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Thread: Coming out to catholic parents

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    Default Coming out to catholic parents

    Hi everyone!

    I know this has been talked about before, but I went looking for advice on how to deal with parents getting involved in our work and couldn't find much. Anyway, I could use a little support & wisdom on the subject for my particular situation because I'm flustered as fuck.

    So I've reestablished a relationship with my folks after 6 years, my dad is old and has cancer so I decided it was time. To clarify, my parents are dysfunctional beyond belief, were physically/emotionally abusive up until I stopped speaking to them. They're less abusive now, but my mom is still super manipulative & shitty and my dad is still a judgey patriarch lol. They recently decided to move to the same city as me after 10 years of being 1,000+ miles apart! My mom has little boundaries & has stalked me before and I know she's going to find out what I do. Both of my parents are super catholic and shame-y/sex negative people, they're not snobby conservative types though! They're more like sad christian rednecks so it's just a weird thing because it's not like I can reason with them on an intellectual or practical level.

    I've been stripping for three years because it enabled me do pay for school while being involved in social justice work that pays very little. I'm proud of what I've accomplished and I'm proud of being a dancer and genuinely enjoy it.

    So my folks are in town this week and I'm thinking that if they inquire more about my work, I'm going to be super casual and say I work at a titty bar. If they give me any shit I'm just going to take the funny approach and crack some joke about taking money from the rich to give myself an education and just mention that I'm really proud of having a job that has helped me achieve my goals etc.. I don't want to give them any reason to believe that they have a reason to be bothered by what I do.

    Anyone been through this? It's just about being brave and not giving a fuck right?

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    Default Re: Coming out to catholic parents

    Honestly they're in such desperate straits they cannot afford to alienate you. People get mighty agreeable when they need rides to the Emergency Room or a short term loan until payday.

    I'd keep lying just to save the grief of having them freak out over late night phone calls or News alerts about muggings and assaults.

    Do whatever makes you feel better...

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    Default Re: Coming out to catholic parents

    I had problems with a judgmental mother and a boundaries-challenged father. What I wish I had had the balls to do waaaaaaaay sooner than I did, because they found out when a spiteful straight employer outed me 'accidentally' (Oops! My bad! I thought your relationship was better than that, I thought you knew she was stripping on the side! Tee hee!) ... buck up and own it.

    If they are stalkery ... well, that's what you get for getting up in my business instead of minding yours. Sometimes you dig up stuff you really, really don't want to know.
    Manipulative ... tell her flatly to take that 'tude and shove it.
    Running their mouths about how dancers are all Godless hoes with no respect for themselves, yadda yadda yadda ... 'Maybe when you've done the job yourself you will have something to say about it that's worth listening to.'

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    Default Re: Coming out to catholic parents

    Quote Originally Posted by beverly_worldshaker View Post
    Hi everyone!

    I know this has been talked about before, but I went looking for advice on how to deal with parents getting involved in our work and couldn't find much. Anyway, I could use a little support & wisdom on the subject for my particular situation because I'm flustered as fuck.

    So I've reestablished a relationship with my folks after 6 years, my dad is old and has cancer so I decided it was time. To clarify, my parents are dysfunctional beyond belief, were physically/emotionally abusive up until I stopped speaking to them. They're less abusive now, but my mom is still super manipulative & shitty and my dad is still a judgey patriarch lol. They recently decided to move to the same city as me after 10 years of being 1,000+ miles apart! My mom has little boundaries & has stalked me before and I know she's going to find out what I do. Both of my parents are super catholic and shame-y/sex negative people, they're not snobby conservative types though! They're more like sad christian rednecks so it's just a weird thing because it's not like I can reason with them on an intellectual or practical level.

    I've been stripping for three years because it enabled me do pay for school while being involved in social justice work that pays very little. I'm proud of what I've accomplished and I'm proud of being a dancer and genuinely enjoy it.

    So my folks are in town this week and I'm thinking that if they inquire more about my work, I'm going to be super casual and say I work at a titty bar. If they give me any shit I'm just going to take the funny approach and crack some joke about taking money from the rich to give myself an education and just mention that I'm really proud of having a job that has helped me achieve my goals etc.. I don't want to give them any reason to believe that they have a reason to be bothered by what I do.

    Anyone been through this? It's just about being brave and not giving a fuck right?
    Don't even bother explaining anything to them. And it's like you said, like, bothering to reason with somebody who doesn't have the capacity to understand. Just try to be understanding and loving, for what they are. Plus you really think you need to explain yourself, to them?

    And more regarding boundaries, I would not share anything I'm not comfortable with. You have to be firm with stating your boundaries. Or just ignore them, if they continue to ask questions you don't want to answer. OR, lie:
    Last edited by yaya_cash; 10-03-2018 at 07:06 PM.

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    Default Re: Coming out to catholic parents

    Can't you just say you bartend or waitress?....

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    Default Re: Coming out to catholic parents

    What’s funny is my mom came over today as I was coming home from the gym I’m my sports bra and gym shorts. She was like “don’t you think that’s showing a lot” lol (she’s old school). In my mind I was like “if only you knew what I was really doing”... needlesss to say, she doesn’t know what I do either and we have a great relationship that I don’t want to fall apart. I know she’ll still love me no matter what but I don’t feel nor owe an explanation for what I do. I’d say just say your driving Uber or something where you set your own schedule.

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    Default Re: Coming out to catholic parents

    Hey yall! Thank you for your sharing your thoughts & advice, the uber idea was a really good one. Also I appreciated you guys reminding me that my folks don't have room to judge me, like really lol. I ended up casually bringing it up while I was driving with them in the backseat. Better to not face them lol. My parents watch fox news and are pretty impressionable, so I suspected that they would follow my lead if I was belligerently confidant enough. I just cracked a lot of jokes and told them the best stories about customers and they had a laugh. My folks are so money focused so I mentioned numbers & they couldnt rly argue with that. My mom was severely sexually harassed when she worked at pizza hut many years ago, she took it to court and the judge sided with the harasser. So I kinda related to her on that too. I mentioned that I had been harassed working at restaurants and no one cared, and that at least at my club I am protected from dealing with fuckers & am believed when I tell the bouncers. I just feel like the best thing for me was to stand my ground and not give any reason to be ashamed of what I do, an attempt at normalizing it. So far so good but I imagine it'll be used against me at some point in time, but I feel like that's easier for me than internalizing secrets.

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    Default Re: Coming out to catholic parents

    Good for you! Stay strong

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    Exclamation Re: Coming out to catholic parents

    I was just sharing about my dysfunctional family...lol. I’m in that phase of wanting to try one last time to make it work. It’s so hard. Living with FOG -fear, obligation, and guilt is a bitch.

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