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Thread: Woe is me tactic, does it work?

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    Default Woe is me tactic, does it work?

    SO i'm not a very experienced dancer (over a year now) but I consider myself a good seller. I know that attitude comes first and foremost with this job and how you present yourself to customers definitely affects your money. I have always read and been told to never be a negative Nancy. Always smile, be positive, because if guys wanted to hear a woman complain he would've stayed home with his wife... stuff like that. So I try my best to be friendly and give off good vibes and yes it usually does work BUT....

    ...my roommate (also a dancer) is the opposite. She plays up the pity party with her customers. To be fair it is kind of her personality to be a downer (not rashing on her she's a great person just pessimistic if that makes sense). She always complains and talks about her personal life problems (especially with her bf), how she hasn't made much money at all tonight, she's tired and sore and just wants to make a little more so she can tip out and go home etc. And it WORKS... guys will take pity on her and spend :/

    And it's making me think, is it worth it to be friendly and upbeat even on days when I'm not feeling my best at all. Why should I pretend to care about customers and pretend to be interested when I can just sulk and make the same amount? I don't know if I could pull this off since I am a naturally friendly and optimistic person most of the time but, I'm curious how this type of sale works for those who use it the most.

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    Default Re: Woe is me tactic, does it work?

    Being a downer is only helping her in the short term. If a person is always a downer and makes a habit of it, it wont just effect work... it will effect a person's entire life. Negative energy has no bounds.

    You keep on being positive. Be positive at work, home, school, everywhere. It will get you so much farther in life.

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    Default Re: Woe is me tactic, does it work?

    Pity hustles tend to be a huge turnoff. Customers do not come to the club to hear that nonsense, they are there for a good time. She is a fool to be so dependent on sympathy, all that will do in the long run is drive away potential repeat business and attract predators in their place, since those types will be thinking she is more vulnerable.

    The worst I usually say if a customer is asking me about my mood/night is, 'Could be better, but could definitely be much worse.' That's for someone I have either talked to already and built some rapport with, or when it's just been a slow shift and I don't have the energy for the more upbeat-sounding bs. Any other time I am trying to keep it clearly positive.

    Only exception to that is if I am talking to a customer who just saw me in a conflict on the floor with someone else. Obviously you try to avoid that sort of thing at all costs, but sometimes shit happens. (Meaning someone tried to rip me off for floor dances, or grabbed me inappropriately, or upsetting a drama llama coworker who doesn't have the sense to save it for the DR; all have happened to me over my years of dancing.) Then I will be honest that whatever it was, pissed me off, but I am not going to let it ruin my night. In that way, I try to turn it into a positive. I figure if I am being asked about something the customer has seen with their own eyes, it doesn't do any good to lie about it.

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    Default Re: Woe is me tactic, does it work?

    It depends.... I have a lot of regulars who are in the military, and I think part of it might be.... maybe not quite a pity party, but something in that general direction. I was wounded and almost killed by an IED in Afghanistan. So I think it's partly out of pity, and maybe partly them thinking I'm more of a badass than I actually am.

    I think it works on some customers because nobody really wants to be the one who comes across as the mean one who says no in a time of perceived despair. But I think if it seems to work with any consistency, then it's dumb luck that it does... pity hustles are just as likely to put someone off. If one wants to play that game, I think the straightforward "woe is me" approach is a poor way to do it. Maybe something more like, "Welllll, I can't complain too much, though this night is a little disappointing..." has worked for me a few times. I think you can incorporate a little bit of it into your hustle, but you don't want to become dependent on it.
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    Default Re: Woe is me tactic, does it work?

    Quote Originally Posted by AChildOfBoredom View Post

    I think it works on some customers because nobody really wants to be the one who comes across as the mean one who says no in a time of perceived despair. But I think if it seems to work with any consistency, then it's dumb luck that it does... pity hustles are just as likely to put someone off. If one wants to play that game, I think the straightforward "woe is me" approach is a poor way to do it. Maybe something more like, "Welllll, I can't complain too much, though this night is a little disappointing..." has worked for me a few times. I think you can incorporate a little bit of it into your hustle, but you don't want to become dependent on it.
    I think this is it.


    Also- IMO a certain type of dancer can get away with the "Poor Little Me" hustle (waifish, pretty face, petite.) BUT this hustle can backfire once you have longevity at a club and regulars see that 1) you're finding a way to hang in there and 2) staff and dancers know you as "Sad Sack Girl"...which is not who they want to invite to VIPs or to introduce to customers.
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    Default Re: Woe is me tactic, does it work?

    Depends.

    It could work with the “white knight” types

    It could backfire with the predatory “let me make a lowball deal since I sense your desperation” types

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    Default Re: Woe is me tactic, does it work?

    In order to get what I want, i have to help others get what they want. In the long run, it’s not a good strategy. I think if you practice being a good sales person that’s a transferable skill when one leaves dancing. Dancing can be a great way to improve social skills and actually be a business women.

    I think you can bring it up, but I wouldn’t let it be a big part of the sales pitch. Casually saying it’s been slow or whatever, but hustling every guy like that will burn you and the customers out.
    Last edited by Ifyouseekamy; 01-06-2019 at 04:30 PM.

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    Default Re: Woe is me tactic, does it work?

    Every once in a blue moon our club gets an obvious charitable guy who's ego thrives off of having SO much money to fix girls problems. We had a guy the other night come in and was just throwing money at everyone's problems, the bar tenders got in on it too. Wish I had been there lol.

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    Default Re: Woe is me tactic, does it work?

    The pity party could work with the captain save a ho types but even they get tired of that after a while. It's not a good hustle IMO. I guess in the short-term that could work out but as far as attracting quality, longer-term regulars goes, negative Nancy type is going to repel guys, in the same way the same panhandler that hangs out at the Amtrak every day for the past year, begging for $ does. After a while it gets old and the guys will get fed up and will wonder why she's always "short on rent", car broke down, car got stolen, baby is sick and needs $ for medicine, don't have enough $ for groceries, etc.

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    Default Re: Woe is me tactic, does it work?

    Agreed that pity hustles are a short-term money maker at best. Men come into the club for a fantasy, not "my car payment is late" realities.

    It could work on specific customers, if you're tailoring your approach to every single customer. But if you're looking for an approach to try on every customer, this should be *last* on your list IMO.

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    Default Re: Woe is me tactic, does it work?

    Agreed that this works sometimes and short-term. I have noticed that a certain breed of men like to feel "needed," but it's a fine line to tread between "needing a little help" to make a guy feel like a hero and just being the girl that eventually makes everyone wonder "why is it always something with you?" People get sick of "why is it always something with you" people after awhile, even if they feel "sorry" for them.

    Most of the time, pity-hustles only work because the guy gets sick of hearing the whining and ponies up some money just to get the interaction over with, especially since these girls seem to be the type to squat until they've pried $20 out of one person, no matter how long it takes and how much they're clearly not wanted there. Being personable will win over more regulars long-term. You can still fluff a guy's ego by gushing about how his generosity will help you with something fun you were wanting to do/buy without it being a pity-party about how you can't make your car payment every month without him.
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    Default Re: Woe is me tactic, does it work?

    I would NEVER do this with a random customer I didn’t know very well just to make a sale! Here’s why...let’s say he’s an asshole and after you pour your heart out to him, his response is something like ‘’Oh that’s too bad! But there’s nothing I can do for you...’’ because I have seen it happen! And it’s humiliating and a waste of energy! I’m positive with customers and show them a good time and they LOVE me for it! They aren’t there to hear sob stories or have pity for someone.

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    Default Re: Woe is me tactic, does it work?

    TBH I wouldn't bother working this angle, bc I'll take that attitude home with me and my overall well-being suffers. If I work on myself and feel at peace and content, I can bring prosperity into my work AND wellbeing... Why would I want to run in the opposite direction?

    And honestly, when I try to commiserate with debbie downer clients who *may* relate better to a woe is me gal, they aren't in a sexy mood if were talking about woe is me shit and they don't go for a dance. So a lose-lose situation.

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    Default Re: Woe is me tactic, does it work?

    That said, don't be afraid to see what you can get out of a client but never in a negative way. If you want to get extra money so you can go home, just put a positive spin on it. I like to play up sex too, so I might say something like, "damn, I can't wait to go home. I think I can handle one more guy more I need to go home and get busy with my man". Might not work with stiff, uptight dudes, but most of them will eat that up and point them more in the direction of getting a dance.

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    Default Re: Woe is me tactic, does it work?

    I notice that pity hustle can work, but only if the custy is invested in you emotionally. Usually it takes a good while to develop this kind of investment, but once you do you can hit em up style. To let them into your personal life and in on your financial status is ok at this point, with some of them. At times certain custies do not mind if you vent a bit about your personal life and that also makes them feel wanted/needed. Asking for advice about a certain situation first helps...then if no solutions are "found" you can go from there. It is also helpful that instead of complaining or coming from a place of lack, you talk about how their financial assistance would enhance your life and make life easier on you. For example, if you are having car trouble or are behind on bills, do not bring up the "horrible situation you are in" and expect them to help. Take responsibility for your part in it, state/discuss what can be done to fix it, and say it would be such a blessing if you would assist me with this. "I really need your help with something. My car is in the shop and the mechanic is charging me up the ying yang. I do not have all of the money to cover the repairs but have been working hard to get my car back. It would be great if we can do a VIP tonight.....it will be such a releif to not to take an uber to get to and from work and to do errands. If you can help me out it will be such a blessing" You are stating you need help (which makes them feel wanted, discussing the solution (working a lot) and how he can actively participate in being part of the solution to the problem.

    This is not so much a pity hustle but more so a realistic scenario and the proper way to frame and communicate it. We all need a little help at times, and men want to help women, it is the way we go about communicating needing them and their help.

    A one off pity hustle may succeed here and there specifically on white knight types or men who want to feel more powerful because they know you need their money. Cultivating clients that thrive on the power trip of spending their money will mean that in the future, this type will dangle carrots over your head, or eventually throw the money in your face. A good friend of mine made a very good point, as well...Although this is a bit off topic, for example a guy wanting to see you out of the club, or a man in your life offering to cover your shift so you hang with them instead to "help you out"...It may seem they are being generous and helping you out, but this is very self serving. They want you to do what they want (spend your time with them) instead of working (focusing on yourself and bettering your situation) which can cause more harm than good to you in the long run.

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    Default Re: Woe is me tactic, does it work?

    Random note, I think you have to be ultra mega-hot & the pity party has to be about something you couldn't control (i.e. car breaking down). I also wouldn't do it if you work in a club with a lot of repeat customers.

    I mention that because what sprang to mind was how there's a girl at my club who is always moping around, "boo hoo, I've only made $40 tonight" and dumps her sadness on the customers... It doesn't work. I have heard about it from customers, and many have commented that she's not that attractive, as if they were suggesting her lack of $$ is bc she's not cut out to be a stripper. Regular customers have learned to avoid her too.

    Occasionally I'll pull the "Damn I just need 1 more dance to go home!" towards the end of the night & that will get me a dance. That's it.

    The full-on pity party has only worked once,and it was unintentional, he was a regular I had gotten to be good friends with and I had been asking him for advice just bc I was upset... I didn't even insinuate about money but he handed me double my normal rate. I suspect if I had outright suggested money, it wouldn't have happened.

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    Default Re: Woe is me tactic, does it work?

    Absolutely not. Never do this pity party stuff. Guys go there to unwind and have fun not hear about how you have 3 kids from 3 different babydaddies and now your car is in the shop and your rent is late. There's nothing less sexy than a broke stripper. When guys ask me how is your night I either say great or it's early but Tuesdays are usually ALWAYS good. I always keep everything positive. When they say something about the club being dead/quiet/slow I say something like well it's quiet out here but the VIP rooms are pretty busy.


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    Default Re: Woe is me tactic, does it work?

    Negativity is very contagious. I try and stay upbeat.

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    Default Re: Woe is me tactic, does it work?

    I could see a controlled pity party. Like come at a regular saying your car broke down and you need x amount to fix it, but can't afford it for so long because can fares are really expensive. If he give the money this week or next, then next time he comes around be really happy and play out off as he's the cause. Every now and then being up something up and see if you can make a habit of having him be your knight in shining armor. Just frequent enough and at the right amounts, so he can afford it most of the time. AC breaking, roof springing a leak right, etc might all work.

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    Default Re: Woe is me tactic, does it work?

    I don't do that stuff. Guys will just think we're just irresponsible bitches who can't control spending, drug addicts, etc, lazy hustlers and be turn-off by it.

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    Default Re: Woe is me tactic, does it work?

    Like one of the other ladies said, that will make you seem vulnerable and attract weirdos... I wouldn’t try to make a habit of that type of hustle honestly... I’ve had many customers tell me how they hate when girls come up to themselves saying their lights are about to get turned off and other unattractive complaints to try and get pity money. Like, I would be embarrassed to act like that. Everyone has struggles and it’s really not other people’s problem what you are going through. I would keep it classy and collected, make it seem like you have it all together and are having a great time. That way the customer can have a great time and have positive memories of you which can help get a repeat customer. Also if someone over hears you it could turn off More than one guy. I understand the nights where you are really over it, if that’s the case just be real and say the night isn’t going how you thought and you are trying to make the best of it. Most of the time that will Be their que to try to make you have a better night without getting into all the details.I always make the most money when I am sweet, real, & make the man feel important not the other way around.

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    Default Re: Woe is me tactic, does it work?

    The ONLY time I hint at anything remotely negative is if a customer who spends well starts pressing to see me OTC, in which case I'll sometimes make a half joke about my "trust issues" and say I need to get to know them better ITC first. On the rare occasion I use this line, I keep it vague and lighthearted. I virtually never see anything good coming from negativity in the club, so this isn't even my go to line.

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