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Thread: Scared to be in a relationship with fear that I won't be faithful

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    Curious Guest HyruleHighcon's Avatar
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    Search Scared to be in a relationship with fear that I won't be faithful

    Hey there, I've been a poster here for a while and lost my account email :/

    I was in a real serious relationship which eventually turned into marriage. We knew each other our whole lives but had previous relationships before we got together. She knew about my job as a web model/cammer and was surprisingly okay with it and even said I shouldn't quit because of our relationship. Fast forward a few years later and we went through a messy divorce and I was left with a gaping (lol) hole that I just couldn't fill.
    The heartbreak was awful, after the moping I pretty much just went from one night stand to one night stand as my sex drive just went through the roof!! I now crave sex so much and I'm hornier than I've ever ever been. So I am worried that I won't be able to commit properly because of this hunger to have so much sex. I've never been a cheater, but I'm worried that I would be now. I honestly think this hunger would outweigh any relationship I could have even if I was crazy in love. It obviously stems back to the ending of the marriage like a nothing lasts forever thing. I don't know, I just need to hear some thoughts and others experience with this kinda thing.


    Tldr; Scared to get in a relationship due to sexual hunger. Typical man eh?

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    God/dess laurielegs's Avatar
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    Default Re: Scared to be in a relationship with fear that I won't be faithful

    Sounds like you should find a woman with a similar desire for multiple partners and have an open relationship. I doubt it's just sexual hunger.

    You're definitely not describing a typical man as far as wanting a lot of sex, seems to be the opposite. In my experience once the relationship calms down from the honeymoon phase men just get lazy and leave me wanting more sex. Sounds like you want multiple different partners rather than more sex.



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    Curious Guest HyruleHighcon's Avatar
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    Default Re: Scared to be in a relationship with fear that I won't be faithful

    That would be ideal although It'd be pretty hard to find. If I did, knowing my luck the lady would fall in love with one of her side partners lol!
    In my past relationships the honeymoon period would be over for her but my sex drive has always been high but nothing to the point it is these days. So I'd always be craving more sex from whoever I was with, it's really odd the thought of cheating used to disgust me if I ever even thought about doing it. Do people get so damaged by relationships that they just don't function the same again?
    I also appreciate your reply thanks!

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    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: Scared to be in a relationship with fear that I won't be faithful

    Perhaps you are using sex (the high you get from it) to fill that “void” You fast forward through a divorce but the context of a divorce is important - at least as a learning experience. Why did it happen and what can you learn from it that will help you moving forward?

    You may want to explore the sex,monogamy, fear, and relationship themes with a professional like a trained licensed sex therapist.

    At least you know your limitations right now and are not like a lot of dumb people who do things knowing full well they won’t be good at them (ex agree to monogamy knowing it’s not for them then end up hurting their partner as a result).

    Your casual sex relationships are probably a means of keeping you “safe” at surface level cause you fear going into deeper relationships may end up hurting emotionally like the last one. Using sex as the reward to try to rationalize your behavior which is counterproductive to what you really want ....deep down

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    Default Re: Scared to be in a relationship with fear that I won't be faithful

    You have an addiction. It is just like any other addiction.
    Where am I? Back on the road, dammit


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    God/dess SnuffleUffleGrass's Avatar
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    Default Re: Scared to be in a relationship with fear that I won't be faithful

    Marry a swinger. Live like room mates most of the time and care for each other as friends always and lovers sometimes.

    Die together happily & achieve Facebook infamy as "That Crazy In Love Couple that died next to each other in the Nursing Home."

    That's just my advice.
    He who controls the spice controls the universe, chingada madre

    Ah this is like the full circle of military life, the adventure, the danger, the Jodie
















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    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
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    Default Re: Scared to be in a relationship with fear that I won't be faithful

    Sounds like some sexual addiction.
    Maybe try some counseling or if you prefer multiple partners just be up front , be in an open relationship ect.

    A sign of addiction is if it affects daily life ( such at not being able to fully function at a 40 hour per week job ).

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    Default Re: Scared to be in a relationship with fear that I won't be faithful

    You've got some great advice so far. I'd try taking a month away from sex to kind of reset things.
    Last edited by Rispy_Girl; 04-15-2019 at 11:06 PM.

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    Default Re: Scared to be in a relationship with fear that I won't be faithful

    I appreciate all the fantastic advice guys. Looking at it, it could me an addiction although I can function normally and even go weeks to months without. The absolute hunger is what is getting to me. I dont wanna get into serious relationships cause I don't wanna hurt anyone and especially get hurt myself. It's so awkward I need to find a swingers club or something

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    Default Re: Scared to be in a relationship with fear that I won't be faithful

    Quote Originally Posted by HyruleHighcon View Post
    I appreciate all the fantastic advice guys. Looking at it, it could me an addiction although I can function normally and even go weeks to months without. The absolute hunger is what is getting to me. I dont wanna get into serious relationships cause I don't wanna hurt anyone and especially get hurt myself. It's so awkward I need to find a swingers club or something
    Are you sure you're functioning normally? If day I'm a functioning sex addict. When I don't get it at least semi regularly or if it's just quickies I get moody, don't feel close and cuddly and like going out of the way for my partner, and my thoughts stray away from him. I also start questioning our relationship and obsessing about sex during the day. I don't realize the extent that this happens until after I have some good sex again and feel sooo much better and life becomes so much lighter and happier to me. I also wind up with better self esteem, though that may be on part the better outlook on life.

    I wound up with a guy with the sex drive of a stereotypical woman. In order to compensate I have a couple that I see regularly. I can have sex with others and am not limited, but I'm choosing this because of time constraints and I want to minimize the risk of catching anything. So long as you guys use open communication and respect each other's wishes and feelings it works. For example my hubby got uncomfortable with a couple I was seeing, so I decreased my activity with them. Actually I hardly see them at all anymore and haven't done anything sexual with them in a couple of years.

    I don't know where you live, but look up swingers clubs or groups in the area. If you can't find that find another kink group and they might be able to help you find one. You might also look up poly groups in your area. I haven't used it in a while, but fetlife was a good way to find people and learn about events in the past for me.
    Last edited by Rispy_Girl; 04-16-2019 at 02:01 PM.

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    Default Re: Scared to be in a relationship with fear that I won't be faithful

    Do you think you're craving so much sex because you're trying to fill a void? If so, then going to a therapist would help.

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    Default Re: Scared to be in a relationship with fear that I won't be faithful

    Also ... just one more thing to add .
    Consider if you are using this an excuse ( to avoid the work a relationship will eventually take ) Most of us have fears ( boredom , less freedom ect. ) but find the relationship trade off and support worth it.

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    Default Re: Scared to be in a relationship with fear that I won't be faithful

    I think it's wonderful that you're so aware! Honestly, from reading your post, it sounds like you have so many intensely positive emotions associated with your high sex drive (freedom, finding yourself again after a bad divorce, feeling validated) that you'd likely feel trapped by a monogamous relationship at this point in your life. That could change in the future, with time, and after finding the right partner and feeling safe and fulfilled in a committed relationship again. I think you'll know if / when you've found something worth committing to. For now, i say follow your dick and enjoy yourself! (And be safe!)

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    Default Re: Scared to be in a relationship with fear that I won't be faithful

    Quote Originally Posted by HyruleHighcon View Post
    I appreciate all the fantastic advice guys. Looking at it, it could me an addiction although I can function normally and even go weeks to months without. The absolute hunger is what is getting to me. I dont wanna get into serious relationships cause I don't wanna hurt anyone and especially get hurt myself. It's so awkward I need to find a swingers club or something
    I think you should avoid pathologizing yourself! It doesn't sound like your sex drive is getting in the way of you functioning normally. I think people throw the term "addiction" around without really understanding what it means / what it looks like. To me, it sounds like you have found an activity that you greatly enjoy; so, naturally, you crave it. But you aren't putting yourself in dangerous situations to satiate your cravings, or sacrificing anything that's important to you, or prioritizing sex over your financial obligations, etc. I think you're being very mindful by admitting to yourself that you could potentially sabotage a committed relationship at this point of your life - that doesn't indicate that anything is wrong with you. You're just more aware and mindful than most people are! Sometimes awareness of our issues can make us question our sanity; if we truly had issues, we wouldn't be aware enough to question ourselves!

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    Default Re: Scared to be in a relationship with fear that I won't be faithful

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    I think you should avoid pathologizing yourself! It doesn't sound like your sex drive is getting in the way of you functioning normally. I think people throw the term "addiction" around without really understanding what it means / what it looks like. To me, it sounds like you have found an activity that you greatly enjoy; so, naturally, you crave it. But you aren't putting yourself in dangerous situations to satiate your cravings, or sacrificing anything that's important to you, or prioritizing sex over your financial obligations, etc. I think you're being very mindful by admitting to yourself that you could potentially sabotage a committed relationship at this point of your life - that doesn't indicate that anything is wrong with you. You're just more aware and mindful than most people are! Sometimes awareness of our issues can make us question our sanity; if we truly had issues, we wouldn't be aware enough to question ourselves!
    I appreciate all these wonderful replies and Charlie, your wonderful words are a breathe of fresh air in my smokey world! I'm totally not ready to commit to anything serious and I don't wanna lead anyone around. I will however look up some groups or clubs as it would be amazing to socialise with people having the same open mind set as long as we are all safe! It's a big scary world and I guess I'm feeling guilty about something that I enjoy as a lot of society look down on people being open with sex. I'm not some kind of fuccboi who cheats, I just have a high sex drive that, hey maybe might be me filling some kind of void, but I'd rather fill something than feel empty. It's honestly so awkward for me because the divorce damaged me so, for now I'll follow my dick as you say and hope to one day meet that someone who fills any voids I have and who will truly appreciate me, I will reward them with loyalty and an undying sex drive Lol! I'm grateful for the replies, Charlie stay angelic please!

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    Default Re: Scared to be in a relationship with fear that I won't be faithful

    Why this is a great site - different perspectives but all genuinely laid out.
    Where am I? Back on the road, dammit


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    Default Re: Scared to be in a relationship with fear that I won't be faithful

    I hear you because I feel the same way. I have a high sex drive and would have sex every day of the week if I could.
    For some reason in the past I've ended up with men who have no or low sex drives and had endless excuses for not wanting to have sex with me. That's why I have mutually open relationships. That way if your needs are not being met physically you can go elsewhere to satisfy your needs. This kind of relationship takes people who will be honest and upfront about things. Either that or find someone whose sex drive matches yours. I know the latter is much easier said than done.
    "There will always be a part of me that is dirty and sloppy, but I like that, just like all the other parts of myself. I can forgive. Can you say the same for yourself, fucker?" - Silver Linings Playbook

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