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Thread: Breaking up with clients

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    Default Breaking up with clients

    My business is mostly regulars which I am grateful for. I appreciate most of them but there are a couple which are problematic.

    One of my clients, who was fairly new to being a client when he first saw me and who I have seen for 2 years now, has a really hard time accepting our relationship for what it is. He clearly wants a personal (not professional) relationship and it has caused me no end of headaches.

    Looking back, there are things I probably shouldnít have put up with. For the first year and a half, he would make jokes about my job, usually about how many clients I was seeing a day etc. so they were slutshamey but since I have no qualms about having sex with lots of people, it just rolled off me. Still I recognize he was being disrespectful.

    He seems to have stopped with that but what he has continued doing is contacting me many times between bookings, which I usually ignore, bring up his struggles with jealousy and with the inevitable ending of our relationship on a regular basis, and energetically feeling super clingy.

    He sent me an email saying he was over his jealousy and at peace with our relationship, then he showed for the last booking and brought up jealousy again, this time shedding tears. He also keeps telling me he loves me and obv wants me to reciprocate, but I feel it is way too dangerous to, especially since I donít actually have romantic feelings towards him. I have had a couple bad dreams about him and I just worry that his behaviour will become worse. Has anyone had experiences like this?

    I think the only way to deal with this is to break off our relationship but Iím not sure how to go about it. Any advice is appreciated.

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    Default Re: Breaking up with clients

    Quote Originally Posted by Ad_Astra View Post
    My business is mostly regulars which I am grateful for. I appreciate most of them but there are a couple which are problematic.

    One of my clients, who was fairly new to being a client when he first saw me and who I have seen for 2 years now, has a really hard time accepting our relationship for what it is. He clearly wants a personal (not professional) relationship and it has caused me no end of headaches.

    Looking back, there are things I probably shouldnít have put up with. For the first year and a half, he would make jokes about my job, usually about how many clients I was seeing a day etc. so they were slutshamey but since I have no qualms about having sex with lots of people, it just rolled off me. Still I recognize he was being disrespectful.

    He seems to have stopped with that but what he has continued doing is contacting me many times between bookings, which I usually ignore, bring up his struggles with jealousy and with the inevitable ending of our relationship on a regular basis, and energetically feeling super clingy.

    He sent me an email saying he was over his jealousy and at peace with our relationship, then he showed for the last booking and brought up jealousy again, this time shedding tears. He also keeps telling me he loves me and obv wants me to reciprocate, but I feel it is way too dangerous to, especially since I donít actually have romantic feelings towards him. I have had a couple bad dreams about him and I just worry that his behaviour will become worse. Has anyone had experiences like this?

    I think the only way to deal with this is to break off our relationship but Iím not sure how to go about it. Any advice is appreciated.
    Follow your gut feeling

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    Default Re: Breaking up with clients

    You could attempt to be honest with him and say that you think it's best if you don't see one another anymore since he obviously can't deal with the jealousy, but honestly, that will probably just backfire on you. Guys like this will either INSIST that "no no no, really, they're good, they can handle it" but then they obviously still can't, or they'll just go berserk at the thought of being cut off, and then who knows what...

    A gentler approach would be to just keep ignoring the personal emails/messages, and stop being "available" when he wants to meet. Lie if you have to. Tell him you got another job/are going back to school, and you really don't have much time for clients anymore. That you are only keeping your ads/website up to keep your presence around for if you do happen to have time. But always be "busy" when he tries to book with you. After a few months, if he starts whining about it, tell him that he may be better off searching for a new provider since you will not have "much time" for him anymore.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

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    Default Re: Breaking up with clients

    Yes, miss.a.p my gut is def telling me to gtfo! I usually give clients time to accept that we have a pro relationship, and often clients do, but he is just becoming even more emotionally attached and inappropriate. The question is how to get out without causing myself more problems.

    Aurora: thank you! It’s so true, he will tell me that he respects me, acknowledges that sex work is work but clearly he can’t handle the dynamic and is not happy with it. I agree, I have thought about being upfront but he will probably just try to talk me out of it and I worry about retaliation too. He tends to book two weeks in advance so playing the busy card will be difficult. Maybe I could do a combo of busy/booking then canceling?

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    Default Re: Breaking up with clients

    Quote Originally Posted by Ad_Astra View Post
    Aurora: thank you! It’s so true, he will tell me that he respects me, acknowledges that sex work is work but clearly he can’t handle the dynamic and is not happy with it. I agree, I have thought about being upfront but he will probably just try to talk me out of it and I worry about retaliation too. He tends to book two weeks in advance so playing the busy card will be difficult. Maybe I could do a combo of busy/booking then canceling?
    You could do that. I do that quite often with one of my least-favorite clients. He always books way ahead of time, and I usually stall for awhile, saying my schedule is too busy/up in the air to know anything that far in advance, so "I'll have to wait and see." Then, as it approaches, I "find out" that no, I'm not available. If I do end up booking with him and then not wanting to see him, I'll tell him that something has come up and I have to go in for work/I have to help a friend/I'm sick/I'm exhausted from work or school/I have a test to study for... etc. As long as I'm well-rested and not super stressed, I can usually handle the guy eventually (he's just kinda gross and boring), but I have held him off for a long time with that tactic until I'm ready to deal with him. I've always thought that if I got sick of him entirely, I would just keep that going until he grows tired of it and moves on to someone else.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

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    Default Re: Breaking up with clients

    I’ll try that. I think it’s going to take a while for him to go away but I’m sure he’ll get the hint eventually. Thank you!

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    Default Re: Breaking up with clients

    I've had this happen to me before too. The only thing you can really do is end it. It sucks, but it will only get worse.






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    Default Re: Breaking up with clients

    I've had this happen before as well. Just use the too busy excuse and take a long time to respond back to his texts. He'll eventually get turned off and move on.

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    Default Re: Breaking up with clients

    Just ignore them. Trust me most assume you retired or worse so they don't linger. These type of obsessive stalker customer or client will cling to any communication.
    The bad dreams are a bad sign.
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    Default Re: Breaking up with clients

    Thanks, everyone. I def think itís time to end our dynamic. Itís been 2 years and if he hasnít wrapped his head around the fact that Iím a professional, he never will. Also I have no idea what he is jealous of??? Iím always considerate of clientsí feelings and never talk about other clients or anything about my personal life. I just think heís not cut out for being a SW client, or really just wants a personal relationship which clearly means heís looking for love in all the wrong places.

    I agree the bad dreams are a sign. I never dream about clients and to have two bad dreams in a row def made me think his problems with me might escalate. I prefer to cut him off before that happens.

    He has contacted me 7-8 times since I first posted here and I havenít answered any of them. I have a feeling he might be contacting me for a while

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    Default Re: Breaking up with clients

    I've had to do this, I started to take longer nad longer to reply to his texts, never called him back, and was always busy, then i was sick, then tired etc. excuses up the ass. took him 4 months to realize i didn't want to see him anymore, he tried to say "you should have just told me" but i knew better because the last time i mentioned that i wanted to take a break from him he flew off the handle crying about how i was leaving him. I sure as hell wasn't going to try to tell him again.

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    Default Re: Breaking up with clients

    What is up with guys like this?!? They are living in a fantasy but at the same time it is their reality. I have had many clients, as a dancer and cammer who claim they are in love with me. I hate to say it but when the truth comes out, I just work then for whatever they are worth cause I know they have a limited shelf life... But, if they truly love you so much and do not want you to continue in the business why don't any of the lovey dovey types ever offer to pay your rent, bills, etc until you find a new job and get on your feet?!? It's cause they don't really love you, they just don't want to feel like a client or trick. That's the angle I work mostly when this occurs. For you, I'd imagine since you have known him for some time now that ending things completely could possibly lead to it getting much worse before it gets better. Although they are living in a fantasy that they created, I have seen cam clients go off the deep end openly of times after I purposely destroy their idea of me by outing myself (examples: I'm married, I'm not really a Domme, I am 35 and not 27, I have kids etc) some of this is lies ofc. I usually really to this when they are dead set on meeting up with me and or feel it will happen eventually and they will not let up. Every interaction with them at some point results in them forcing some kind of answer. I have one that I have made very clear that it will not happen, he has seen me over 5 years now. If it didn't happen in this time it never will. I have pulled out all the stops. Kids, married, etc...it will never get though to him. I am not much of a cold hearted bitch, so I politely told him his fantasy mind set was not healthy. This stopped it for a while, but I've ever few months he will mention me moving in with him across country. If I mention any financial struggles, he no longer offers money, but a place to stay. This type believes their own fantasy more so then the reality you are telling them. There is no way to stop this. They are delusional.
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    Default Re: Breaking up with clients

    I just straight up block clients like this.

    I only “have talks” with people who I’m very close with; I.e my bf and very close friends. Acquaintances get the subtle distancing tactics mentioned here. But clients who don’t respect me just get cut off.
    Last edited by Shannon.; 09-09-2018 at 01:54 PM.

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    Default Re: Breaking up with clients

    Quote Originally Posted by Shannon. View Post
    I just straight up block clients like this.

    I only “have talks” with people who I’m very close with; I.e my bf and very close friends. Acquaintance said get the subtle distancing tactics mentioned here. But clients who don’t respect me just get cut off.
    Good move.


    I still get texts from a former reg who seems to be into trying to "neg" me. I wish guys would realize that's the fastest way to end a budding friendship- insulting someone usually doesn't encourage them to put more effort into being friends.
    Last edited by SnuffleUffleGrass; 09-10-2018 at 07:24 PM.
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    Default Re: Breaking up with clients

    Quote Originally Posted by UnKarmafied View Post
    I've had to do this, I started to take longer nad longer to reply to his texts, never called him back, and was always busy, then i was sick, then tired etc. excuses up the ass. took him 4 months to realize i didn't want to see him anymore, he tried to say "you should have just told me" but i knew better because the last time i mentioned that i wanted to take a break from him he flew off the handle crying about how i was leaving him. I sure as hell wasn't going to try to tell him again.
    Exactly! Which is why, for me personally, it’s not worth the headache of explaining it to them. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t, because when I was less experienced and tried explaining to them in the past, they got their boxers in a twist, totally absolved themselves of any responsibility, and *they* decide to stop seeing *me* and the client-provider relationship ended anyhow.

    So best to just gost them imho. At least that way, I’m the one calling the shots. And seeing an escort is a NSA relationship after all, so no harm no foul. I try to knock off the duds to make room for good clients who don’t give me grief, and are actually a pleasure to entertain.

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