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Thread: Stalker

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    Featured Member jasmine22's Avatar
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    Default Stalker

    Anyone ever have a customer stalk them? If so, how did you handle it?

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    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stalker

    Report them. Anonymously if necessary.

    Practice self defense

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    Default Re: Stalker

    Only in the very beginning of my career, before I got smarter and stronger. I got lucky in each case because each of them left me alone eventually. I let them both know explicitly that I wanted nothing to do with them and I demanded that they leave me alone, or else I report their harassment to authorities. The one guy just stopped texting me after I told him I wanted nothing to do with him, and the other I just blocked his number and moved away (not because of him though). Tell him to leave you alone, have others help you out if possible, report it to the police, and document any harassment as proof if needed. If it’s through the phone, block his number (or change yours if it’s that bad)

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    Default Re: Stalker

    I consider myself an expert at dealing with stalkers. Honestly, not victim blaming but I quit being so nice and most people just leave alone. I was a lot younger and more innocent when I was getting restraining orders like people get the latest iPhone.

    I read a book called how to stay safe in an unsafe world and there’s research that shows perpetrators often subconsciously choose people who have been victimized before. Not victim blaming, but being more confident and assertive has helped.

    The above advice. Be direct and don’t be afraid to be a bitch. The longer it goes on the worst it gets. So the first time a guy makes me feel uncomfortable or does anything creepy I try to confront them and let them know I’m the wrong bitch to mess with.

    If words don’t work the DV shelter is an excellent resource for restraining orders and safety planning.
    Last edited by Ifyouseekamy; 09-18-2018 at 03:04 AM.

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    Default Re: Stalker

    My stalker still contacts me through email since that is the only medium that I can’t block him on (I never respond). The guy speaks as if I’m just going through some typical female tantrum and, through patience, I’ll eventually see that I’m just tripping. His last email sounded like he was talking to someone he thought was his girlfriend. I can only suggest what I’ve done.

    Block him on everything and then proactively block him on everything else (even if he doesn’t follow you on IG, try to find him and block him). Tell the guy one good time (preferably in the beginning) that you aren’t talking to him again and then make good on that promise. My cell phone is terrible at actually blocking ppl even though it gives the option to so I downloaded a “block number “ app to take care of harassing calls and texts. Don’t answer numbers you don’t know. And, back to the app idea, download a free phone number app so that you can still give your number out if you wish without worrying about someone having your REAL number.

    Never give a guy more than one way to contact you. And all physical stalking attempts need to be taken seriously - it’s enough to get a restraining order in my opinion.
    “what do you do in prvt?”
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    Default Re: Stalker

    If this person sent something to your addrsss, should you go to the police? I told him to leave me alone since now I know who it is after he texted me(long story). I ended up changing my address to a P.O. box for now which really sucks that I need to do that. It just freaks me out I don’t know how this person could’ve gotten my address. He had my phone number but that was it.

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    Veteran Member NitaBaby's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stalker

    Quote Originally Posted by jasmine22 View Post
    If this person sent something to your addrsss, should you go to the police? I told him to leave me alone since now I know who it is after he texted me(long story). I ended up changing my address to a P.O. box for now which really sucks that I need to do that. It just freaks me out I don’t know how this person could’ve gotten my address. He had my phone number but that was it.

    I once gave someone my number and they were under the impression that my name was “Tommie”. The next time I spoke to him he said, “is your name [insert real name here]?”. Take my word for it when I say there is NO possible way he could have just found my real name. He couldn’t have spoken to someone that I know or anyone that I work with to find this out. He didn’t even live in the same state as me. So just trust me on this, he had to have done a search on me.

    I was talking to someone else also so I tried it myself after that incident and (with this other guys number) I was able to confirm his first name (and learn his last name). I saw his last three addresses and the name (and last three addresses) of his wife. It showed his social media accounts, birthday, and the option to check his criminal history for a few extra dollars. It was so much info that I felt gross and stopped talking to him after that. I just wanted to know how someone could have learned MY first name.

    Tbh I think sites like BeenVerified shouldn’t even exist unless you have a serious criminal history or something. I don’t know.

    I don’t know what the rules or laws are in regards to mail. If it’s not a dangerous or threatening item and you don’t already have a restraining order in place then I don’t know what the police would do.
    “what do you do in prvt?”
    “no sound bb....can you type?”
    “stand first, then we go prvt”
    “raceplay, bb?”
    ”Hi.”

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    Featured Member jasmine22's Avatar
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    Default Re: Stalker

    Yeah at least now I know who it is. I told him to stop, so if he becomes threatening or continues to contact me then I would go to the police. It’s sad that these men can become so obsessed with us we just there to entertain them. I do know that you have to tell someone to leave you alone first, and at least I have evidence of that. I’ve been making myself sick over his shit and no one should have to feel this way. I can only imagine what a celebrity would go through.

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    Default Re: Stalker

    I have had a few stalkers over the years. I agree with the being too nice thing. That was my problem too. Act more like a bitch and they might back off but if it's a bat shit crazy guy, he'll only see you as a challenge and become more aggressive in his stalking antics. If you've already told him to leave you alone and have evidence of that, if he contacts you again go to the police. Stalkers are creepy and delusional. They don't live in real life. They live in their minds and can be dangerous. In their deranged minds they can think that you're their girlfriend and that you're theirs and nobody else's, just because you were nice to them and gave them a couple lap dances. I'm sorry you're going through this. Definitely make a police report if he keeps on stalking.

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    Default Re: Stalker

    I am going to see if I can find my old posts, I do not feel like typing it all out again. However, OP, if this is a true stalker- telling them to leave you alone, is not doing anything. Just being honest.
    XoXo Gia
    Danielle Fishell (the Dish): "If the Super-Star thing doesn't work out, Gia makes a great stripper name"




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    Default Re: Stalker

    Here is an old post of mine.... note this happened to me close to 10 years ago when there wasn't so much social media either...


    I don't want to go super into detail about my stalker experience but I do want to share so maybe I can help somebody??

    I worked at this one club... I was leaving and dropped off 2 of the girls up the street because they were staying in a hotel (drove north from club), then turned around to head toward my house, south and east. I saw a car following me. I had seen them pull out of the club's parking lot but didn't think anything of it until I started driving to a different part of the county.

    Immediately I was worried about the person trying to rob me or sexually assault me. I don't think anyone's first inclination is "I have a stalker situation". So I tried to lose the person. I got to a main road (US 1 if you are familiar with South Fl). He pulled up beside me to get my attention. I cracked my window and he told me I had a flat tire.

    I drove a BMW with drive flat radials at the time so I knew he was lying to me. I was scared. I sped off and went through a residential neighborhood. I didn't see him anymore so I went back to the main road and pulled into a well lit gas station. He pulled in in front of me and blocked my car in. He got out and began pleading to talk to me. He was saying crazy shit like "We just have a special connection", "Please just talk to me, for one minute" he was trying to convince me that if I gave him the chance he would be able to explain this magical connection between us. I had never spoken to the guy in the club or danced for him. I do recall seeing him in there that night- alone at a table near the back drinking a dark colored liquor.

    The guy from the gas station came out and asked me if everything was ok. I asked him to call the cops. Cops came, escorted me home and even stayed outside for a few hours until the sun came up. They told me to file a report the next day with the cops in the city where my club was. I did but I didn't have a clue who the guy was except to give a description of the car.

    Over the next few weeks my home was vandalized when I stayed the night at a guys house, someone tried to break into my apartment and my neighbor told me she had seen a car parked outside several times. I found a piece of paper on the ground that had the name of my counselor written on it and my class schedule for school. She had seen 2 different men, one of them was bald headed. She saw a sticker for special forces or marines or something like that. This is an important detail because he probably was following me around and could possibly have gotten into my home and done whatever else and I wouldn't have known because he had training in this. He even got his sicko friend in on it too somehow.

    I see him again in the club a few weeks later. I was scared shitless, but the club and management knew I was having the issues with him. I know it was not the smartest thing to do but I told the manager I was going to go up to him. On the one hand I wanted to get his name and some info so I could give it to the police and also to the club so they would know not to let him back in. I could not really have the "guy with the white jeep who wears glasses" banned. Also, part of my thought if I actually talked to him I could say something that would make the stalking stop or turn him off.

    I went over and sat with him. His name was Andy. He WAS in the military. He complimented my hair. It was dark/dirty blonde and curly. He told me it was the exact same and his ex-wive's hair. That was when i realized where the obsession stemmed from. He begged and pleaded for me to get dinner with him. I told him I had a boyfriend; got away from him and went on with my day. The bouncers got his DL from him and took a copy of it. The cop who took the initial report came back and we gave them Andy's information. I know he did speak to him at some point because the guy was a detective and he followed back up with me later.

    Anyway, stalking got much, much worse. I was in constant fear. I was actually dating someone at the time and he was a drug dealer. (Yes, I know this was also stupid but I was like 23 and I am a huge Golddigger) I was worried Andy would call the cops on him or confront him or something and someone was going to get shot. Also, forgot to add earlier- initially I thought some of the surveillance I was under was because of the boyfriend but I think it was really the stalker. He may have already been obsessing over me since before the incident at the club. I became so paranoid I started doing things like changing my number. I got a different car. I constantly worried he was going to break into my house and kill my dog. No clue why I thought that. It's just it got to the point where my own thoughts were becoming irrational.

    I remember calling my Mom from a payphone and crying I wanted to go home but I didn't tell her about the stalker because I didn't want her to worry or I somehow felt like I was to blame. I don't know why I blamed myself. For being a stripper or for talking to him that day or because I couldn't get rid of him?

    Anyway, I did go home. For I pulled out of school for the semester and went back to New England for six weeks. It was pretty shitty. I didn't want to strip while I was there so I mostly hung out with friends. I got my ex-boyfriend to give me some money. I began to feel safe again.

    Came back to Florida. I even went back to the same apartment. The landlord had replaced the door for me that had been vandalized and put a motion light up for me. It was so refreshing to feel somewhat back to normal.

    Three years later- I am at a different club. Who do I See sitting at the bar but f**king Andy and his bald headed friend. My stomach dropped. I thought- great he knows I am back and where I work now; here we go again! I immediately told the GM, who is a career strip club manager and he f**king laughed at me!! Laughed!! Said something like "Oh, your stalker, ok". This is unfortunately the attitude so many people have. Outside of California or the one detective who took the report... like it is not a big deal or I was trying to get attention or be dramatic.

    Anyway, I had changed my look quite a bit. I was wearing colored contacts and my hair was platinum blonde and straight. Andy's stupid fucking friend was looking at me and I am pretty sure not only did he recognize me but he knew that I knew who he was. Anyway, stalking did not resume. Not sure if he had moved on to some other poor girl or maybe it was literally my hair (also many serial killers have this thing with hair style and colors- so weird). All I know is it had stopped. I saw him a few times here and there at the club and made sure the managers all knew who he was. Since I did not have a restraining order on him and he was not bothering me or any of the other girls they never kicked him out. To be honest I can not even say I am mad about it.

    My older sister also had a stalking incident that was so bad the guy was sent to prison but I'll save that for another day.

    Now that I have shared all of this.. back to the topic at hand. I DID not have friends at that club who knew my real name. There was only one girl that worked there I ever hung out with and a bouncer from Boston I occasionally chatted with. They called me Gia, outside the club. My damn hairdresser even called me Gia back then. My car was not registered to the address of the apartment, it was still registered to my Mom's house up north. The night I know for certain he followed me from the club; I stayed at that gas station until the cops came and they escorted me to my house. I took all the precautions. It did nothing to prevent this.

    This guy still found out where I lived, where I went to school, my counselors name, my class schedule, my phone number, most likely knew where my BF lived since he spray painted WHORE on my front door when I slept there... I don't know what else. He could have been inside the apartment and gone through my things... he seemed like he was capable of nearly anything. I still don't know if he coincidentally showed up at my new club or somehow found out I worked there and went looking for me? But, this is why we use stage names in this industry. So when people make dumb ass comments about your real name or ask you about your real name, please remember this.
    XoXo Gia
    Danielle Fishell (the Dish): "If the Super-Star thing doesn't work out, Gia makes a great stripper name"




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    Default Re: Stalker

    Quote Originally Posted by jasmine22 View Post
    If this person sent something to your addrsss, should you go to the police? I told him to leave me alone since now I know who it is after he texted me(long story). I ended up changing my address to a P.O. box for now which really sucks that I need to do that. It just freaks me out I don’t know how this person could’ve gotten my address. He had my phone number but that was it.
    Did he have your real number? If so a reverse phone number check will show your address. I’m sorry.

    I would go to the DV shelter immediately to get support. You can call the police, but unfortunately sending someone a package is not illegal, so be prepared for them to say that.

    I’ve had lots of stalkers. It’s scary, but I’m alive. So stay safe, but try not to drive yourself crazy with worry.

    Stay at friends or family if need be. Know your surroundings. Keep your phone plugged and and take it with you. Extra security around the apartment and deadbolts can help you feel safe. Take care of yourself.

    File this under Information I wish women didn’t need to know
    https://sapac.umich.edu/article/320
    Last edited by Ifyouseekamy; 09-18-2018 at 02:12 PM.

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    Default Re: Stalker

    Easiest way to handle a persistent stalker issue is- get a guard dog. A large breed one. They are expensive but Rover will die fighting off anyone trying to attack you.

    I'm a huge advocate of women using guns IF they have a serious concern about personal safety. I don't want this discussion to veer off into a gun rights arguments so I'll just leave it at that.
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