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Thread: When did you accept your new reality?

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    Default When did you accept your new reality?

    (Kinda long read, but you ladies are so smart and wise, so thanks for reading in advance)

    I have a reoccurring thought: I need to lean into being a sex worker!

    Lemme 'splain: I've been self-employed for over eight years concurrently. I went through hard times for two years before then, but I was self-employed as a call center rep for four years previous to that.

    So I really REALLY DO. NOT. see the point of going back to employment, nor could I tolerate employment at this point in my life. But there's another serious issue: I'm disabled, and I managed multiple chronic health issues which I receive compensation for. The compensation helps, but it's not enough to make ends meet, let alone, thrive.

    During this past eight year stint, I worked in an industry that allowed me to use my talents and skills to earn money from home. But due to a variety of circumstances, including the fact that potential clients just aren't hiring, I've been stuck in a financial and personal hole for all of 2018. I'm ready to climb out of the hole, moving into 2019.

    I've tried camming before, but I couldn't commit to it. I've also done PSO off and on for years. I, like many others, placed social importance on "vanilla" industries, but at this point, at my age, and with major life changes I have coming my way (including marriage), I don't have the time or the energy to be begging for work that I know I'm over-qualified for! I can't do this anymore.

    I'm still cautious about what I put out there as far as adult content, and I want to keep myself safe from potential stalkers, blackmail, etc. But I keep asking myself, WHY am I not leaning into the adult industry? The adult industry is ALWAYS hiring! Sure, I have to figure out my niche, my place in it, but if I'm okay with what I'm doing, and my partner has said they're okay with it, then why am I still kinda hesitant?

    At what point did you say, fuck it, this is me, this makes me happy, I'm thriving in this, I have a happy, healthy life? At what point did you realize that most people in vanilla industries are miserable, stressed, are unhealthy, aren't being paid enough, and secretly wish they could do something else?

    Note: If being a porn star or working in a legal brothel were socially acceptable, then I'd TOTALLY do it, but I honestly have considerations, and I know a lot of ladies do (kids, family, still got a foot in vanilla industries, etc.).

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    Default Re: When did you accept your new reality?

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    Default Re: When did you accept your new reality?

    Congrats on your wedding!

    I just look at this as just another job. A job I enjoy, but a job nonetheless. I do basically the same thing as a youtuber or a twitch streamer, I just happen to get naked.

    There are plenty of people in other industries who have happy, healthy lives. There are plenty of cammers that are miserable, stressed, unhealthy, aren’t being paid enough and secretly wish they could do something else.

    I start to get a little (more) crazy if I start to base my value as a person in my job.

    It’s no more a new reality to me than any other career choice. I do think you should feel good about it no matter what, so definitely lean in if you’ve been feeling that calling lately.

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    Default Re: When did you accept your new reality?

    You havent leaned into full throttle because you care about what other people think. We're wired to place a large amount of emotional stock on the opinions of others, especially women. Being able to shake that off doesn't happen right away for many people. Ive been off beat since a child and despite knowing I was different I still tried to do the "right thing" and worked jobs in coorparate America. It sucked! Now Im all about the best jobs are the ones you create for yourself. I think its best to get out of your own head and stop chasing the dream that was fed to many of us growing up:

    Go to school. Go to college. Rack up debt. Spend 20 yrs paying it off while working a job you hate. But hey, at least you still have your morals and dont take your clothes off for a living!

    I use to know a few people who would try to shame me with that crap. They are ALL broke. After hearing this a few times is when I knew I was on the right path. Broke people throwing shade is funny to me. It didnt take me very long to fully adopt the adopt the adult industry. It gave me the confidence to not give af.


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    Default Re: When did you accept your new reality?

    Quote Originally Posted by PhatGirlDynomite!!! View Post
    Ive been off beat since a child and despite knowing I was different I still tried to do the "right thing" and worked jobs in coorparate America. It sucked! Now Im all about the best jobs are the ones you create for yourself. I think its best to get out of your own head and stop chasing the dream that was fed to many of us growing up:

    Go to school. Go to college. Rack up debt. Spend 20 yrs paying it off while working a job you hate. But hey, at least you still have your morals and dont take your clothes off for a living!
    Yes!!!! And it's like, we're not all meant to follow the pattern of societal success. And I know A LOT of people who have followed "the formula," and they're shitty people! Then again, I've found lots of great people in the adult/performing arts industries, too.

    My partner and I were talking about this last night. He was saying...while he doesn't have a degree, he's worked alongside people with masters degrees - we were talking about my going back to school to finish my undergrad. Anyway, he said that there's no real difference in competence or real-life skills if a person has degrees (unless you're talking law, doctor, stuff like that).

    He told me that I should go full-throttle with income stream development, including adult work. Why be concerned with school right now, just to wrack up debt? Lucky me, when I got back pay for my disability, I paid off my outstanding student loans in full, so I have a clean slate with that.

    And another thing: People look down on women who dance or cam to get through college, but what, they're supposed to work at McDonalds or Wendy's, pray they can find a schedule that works around classes, earn min. wage, squeeze in time for studies and to have a life, but *at least they're not taking off their clothes*?

    Really?

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    Default Re: When did you accept your new reality?

    Love this thread



    This one sentence from Tony Robbins got stuck in my head and its this one
    Name:  tony-robbins-if-you-want-to-take-the-island-quote-on-storemypic-a5209.png
Views: 349
Size:  24.1 KB

    I knew I had to go all in, and that Tony was right. I had to "burn my boats", no way back, all way in.
    This year I made the leap, after 3 years of camming I know I wont quit anymore, I am in, 100%. I dont care anymore about being found out, or about exposure, big part in it is that I have been specialising in excactly what I like to offer on cam, and I do that and turn down everything I dont want to offer anymore. So I guess I am burning boats in mulitple ways; all in, going big with exposure next year; going to do clips, and turning down a big chunk of customers which makes room for more of the ones I really want to do shows with.

    My big turn around was after multiple burn outs, still wanting to proceed in camming, I knew than it is where my passion lies, even when its rough. And also the realisation came that I wont quit. I will do this, this is my thing. I embrace it. I made it mine, and in my head I am a entertainer a artist, not merely a sexworker, I never viewed it as such from the beginning. I love to act, I love to create compositions on screen with my body, I love doing camerawork and makeup,I love engaging and the psychological part of it, I like to sell, upsell and learn more techniques. ANd I absolutely love love love the fact that I know that even after 3+ years of camming I am still growing inmensly every time I get on cam, it has so many aspects to excell, I have the feelign Ill never be done growing and I loooove that. This job is so forfilling to me, it can be so big, so huge... it can be small too, it can be anything you want it to be, and I love that about it. I guess I am madly in love with camming again since I got all in

    Not having any shame anymore, whatever other people may think of it, and the need to reach as far as I can go, and the excitement to see how big I can grow is making me "burn my boats" right now, since a couple of months and let me tell you its the best thing I ever did
    You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want - Zig Ziglar

    "Be thankful for the troubles of your job. They provide about half your income Robert R. Updegraff



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    Default Re: When did you accept your new reality?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sweet_Sadie View Post
    Yes!!!! And it's like, we're not all meant to follow the pattern of societal success. And I know A LOT of people who have followed "the formula," and they're shitty people! Then again, I've found lots of great people in the adult/performing arts industries, too.

    My partner and I were talking about this last night. He was saying...while he doesn't have a degree, he's worked alongside people with masters degrees - we were talking about my going back to school to finish my undergrad. Anyway, he said that there's no real difference in competence or real-life skills if a person has degrees (unless you're talking law, doctor, stuff like that).

    He told me that I should go full-throttle with income stream development, including adult work. Why be concerned with school right now, just to wrack up debt? Lucky me, when I got back pay for my disability, I paid off my outstanding student loans in full, so I have a clean slate with that.

    And another thing: People look down on women who dance or cam to get through college, but what, they're supposed to work at McDonalds or Wendy's, pray they can find a schedule that works around classes, earn min. wage, squeeze in time for studies and to have a life, but *at least they're not taking off their clothes*?

    Really?
    People's oppinion don't pay your bills. Period.
    As time as you're paying your taxes, your a legal worker and a contributor to the society, so nobody has the right to say anything about your work. Period.
    They can look down on me as much as they want, till their eyeballs roll on in the hell, searching for me, I don't give a fuck. Camming helped me buy an apartament, have a decent income, not droll and cry for a Sephora palette (because I couldn't afford it), a perfume, a pair of Salomon winter boots, or just a piece of cake at the bakery. Camming helped me get myself a nice car, camming helped me spoil my family. Camming got me out of debt (ok I still have to pay the apartament, but is not like I'll pay more than 4-5 years from now).
    Camming is legal, as time as you can pay taxes. You're legal. Others oppinion won't mean shit.
    I still don't say out loud what I do, mostly because people now wanna cam too and I get fed up with questions from people who want to do it and earn immense amounts overnight.
    A few years ago I would have to explain myself that camming is not that bad, so people accept it. Now people wanna join too and I have to explain myself that camming is not THAT easy.
    Fucking crazy, heh?

    You go, girl, do your thing. Don't need to explain yourself, no matter what. You're not a criminal. All of those who look down on you, wouldn't throw a dime or help you get a decent job. They only run their mouths. They can eat shit.
    Whoever is interested to know what you do, you're a freelancer (on upwork.com there are tons of vanilla freelancers doing all kind of jobs, not hard to lie). No other explanations. If people find out what you do, play dumb and move on. It's your work and your money.

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    Default Re: When did you accept your new reality?

    Quote Originally Posted by PhatGirlDynomite!!! View Post
    You havent leaned into full throttle because you care about what other people think. We're wired to place a large amount of emotional stock on the opinions of others, especially women. Being able to shake that off doesn't happen right away for many people. Ive been off beat since a child and despite knowing I was different I still tried to do the "right thing" and worked jobs in coorparate America. It sucked! Now Im all about the best jobs are the ones you create for yourself. I think its best to get out of your own head and stop chasing the dream that was fed to many of us growing up:

    Go to school. Go to college. Rack up debt. Spend 20 yrs paying it off while working a job you hate. But hey, at least you still have your morals and dont take your clothes off for a living!

    I use to know a few people who would try to shame me with that crap. They are ALL broke. After hearing this a few times is when I knew I was on the right path. Broke people throwing shade is funny to me. It didnt take me very long to fully adopt the adopt the adult industry. It gave me the confidence to not give af.
    reading your post made me realise my best gf unintendedly gave me the push I needed to not look back anymore and embrace all of myself and what I create and do (since camming for a lot of us is a big part of who we are, since we put so much soul in it right? I knwo i feel this way)

    she was having a long conversation with me right at a time I was still ill and coudnt really walk around or do anything productive let alone cam.. so she told me that she thought I had to think about my job and what I wanted to do in the future, and that she had the feeling that I was not doing what is my destiny and basically that we are all made for something bigger and should forfill something to benefit our soul and our surroundings (I am a graduated therapist so also prob why she thinks I am not walking my path of destiny).
    And when she did my feeling for camming became so strong, and I realised that all the tabboo and the way a lot of people view our work, is not how I perceive nor experience it... and that was the moment I decided it was time to burn my boats, because it gave me inmens passion about camming and about my own way of seeying it
    You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want - Zig Ziglar

    "Be thankful for the troubles of your job. They provide about half your income Robert R. Updegraff


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    Default Re: When did you accept your new reality?

    [QUOTE=Sweet_Sadie;3091143]Yes!!!! He told me that I should go full-throttle with income stream development, including adult work. Why be concerned with school right now, just to wrack up debt? Lucky me, when I got back pay for my disability, I paid off my outstanding student loans in full, so I have a clean slate with that.

    QUOTE]

    I agree with your bf on that 100%
    I have learned more that past 3 years of selfeducation that I did at school
    You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want - Zig Ziglar

    "Be thankful for the troubles of your job. They provide about half your income Robert R. Updegraff


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    Default Re: When did you accept your new reality?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sweet_Sadie View Post

    At what point did you say, fuck it, this is me, this makes me happy, I'm thriving in this, I have a happy, healthy life? At what point did you realize that most people in vanilla industries are miserable, stressed, are unhealthy, aren't being paid enough, and secretly wish they could do something else?
    Damn I feel like that IN this industry at times lol
    I've been in many situations where im miserable, stressed, unhealthy, not being paid enough and praying to do something else.
    HOWEVER

    That was due to lack of learning lessons & bad self management.
    Overall this industry pays well, provides freedom which is worth it's weight in gold itself and can provide a very nice lifestyle.

    If you want that much of a kick up the ass then go do some vanilla work for a month & it will give you a reality check real quick.
    At the same time don't just do this industry because it's "good money" or just becase it's your "only option"
    Because otherwise you won't even get on cam, turn your phone lines on etc Don't force yourself to do this work believe me.

    On another note here are some options you have in this industry and it's 100% worth testing them all out and sticking by what suits you best.

    1. Camming on big box sites (Like MFC/CB/SM etc)
    2. Camming indie (Cammodeldirectory, skyprivate etc)
    3. Phone sex/Sexting (niteflirt/ttm/Sextpanther etc)
    4. Clip making (Iwantclips, clips4sale, Manyvids et)

    ALL of them require consistency to work well financially, although some more than others. Live camming on big box sites is the fastest and biggest "quick" money but requires FULL consistency, turning up x amount of days for x amount of hours. I find this personally leaves little room for freedom but that's just me.
    Camming indie is good money, less consistency is needed here but being able to promote yourself and be patient is needed.

    Phone sex/sexting requires less consistency and less prep to "go to work" but takes allot of learning the ways to be successful and some patience.
    Clip making is good because you can film whatever you want to film, when you want to film and put your content out there. Far less interaction with the guys but still requires some consistency.

    PICK SOMETHING THAT SUITS YOU, cannot stress this enough.

    Also other options to consider is what type of porn suits you, are you more vanilla/sexual? or are you more domme? there is a home there for both.

    And for anyone who has ever judged me or tried to get me to quit what I do.
    My question to them is, are you offering to pay my bills and keep me instead?
    No, guess not.

    When people are in their own hatred shitty broke jobs, they like people to be on their level of misery it makes them feel better about not taking control of their lives.

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    Default Re: When did you accept your new reality?

    You know when you own who you are and what you do, no one can shame you regardless of your chosen profession.
    The future is stigma free.

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    Default Re: When did you accept your new reality?

    Quote Originally Posted by scarletl View Post
    If you want that much of a kick up the ass then go do some vanilla work for a month & it will give you a reality check real quick.
    At the same time don't just do this industry because it's "good money" or just becase it's your "only option"
    Because otherwise you won't even get on cam, turn your phone lines on etc Don't force yourself to do this work believe me.

    On another note here are some options you have in this industry and it's 100% worth testing them all out and sticking by what suits you best.

    1. Camming on big box sites (Like MFC/CB/SM etc)
    2. Camming indie (Cammodeldirectory, skyprivate etc)
    3. Phone sex/Sexting (niteflirt/ttm/Sextpanther etc)
    4. Clip making (Iwantclips, clips4sale, Manyvids et)

    ALL of them require consistency to work well financially, although some more than others. Live camming on big box sites is the fastest and biggest "quick" money but requires FULL consistency, turning up x amount of days for x amount of hours. I find this personally leaves little room for freedom but that's just me.
    Camming indie is good money, less consistency is needed here but being able to promote yourself and be patient is needed.

    Phone sex/sexting requires less consistency and less prep to "go to work" but takes allot of learning the ways to be successful and some patience.
    Clip making is good because you can film whatever you want to film, when you want to film and put your content out there. Far less interaction with the guys but still requires some consistency.

    PICK SOMETHING THAT SUITS YOU, cannot stress this enough.

    Also other options to consider is what type of porn suits you, are you more vanilla/sexual? or are you more domme? there is a home there for both.
    Wooow! I wish I could hug you right now. Thanks so much, and to the other ladies, for the great input.

    Yeah, NAW, going back to a vanilla employer is my worst nightmare come true. And with my disability issues, it's really not even an option.

    From what I'm reading and from what I can tell, the earners in this industry are creating multiple income streams, and they're marketing their asses off! I was into digital marketing for techies, but on the creative side, so I get marketing concepts. In fact, I was going to finish my undergrad in marketing.

    I still have some marketing projects going in vanilla industries, but the same concepts apply, so now it's just figuring out how to make them work for me in *this* industry.

    Not trying to be the next name-brand star, just wanting to be like y'all...enough revenue to enjoy a dignified life...and well beyond. Without worrying about not being able to afford the Sephora trip, the nice shoes, a hair appointment, or even, that nice slice of cake, or fancy macrons, lol.

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    Default Re: When did you accept your new reality?

    I used to work as as a supervisor in a call center, as a manager, doing the hiring, training, etc. Being openly transgender, it was amazing I was even offered a management position and I took great pride in my work....until the day, after 3 years, the company decided that they were going in a more 'family oriented direction', which didnt include having a transgender woman in a position of management anymore. I was let go...and I was devastated, as I live in a pretty economically poor area of the country that is also very conservative. I knew that the best I was gonna do after that was breaking my back in a factory or barely getting by slaving away in a restaurant or some shit. So....that led me to camming. I was a nervous wreck starting out, as we all were I assume, but it didnt take me long to acclimate and, once I did, I knew this was the best job i could ever have. Fuck having a boss, fuck working long hours at a thankless job with fellow employees who just gossip and stick their nose in your business. Also, fuck barely making end meet. I honestly could care less what people think of me, they arent fuckin me or paying my bills, and Im PROUD of being a strong, self employed, sex symbol who gets to decide when I work, how I work, what the fuck I wanna do. This job has been such an eye opener the past few years and...its empowering. It really is. I wish I had discovered it 10 years ago.

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    Default Re: When did you accept your new reality?

    Quote Originally Posted by DahliaSimone View Post
    I used to work as as a supervisor in a call center, as a manager, doing the hiring, training, etc. Being openly transgender, it was amazing I was even offered a management position and I took great pride in my work....until the day, after 3 years, the company decided that they were going in a more 'family oriented direction', which didnt include having a transgender woman in a position of management anymore. I was let go...and I was devastated, as I live in a pretty economically poor area of the country that is also very conservative. I knew that the best I was gonna do after that was breaking my back in a factory or barely getting by slaving away in a restaurant or some shit. So....that led me to camming. I was a nervous wreck starting out, as we all were I assume, but it didnt take me long to acclimate and, once I did, I knew this was the best job i could ever have. Fuck having a boss, fuck working long hours at a thankless job with fellow employees who just gossip and stick their nose in your business. Also, fuck barely making end meet. I honestly could care less what people think of me, they arent fuckin me or paying my bills, and Im PROUD of being a strong, self employed, sex symbol who gets to decide when I work, how I work, what the fuck I wanna do. This job has been such an eye opener the past few years and...its empowering. It really is. I wish I had discovered it 10 years ago.
    Thanks for sharing your story, Dahlia! Yeah, that's another thing: I got the rug pulled out from under me earlier this year, and I refuse to let that happen again.

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    Default Re: When did you accept your new reality?

    "Hello, Phone company? Could I pay my bill this month with my high moral standard?"

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    Default Re: When did you accept your new reality?

    This thread is gold! Sometimes I need a reminder of what an awesome opportunity I have. I love this industry.



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    Default Re: When did you accept your new reality?

    I have bookmarked this thread. Women in this industry are the best. Everyone is so supportive of one another and always willing to lend a hand. Yet outside of our work are some vicious people who are willing to stab you in the back and talk shit about you in a nano second. I agree with everyone here . Get it girl!

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    Default Re: When did you accept your new reality?

    This thread gives me life.

    I hated the sex industry when I first worked as a stripper, because I was young, naive, inexperienced and got taken advantage of by staff and customers. I spent the next five years in the vanilla world being miserable, working 2+ jobs, and dating awful men because I thought no one would ever love me with my sex worker past.

    Once I embraced sex work and started looking at it as an entrepreneur, everything changed. I could price myself higher so as not to put up with cheap jerks. I could cultivate my image and be creative. It started to be fun. At the strip club, I relied on drugs and alcohol to get through the night, but camming is something I truly enjoy.

    Finding your niche is necessary to embrace this job. Also, I think you have to realize that the way you see yourself, is how other people will see you. So don't be ashamed. Don't act as if you're guarding a horrible secret. You're a business owner and self-starter. You have an impressive resume of people skills, marketing, branding, tech savviness. You're an entertainer. Be proud of yourself.

    I only started to truly embrace this job about a year ago, when I became a digital nomad and this job was undeniably the source of my freedom. I could go anywhere and do anything, because of camming. I also dated better quality men, and realized that they don't care about my job. All the negative stories I'd been telling myself about camming were just lies intended to hold sex workers back.

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  34. #19
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    Default Re: When did you accept your new reality?

    Quote Originally Posted by seashell View Post
    the way you see yourself, is how other people will see you. So don't be ashamed. Don't act as if you're guarding a horrible secret. You're a business owner and self-starter. You have an impressive resume of people skills, marketing, branding, tech savviness. You're an entertainer. Be proud of yourself>
    This a million times! Change the internal monalogue, look at how you're presenting yourself. Yes opinions are like arseholes (everybody has one!) But the way you approach how you talk about something or respond to other people's questions and comments about it, go a long way toward how it's perceived. Always hold your head up, walk tall, and talk about camming as the professional skill set it is.

    All the negative stories I'd been telling myself about camming were just lies intended to hold sex workers back.
    Too true. People basically have an aversion to women capitalising on their looks or making money from their charms, particularly when that money is being made from men. It inverts the 'natural order's of things and they can't handle what it suggests - that women can take ownership of themselves, their sexuality, their bodies, and make BANK from it! They don't need anybody else to look after them, and left to their own devices they can easily out earn and out perform the men around them... Shock shock horror.

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    if no one is complaining about the price, the price is too low!

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  36. #20
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    Default Re: When did you accept your new reality?

    In regards to the original question I don't think I have really embraced the reality yet. I still have a foot in both camps. On one hand I don't think I can do this much longer as my looks will fade and my patience is not what it once was to put up with aspects that tire me, bore me or annoy me. To this day still only my husband and one other friend know what I do.

    However I've recently found a new aspect of this camming/ adult life where the skills that make me tick in non adult work have collided with said adult work. I'm doing way less of what I don't like and finding myself excited to hustle again. I have seen a chink of light that intimates what COULD be if I apply what I've learned recently in vanilla life to my adult work, and I am super inspired to go all out and see what could happen. I don't think I can or will 'burn my boats' but we will see.

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    if no one is complaining about the price, the price is too low!

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