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Thread: You v. Stripper You

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    Default You v. Stripper You

    So I’ve been going through a depressive episode in my life lately and one thing I was thinking was “omigod why can’t I be more like my dancer self instead of me?” Me, the dancer, is confident, cuts off time wasters, feels great, is bubbly and I feel like I am being who I really am if I wasn’t so depressed in real life all the time. But in real life, I feel like I am none of those things most of the time. I feel like I want to kill off my old self and become “Melanie” but I wouldn’t even know how to do it as I separate my two identities and the real me let’s everything stress me out and bother me. Like I’m crying over something that happened months ago that I haven’t even thought about in forever!
    sorry if I’m rambling or this makes no sense, I don’t get to see my therapist until Thursday and wondered if anyone else has felt this way and I thought writing it out might help me make sense of my feelings.

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    Default Re: You v. Stripper You

    It does make sense if you Identify your Dancer Self as your "Higher Self." Your Dancer Self is successful, focused, confident, and gets things done on time.

    A lot of bar workers work in bursts of energy and struggle with "downtime."

    This is definitely a topic to discuss with therapists and counselors. Everyone has this struggle in life eventually...…we all go through Identity Crises due to our life experiences/phases of life.

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    Lightbulb Re: You v. Stripper You

    Thanks for posting this because I've been wanting to work this out for myself! I had a strange experience the other night where I met up with a long-distance bestie at a local bar and I was so anxiously quiet and distracted, as if I never stepped into a bar before lol. At my club I feel confident and bubbly for the most part. I think for those of us strippers with mental health issues or HARDTHINGS happening in our life, it's a double-edged sword. On the one hand, stripping suits the flexibility we need because #feelings #moods but on the other hand it's the kind of work that can compound the effects of mental and emotional disorders/stress.

    On a diff. note, I know my stripper self doesn't really translate into my personal life because I'm not really my whole self at work. I dk, it's complicated when your whole job is emotional labor, because it's easy to forget that the person you are at work is your art/your hustle, it's not you! It's a character we create, and we would be doing ourselves a disservice to limit ourselves to the characterized version of ourselves. It takes *work* to craft that confident/empathetic/peppy-energetic parts of you, so it's no wonder we don't want to bring that same peppy, fun self to all the places outside work. Like, am I gonna work all the time? nah. We're obviously more complex than that.

    Stripping has given me some legit skills to be in the world as a anxious/depressed/bitchy-face qweirdo lol, but me as a person and all the issues I come with aren't gonna go away just because I learned how to be really good at being emotionally performative because of my job.

    Interested to hear other people's thoughts!
    Last edited by beverly_worldshaker; 07-24-2018 at 03:53 PM.

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    Default Re: You v. Stripper You

    I find that when I'm dancing or at my vanilla job I'm strong, confident and on top of my game. At home I can't seem to keep anything together. I have tried to keep my persona going all the time but I can't. My dancing and vanilla job (nursing) seem to be such high stress that I need the down time. I get anxious, nervous and feel worthless. I want to lean on one of my crutches but know I shouldn't. One day I pray I'll find the perfect balance.

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    Default Re: You v. Stripper You

    Thank you ladies for the responses. Definitely interesting how everyone has their own perspective but like Peaches, I hope I can find a good balance of Uber confident vs. worthless (at least for me- I guess that’s my totem pole) instead of the swinging back and forth.

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    Default Re: You v. Stripper You

    The swinging is what hurts the most. Find things that occupy your mind. Find someone that you can talk to about anything. Try to go back and find the root of the problem and work up from there.

    I found the cause of my problems and it was something I buried a long time ago and chose not to think about. Then other things I had never dealt with piled up and I felt like I was sufficating.

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    Default Re: You v. Stripper You

    GIRL YOU ARE WORTHY!! Say that shit in the mirror every day even if you dont always believe it, because it's true. Sometimes I like to do something I know I'm kind of good at, like cooking or something else creative (for you it might be something completely different like running fast or doing ur nails) and just FORCE URSELF to do that thing when u feel unworthy. It's a huge pick-me-up when I'm feeling worthless.

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    Default Re: You v. Stripper You

    lol I like how my go-to was "running fast"

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    Default Re: You v. Stripper You

    Omg I’m cheesing so hard, running and getting my nails done are my favorite things. Thank you love

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    Default Re: You v. Stripper You

    Quote Originally Posted by Peaches 94 View Post
    The swinging is what hurts the most. Find things that occupy your mind. Find someone that you can talk to about anything. Try to go back and find the root of the problem and work up from there.

    I found the cause of my problems and it was something I buried a long time ago and chose not to think about. Then other things I had never dealt with piled up and I felt like I was sufficating.
    I definitely identify with this too.

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    Default Re: You v. Stripper You

    Well we talk about the false self in recovery. I assume because at work we use a false self, so the true self might be paying the price. In psychology it’s called presentation as far as acting different in front of others. Our true self needs love and self care to be at our best. I think they can be integrated into something healthy.
    Last edited by Ifyouseekamy; 07-25-2018 at 05:47 AM.

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    Default Re: You v. Stripper You

    Stripper me was a ditzy, dumb blonde party girl who was always happy and bubbly, and always dolled up.

    In real life I'm an introvert and kind of a nerd, and I rarely wear makeup. I dress for comfort, not style.






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    Default Re: You v. Stripper You

    I actually found that stripping allows me to "escape" from real me. I was brought up in a very rough environment and I always wanted to escape myself somehow. Well, stripping allows me to do that... I put on a wig, a very heavy makeup that changes my facial features a little bit and I feel like a different person. And when I am "not me", I can be whatever I want. I can be happy, laughing and enjoying life. And then I come home after a shift and take all my "decorations" off and I am forced to be me again...

    Sounds like I need a therapist. LOL

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    Default Re: You v. Stripper You

    I feel like I might be able to offer a perspective here that most can't. I kinda don't want to, because it takes me back to the darkest moments of my entire life, and I really don't like it at all. But I sort of feel like it needs to be said, as well. And I'll get to it eventually. Just bear with me here, because I might be a little all over the place getting to that point... I know what all I want to say, but not how to put it into a reasonable order, so I'm just shooting from the hip here.

    I became friends with another dancer who has the same issues. A few Saturday's ago, her car was in for repairs, so I told her hell with it, why bother with an Uber, I'd drive her home so long as she could tolerate my music selection. Well, her place was about 20 minutes in the opposite direction of where I needed to go to get home, and she was worried that I looked tired, and she wasn't comfortable with sending me on my way, and she actually took my keys and insisted I get some sleep there for at least a few hours. So we went inside, she made some hot chocolate for us and put some salted caramel Bailey's in it (and if you haven't had this yes, you MUST), and we were talking about whatever, when her daughter must've woken up and come out to see her. And so I'm watching her put her daughter to bed, talking about the things they'd do that week.... the shameful thing in all of it isn't that she couldn't be "stripper her" 24/7, it's that she feels down about not being "stripper her" because she's really not seeing the admirable things about the real her. And this is all escaping her as she tells me about how she struggled getting pregnant as teenager, and the hardships she's endured, and how she's been able to put together a college fund for her daughter... stripper her did none of that.. that was all the real her. Stripper her can make money, but it was the real her which decided what to do with it.

    And I think many of us have this problem, compounded by various things... for many people I see, it's that they're not doing better off than their parents in spite of being told that's how it was supposed to be, then they follow all these Instagram accounts where people show bits and pieces of their lives to paint this illusion that they're living a perfect life and they've got some sort of 'rags to riches' story which remains a mystery to the rest of the Internet. Of course, you don't see behind the scenes. I remember reading some articles about this where people were stiving to be Instagram and other social media influencers, and they took all these exotic trips, just to end up to their eyeballs in debt and having to sacrifice every other aspect of their lives in order to make it happen. And I think that's what happening here. We put so much emphasis on a perception... "stripper us" is a perception that we want to put forth for the world to see, and not have them question what's under the surface. Problem is, "stripper us" only exists in the confines of a work environment. "Stripper me" is a caged animal, while "me me" still has restrictions owing to obligations and such, but is much more 'in the wild'.

    And the thing you need to remember most of all is that "stripper you" ONLY exists because the real you found the fortitude to overcome your inhibitions and apprehensions and just decide, "Hey, I'm going to do this thing". Stripper you ceases to exist without the real you.

    So the thing that really put things into perspective for me, because I'd had this same problem my entire life, starting with coming from a somewhat isolated community and wishing I could fit in more with the 'English' kids... it was what happened in Afghanistan. There I was, 20 years old and not really having experienced life, bleeding to death on the slab of a cargo truck. And it's amazing how quickly you can process thoughts while you're dying. What was probably a couple minutes felt like an eternity, and I got to a point where I began searching in my mind desperately, hoping to find something that could bring me a little bit of happiness as I tried to accept that I was going to die and tried to not be afraid. And it was in those moments that I really learned to appreciate the real me. The real me has had trials and tribulations, the real me has dealt with hardships, the real me was assumed to be too weak and feeble to make it outside of the Mennonite community, but the real me said "fuck you" to that and came out swinging. What is "stripper me", other than a masquerade?

    Of course, I changed some things about myself and my life after that (one of which was to quit being withdrawn and afraid and get on the stage). But in the end, I found that "stripper me" wasn't a reinvention of me, it was just me a little unchained.

    All your accomplishments, all the lessons learned, all things you hold near and dear - that's a reflection of the real you. "Stripper you" never fucking existed until you got on the stage and did it, and it was you who found it in yourself to do it and to manifest yourself as "stripper you". And maybe some self evaluation and changes to your life are in order - I don't know your life, so I can't say whether that's your case or anyone else's. But I do think most people need to take a step back and just take a moment to appreciate themselves.

    You you is fucking wonderful. "Stripper you" is just you taking a little time to let your hair down and be a little feral.

    Sorry if this sounds like some cheesy life coach session. When you've practically killed yourself to live, it really changes the way you view most everything.
    Written on the walls at the house of sorrow
    You can find the names of those who burned
    Greater yet, the pain in little drawings
    I could not remain in that room

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    Default Re: You v. Stripper You

    Subscribing!

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    Default Re: You v. Stripper You

    I think we're also conditioned to the familiarity of the club. You know the layout of your club and to custys they think it's some maze of desire. We know what tables are VIP and little nuances to look for to spy cash on a man. We're entertainers. We got this. We laugh, we give emotional support, we drink, we listen, we give the illusion that we're goddesses of pleasure and we know what the fuck we're talking about and it all comes easy to us. And that's why they pay us. It's almost like being a really good party actor. Or just a naked therapist. I think it's imperative to distinguish what we give off vs. who we really are. I have totally at times used men as a vent sesh but I feel it's best when you can keep things very separate. At work my goal is to maximize my money. And to me that doesn't include the details of how I'm having a struggle getting into this new school since my gpa went way down one year from a breakup. You are all aspects of you. Areas of your life you may have more mastery in than others. If work is easy to you, then this is where you may have mastered. Sweet! Not everyone can do that. That doesn't mean you can't master being vulnerable in front of "real people" or being the real you. You still know how to hold a conversation and be a friend. A real friend is someone you can actually tell how you're struggling with school. People in the real world are who you can be yourself with, that you're not getting paid by. And what helps me if I feel like I'm failing in any social situation is this: people aren't worried about judging you because they're so worried about other people judging them. The ego is strong in everyone. It is possible to live 2 lives like Hannah Montana but it definitely takes some working at. You got this.

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    Default Re: You v. Stripper You

    Stripper me: egotistical entitled bitch. Regular me: egotistical entitled bitch.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
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