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Thread: Need advice - Coworker knows about your escorting history

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    Member Curvy's Avatar
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    Dizzy Need advice - Coworker knows about your escorting history

    Hello ladies,

    I really need your advice! I am a semi retired independent escort in Canada. I say "semi" because I work full-time at a bank and do the escorting thing from time to time.

    I have been promised a promotion at my current job which is taking a little longer than I like, so when I was approached by a head hunter from another bank for an interview I said hey why not. So I go in the new bank, and the FIRST thing I see is a financial planner I had seen as client while escorting. I tried to keep it cool and ignore. Waited for their manager, did the interview and everything. Today their HR person contacted me and I've been offered the job, which pays about 10K more than my current job, and with a much nicer office.

    I am worried if I accept the offer, this guy will have the ability to ruin my career. Another thing is, I do outcall escorting, only TWICE I did incall from my home, and this guy happens to be ONE that I saw at home!!! He doesn't know that the incall is where I actually live now, he probably thought it's a place I use for incall. But, STILL, if I start a job at this new place, he will be able to easily compare my address on the employee directory with the one I emailed him and see that it's the same. If he still has this email, he will be able to even use it as document against me. All this is IF's. He might actually be a nice guy and pretend to not know anything.

    I just have a weird feeling. Should I accept the offer, or wait 2-3 weeks longer for my promised promotional interview at my current job that will pay the same, where no one knows anything at all and I am already family with the system/platform/people/etc.

    Please help ladies!!! What would you do?

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    God/dess laurielegs's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need advice - Coworker knows about your escorting history

    Since the pay after the promotion is the same and you feel your current job is like family, why even consider the other one? Sounds like you are likely to get the promotion.

    Even if the guy never says anything it may not be as pleasant as your current job. It's pretty valuable to have a good job that you like and who knows what the work environment is like there.

    Another thing you may consider is to mention that you have another offer to your current employer and maybe that will light a fire under them to get your interview going soon.


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    Default Re: Need advice - Coworker knows about your escorting history

    From my experiences of having people talk about my stripping at non-bar business jobs AND the fact that this guy knows so much already, forget about the other job that would force you to be near him.

    Guys especially have a hard time keeping that kind of secret, and if he can backstab you at some point with that info, he will.

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    Member Curvy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need advice - Coworker knows about your escorting history

    Thank you ladies, I agree 100% that it does make sense to have peace of mind at work. It's just that this new job offer was so exciting to me and the manager offered me the job the day after the interview, with 2k higher than they said they were offering originally.

    Now with my current job, I have been promised an interview during the 3rd week of June. The manager that told me I will be sent on an interview on that week left our branch last week (to move closer to her home). I'm just having a bit of an uneasy feeling. Most people tell me if a big name manager like her tells you something then she will stick to it even if she is gone (still within the institution, just changed location).

    I just don't want to lose this opportunity based on some "spoken" promised interview. Like I feel there is no guarantee....Another thing with my current job is that it's been such a slow process.

    As for letting my current employer know I got about the offer, I have been told by people with more experience in the field not to mention leaving for the "competition". Especially when they are looking to promote you internally, they want to make sure the candidate is committed. I guess I should just be patient few more weeks, but it's hard and feels insecure

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    God/dess SnuffleUffleGrass's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need advice - Coworker knows about your escorting history

    Quote Originally Posted by Curvy View Post
    Thank you ladies, I agree 100% that it does make sense to have peace of mind at work. It's just that this new job offer was so exciting to me and the manager offered me the job the day after the interview, with 2k higher than they said they were offering originally.

    Now with my current job, I have been promised an interview during the 3rd week of June. The manager that told me I will be sent on an interview on that week left our branch last week (to move closer to her home). I'm just having a bit of an uneasy feeling. Most people tell me if a big name manager like her tells you something then she will stick to it even if she is gone (still within the institution, just changed location).

    I just don't want to lose this opportunity based on some "spoken" promised interview. Like I feel there is no guarantee....Another thing with my current job is that it's been such a slow process.

    As for letting my current employer know I got about the offer, I have been told by people with more experience in the field not to mention leaving for the "competition". Especially when they are looking to promote you internally, they want to make sure the candidate is committed. I guess I should just be patient few more weeks, but it's hard and feels insecure
    I'd agree that appearing reliable and stable is the way to go. And...it is unfair and horrible that us ladies end up with problems like this, but life is unpredictable and unfair. Considering the hateful immature shit I have been forced to endure when outed, I would advise you to protect your privacy and future prosperity in your day job.

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    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need advice - Coworker knows about your escorting history

    Well was this dude married and how much I do do you know about him? collect any dirt on him and so he’d know he’d be at an extreme disadvantage by running his mouth

    If he has a lot to lose he may just keep quiet - after all, it wasn’t like he simply witnessed a transaction he PARTICIPATED so he would be incriminating himself as well by talking.

    Idk. I could see how you’d be annoyed and worried though.

    As far as your address. Computer data systems that I’m aware of can’t just go rifling through clients or anyone’s data like that. IT can track what e-files employees are reviewing. If they have no valid reason to be in your files then that raises a red flag. Also Employee directory should not have your home address or should have ability to edit your data to protect your privacy.

    Worst case scenario he shows someone those emails, you could always deny and say your email was hacked or you could just hire a lawyer to get you out of such hypothetical bind.
    Last edited by miss.a.p1600; 05-16-2019 at 06:48 AM.

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    Default Re: Need advice - Coworker knows about your escorting history

    Is there any way you can push your current job interview up on the calendar and leverage the other offer to get them to do a match ?

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    Default Re: Need advice - Coworker knows about your escorting history

    ^^^ I agree.

    it’s always the woman to blame at least in the US. My coworker lost her job after a coworker came into the titty bar. Guess what he got to keep his job. It’s so fucking unfair, but that sounds way to stressful to constantly worry about him outing you. Unless you think he’s got a lot to lose, but even then. Yeah people are petty AF.

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    Default Re: Need advice - Coworker knows about your escorting history

    I also wanted to mention that you can use this new job offer and pay increase as leverage to negotiate at your current job. Tell them that you would rather stay w/ them because u enjoy the company and would like to continue your loyalty, but it’s too difficult to pass up the other opportunity. People do it all the time!

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    Default Re: Need advice - Coworker knows about your escorting history

    Quote Originally Posted by cede View Post
    I also wanted to mention that you can use this new job offer and pay increase as leverage to negotiate at your current job. Tell them that you would rather stay w/ them because u enjoy the company and would like to continue your loyalty, but it’s too difficult to pass up the other opportunity. People do it all the time!
    This is risky and often backfires on those who try it. Right now they like her enough that they are even considering promoting her. Even if she succeeded in getting a bump, they would not forget that she had one foot out the door and it could hurt her in the long run. Promotions most often go to those who are perceived as loyal team players. Also, some managers won't give in to this tactic and call the bluff of anyone who tries it, so she could end up hurting herself where she is while still not getting the raise or promotion.

    Curvy, IMHO you should stay put and ride it out for a little longer. Having someone at the new job who knows your background would be very bad, especially when you are trying to build your value perception from scratch. There is value in what you already have and promotions often build on one another. If they yank your chain for too long, then you always have the option of looking for a better spot, but you might want to play this out for a bit before you do.

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    Member Curvy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need advice - Coworker knows about your escorting history

    Thank you everyone you've all been super helpful!

    I had my first one-on-one meeting with one of the new managers, and she was going on and on about my development in my current role, etc. I was just listening at first and wanted to see how much she has been told by previous managers. But then since there was ZERO talk of my upcoming interview or anything even close to it, I just lost it and said in a very straightforward way: "I have been promised an interview by end of June". To which she said: "If they told you they're going to send you on an interview on this date then I want you to know I won't be in your way, as your manager I want you to grow, I won't be an obstacle in your way." I liked her reply here, but THEN she said "from our email exchanges with previous 2 managers, it seems like they also want us (the 2 new managers) to also observe you and judge for ourselves."

    I was so fucking mad after hearing this last part but tried to keep it cool. How much MORE do they need to observe me??? I'm really starting to feel like they're playing me. I'm so down I want to cry. I've been so depressed since few days ago. I've worked SO hard and am constantly recognized for my performance in weekly meetings. I reach and surpass objectives EVERY week.

    I really truly love the new job offer, the place was so polished, renovated and in a nice area, my office to be is SO beautiful. Why on earth that guy has to work there?! I really feel like crying. I did nothing wrong escorting. I used to feel shame and guilt about it because of having grown up in a very religious family, but as I matured and now that I think about it, I'm thankful to sex work. If anything it allowed me to achieve many goals have what I have today. It's just so unfair (((((((((((

    It seems like at the moment I can't do much but wait and be patient.

    One good thing though is that my ex manager came to visit us and she had brought "thank you" cards for the team. On mine at the end she had written: "I hope you get the position you're working so hard to get." I like to take this as her way of saying she's sticking to her word. What do you guys think?

    P.s. it feels good to have this platform to openly talk about this since in my normal I can't tell anyone. I really appreciate all the responses <3

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    Member Curvy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need advice - Coworker knows about your escorting history

    P.S. Now after what's happened I've become so paranoid I feel like I shouldn't write on here about this.

    Who knows they might be SW readers!!!

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    Default Re: Need advice - Coworker knows about your escorting history

    it's true computers can track but even at my current job anybody can check out the coordinates of anybody. We're not supposed to do it, but I'm sure many do.

    As for the emails, if he shows anything to anyone, it will be so easy to find my website. Even though my face is blurred website and pics are all super glam and everything, still, it's very believable that it's me. I think if I do end up going with the new job, I will have to take everything down. Which makes me sad given how much money and effort I've spent on everything and the fact that I'm not ready to fully retire yet.

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    Default Re: Need advice - Coworker knows about your escorting history

    If you want to advance up the latter in banking then you will need to give up the side job. Delete the site & taking on new customers. And deny, deny, deny that you ever did it. Sounds like the new job is better place to be for advancement. Don't let any man stand in your way.

    Men lie all the time & get away with it when moving up the corporate latter.

    You are being given great opportunities to move forward in life, is what you spent on the site more important than the career you are pursuing?
    Video blogs on Camming industry & how to succeed at camming.

    Personality is the glitter that sends your little gleam across the footlights and the orchestra pit into that big black space where the audience is. Mae West

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    Member Curvy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need advice - Coworker knows about your escorting history

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    If you want to advance up the latter in banking then you will need to give up the side job. Delete the site & taking on new customers. And deny, deny, deny that you ever did it. Sounds like the new job is better place to be for advancement. Don't let any man stand in your way.

    Men lie all the time & get away with it when moving up the corporate latter.

    You are being given great opportunities to move forward in life, is what you spent on the site more important than the career you are pursuing?
    Thanks Sam38g for the honest opinion.

    I cannot afford to give up the side job at the moment. I am saving for downpayment for a house and need the extra money. I contacted my web designer to see if I can take things down temporarily. I also do not want to advance up the ladder in this field. I have an accounting degree and at some point was so excited and thought I wanted to work 9-5 and climb up. After having had some experience under my belt, I decided to sign up for a real estate agent course. I will quit 9-5 as soon as I have the license. I love sales, and if doesn't work out I can always come back to 9-5. It's not hard for me to get a job with my degree.

    As for my current job, I had a meeting with a higher up manager who told me I need to be patient a bit longer and that they can't give me a specific date. I now know i need to quit and take the new offer. Should the guy mention anything I will just deny and worst case scenario I'll go somewhere else.

    Thanks everyone for the suggestions

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    Default Re: Need advice - Coworker knows about your escorting history

    Quote Originally Posted by Curvy View Post
    I cannot afford to give up the side job at the moment. I am saving for downpayment for a house and need the extra money. I contacted my web designer to see if I can take things down temporarily. I also do not want to advance up the ladder in this field. I have an accounting degree and at some point was so excited and thought I wanted to work 9-5 and climb up. After having had some experience under my belt, I decided to sign up for a real estate agent course. I will quit 9-5 as soon as I have the license. I love sales, and if doesn't work out I can always come back to 9-5. It's not hard for me to get a job with my degree.

    As for my current job, I had a meeting with a higher up manager who told me I need to be patient a bit longer and that they can't give me a specific date. I now know i need to quit and take the new offer. Should the guy mention anything I will just deny and worst case scenario I'll go somewhere else.
    So you're going to leave a stable situation, where you are currently able to save money for a house, in order to go into a new situation where a guy knows what you do on the side and could gossip at any time? Even worse, you're going to keep doing the side gig and maintain a public presence while you are already so exposed? Also, if you do get burned at this new job, might you be overestimating how easy it would be to replace that income elsewhere, especially if word gets out about your situation?

    Idk, but IMHO you are letting your frustration over what has happened get the best of you. If your current situation is really that intolerable, then IMHO your best bet would be to seek out option 3 directly instead of choosing between two potentially problematic situations. I'm sure it would be very satisfying to go in tomorrow and tell them you're quitting, but you'll get the same satisfaction from it a few weeks later and could find a less compromising situation in the process.

    In any event, good luck.

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    Member Curvy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need advice - Coworker knows about your escorting history

    Thank you for advice rickdugan. We are all entitled to our opinions.

    I quit to take the new offer, yes despite everything, it is to MY advantage in every aspect. I will take side things down. As women we are judged so quickly, even if we did nothing wrong, yet men do whatever the fuck they want.

    It might be a bad decision, but I like to think some young girl might read my post and get inspired. It takes courage to go after what you want and deserve, despite what society tells you.

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    Default Re: Need advice - Coworker knows about your escorting history

    Fair enough curvy. When you posted this...I cannot afford to give up the side job at the moment. I am saving for downpayment for a house and need the extra money....I assumed that you intended to keep advertising, but it sounds like you've changed your mind about that, at least for now.

    Please also understand that what I posted comes from a good place. I also say that to buttress my next comment. Nobody who has any real influence on your employment opportunities gives a shit about any underlying inspirational message or what you believe is an implied protest against gender inequality. What corporate employers do care about, however, is reputation risk. If your new employer finds out, they will likely fire you. There are easily 10 ways this guy could out you without exposing himself directly and any attractive woman in an office setting is already going to get natural attention to begin with (whether it's fair or not).

    So with all that said, I sincerely hope that you watch your back, keep your radar up and keep anything else you do with the side gig UTR. I also very much hope that nothing bad comes to pass and that it all works out wonderfully for you.

    So with that I'll sign out of the thread with a genuine wish of good luck as you pursue this new opportunity.

    -RD

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