million people in the U. S. So about one hundred fifty million of them have a dick. If you look you can probably find one who also has a personality.

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    Default Re: Career camgirl/relationship discomfort

    gaslight
    ˈɡaslʌɪt/Submit
    verb
    gerund or present participle: gaslighting
    manipulate (someone) by psychological means into doubting their own sanity.
    "in the first episode, Karen Valentine is being gaslighted by her husband"

    Thats just the definition. Check out the links when you place the word in google

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    Default Re: Career camgirl/relationship discomfort

    Your boyfriend doesnt respect you at all why would someone you love and care about make a rude ass remark about your vag after you use a dildo ? And being jealous of you using it really? lol
    Also I do agree it would piss me off it my boyfriend outed me to his family without having my consent.

    You shouldn't let him stop you from doing anything with your life jobwise going out with your friends whatever. He is very insecure and its causing problems with your relationship.
    I think maybe you should dump him and move on before he becomes even more controlling and tries to limit your computer usage if it comes to that point. which would be a huge red flag.

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    Default Re: Career camgirl/relationship discomfort

    How does one "out" a person who is on the web publicly performing sex shows for the whole world to see? Can't anyone at anytime discover her performing on the web?


    Quote Originally Posted by Selina M View Post
    Whether or not she is insecure it was still a dick move for him to out her without permission.

    He sounds like he's being a manipulative insecure asshole.

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    Default Re: Career camgirl/relationship discomfort

    I'll tell you what I tell every woman in your situation

    Dump him.

    What everyone here is saying is 100% correct. He doesnt respect you and is trying to control you. He sounds like an immature wimp. Drop that baggage like a hot potato!
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    Default Re: Career camgirl/relationship discomfort

    Quote Originally Posted by StripperSierra View Post
    How does one "out" a person who is on the web publicly performing sex shows for the whole world to see? Can't anyone at anytime discover her performing on the web?
    Not really considering most camgirls use fake names...

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    Default Re: Career camgirl/relationship discomfort

    Just because she's on the web for people to come across doesn't mean it's not still "outing" someone to spread her business to those she has chosen not to tell. By that logic, you can't "out" a stripper by telling people she works at X club because "anyone could walk in and see her," or you can't "out" an escort because her ads are on the web for anyone to find, click on, and book her. Or you can't "out" a person for being gay if they're on a dating site listed as gay... There is a difference between assuming the minuscule risk that someone will randomly click on and find you in a sea of other cam performers IF they go looking for camgirls at all, and just having your business straight-up aired to people who would probably otherwise never find out.

    Also, thinking it's not ok for a bf to insist that your vagina feels "different" after using a dildo or claiming that you must have cheated on him because you went out drinking without him, is not a projection of personal insecurity about the job. These are HIS insecurities manifesting as completely inappropriate misogynistic shaming.

    My ex would often make comments about my escorting in regards to saying that he was sure he was already diseased from having sex with me, making snarky comments about "any man with 100 bucks in his pocket being able to walk through the door and fuck me" (which isn't my rate, btw...), grill me about the exact activities I had performed during an appointment and claim it was because he wanted to "picture me doing something other than lying there with a cock in my mouth for 3 hours," tell me I need to take a shower longer than 15 minutes if I had had an appointment longer than an hour.... He would claim that he could "tell" when I had not taken a full shower after coming from an outcall, because he "had a dog's sense of smell" and I "smelled different" - but any time I actually hadn't done anything but a quick washcloth bath and met up with him, but he didn't know about it, he never said a damn thing, because he couldn't "tell." It was all in his head.

    He slowly chipped away at the services I was allowed to offer because he'd bully me about his discomfort with everything. He would also point-blank turn me down for sex because he knew I had a lot of appointments that week, then blame me for the fact that we weren't having sex even though it was his decision. Outside of work, he hated every male friend I had, questioned me on every sexual encounter I'd ever had, and then would also freak out at me if I ever drank around other men without him present, even if it was in a public group setting, because he was certain that I wouldn't be able to stop myself from fucking the nearest person if I had a single drink in me.

    After we broke up, and I told him I couldn't handle the jabs and attitude about my job or personal character anymore, he tried to come back and tell me that it was all in my head that he hated my job, and that I obviously just hated my job and hated myself because of it, and was projecting my feelings onto him that he had issues with my job that he "so didn't."

    I'm sorry, but I didn't just imagine all the 5 hour fights about me being a "diseased whore," and untrustworthy slut, or him calling me "fucked up" for taking any sort of pride in my job because, no matter how much I tried to tell him the nuances of what I was proud of in regards to running this business myself and creating a good time for my lonely clients, he would insist that no normal person would take pride in "just fucking people's brains out."

    No, I'm sorry. Maybe I, and maybe the OP, do have some of our own baggage associated with the societal shame that we know comes with our jobs. But the disparaging comments are HIS from his own insecurities and problems associated with dating someone in the adult industry. The fact that it bleeds into comments outside of anything related to the job, and accusing his gf of cheating just because she drank with other people, makes it clear that this is not just about the job.

    It's easy to attack and blame all problems on the sex worker's job, because it's the anomaly. But he's already shown that he would be just as insecure, jealous, and untrusting even if her job wasn't in the picture. He just knows he can get away with primarily attacking her through her job because it's different and he knows most people would back him up on being uncomfortable about it, no matter how much his comments cross the line between "communicating genuine discomfort" and "being an emotionally abusive slut shamer."
    Last edited by Aurora_Sunset; 03-20-2018 at 11:36 AM.
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    Default Re: Career camgirl/relationship discomfort

    You have 7 years of camming experience, it pays your bills and you enjoy camming. That sounds like you could take camming to a whole new level and make even more money. The only thing standing in your way is dating a guy who is disrespecting you. Not only that, he is not even thinking about your safety when he tells other people who He knows will disapprove of you camming. Those people can tell other people too and someone could be spiteful. That is one way cam models get harassed and have their personal information leaked. Meet a guy who will be supportive and help you build your business, not pull you down.

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    Default Re: Career camgirl/relationship discomfort

    Isn't this a duplicate post of one you made a few years ago?

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    Default Re: Career camgirl/relationship discomfort

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    Okay a grown ass man making comments about your pussy 'feeling different' is misogynistic, rude, and disrespectful. As a matter of fact it is him projecting his insecurities onto you. But if you were to turn it around back on him and tell him his dick is always feeling smaller than before he would have an issue.

    He told your people about your career without your permission = he lack boundaries and respect

    He haggled you for providing for yourself in a legal manner but didnt provide you with any financial or emotional support when you quit to appease him.

    You are feeling this way because what he is doing is fucked up and it's all in an effort to undermine you

    From what you describe, he does not act like a boyfriend should act. He could either get his act together and change or you can ditch him and find better.
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    You are 100% correct! I was an escort and owned an escort service also. I had other jobs before that but I met my husband when I had just started being an escort full time. When i told him he did
    not change toward me at all. Not once in over 20 years together did he ever bring it up during a fight, ever call me a "dirty name" or make me feel dirty, tell other people, discuss that part of my life with his friends or do anything else disrespectful pertaining to my job. That's not to say he wasn't jealous once in awhile, he was. (with clients that phoned back for years and one found where l lived and showed up
    at my intercom once.) I waited for him to say something in a fight but he never did. Because he was a man! And men are supposed to be protective and caring.

    So there are men out there who will care about you enough to not want to hurt you in that way!!! Men know it hurts you! Also ask your boyfriend to get a second job to pay for your house and horses
    if he has an issue with your job. He should discuss with you anything personal about your life that he wants to tell other people before he does it. Otherwise you can now go and tell his family that
    he is insecure that his dick is too small because sex is different after a dildo. What will happen when you go for a PAP test at the doctors???

    If he is that insecure you will have to walk on glass around him, baby him making sure he doesn't feel like less and not be able to be yourself. You need to have a serious convo with him or make your
    own decision on how you want your life outside of work to be. When you are older you will regret wasting time on a man who is putting you down. You need to be positive to do your job so this will affect
    your work also. Good luck you have a hard decision ahead of you!

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