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Thread: Partner with transgender lover past

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    Default Partner with transgender lover past

    I would have posted this in life support but I know this area gets more traffic. My world has been practically destroyed. My marriage was always rocky but getting better. The other day a woman my husband had slept with messaged me on social media showing him texts of them hooking up a year ago. It really matter as it was before I was even dating my husband. What upset me was that I’m very hard to find and know no one in the area so essential she had to stalk me. I have no idea why she contacted me since the convo is a year old... like that’s a long time to wait to get revenge. Long story short... my husband tells me this person is trans. He said the typical things of being ashamed and what not about it. However, he slept with her twice! He also had slept with multiple trans escorts in the past. He said trans escorts are cheaper than cis woman... I have no idea... I would have thought they be more expensive.

    The past is the past and he says he isn’t attracted to that anymore. I don’t believe him. I think he has a huge closet fetish for it which is the problem. I feel like I’ll never be able to get really satisfie him and really be what he wants now. I think he is denial about liking trans people or just can’t completely come out. I’ve read so many forums about this topic now and feel like all the guys who get caught doing this are huge liars. They say they will never do it again and a second later they are back to the trans porn and escorts. Now mind you idk if my husband was seeking out trans escorts while we were together. Before I left I asked him to let me see his phone but he kept going on about looking at it together for some odd reason. That only adds insult to injury of why I don’t want to be with him. Cheating is cheating... doesn’t matter if it’s a cis woman, trans woman, man, whatever. I just feel like his attraction to trans woman is probably stronger to cis gender woman and I don’t want to be with him for that. As I said above too I feel like this fetish is going to get ahold of him and he won’t be able to hold himself back from seeking out a trans woman.

    He is begging me to come back saying he will let me hold all banking info, go through his phone every day, etc. I hate for it to end this way but I’m super freaked out and scared. Please help

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    God/dess Marina Starr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    Thank you for sharing your story. I feel for you. As a Trans woman, I really appreciate you not shaming and blaming Trans women.

    I can honestly tell you that the surplus of men seeking out Trans women are astronomical. The large percentage of that are married/taken men.

    Are you leaving him because of his attraction towards Trans women or his infidelity?
    Quote Originally Posted by ~Carmen~ View Post
    I can see you being 90 and flipping your long hair, still teasing the boys.



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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    Thanks Marina for your response. I don't know he has cheated on me.... I knew well before we had gotten married he had a bit of a naughty boy past with escorts, strippers, cams, etc. I figured everybody has a past and when I tried to pry more he shut me down.... so again I figured it was the past and was hoping he could reform... however, I never even thought he be so into trans women. If it was a once or twice thing okay... thats experimenting but doing it numerous times.... I would say someone enjoys it and is into. He keeps telling me he doesn't like it anymore.... I call bull shit.

    What disturbs me is I ask him if he was into trans woman before and he said no. I asked him why he lied and he said because he was embarrassed. I don't like someone being embarrassed by what they deem to fuck but hide it like its a dirty secret also. I am beyond worried I will never be able to be "the girl with something extra" and this is going to be a HUGE problem. I fear he is not worthy of being trusted..... that anything novel with lure him away. In short I guess I think he is an addict. He swears up and down he isn't and he only wants me. He is willing to spend any amount to have me back. I feel very insecure about my ass because it doesn't match my big fakes lol and he is willing to get me the surgery as soon as I book it. He give me anything.... I don't question whether he loves me.... but I question how long it will last and if he has been seeking out other people. Of course I asked him that and he said no but I feel like I can't believe anything he says at this point. I fear years down the road he will finally come out and say fuck it! I like trans woman and am going to be with one.... world be damned.... which is awesome! just not when you are married.

    I'm still confused and scared why his past lover contacted me. Had he recently been in contact? The messages she sent me where a year old and before we had been dating ( we got married in like 2 seconds lol). This bitch had the brass to out my husband but wouldn't respond to any of my questions. I do feel like if she had more recent convos with him she would have sent them.... my husband says she is known to try to extort people and maybe she had been trying to get ahold of him with no success.... so she sent me those texts. Also he had sex with years ago.... and he acted like the typical tranny chaser fetish douche and denied ever being with her.... he told me after that she made his life hell... yet he slept with her again! As I've told him ad naseum I question his judgement.... that he is so crazy about sex he loses his mind and does shit like with a person who told his whole job he was gay and what not.
    Last edited by MissMoore; 06-26-2018 at 09:03 AM.

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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    Maybe he's not telling you the whole truth about something. There could be plenty of reasons why she contacted you.

    His attraction for Trans women will never go away. What isn't okay is if he's sneaking around now or later when you two are married.
    Quote Originally Posted by ~Carmen~ View Post
    I can see you being 90 and flipping your long hair, still teasing the boys.



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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    Exactly. I’m worried he will be sneaking around. I’m thinking she contacted me out of spite because of the way he rejected her or wanted to let me know what he was really into because she knew he was never going to tell me.. and maybe didn’t want to see another human destroyed by him.

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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    I know that if any man was just using me like a fetish then tossed me aside or too embarrassed to claim me, I would make his life hell.

    As Dr. Phil would say:

    "The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior."

    Quote Originally Posted by MissMoore View Post
    Exactly. I’m worried he will be sneaking around. I’m thinking she contacted me out of spite because of the way he rejected her or wanted to let me know what he was really into because she knew he was never going to tell me.. and maybe didn’t want to see another human destroyed by him.
    Quote Originally Posted by ~Carmen~ View Post
    I can see you being 90 and flipping your long hair, still teasing the boys.



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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    Yeah, I DONT LIKE one bit how it’s okay for him to have relations with ANYONE and then be too ashamed to claim them. Speaks volume about his character... I don’t think he has ever cheated on me but the best way to condense it is he has some character problems. I also don’t appreciate his former lover not at least saying “hey! Thought you should know what your cowardly husband REALLY likes.” At this point I feel she is just as bad as him because she wounded me for no reason and didn’t have the decency to tell me as why. Oh well...

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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    It sounds like he is, at the very least, bisexual. He enjoys sex with lady friends who have franks and beans instead of your genitalia. Label it a "fetish", "addiction", "naughty boy past" or whatever else you want, but the fact remains that his sexual desires include playing with other cocks. The sooner you fully accept that, the sooner you will be able to make decisions about your future.

    What you will ultimately need to decide is whether you are ok with the notion that he could end up playing with other cocks again in the future. In doing so, you'll need to think about whether he is trying to use you to live a closeted lifestyle and what other exposures and ramifications this could create for you. Only you can decide what emotional and health risks you are willing to take, but IMHO you should educate yourself on what the various risks could be before you make that choice.

    In any event, good luck as you work through this.

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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    I've wondered if some guys prefer trans escorts as there is a guarantee of no pregnancy.

    Good luck with this.

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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    I don’t think he likes dick. I’d be willing to bet my horse on it. What he does like hyper feminine looking people. I have big fake titties, love make up, dresses and am that... I just don’t have a dick. Lol he WAS NEVER Ever into ass play. He didn’t even want to do anal really and any tune I try to go near his ass he tell me to stop. I obviously asked who pitched and catcher. He said he only ever penetrated them and was never a bottom. From what I’ve reading some guys like a woman who has everything done and over the top but still has dick because they are Obessed with their own and relate better to it. He says he has never been with a dude and I do believe that... he always just liked the Jessica rabbit look and trans girls got that down so I kind of get it... but I’m like why get married? He has a child from a previous relationship and it would have been a lot easier and cheaper for him to marry his sons mother.

    I knew he had a fetish for big tits. I can easily deal with that... of course I want my partner to only have eyes for me but whatever. He also said he would hire trans escorts because they were less expensive.

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    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    OK Miss. And when I was a teenager, I used to read Playboy for the well written articles, 'cause they got that down too.

    But believe what you want I suppose...

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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    Rick, I know, I know. Lol I wonder why he won’t tell me he likes it up the ass tho. Lol

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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    I know this thread isn't about sexuality but I just want to point out that just because a man likes Trans women who are pre-op does not necessary means he is bisexual unless he also likes cisgender men. However there is a gray area but sexuality is not black and white.

    There are many kinds of men just as as there are many kinds of women. Some men like white women, some like asian, some like black. Some like big booty, some like big tits, some like no booty, no tits. Some like like vaginas, some like dicks. Some like both. It's all about preference. It doesn't have to be a gay, straight or bi thing.
    Quote Originally Posted by ~Carmen~ View Post
    I can see you being 90 and flipping your long hair, still teasing the boys.



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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    I work on cam.... I would have been more than happy to wear a strap on.... and it does bother me if he isn’t telling me he also been topped but maybe I’m being a bit nosy there. I would put my husband under the “fluid” umbrella but would have I married him knowing this? Idk... I think I would have... obviously it poses the question... wtf else are you not telling me .

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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    A lot of men straight and gay love their ass played with by toys or cock because of their prostate. Your ass is also a sexual organ.

    A lot of them are embarrassed to admit it because they don't want to be viewed as gay. I also cam so I know.

    Quote Originally Posted by MissMoore View Post
    I work on cam.... I would have been more than happy to wear a strap on.... and it does bother me if he isn’t telling me he also been topped but maybe I’m being a bit nosy there. I would put my husband under the “fluid” umbrella but would have I married him knowing this? Idk... I think I would have... obviously it poses the question... wtf else are you not telling me .
    Quote Originally Posted by ~Carmen~ View Post
    I can see you being 90 and flipping your long hair, still teasing the boys.



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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    Yeah, when I was blowing him I’d try to get a finger in his ass to massage hisnprosate but was told. Probably didn’t want me thinking he was gay or give me any hints.

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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    Most people don't order chicken cordon bleu if they don't like ham. IMHO you're ignoring the obvious if you keep accepting his "I read Playboy for the articles" excuses for why he kept going out of his way to haxe sex with ladies with dicks when there were infinite cockless options available to him. This wasn't an oops situation or a matter of limited options - he specifically sought them out, over and over. I have no idea what his fascination was or what he was doing, but it was something. It could be that he likes sucking them off or something else altogether. Only he knows, but in any event I don't believe that he has been completely honest with you about it.

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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    I DONT KNOW IF HE HAS CHEATED ON ME... the transgender women are from the past... the messages I got from his former lover where from when I wasn’t even dating him... that’s why this is all so conflicting...

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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    Quote: The other day a woman my husband had slept with messaged me on social media showing him texts of them hooking up a year ago. It really matter as it was before I was even dating my husband.

    When did y'all meet? This reads as though you two started dating and got married in less than a year?

    This part is a little confusing.

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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    I'll try to comment on your first post and then move on. I think to that the gurl that contacted you is trying to stir up some shit for him. Why ? Could be he stiffed her(pun intended) out of some money,or she has feelings for him,or she thought she was more than what she was, just a good time,or many other reasons. Some people just don't want others to be happy and want to fuck with their lives. If I'm not mistaken you said she has already caused him problems at work , right ? The fact that the texts that she showed you were over a year old prove that there has been nothing recent,if so she would have shown it to you. This person sees that he is happy and is just trying to cause him problems just for fun.

    As far as him being with a t-gurl that is a different subject. It sounds to me like he is at very least bi. Some guys like tgirls because they "are not gay" but like the taboo or thrill they get from it. My ex turned out to be bi. I had suspicions for a long time but one day he came clean with me. I was devistated at first and wondered what was wrong with me. I did eventually calm down and I realized that it was just the way he was and I could get mad and hate him for it or try to understand him.

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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    It's funny how everytime there's a topic about men and trans women, some people always feel the need to label what their sexuality is or they feel uneasy, insecure, LOL.
    Quote Originally Posted by ~Carmen~ View Post
    I can see you being 90 and flipping your long hair, still teasing the boys.



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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    people with bi or pan sexuality are no more likely to cheat then straight people.

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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    To answer some questions... I knew my husband for around 2 years didn’t start dating him until this past fall. We got married in this winter. Idk... I appreciate all the advice but my marriage is done. I don’t know whether he ever cheated on me... I don’t think so... but there was probably something in the phone that make this decision not so aganizig.

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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    I suggest talking to a sex therapist or psychologist with experience related to sexual issues.

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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    The question is ,Is this worth splitting up over ? If so the person who contacted you just won. Give him a chance to work through this.

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