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Thread: Partner with transgender lover past

  1. #26
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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    He wouldn’t let me go through his phone alone. He was guilty of something else. I’m also having a hard time with his past now... I don’t think he has enough self control to stay away from it all. Life is too short and he should have been with someone he felt he could have told this too. So he is probably sneaking something and we aren’t compatiable.

  2. #27
    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    I think you have a tough decision.

    You mention the word 'fetish' and often times people don't disclose their deep sexual desires with their partners for many reasons. (I created a thread about this I'll see if I can find it) But the problem is you found out through a third party, versus him being open with you and telling you himself, and now you may be feeling betrayed and lacking trust like what else is he not disclosing and how strong is his desire for trans women.

    Your husband basically put himself in a lose lose situation. He did not tell you about his true desires possibly for fear you would not understand and leave him, however you found out about his true desires from his former partner and now you are on the verge of leaving him. Life can be complex sometimes.

    I also think labeling is just human nature - a way of identifying, explaining, and understanding something....It doesn't necessarily have to be something negative. Sounds like you simply want to know does he truly desire you or will he be unfilled in a marriage with you because he truly desires something else?

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  4. #28
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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    Also about the phones, (not saying he did this) but cheating men can simply delete all texts, pics, emails, evidence from their affairs and/or they use separate phones --- some of them are very clever about covering their tracks and making it appear as if nothing is going on.

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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    Miss AP.... that is exactly it.... I feel he won't ever truly be satisfied with me because he desires something else that I just don't have. I feel what he likes is probably more intense and he won't be able to resist temptation. I know he could have just deleted all the stuff off his phone if there is anything but it's looking like there was since he wouldn't let me go through his phone alone.

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  8. #30
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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    From reading through your posts, it sounds like there is nothing he can do to gain your trust. If that's the case, I don't think your marriage will work out. Maybe you can try talking to a professional who has a better understanding of these issues than anyone here, but you need to think, is there any possible way you'll be able to trust him again, or do you think you'll always have doubts?

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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    Regardless of the experience of someone who understand trans women in their own context, social acceptability outside of NYC, LA, etc is very new. He may have been ashamed, sure, not because of his attraction, but because he correctly presumed he'd be judged negatively by some. But once you got married, or when you became serious, he should have told you. Ashamed or not, what I believe bodes unwell for your marriage is that he didn't tell you himself. As for Madame Talksalot, who cares why she told you. Forget her. It was before you were serious, she shouldn't even have an impact on your marriage.

    Your marriage will probably not survive you having to check all his shit every day, plus he will get better at hiding. The real question is, can you trust your husband, and are you honest with each other. If he is honest with you, he will tell you he is still attracted to trans women (he is). Then just like every man in existence, gay, straight, trans loving, video game loving, etc, he will have to start every morning saying, but if I lie to her, I'd be ruining our life, so I won't.
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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    Quote Originally Posted by MissMoore View Post
    Yeah, when I was blowing him Iíd try to get a finger in his ass to massage hisnprosate but was told. Probably didnít want me thinking he was gay or give me any hints.
    Quote Originally Posted by MissMoore View Post
    Rick, I know, I know. Lol I wonder why he wonít tell me he likes it up the ass tho. Lol
    He may not like it up the ass at all.
    A lot of men only get blow jobs from escorts or maybe he likes giving and never receiving.

    The bigger issue is that from everything you said it does sound like he is hiding something, and for sure he wasn't honest about his sexuality which is a huge part of any relationship.



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  14. #33
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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    He finally admitted a little bit... some dumb Instagram thing but he lied about that too... he keeps insisting he is t attracted to trans women and I think we all know that’s a lie. He kept logging into this texting app while we were together and he let me look but he delete most of the conversations except the ones prior to our relationship. Idk why he keeps lying. I pretty much can feel it with every fiber of my being he wasn’t only following girls on IG, but talking to them, and trying to set up meets when I was gone to visit my mother. He just won’t be honest.

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    Default Re: Partner with transgender lover past

    okay, i was out of town when this came up and i forgot my sign in for when i was on my phone, but i just had to get involved

    to be honest, the issue if they are t-girls or not in reality is utterly a petty moot point- HOWEVER playing games and being sneaky is what one focuses on.

    if im being honest; Im not really one to understand the feeling and uncertainty and all that, Im poly amorous myself, which comes with a totally different mindset and set of emotional standards and views, I have a Democratic/polyfidelity relationship...though that means its still more like a traditional closed relationship, there are several, and we are all equals and have equal say ( and yes im a t-girl too, one spouse is cis female and hetero, another is cis female and lesbian, another is cis male and hetero....but at the end of the day its not a matter of identity, or our orientations, its about the deep trust, understanding, openess, and ability to work as a single unit and compliment and support each other as a whole which is what every healthy relationship should be based on first and foremost. My people ive had in my life for 20+ years..weve learned alot with every up and down.

    I do want to add atleast to a degree that to me it sounds as if there are trust issues yes... there sounds to be some mutual issues with confidence and validation, and i cant get in anyone's head to truly understand the thoughts and feelings... but a calm, non judgmental, non accusation approach or instant use of negative emotions such as distrust or guilt and such approach to a conversation, more light hearted with a gradual veering into a topic can open up so many more doors, more so with men than just being right there, could also be he really does have some confusion or frustrations he may not know how, or exactly feel confident expressing these things I dont think anyone is in the wrong 100% nor that anyones right 100%. Communication is a vital skill between partners and not everyone communicates the same, its something we alll have to learn and adapt to over time.
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