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Thread: Can't compete with the high standards - Low self confidence

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    Default Can't compete with the high standards - Low self confidence

    Hi Ladies,

    I have a bit of an on-going issue and it's something I don't really know how to overcome or how to deal with what's going on with me so, who else better to get some wisdom/advice from than the very people who are in the industry and who may also have experienced this.

    I've dabbled in majority parts of this industry, vanilla, fetish and femdom. And femdom is something I have been more drawn towards. Naturally being very dominant it always felt like the right thing for me to do. For a while now I seem to have a really bad experience when it comes to being a part of this side of things and more so filming videos. I believe I am a good domme and feel allot of it is natural which is great but I feel overwhelmed with the high standards of femdom. As many of you see and know there are a ton of girls in that side of things who are extremely attractive, very glamorous looking, quite clearly wealthy and so on. I'm nowhere near that, I am a average looking woman, I am mildly glamorous when I want to be (to be honest I am most happiest in casual clothing) and I am not rich at all. I am a normal person who is making ends meet and debt and whatever.
    Yet my job every day is to make videos telling complete lies. Feeding men with the fact that I am "the most beautiful goddess in the world" which is BS. Feeding findom guys with how rich I am and how they should be feeding into my luxury lifestyle that I don't even have.

    I feel like a total imposter. And yes we are meant to be characters and meant to sell a fantasy. But for some reason it bothers me and makes filming so hard when I have sit there for 12 talking total lies. Also have these extremely high standards of what I need to look like, the image i need to portray in order to be a successful domme.
    I know this doesn't have to be the way but I don't know how to shake this feeling. Or if it's a sign to say I should stop putting myself through this gruelling task that only ever makes me hate myself in the end.

    I've done sexual vanilla camming & clips in the past and for some reason I didn't have these kind of issues. I was aware that there was no set standard in these things, you can look and do whatever you want. Mainly because most of the girls who are doing their vanilla thing to me are normal women. Normal women with different body sizes and shapes, different style and looks. Some very glam, some not. And I see both doing well. Infact when I done camming and vanilla stuff, I was gobsmacked to realise you don't need to be huge titted, glam doll. You can be who you are. This for some reason doesn't feel that way in femdom.

    Fetish is the same thing, I don't feel you need to look or be a certain way to do fetish.

    I would say I do make pretty good money in femdom and it's something I have built. And now I am sat here wondering do I continue doing this even though I cannot rid these feelings, high expectations of myself and self loathing ways? Or do I have to take care of ME more and say this isn't for me and isn't worth the price I am paying and stick with the side of the industry that doesn't create these feelings in me.

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    Default Re: Can't compete with the high standards - Low self confidence

    Well I’m not in the fetish side, so I’m not experienced.

    I think everyone feels like we they aren’t good enough sometimes. If your making money and having fun what others think is irrelevant.

    I can tell you I tell myself I love and approve of myself of a daily basis.

    I think I would do less of what makes me feel bad and more of what makes feels good.

    life is short.

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    Default Re: Can't compete with the high standards - Low self confidence

    Oh Scarlet this is so classic!!! I think so many girls in all areas of life feel like they must be everything and this really comes out in this line of work but the truth is you dont have to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable.

    When I first started doing porn I thought I had to do Girl/Girl scenes! Seemed very intuitive that if I would let some strange man fuck me on camera it should be easier to do it with a girl, right? Maybe cause its less invasive or just this idea that a woman would be more comfortable being sexual with another woman then a man so when the opportunity to do G/G came up of course I said yes and secretly I hated it!!! Yet all my early interviews I said I loved it! Im suppose to love it right?!?!!? Truth is Im straight 1000% not even a little bicurious! Doing G/G was destroying my soul! I did it with all the biggest names in the industry, I did it for the biggest company to produce G/G content over and over again and I gained a lot of girl fans because of it but every single scene destroyed my soul just a little bit more.

    Now Im older. I make great money off my site and cam and I have the power to say no! I realized just how much I hate gay scenes one day while talking to a male preformer and he said he could make a lot more money doing gay but he wouldnt do it cause he isnt gay and the idea of it grossed him out! OMG I realized I no longer had to pretend to be Bi. It was okay to say I was straight and I like cock and I dont like pussy so now when people ask I tell them straight up nope not bi, not gay not even gay for pay I no longer work with women unless there is a cock there and I dont have to actually preform any sex act on the other woman involved.

    Okay long winded but the point is its okay to not do what you dont want to do! You can totally give up being a dom and just tell your clients you are no longer doing dom. Most of them will get it and be fine with your decision and you cant start to gain new clients doing more vanillia or fetish or whatever you like. No one is going to call you out because you changed your mind and you dont owe anyone and explanation. Also you are going to feel so so so much better when you are finally honest and dont have to deal with all the anxiety that comes along with doing something that you dislike. Believe me there is anxiety there you are not even aware of yet and all that will be lifted when decide to hang up your whips and handcuffs for good (or whatever doms use these days not my thing either )

    I believe it was Loveshook who originally posted in a different thread to say that if you do something you dislike you will destroy your soul. I realized I had been doing that for years and when I read what you wrote it sounds like you are too. I dont care how much money your're making its not worth it. Its okay to say you made a mistake and stop doing it. Keep the vids and sell them just dont make anymore. Its okay I promise.


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    Default Re: Can't compete with the high standards - Low self confidence

    Scarlet how long have you been at it? I think you said in another thread a year? If its been longer than that my apologies. Many of those women who appear to be raking in the dough may not be doing as well as you think. Thats important to realize. Also what you see is the glamour and not the full story. My old camspace looked absolutely fabulous and looked like I lived in a palace. But if you saw the entire picture it would have shown a water stains from a leaky roof a cinderblock wall! Its all smoke and mirrors plus those women have been at it for years. They've mastered the art of manipulation and creating a fantasy. Some of them may even have other jobs to support themselves and camming. I think its best to focus on an area of expertise that benefits you mentally and financially. Having one with out the other will cause you to burn out.


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    Default Re: Can't compete with the high standards - Low self confidence

    Men lie. Men lie. Men lie. So please don't feel bad about lying to them and getting your cash. Ever.




    Believe In Your Brand




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    Default Re: Can't compete with the high standards - Low self confidence

    I just want to say thank you SO much for all your kind words and encouragement. Not going to lie I was scared to post this, it's never easy to admit to yourself that you're not doing well or perhaps living a lie and especially telling others. But I really needed to hear this reassurance.
    Sometimes I can really beat myself up over the silliest of things.

    I've been doing the entire industry for 4-5 years now. Funnily enough I started out as a domme (not clip making, just cam sessions etc) and I LOVED it. I never felt pressure or anything, I was enjoying dominating men. I wasn't making a great deal so I moved onto vanilla camming on MFC. Which I worked hard at and had my success days, to which then failed hard. I actually found myself in a very similar situation to this on MFC. I had a guy in my room who was very controlling (paying me a ton of money) which resulted in my room being ruined by his behaviour and me doing something I didn't want to do and tolerating someone I hated just for the $$$. (As you can see I struggle to say no to money). Eventually I got so depressed that after putting up with that for 6 months I decided to quit camming and become a domme clip maker, as domming was always something I was good at.

    So I started that last year Jan. First few months I had fun but it all quickly become not so fun. And here I am a year and 8 months later, doing something I have been uncomfortable with for a long time. Hell something that isn't even covering ALL my bills.
    For me starting something in this industry whether it be a clip store providing content of some kind or a cam site, to me if I don't succeed on it and I see others are, it's a failure. It's due to my incompetence which is probably an utterly harsh way of viewing things.

    Because I have had my length of time of doing MFC and having that bad experience and hating it. Now I have had the similar experience on making femdom clips. I kind of don't know what that leaves me with or really what to turn to.
    All I know is when it comes to vanilla I can't do anything too much like insertion etc and I can't do long hours on cam. All I know is I like making foot fetish things, that's always been the fun part. I know I want to continue building femdom connections because I enjoy femdom cam shows and rinsing etc. And I think I may like fetish clips.

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    Default Re: Can't compete with the high standards - Low self confidence

    Quote Originally Posted by kortneykay View Post
    Men lie. Men lie. Men lie. So please don't feel bad about lying to them and getting your cash. Ever.
    Aghh this all OVER. Can you believe last night I was sat in bed crying my damn eyes out because I feel bad for rinsing men and them going into debt for me and spending all their money on me and fucking themselves over. Bloody well crying feeling immoral and bad.

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    Default Re: Can't compete with the high standards - Low self confidence

    ^^^ I never feel sorry for making men spend money on me, if they need me they have to pay me.
    They never know the real me (with struggles and health issues), i play my character and dont feel sorry for them spending their money.
    They need to pay for their addiction
    I had my 'feeling guilty for being an impostor' period but it's over for a good while now.
    Do what makes u happy and makes u money, balance these both for maximum comfort and income

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    Default Re: Can't compete with the high standards - Low self confidence

    Omfg, scarlet, are we the same person? We share a lot of the same shitty feelings about both femdom and vanilla, honestly.

    While I'm definitely a naturally dominant person myself, not being able to pull off penetration was a big reason I went into the fetish niche. And ultimately? It worked out. I honestly love BDSM. I love findom (who doesn't lol) and I love being in control, but I definitely feel you on the whole high self-expectations thing. For some reason, it doesn't effect me when I'm live-camming either; I'm super comfortable as a Domme on SM and generally don't give a damn about anything lol. But outside of camming, I often find myself comparing myself to EVERYONE in the femdom scene, even girls who I know have struggled to get where they are and put in a lot more time than me. I can relate to feeling like shit amidst all of the smoke and mirrors - which PGD was totally right about btw, I learned really early on how to make myself look far more "expensive" than I actually am. But if it makes you feel any better, after looking around and even taking some of my own content in a new direction and having pretty awesome success with it, I can tell you that the whole too-luxurious-for-you persona is 100% not the only one that sells as a Domme.

    I haven't been in the scene for as long as you, but I've noticed that quite a few of the most interesting (and usually as a result of being so unique - top-earning) Dommes don't portray that "perfect princess" image at all. Their filming spaces look like dorms and sometimes even attics tbh, and their clothing is far from designer, but they still sell their character and make it work for them. So if pretending to be someone that isn't necessarily "you" makes you feel uncomfortable, just know that according to the market, there are still a lot of options for you within the realm of domination. It just requires a little luck and creativity.

    I can totally understand your green-grass mentality with vanilla though. I don't even have enough first-hand experience with vanilla tbh, but I find myself wishing I didn't have to constantly portray this infallible character. I see some of the vanilla girls on Twitter and what not and just wish I could let my hair down and "be myself," but giving men the idea that I'm in any way submissive (I can be, but I quickly learned to never offer that to some paying stranger) is out of the question for me. I know there are a lot of dominant vanilla models out there who never submit, but seeing as I don't offer penetration, I feel like that'd just limit me to femdom anyway, so I might as well make it my sole act.

    There's a ton of useful advice in this thread already, but I suppose my suggestion is to just try whatever you'd like and see what works. If you hate something, stop doing it ASAP. I so get needing the money, but obviously the burnout/horrible feeling it causes in the end just isn't worth it in the long run. I personally rationalize it this way: If I do something that brings in a good bit of $$$ (whether that be operating at a lower rate or offering a fetish I'm not really crazy about, etc.), I might make some extra cash here and there, but eventually I'm gonna be so burnt out on doing something I despise that I quit working altogether and make nothing at all. But if I sacrifice a little extra cash in order to focus on content that I genuinely enjoy, not only does it come out better, but the crowd eventually finds me and I profit in the end.

    I'm really working on the balance between doing what I want and what my audiences are asking for and it's a tough one to figure out sometimes, but whenever I get a little closer, it always feels amazing.
    Me, Your Vulgar Darling. Glimmering In The Swimming Pool.

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    Default Re: Can't compete with the high standards - Low self confidence

    I relate a lot to what you are saying. I do femdom, and it took some time for me to figure out my "image." I can't have a perfect background in my cam shows because I'm a nomad, hopping around to different AirBnB's every month. I live out of two suitcases, and I only have like two sexy bras at the moment.

    But you CAN make it work. If you are good at your job, and you know how to market yourself, the money will come. I'd suggest continuing to try different sites or types of sex work, like texting or phone sex. Or work a vanilla gig on the side. I recently started doing psychic phone lines/reading Tarot cards, and it is a good side egg, plus a much needed break from sex work.

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    Default Re: Can't compete with the high standards - Low self confidence

    I can relate to all that you are saying, Scarletl and PrincessC. Been there. Only domme stuff is not ok for me because of the same issues as you mentioned. Now I realized I really can just be more dominant in my vanilla shows (as I am naturally dominant and assertive), and I am also getting many submissive guys for who I am acting as a domme, even if I am in the vanilla categories. After 16 years in this job and tons of struggles, especially psychological ones, I finally realized that you CAN set firm boundaries, you CAN be assertive and guide the shows in the direction that you want them to go, as long as you make clear to yourself what you REALLY like doing. Not because everyone does it, not because it makes you money, but because you do feel good or at least ok with doing it. After that, advertise it like you are the queen of that thing, be confident and don't betray yourself. Even if you feel you are not 100% awesome at the things you like doing, say that you are, because confidence gets built in time and "fake it till you make it" works great in this case. If you are having fun, it will show and will create a great vibe that will be attracting more customers and more money too.

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    Default Re: Can't compete with the high standards - Low self confidence

    Quote Originally Posted by kortneykay View Post
    Men lie. Men lie. Men lie. So please don't feel bad about lying to them and getting your cash. Ever.
    Realest quote I have ever seen.

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    Default Re: Can't compete with the high standards - Low self confidence

    Wow I really didn't expect for others to feel the same regarding femdom. I feel within the femdom thing there are allot more unsaid set standards (and even some said ones). Even down to the whole "we don't do nudity" thing. I have gone against the grain and made nude videos and hella sure made them pay through the nose for it too.
    PrincessC it sounds like we are extremely similar in how we feel etc. I agree I do see some girls killing it who have the more GFE look (Natashas bedroom being one of them) and admire that. And I know ultimately these guys probably don't care either, whether you look totally glam or the girl next door.
    The issue is more in my mind and I think maybe overtime (perhaps with age) it'll improve and I will find a way to overcome it.

    Panthera it's interesting you say about being more dominant on cam, when I was a cam girl I was never sub, my fiesty ways always shone through and to be honest I think that's what attracted many of my regulars. A guy doesn't have to be a sub to appreciate a dominant woman.

    I have fallen into the "do it for the money" trap more times than I care to admit. I find it shameful to myself if I am honest.
    By now I should have learnt to not tolerate anything or do anything, just for the money.
    I have found myself joining sites and sticking on them (despite earning little to no money) just because other girls are earning good money there. I have tolerated countless very high paying guys BS just for the money. I have done certain shows just for the money.

    And I think the main reason I do it is because I have built up a fear in this kind of work, over the years I have had my times of lots of money and zero money. The months where you have money being thrown at you at every angle and the long hard months of nothing. So when opporunities or people come about where the money is pretty lucrative, the fear in me will do it because well, you never know when the next slow week/month is or how long it'll last.

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    Default Re: Can't compete with the high standards - Low self confidence

    Quote Originally Posted by scarletl View Post
    Wow I really didn't expect for others to feel the same regarding femdom. I feel within the femdom thing there are allot more unsaid set standards (and even some said ones). Even down to the whole "we don't do nudity" thing. I have gone against the grain and made nude videos and hella sure made them pay through the nose for it too.
    PrincessC it sounds like we are extremely similar in how we feel etc. I agree I do see some girls killing it who have the more GFE look (Natashas bedroom being one of them) and admire that. And I know ultimately these guys probably don't care either, whether you look totally glam or the girl next door.
    The issue is more in my mind and I think maybe overtime (perhaps with age) it'll improve and I will find a way to overcome it.

    Panthera it's interesting you say about being more dominant on cam, when I was a cam girl I was never sub, my fiesty ways always shone through and to be honest I think that's what attracted many of my regulars. A guy doesn't have to be a sub to appreciate a dominant woman.

    I have fallen into the "do it for the money" trap more times than I care to admit. I find it shameful to myself if I am honest.
    By now I should have learnt to not tolerate anything or do anything, just for the money.
    I have found myself joining sites and sticking on them (despite earning little to no money) just because other girls are earning good money there. I have tolerated countless very high paying guys BS just for the money. I have done certain shows just for the money.

    And I think the main reason I do it is because I have built up a fear in this kind of work, over the years I have had my times of lots of money and zero money. The months where you have money being thrown at you at every angle and the long hard months of nothing. So when opporunities or people come about where the money is pretty lucrative, the fear in me will do it because well, you never know when the next slow week/month is or how long it'll last.
    Please don't beat yourself up for doing certain things just for the coin. This is a job, after all. Of course money will be a very important factor in most of our business, if not THE most important factor. I've absolutely been in that position before and I've felt the same way and experienced the same high's and low's. Since I'm newer, I gauged mine more based on weeks. I've had weeks where I've made incredible money and I've had weeks where I've made nothing. And it's so weird 'cause while I'm experiencing a low, I logically know that a high must be coming sooner or later based off of pattern recognition alone lol. And yet, I still find myself feeling like crap because I think I'll go broke. I so understand.

    But I'm learning to overcome that. I'm learning to look at overall averages and find the best ways to gauge income and success in an insanely unpredictable industry. I'm trying to put as much focus as I can onto building my audience and netting the biggest regular-base I possibly can. On the topic of femdom, unlike a lot of women in this scene, I really try to avoid owning slaves and things like that. I kind of try to apply a vanilla business model to my actual femdom business. For instance, I'd rather have 10 regular customers who only give a fuck about me within the context of content-purchasing than 2 "slaves" who are obsessed with me and tribute nonstop because I feel like those close relationships only breed a shift in dependence (I start assuming that this whale will always be around and then when they're not, I feel the loss of their purchases) and stress for me since I subconsciously end up trying to please these people in particular. Nothing wrong with catering to your paying clientele, but as I'm sure you know, in this particular niche, it's a bit redundant for the men to have that kind of power. So really taking this into consideration - that it seems far more attainable to lure in 10 guys who will pay $10 for the things I wanna do rather than 1 guy who will pay $100 in a sea of men who hate the things I wanna do - has really helped me relax in terms of income stability. The more exposure I get, the more customers I'm likely to get, and the more customers I'm able to get, the more stable my income will be.
    Me, Your Vulgar Darling. Glimmering In The Swimming Pool.

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    Default Re: Can't compete with the high standards - Low self confidence

    Quote Originally Posted by PrincessC View Post
    Please don't beat yourself up for doing certain things just for the coin. This is a job, after all. Of course money will be a very important factor in most of our business, if not THE most important factor. I've absolutely been in that position before and I've felt the same way and experienced the same high's and low's. Since I'm newer, I gauged mine more based on weeks. I've had weeks where I've made incredible money and I've had weeks where I've made nothing. And it's so weird 'cause while I'm experiencing a low, I logically know that a high must be coming sooner or later based off of pattern recognition alone lol. And yet, I still find myself feeling like crap because I think I'll go broke. I so understand.

    But I'm learning to overcome that. I'm learning to look at overall averages and find the best ways to gauge income and success in an insanely unpredictable industry. I'm trying to put as much focus as I can onto building my audience and netting the biggest regular-base I possibly can. On the topic of femdom, unlike a lot of women in this scene, I really try to avoid owning slaves and things like that. I kind of try to apply a vanilla business model to my actual femdom business. For instance, I'd rather have 10 regular customers who only give a fuck about me within the context of content-purchasing than 2 "slaves" who are obsessed with me and tribute nonstop because I feel like those close relationships only breed a shift in dependence (I start assuming that this whale will always be around and then when they're not, I feel the loss of their purchases) and stress for me since I subconsciously end up trying to please these people in particular. Nothing wrong with catering to your paying clientele, but as I'm sure you know, in this particular niche, it's a bit redundant for the men to have that kind of power. So really taking this into consideration - that it seems far more attainable to lure in 10 guys who will pay $10 for the things I wanna do rather than 1 guy who will pay $100 in a sea of men who hate the things I wanna do - has really helped me relax in terms of income stability. The more exposure I get, the more customers I'm likely to get, and the more customers I'm able to get, the more stable my income will be.
    God I wish I had been this wise & had this level of awareness at your stage. Girl you're going to be able to sustain this career for a VERY long time if you continue on this path. I really respect your business approach to things and how you have the awareness to spot problems and learn & spot potential problems.

    I fell into the trap of being not necessarily a whole chaser but I fortunately have attracted some very big paying whales in both vanilla and femdom. And you're right, these are not the guys that are the best to have. They are a great bonus for sure but these guys either A never stick around or B will control the life outta you with their money. Never usually ends well. And I think for me, when these guys did come along I took them to seriously. I assumed they would stick around and got annoyed when they left (not showing that to them but in myself) and then allowing them to control me with money.

    I think building regulars is key in what we do (in any side of the industry) I think regulars is what stops the bad months being horribly bad and creates more of a comfortable level playing ground of work. I have from time to time had regulars but because I haven't stuck with anything the entire way though my SW career ti currently am in a place with zero regs (apart from a few MFC friends from when I left).
    So I am pretty much starting from the ground up....which in one sense is damn scary but in another sense feels very refreshing because then I can do it the right way and the way I want to do it. Weed out those controllers and assholes.

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    Default Re: Can't compete with the high standards - Low self confidence

    Quote Originally Posted by scarletl View Post
    God I wish I had been this wise & had this level of awareness at your stage. Girl you're going to be able to sustain this career for a VERY long time if you continue on this path. I really respect your business approach to things and how you have the awareness to spot problems and learn & spot potential problems.

    I fell into the trap of being not necessarily a whole chaser but I fortunately have attracted some very big paying whales in both vanilla and femdom. And you're right, these are not the guys that are the best to have. They are a great bonus for sure but these guys either A never stick around or B will control the life outta you with their money. Never usually ends well. And I think for me, when these guys did come along I took them to seriously. I assumed they would stick around and got annoyed when they left (not showing that to them but in myself) and then allowing them to control me with money.

    I think building regulars is key in what we do (in any side of the industry) I think regulars is what stops the bad months being horribly bad and creates more of a comfortable level playing ground of work. I have from time to time had regulars but because I haven't stuck with anything the entire way though my SW career ti currently am in a place with zero regs (apart from a few MFC friends from when I left).
    So I am pretty much starting from the ground up....which in one sense is damn scary but in another sense feels very refreshing because then I can do it the right way and the way I want to do it. Weed out those controllers and assholes.
    You're too sweet, thank you so much! That sincerely made my entire week, haha. ^.^ I take this job so seriously, so receiving that kind of validation means so much to me.

    Once again - we're totally in the same boat. I'm slowly but surely gaining a few regs, I have about 1 or 2 who spend what I want them to (aka nowhere near whale levels, but they purchase the content I expect them to purchase and I can mostly predict when they'll be around). I used to have about 6 or 8 decent-paying regulars before I decided to go into this new direction within femdom, but I'm happy to be filtering them out - they don't enjoy the content I enjoy creating, therefor I don't enjoy having them around lmao. But I fully expect the next few months to be tight, financially, due to the shift.

    I consider this time an investment, however. I'm investing in a higher quality of clientele and a more comfortable income in the future. Hopefully. Lmfao. I could also go broke and change my mind. But I'm trying to stay positive LOL. It's annoying to make less money, but ultimately so refreshing psychologically.
    Me, Your Vulgar Darling. Glimmering In The Swimming Pool.

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  30. #17
    God/dess Cutie101's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can't compete with the high standards - Low self confidence

    Quote Originally Posted by scarletl View Post
    Aghh this all OVER. Can you believe last night I was sat in bed crying my damn eyes out because I feel bad for rinsing men and them going into debt for me and spending all their money on me and fucking themselves over. Bloody well crying feeling immoral and bad.
    That is my eternal issue with findom. I feel bad for asking money. I am a very fair person and I hate lying in my real life and this affects me, morally )))).
    Especially because I plan to move to vanilla entertainment. I don't have a problem with people knowing I've been camming in the past, I'd have a problem if some idiots would show up, throwing shit at me on how I made them go broke and took all their money )))))))))))))).

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  32. #18
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    Default Re: Can't compete with the high standards - Low self confidence

    I remember when I first started camming I always had this feeling I wasn't doing it right. That there was a set way I was expected to perform, dress, and present myself. I constantly berated myself for not having an arsenal of characters to play or a cam persona. Over time I have learned the joy and luxury of this job is that you can always do it on your terms. Doing it your way is what makes you authentic, and I promise you authentic performers will always do better. If you love dominating but don't like being glam then so be it. Domme in your jeans and a tshirt. This will set you apart. These guys don't want a cookie cutter performer, they want to get lost in something that feels real. Do what you do best in the way you do it best. I think so many of us get caught up on comparing ourselves to others and feeling like we aren't good enough. There are so many levels in this career and always room for growth. I fell into that same trap early on of doing things I wasn't really into out of desperation for the money. The thing is though, that guy comes back and wants it again, more extreme this time. Where is the line? You'll spend that money before you know it but you can't get back your mental health as easily. It's ok to focus on building a business that works for you. The time you spend in a show hating what your doing is time you could be in free chat snagging a client that doesn't make you hate your job. I have no problem telling somebody they aren't my target audience and suggesting they look elsewhere for their kink. I love this industry. I love that there is an audience for such a wide variety of women with vastly different talents. Be true to yourself. That's my best advice.

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  34. #19
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    Default Re: Can't compete with the high standards - Low self confidence

    Quote Originally Posted by AlyssaJane View Post
    I remember when I first started camming I always had this feeling I wasn't doing it right. That there was a set way I was expected to perform, dress, and present myself. I constantly berated myself for not having an arsenal of characters to play or a cam persona. Over time I have learned the joy and luxury of this job is that you can always do it on your terms. Doing it your way is what makes you authentic, and I promise you authentic performers will always do better. If you love dominating but don't like being glam then so be it. Domme in your jeans and a tshirt. This will set you apart. These guys don't want a cookie cutter performer, they want to get lost in something that feels real. Do what you do best in the way you do it best. I think so many of us get caught up on comparing ourselves to others and feeling like we aren't good enough. There are so many levels in this career and always room for growth. I fell into that same trap early on of doing things I wasn't really into out of desperation for the money. The thing is though, that guy comes back and wants it again, more extreme this time. Where is the line? You'll spend that money before you know it but you can't get back your mental health as easily. It's ok to focus on building a business that works for you. The time you spend in a show hating what your doing is time you could be in free chat snagging a client that doesn't make you hate your job. I have no problem telling somebody they aren't my target audience and suggesting they look elsewhere for their kink. I love this industry. I love that there is an audience for such a wide variety of women with vastly different talents. Be true to yourself. That's my best advice.
    Thank you so much for this advice Alyssa. I think sometimes I forget all what you've mentioned & become a bit lost. For me, when I first started camming that was my best time really as I wasn't comparing myself, I wasn't trying to live up to any standards. I was just being myself.
    Wasn't until now (years down the line) I actually started to do this. And you're right that is what's great about the industry is that there is no one type or one style. There is a woman for everyones needs. Feel like pinning this advice on my wall to look at each day.

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  36. #20
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    Default Re: Can't compete with the high standards - Low self confidence

    If one thing i have learned or trying to but almost there is to not get my emotions too much take me over. That includes guilt.
    This is a business. You give a service. You sell videos. People pay and sometimes spend too much. That should not be your problem.These are grown up men.
    Also women get broke spending money on things they love. Carrie Bradshaw spent all her paycheck on shoes. Should stores be guilty of that?
    I have a friend who likes to spend money or makeup and seriously like top brands.
    If people like something or love something they spend money.
    I do have a problem of being emotionally atached at times and less than before - if i can tell you anything right now is you need to detach yourself and become best at what you do and if people buy it means is a good thing. Yes they spend their money but it also brought them joy- the product they bought.
    Last edited by Dorothea; 08-28-2018 at 12:55 AM.

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  38. #21
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    Default Does anyone not cam or make clips?

    Hi Ladies,

    I have a big issue with my anxiety when I make clips and go on cam, I never used to have this issue but it's become quite apparent that this is now an issue for me.
    I do domme and can vanilla too, I currently do NF (one profile) and have all my 200+ videos out there selling and I do AW phones.
    I'm based in the UK so can't seem to work for any other text sites as they only accept US residents.

    Do any of you make it in the industry without camming or making clips? Is it possible to make $6k+ a month doing this or is that a bit unrealistic?
    Are there any other options to add on board.

    I hate to let my panic and anxiety get the better of me but I keep attempting it and failing everytime.

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  40. #22
    God/dess sexysusie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Can't compete with the high standards - Low self confidence

    I'm sure with time you'll get back into the swing of cam. It's certainly more lucrative than the other adult options. To be honest i don't think you could make 6k per month with phone and content alone. If you add in another couple of work from home jobs and manage your time VERY well maybe.

    If it's any help to you i have anxiety too and am a total mess the majority of the time lol. it's a real pain to get presentable enough both physically and mentally to cam but i manage it and do a lot of domme. I'm not even remotely dominant really but they still come back again and again.

    In the private section btw we are talking about a couple of other ways to make money aside from camming.

    You can do this x
    "If you want to earn more, learn more" ~ Zig Ziglar




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  42. #23
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    Default Re: Can't compete with the high standards - Low self confidence

    Quote Originally Posted by sexysusie View Post
    I'm sure with time you'll get back into the swing of cam. It's certainly more lucrative than the other adult options. To be honest i don't think you could make 6k per month with phone and content alone. If you add in another couple of work from home jobs and manage your time VERY well maybe.

    If it's any help to you i have anxiety too and am a total mess the majority of the time lol. it's a real pain to get presentable enough both physically and mentally to cam but i manage it and do a lot of domme. I'm not even remotely dominant really but they still come back again and again.

    In the private section btw we are talking about a couple of other ways to make money aside from camming.

    You can do this x
    Thank you Susie for your advice/encouragment. To be honest I do find it way more hard work and more work when doing these other things, compared to cam. I kinda miss just logging on cam for x amount of hours a day and making money and logging off and not thinking of anything else.
    How do I access the private section?x

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    Default Re: Does anyone not cam or make clips?

    Look into Amberly Rothfield - She has valuable info for free on how to bank on NF
    Seriously though - I do the same and its because I put way too much pressure on myself to be perfect. I end up not doing anything because I dont feel it would be good enough anyway.

    Why not just strip right back to doing webcam only. Log on for x amount of hours and see what happens. You may enjoy it x

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  45. #25
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    Default Re: Does anyone not cam or make clips?

    Quote Originally Posted by LolaLu View Post
    Look into Amberly Rothfield - She has valuable info for free on how to bank on NF
    Seriously though - I do the same and its because I put way too much pressure on myself to be perfect. I end up not doing anything because I dont feel it would be good enough anyway.

    Why not just strip right back to doing webcam only. Log on for x amount of hours and see what happens. You may enjoy it x
    Yeah I've read her book. I do pretty well on NF. I don't take many calls at all and make about $2k a month there which is great because it's all pretty much passive. I feel SO tempted all the time to just go back to basics, go back to where I come from AW and maybe a touch of MFC and just stick all of what I am doing on the back burner.

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