Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: Dealing with bad suicidal thoughts ( break up related ), could use support

  1. #1
    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Back Home
    Posts
    4,596
    Thanks
    4,311
    Thanked 3,001 Times in 1,487 Posts

    Default Dealing with bad suicidal thoughts ( break up related ), could use support

    ( Will probably delete soon honestly but any comments or PM's would be helpful ! )

    OMG. This just isn't easy.

    Ex ( 7 years until late August ) was here today packing up for his ridiculous road trip to meet that ex who left him 12 years ago and " clear his mind ". ;(

    I'm in pretty bad shape ( have had to call parents / friend / get emergency meeting with counselor ect. )

    I'm back into those bad suicidal feelings ( something that have lightened up a lot in the past week ). He moved out Sept. 6th ( you might remember my other posts about the very slow removal of his things ).
    I fought a hard fight to get feeling better all of Sept. and just was starting to feel a little better in Oct.


    I think that I will need to set a boundary to not see him. Period. Ever. I think I realized it is triggering regression in me.
    We share a dog and sharing the custody has left me in a vulnerable position ( I let him retain a key ).
    I am going to re-set things. Change the lock. Not See him. I told him that " if things turned romantic " this weekend that I was done forever ( no option to reconnect ). Then it occurred to me as he got on the road that I just want to be done NOW . I am too upset that he would even go on this trip to forgive him ( even if nothing physical happens ).
    He said he is staying in a youth hostel as if that is any reassurance that there will not be romance.

    I'm obsessing over details like: Why did I even have to KNOW about this trip? I admit that 6 weeks ago I did press for info but I still believe I should have been spared knowing. He could have rented a car instead of insisting on taking the one I was driving. I truly didn't think it would come to this and he would actually go. I really did think that if I eased off ( I did ALL the stuff you are supposed to like very limited contact ) he would regret leaving.
    Last edited by carmen_b; 10-12-2018 at 07:05 PM.

  2. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to carmen_b For This Useful Post:


  3. #2
    Featured Member wish's Avatar
    Joined
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    970
    Thanks
    806
    Thanked 858 Times in 399 Posts

    Default Re: Dealing with bad suicidal thoughts ( break up related ), could use support

    18002738255 call the hotline and discuss it with them. They know better then anyone here.

  4. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to wish For This Useful Post:


  5. #3
    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Back Home
    Posts
    4,596
    Thanks
    4,311
    Thanked 3,001 Times in 1,487 Posts

    Default Re: Dealing with bad suicidal thoughts ( break up related ), could use support

    ^ Thank you. I might call. I have the emergency meeting with counselor scheduled . I hate to bother my family again.
    Last edited by carmen_b; 10-11-2018 at 08:46 PM.

  6. #4
    Featured Member
    Joined
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    972
    Thanks
    2,869
    Thanked 2,152 Times in 727 Posts
    My Mood
    Lonely
    Blog Entries
    8

    Default Re: Dealing with bad suicidal thoughts ( break up related ), could use support

    Quote Originally Posted by carmen_b View Post
    ^ Thank you. I might call. I have the emergency meeting with counselor scheduled . I hate to bother my family again.
    Babe. Your family wants to hear from you. Any decent parent would want to know if there child is sucidal- if your family is safe and healthy you need to ask and accept help.

    What comes to mind is DBT. I don’t know if you’ve heard of it, but basically you do what you can to improve the moment. I have a DBT app on my iPhone. It’s called-DBT distress tolerance tools.

    Can you watch a movie or do something distracting? If you need to get out of your head you can take an ice shower, or put your hands under cold water.

    I always find these phone meeting very comforting. They won’t help much, but just hearing other people experience, strength, and hope helped me during my nervous breakdown.

    http://www.phonemeetings.org
    Al-Anon Phone Meetings Website
    1-712-432-8733 access code 52639# 24 HRS

    This is no substitute for professional help, but this might be enough to get you through until you can see a therapist.

    You are inherently loveable and worthy. Take care of yourself. This too shall pass.
    Last edited by Ifyouseekamy; 10-12-2018 at 04:58 AM.

  7. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Ifyouseekamy For This Useful Post:


  8. #5
    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2010
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    3,858
    Thanks
    3,569
    Thanked 6,324 Times in 2,137 Posts
    My Mood
    Amused

    Default Re: Dealing with bad suicidal thoughts ( break up related ), could use support

    ^ Everything that Ifyouseekany said 100%. This too shall pass. It hurts like hell to lose someone who was part of our life for so long, but the pain will subside over time and you'll eventually find a healthy spot. In the meantime, please seek out help from your family. You are not alone.

    Once this passes, I also agree that seeing him is causing you further pain. He knew what he was doing when he told you about the trip - he was trying to make you feel hurt and jealous. You are under no obligation to share custody of the dog if he willingly left it there - possession really is 9/10s of the law. If I were you, I would change the locks, let him know that you did so (by text) and tell him in no uncertain terms that he is never to come over again.

    As someone who has been through this several times with live-in relationships, I will tell you that you won't really start healing until you make a clean break, as painful as that will be. In the meantime, please seek out help wherever you need it and know that there are many others in your shoes, going through what you are and feeling the same way that you do. It will get better.

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to rickdugan For This Useful Post:


  10. #6
    God/dess WendiStarr's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2013
    Location
    $ville
    Posts
    2,718
    Thanks
    3,286
    Thanked 7,853 Times in 2,291 Posts

    Default Re: Dealing with bad suicidal thoughts ( break up related ), could use support

    In addition to what everybody else mentioned, there is a crisis text line. Text the message HOME to 741741. It's free. I think that your ex knew that you would feel jealous, hurt, and upset over him taking this trip. That's part of the reason why he did it. You feel betrayed by his actions and he is causing you a lot of emotional distress. You shouldn't prolong your pain. Change the locks. The dog is with you? He or she is yours now. No sharing custody. That'll just make it harder for you every time he comes to get the dog. Go no contact with him for now. You are not in a good place mentally and you will only hurt worse the longer you have this connection to him. Because he knows that you'll be hurt he might be the type to want to further rub salt into the wound by telling you what he did with her sexually during this trip to see his ex, whether it happened or not. I've been there before with an ex and believe me, it's much easier to cut ties with him before it gets any worse than it already is. Allowing him to remain in your life is like reloading and handing the gun to him after he already just shot you in the back.

  11. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to WendiStarr For This Useful Post:


  12. #7
    Veteran Member Violethollywood's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2013
    Location
    Idaho
    Posts
    580
    Thanks
    656
    Thanked 1,069 Times in 389 Posts
    My Mood
    Tired

    Default Re: Dealing with bad suicidal thoughts ( break up related ), could use support

    no man is worth being suicidal over . Fuck him. he didnt care about you when he was planning this bullshit trip did he? If I was you, I'd fuck all his friends, LOL. You can do SOOOO MUCH BETTER. im serious. i bet the next guy you land is 10x hotter, 10x richer, 10x better in every aspect then this fucking loser ex .

    Don't give your power away , cut off all ties . change the locks any everything. if he wants the dog but you want it , keep it and tell him he can take you to small claims court if its that big of a deal but fuck this guy. You deserve better and you will get someone so much better in your life than that trash.
    Your body is your temple.

  13. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Violethollywood For This Useful Post:


  14. #8
    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Back Home
    Posts
    4,596
    Thanks
    4,311
    Thanked 3,001 Times in 1,487 Posts

    Default Re: Dealing with bad suicidal thoughts ( break up related ), could use support

    ^ I actually found his nicest looking friend on Tinder .

    I don't think I'll *go* there but I love the way you think.

    HEY, THANK YOU LADIES FOR THE ANSWERS.

    ***** I AM FEELING OUT OF THE CRISIS Mode. It's a ongoing fight but today I'm not overwhelmed by these thoughts. ****

    I was feeling in crisis for a 24 hour window after SEEING him so I'm 95% sure I need my no contact plan.
    I wanted to thank you who replied and I'll leave it up for now in case others can use these resources.
    I did call the crisis line but felt akward and quickly hung up. I have the meeting with my counselor tomorrow.

    I think I am feeling a sense of calm today just KNOWING that I can say THAT'S IT . I don't have to wait to see what he is up to. I can decide FOR ME that him reaching out to this person in early Aug. before our break up ( even if he felt done ) was WRONG . It was a BETRAYAL . I do not need a reminder of this hurt ( seeing him ). I don't need to know any details ( if he starts any I will literally cover my ears and run ).
    He abandoned me. I don't need to see if he will " change his mind ". I can be done. TODAY.
    Last edited by carmen_b; 10-13-2018 at 11:22 AM.

  15. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to carmen_b For This Useful Post:


Similar Threads

  1. is everyone bad at first and dealing with crisis
    By bunnydoll in forum Newbie Board
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 02-18-2017, 03:15 AM
  2. downsizing after going on hiatus-- need advice/support, thoughts??
    By M!NX in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 05-28-2012, 09:20 AM
  3. Dealing with really bad DJs
    By Djoser in forum Music Mix
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 01-28-2006, 03:31 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •