
Originally Posted by
Demisexual
I apologize in advance for the vent, but I have to hide from everyone irl and I don't know where else to ask. I come from an extremely abusive family (both parents narcissists) and a third world country. After a ton of hard work and sacrifice and working vanilla jobs, I was able to graduate college and get a job that allowed me to move out from my parents house.
Then I married someone who lost their job when covid hit and my job is paying me half of what it used to, so I have been camming for a year and a half. I am trying to be grateful for the fact that we have food and I am away from my physically and emotionally hurtful parents but I hate it so so much.
I will list some reasons because I am fairly isolated and I google and find all those "I just love my life as a camgirl" posts and I am going through a deep depressions.
1. I was always a tomboy/queer and having to pretend to be feminine, do make up, wear lingerie is causing me dysphoria and stress. I tried to cam as more of "real me" but I was told that I am "too plain" and didn't make money, so it's not an option.
2. ENDLESS boring, repetitive conversations and creeps trying to guess my country, time zone, vanilla past job (it must be morning there atm, right?). Someone said that camgirls are virtual geishas, but I disagree, because geishas entertained powerful intelligent men, while (me at least) have to deal with toxic individuals who have zero interest in self development and the personality of a dead fish.
3. Having to engage and fake arousal from disgusting sex acts. I am a demisexual and unless I feel a deep emotional connection with them I do not feel sexual attraction. It still blows my mind how those men think that doing c2c and seeing a disheveled micropenis hoarder masturbating in his pajamas on his couch can arouse me.
4. The ups and downs in payments and the constant stress over it, having to sit online for hours and hours and make next to nothing.
5. The constant demands for emotional labor, bitching, nagging and whining. I couldn't cam on Christmas because 2 poor younger relatives came to spend the holiday with me and my husband and a regular fan club member threw a fit and said "I logged in for you every night and you never showed up!". I asked him if I should have kicked my family on the street to create privacy to cam. I feel unprofessional responding like that (ok, rarely), but I wonder why those losers think I owe them to put them above my family (I had messaged that I won't be live during the holidays).
6. I suffered from anorexia as a teen and the constant comments on my body are triggering me. I also started with my real age on one site (32), made next to nothing and then joined another and put 27 as fake age and did much better. All that ageism from much older men. Apparently at 32 I am too old to entertain men in their 40s and 50s. Great for my self esteem.
I could go on, but I won't burden you further, if you have read this far thank you so much. I wanted to get this off my chest and I am asking if anyone has negative feelings and how do you deal with them. If you offer advice, I would be very happy to follow.
Thank you
Natalie
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