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Thread: Life :)

  1. #1
    Senior Member BabyWillow's Avatar
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    Default Life :)

    Last edited by BabyWillow; 09-17-2018 at 11:59 AM.

  2. #2
    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: No More Sex?!

    Some people just don’t agree on the kid thing. And that’s okay. And yes it’s usually a relationship dealbreaker cause both parties need to be on the same page about that. Better to find out now then after you married n shit.

    There’s this Asian lady on a talk show I forget her name but she was married to this dude and at the time they married neither one of them wanted kids. Then like a few years later he changes his mind but she’s still dead set in no kids. She ended up divorcing him because she loved him enough to allow him to fill his need to have kids - with someone else.

    Do not change your mind about what you truly desire (abortion is a big deal and the woman is the one who bears the brunt of that decision) and do not try to convince/manipulate him to want to have kids. If you do have sex with him again always use birth control. But better yet, find a guy that has the same values as you when it comes to family planning/having kids.

    Hes actually doing the right thing based on his desire to not have kids because technically no birth control method is 100 foolproof - it can fail due to human error or a malfunction of the method itself. So the best way to prevent that it to not have intercourse until you are ready to raise a kid in the event the bc method fails.

    You will need to respect his wishes. If it does not resonate with you then find a man who has the same desires as you.

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    Default Re: No More Sex?!

    If he truly does not want kids he could get a vasectomy. Guys don't always think about that and put the onus of birth control and pregnancy prevention on the woman. It doesn't sound like anything is going to change with him unless you go on birth control since he seems to feel so strongly against having kids. You should just find another man who is open to the possibility of having a kid.
    Last edited by WendiStarr; 09-15-2018 at 06:54 PM.

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    Default Re: No More Sex?!

    So, rather than talking this issue out like a rational adult, he's throwing a temper tantrum, taking his toys and going home.

    This is emotional abuse. He knows that withdrawing sexual intimacy is going to knock you off balance. He's expecting you to kowtow to his demands, make amends for saying the wrong thing and maybe, if he sees fit to, will forgive you.

    Until you say something else that he doesn't like.

    Get rid of him. It only gets worse with these types.

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    Featured Member Winged Dinghy's Avatar
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    Default Re: No More Sex?!

    It sounds like he has some sexual issue that makes him want to avoid physical intimacy that he's not being honest about. I think he set you up with that "do you want kids?" question and used your totally reasonable answer as an excuse to stop having p-in-v sex.

    Unpopular opinion, but I think long-distance relationships where you've only met a couple times IRL aren't real romantic partnerships. And if he's causing you stress and turmoil to where it's affecting your livelihood? Ditch him.

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    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
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    Default Re: No More Sex?!

    ^ Yes, something is up.
    He could bring his own condoms ( risk of pin hole in it down to 0% and yes men do think of things like this ).

    Just to be clear , I’m not saying you’d botch BC !! I just meant that is what he could do if he was paranoid.
    It sounds like there is something you might not know.

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    Veteran Member Elle:)'s Avatar
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    Default Re: No More Sex?!

    How about a condom? I also don't like the way he sounds, he sounds abusive to me.

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    Default Re: No More Sex?!

    Quote Originally Posted by carmen_b View Post
    It sounds like there is something you might not know.
    Yep. He's being weird. He is playing mind games and passive aggressively making you feel at fault...maybe he feels guilty about something and is taking it out on you. You've met twice in 9 months? He's being weird.

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    Default Re: No More Sex?!

    Maybe I'm weird too (or just old-school) but I don't believe you can truly know someone when the majority of your interaction has been digital. Long distance relationships are difficult enough as it is. In situations where you've spent time together before one person moves away, for example, you've at least had the chance to develop something authentic first.

    Also I agree with kirakonstantin. Only you know the tone and context of what he says, but I think he is trying to neg and gaslight to throw you off balance.

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  16. #10
    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: No More Sex?!

    Maybe he is just asexual, maybe he can’t afford to risk having a kid right now, Maybe he’s closeted gay, maybe he’s a narcissistic abuser - who knows!

    What we do know is.....

    People do shit, then realize they are not happy with what they are doing, then change their mind all the time

    Sounds like dude simply changed his mind - for whatever reason. .

    The solution is simple, change your mind and find someone who is a better match for you. You are too attached to the outcome with this specific man and that is going to drive you up the wall.

    You looking for someone intelligent, hardworking, and caring ..... hell that’s at least half the male population- you don’t need this one dude. IMO you need to find someone to help you so you won’t have to work 3 jobs. You should not be feeling a void. Fuck that! You get off stripperwebs and go line up a date with someone better than that dude.
    Last edited by miss.a.p1600; 09-16-2018 at 07:38 AM.

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  18. #11
    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
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    Default Re: No More Sex?!

    ^ yes.
    There could be a strong chance of another gf / wife ( in his area ) or a number of other things .
    It doesn’t seem unreasonable that you would want romance or interaction at least once a week.
    It’s been 9 months I think and you guys don’t have a plan for one of you to move to the others area.

    I wouldn’t worry about what he does anymore. There are so many guys near you who could offer interaction / romance / sex with no weirdness . I know it can be hard to meet someone you are attracted to ( if you are picky like me it’s not easy ) but keep trying !

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  20. #12
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    Default Re: No More Sex?!

    This is insane to me. Both sexes want sex with the person they care about. He is withholding it for a reason..like others have said above.

    I can only assume this reason is to gain emotional control over you. It has happened to me, and it has happened to the best of us. He is calling the shots on an issue that he can also take responsibility for.

    Either that, or "the shit just got real" and too real for him. Listen, you guys have a long distance relationship. It is not as if you are taking this risk with him having sex every night. But, he has shown he is incapable of communicating about this (especially if having a kid is so important to him) which is a red flag. He has to take responsibility for this as well. You guys talking about kids has made him shut down, he fears it, but withholding sex altogether is not the reasonable or even rational way to go about this. Especially since your relationship is long distance, you want to enjoy your time together when you do see each other irl. If this guy is so against having kids, he should have insisted on wearing a condom. Instead, he is going this route and he obviously has issues that are becoming apparent.

    Girl, who knows if this guy will even be around long enough to want to have a kid with HIM. You should have said "yes, one day I want kids with the right man and we are definitely not there yet" That doesn't necessarily mean him and takes the pressure off. You two have a long distance relationship, before a kid talk ever comes up you should be seeing each other regularly in real life, perhaps even living together.

    Guys have their reasons for fearing this as well. Perhaps another woman in his life tried to trap him by having a kid, but it is equally his responsibility. A lot of women say they are on birth control, etc, but they really aren't..so they can get pregnant and trap men. He has to take responsibility for this as well, and wear a condom/get vasectomy, etc. His previous experiences with this are effecting his present and he should not let his past dictate his present, take responsibility and communicate.

    The problem with internet based relationships is they allow two people to live in a fantasy. It may be very real to you, the words both him and you are saying, the connection you feel online, etc...but if you met him online, he is living in online fantasy land. He knows he has you emotionally hooked and is playing with your emotions to gain control of you and your decisions. I would tell him point blank what I said above, you would like kids one day but who is to say that you and him will be together when that time comes. That will throw HIM for a loop and you will regain control of the situation. Your situation differs greatly from meeting/dating in real life, and then one of you moves away and you must maintain your relationship online and must have a long distance relationship. You have become emotionally dependent on him and he knows what he is saying and doing is effecting you. Do not let him know this and I hope you have not. Regain control of this situation by distancing yourself emotionally for the time being, and putting him in check. Point out the reality: You are not sleeping together regularly, he decided not to use the condom and must from this point forward, and you two are so far apart that it is asinine for him to bring up the topic and express these fears to begin with, let alone withholding sex. Tell him that it is something you want in your future and you are not sure if he will even be a part of that future....and you two both took a risk by not using protection. His rational mind will take over from here, hopefully lol. Is it worth the stress though? This emotional entanglement will be more difficult for you. If he can cut you off sexually because of his own issues, he can easily end this relationship at any time. You will be left devastated if you do not keep your emotions in check. End novel.

    I learned from the best btw, I was dating a professional pick up artist for a while. All men try to gain control and compliance from women by way of their emotions. If you show him you are in full control of your emotions, he cannot do anything to harm you emotionally.
    Visit www.thestonerette.com right now and puff, puff, pout! TheStonerette is a blog dedicated to female stoners from all walks of life! TheStonerette features beauty how-to's, sex tips, candid stiletto stoner interviews, and so much more! Cheif it up and check us out right now!

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    Default Re: No More Sex?!

    Wait a minute, you two have both made it clear that it is just a physical thing but you have "grown close"...girl you broke a cardinal rule of a FWB especially if it is long distance...you are emotionally attached and talking about a future when you do not even have a present. You agreed to a purely physical relationship, so you two talking on a daily basis is also not good, more so in your case. If you two are not in any semblance of a relationship, the kid talk and his reaction to it never should have come up to begin with. Like someone said above, you are too attached to the outcome. I am not lecturing you but you are wayyy too hung up on a guy who isn't even a part of your day to day life. Go find a hot local dude to satisfy your sexual desires and date. You are way too busy for this shit lol.

    I know all too well loneliness is a bitch. There are ways you can work on this, and no external person or factors will help the fact that you are lonely. Guys can also sense this and take advantage of it, getting what they can from you and preying on this, then ditching you when you try to get close, or talk about any kind of relationship or future. If you like, pm me and I will send you some links to work on your loneliness and gain control of your emotions. This puts you in the drivers seat, rather then your emotions controlling you, you can control them. I do practice what I preach but it is NOT EASY and takes time, patience and practice. If I do not practice regularly, I easily fall into old habits.

    Gaining control of our emotions as women is absolutely vital to our success in our careers, social life and in our relationships. How many times do you see in your girlfriends that men are running them? Why? Because they cannot control their own emotions. How many times do you see women on this forum getting into a negative mind set about work and it effecting their money..this is due to the fact that they are not controlling their emotions and it is effecting their decision making and judgment. Enough is enough. I would love to have a few girls who are in it to win it, a support system. We can vent with each other, talk, etc...but the main focus is gaining control of our own emotions and becoming high value women who run our own lives, minds, and men.
    Visit www.thestonerette.com right now and puff, puff, pout! TheStonerette is a blog dedicated to female stoners from all walks of life! TheStonerette features beauty how-to's, sex tips, candid stiletto stoner interviews, and so much more! Cheif it up and check us out right now!

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  24. #14
    Senior Member BabyWillow's Avatar
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    Default Re: No More Sex?!

    No we were very VERY emotionally attached before it became physical. Sorry for that misunderstanding.

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    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
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    Default Re: No More Sex?!

    ^ Look up emotional abuse just in case and see if any other signs register. Withholding sex is always on the lists.

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    Default Re: No More Sex?!

    Quote Originally Posted by BabyWillow View Post
    Ay caramba! Cyberstripper, thank you. But I'm scared to try to show him I have control of my emotions when I feel like I don't if I am so sad about this situation. I don't even want to try because he reads through bullshit so well. I'll try to distance myself from him, but as I am typing this, we're Facetiming just living our mundane lives together. It's hard not to answer his calls because seeing his name pop up on my phone makes me so excited! lol. I am so pathetic :F
    You are not pathetic, this is natural hun...but he has made it clear he does not want a relationship with you. You have to protect yourself for your own mental health and sanity. Men do not get wrapped up in their emotions how we do, we are wired differently. Any guy who says otherwise is full of shit, and doing so to gain even more control of your emotions. Yes, guys have feelings too, but I smell bullshit. Why bother if he is withholding sex? You have been vulnerable and men love vulnerability because they see we trust them enough to let our guard down, but guys like this like it for the wrong reasons. Stop wasting your time. I know it is hard but you can do this.

    I was really hung up on the PUA I was dating, I admit. I learned the hard way. I never got that hung up on a man in my entire life, but he used his powers on me, was very skilled at manipulation, game playing and to top that off he has a degree in CBT. This man was dangerous. I was lonely, isolated, working too much and he preyed on that. When he flat out started denying sex, talking to me only when he wanted something/or it was convenient for him, etc it destroyed me for a bit. I will never forget my platonic male friend checking on me one night. My house was a mess, I was a mess, I was eating like crap. When he threw my mcdonalds happy meal boxes at me it struck a nerve. He told me it was not me. The next day, I started distancing myself, and as I got this man out of my system, I have never felt better or more empowered taking control of my own situation. My friend has given me great advice since then, similar to the advice I shared with you. We cannot rely on anyone but us to make US happy. If we rely on men to make us happy, they have ultimate control. We also must learn to love ourselves first, this puts us in the drivers seat as future men see we are happy and content in our lives. Meaning, we do not NEED a man, but we WANT one. Those are two very different things. All of us have been there, and we can give you all of the advice in the world..but I had to learn my lesson the hard way.

    It helps me to control my own emotions to truly write about how I feel, and let it out. I can re-read it...whether it is my ex or someone at work who pisses me off, instead of focusing on bitching, venting, etc...writing it out for me helps me really see what is going on in my own mind, gain perspective, address it, and move forward. If I need advice from there, then I can gain others perspectives coming from a more rational place. It has been a great part of my practice.
    Visit www.thestonerette.com right now and puff, puff, pout! TheStonerette is a blog dedicated to female stoners from all walks of life! TheStonerette features beauty how-to's, sex tips, candid stiletto stoner interviews, and so much more! Cheif it up and check us out right now!

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    Default Re: No More Sex?!

    Quote Originally Posted by BabyWillow View Post
    He’s so weird! ☹️ He said he doesn’t think that I have any friends, and that’s my problem.

    “We’re not dating, and you need to stop thinking we are. If you felt like we were single, then this would all be icing on the cake and you wouldn’t expect it from me.” ����

    This is more than over the line abusive

    What he has done is pull you in and gained control by pushing you away


    Run

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