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Thread: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

  1. #26
    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    ^ I doubt it's very much if they are struggling to keep the lights on in a $700 per month trailer even with her dancing. States are not known for being overly generous with assistance for grown men with no kids. Also, there is normally some minimum he can earn without losing assistance and it sounds like he's doing squat now besides smoking cigarettes while he waits for her to get home with his money.

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    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    That too. A job would be better than public assistance.

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  4. #28
    Veteran Member StellaRose's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    Lightning, I noticed in the other thread that you have Strip and Grow Rich already. I think it would be a good idea to keep going back to those lessons and keep at them. Also, are you already part of the Facebook group? Since you have the course, you have access to there too. It’s helpful for asking about scenario specific questions. Or, you may be able to pick up a helpful hint or two of cities to move to if need be. Sometimes I don’t give it my all, but I can still come out okay with $200-$300 most of the time when I’m being lazy and either chilling in the dressing room or outright leaving early. And I strongly suspect that it’s market conditions that allowed that to happen for me. I remember working two shifts in the Miami area and that was...rough to say the least. Without knowing much of what you look like or your call work style, I can’t judge you to accurately. But just the fact that you took the initiative to purchase a sales course makes me assume that you are already at a certain base level and it’s your choice in club rather than you that’s the bigger problem from the income flow.

    Now that I’m out of school, I do absolutely need to kick myself in the rear though and give myself a better work ethic though.

    Exactly how much in love are you with this boyfriend? If you didn’t have to support him, there would be a lot of things that would be easier as far as getting out of there.

    You could probably look for somebody in your town who wants to rent a spare bedroom with utilities included for $250-$500/month. Something just big enough for your tv and console and games and clothes and miscellaneous personal items.

    Or for similar amount of “rent money” you could travel and find plenty of Airbnb’s in cities other than yours you can score for $30/night and below, effectively making your monthly payment either a bit less or a bit more than it already costs you to live.

    (That is assuming you have no pets. If you do have one, then you may have to broaden your standards to $20-50 per night realistically. Like I have to do, wah)

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  6. #29
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    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    This shouldn't be an issue. Here are some cash jobs he can do :
    Home cleaning
    Window washing
    Car detail
    Lawn Care
    Help sell at farmers markets / festivals ( I've personally done this and been paid in cash )

    ^ Just a start .


    Quote Originally Posted by slowpoke View Post
    Boyfriend is already on state assistance. A real job could disqualify him. He will have to be in the all cash economy

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    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    Also, SOME convention jobs (if you're not too far from a convention place) pay cash
    They're usually on weekends. Or, demos, you give out samples in stores, sometimes they will PayPal


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

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    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    I need to say something important here- long term you should consider moving somewhere where money is more available if you live in a low income area. I grew up in a very impoverished part of the States and it was literally killing me to work low paying jobs trying to get out of poverty, plus having family issues that would drain my money. It took a while but over about 5 years relocating and working a lot put me where I wanted to be.

    Also- you might benefit from debt counseling since you have debt. It's not all bad because paying it off builds on your credit history.

    Lastly if you have worries about your bank account getting levied (due to debt or other reasons) Wal Mart sells reloadable cards that you can put cash on and use like a bank account but portable. They print out receipts and everything.

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  12. #32
    God/dess whirlerz's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    Yes, great points.
    However, a place where jobs/pay is better, will be more expensive to live, I would think, unless they move out further (then there's the commute)
    Best to all


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

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  14. #33
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    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    Quote Originally Posted by SnuffleUffleGrass View Post

    Lastly if you have worries about your bank account getting levied (due to debt or other reasons) Wal Mart sells reloadable cards that you can put cash on and use like a bank account but portable. They print out receipts and everything.
    But, can you use those cards anywhere else? If a judgment creditor finds out about the cards, there does not appear to be a reason he cant run a writ of garnishment on it.

    How is the OP paying for internet access? Does she have a smartphone with a data charge? If you actually NEED internet access it can be free at the library, you can get a phone at wal mart for about twenty dollars. https://www.walmart.com/ip/TracFone-...hone/564300365
    Last edited by slowpoke; 06-16-2019 at 11:23 AM.

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    Senior Member KenzieJ's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    I think the only way for you to get ahead is to be consistent and work on a regular basis. Even if you had several slow says with a few good thrown in, you'd be making more per week. Also, look at it as weekly income instead of what you're making per day/night. That's really all I've got

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    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    Quote Originally Posted by slowpoke View Post
    But, can you use those cards anywhere else? If a judgment creditor finds out about the cards, there does not appear to be a reason he cant run a writ of garnishment on it.

    How is the OP paying for internet access? Does she have a smartphone with a data charge? If you actually NEED internet access it can be free at the library, you can get a phone at wal mart for about twenty dollars. https://www.walmart.com/ip/TracFone-...hone/564300365
    These cards can't be used for hotel rooms or rental cars since there is no way to verify limit (like a bank issued card would) but it gives a way to store cash without worrying about levies and liens. & Cash unfortunately can be stolen easily, or misplaced.

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    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    Quote Originally Posted by whirlerz View Post
    Yes, great points.
    However, a place where jobs/pay is better, will be more expensive to live, I would think, unless they move out further (then there's the commute)
    Best to all
    Right!!!! That’s what I’m trying to figure out now.

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  21. #37
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    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    I should have said how does the OP afford internet access? Is she paying for a smartphone and data plan? If you have to have a phone you can get a flip phone for about $25 and pay when you need more minutes.

    She doesnt NEED internet unless she is a camgirl.

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  23. #38
    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    Quote Originally Posted by whirlerz View Post
    Yes, great points.
    However, a place where jobs/pay is better, will be more expensive to live, I would think, unless they move out further (then there's the commute)
    Best to all
    I couldn't agree with this more. She's already struggling to cover the nut for two people living in a $700 trailer. How is she going to cover a nut jacked up by $1,000-1,500 or more per month? Rent, utilities and, shoot, even the cost of her anchor's cigarettes will likely go up a lot. She already mentioned that she's struggling in the club and can't work when it is busy due to her autism, so I'm not convinced that she could bridge the gap by dancing in a better club. If anything, IMHO leaving her low cost environment would be more likely to make things much worse for her.

    Anyway, just my fwiw.

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  25. #39
    Moderator charlie61's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    OP, have you considered camming instead of dancing? Sure, you'd need to invest in internet + startup materials, but for someone with autism, i think it'd be a far easier, and potentially more lucrative gig than dancing. Way less noise and overwhelming interactions. If you were making $400+/ shift dancing, then i wouldn't suggest camming. But for your $100/shift or less average, it seems like you haven't found your niche. Dancing is physically, emotionally, and socially grueling work for most of us. Camming wasn't for me, but it seems like women with various disabilities especially love it, because you're in full control of scheduling, plus many other benefits.

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    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    Your boyfriend should definitely quit smoking and get a job. If there aren't many opportunities in your area, would it be possible for you to relocate?

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  29. #41
    Senior Member lightningfarron's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    Hey! i've been reading thru every comment and tbh have avoided coming back to this thread. I took what you guys said to heart though and have been reflecting on my life.

    I really think my issue right now is choice of club. The club is not in a good traffic area (small city of like 32k population), takes WAY too much and is full of undercut dancers who will charge the minimum for VIP just to get VIP. It sucks because I love it otherwise- good atmosphere, family like, VIP hosts who are good at what they do, the bouncers genuinely care about the dancers being safe, strict clean club. The club has also started a new rule where if customer uses CC payment for VIP, they will take 10% cut of our VIP room. So if I get a $150 VIP for a half hour, (the minmum) and take 10% of that plus 15% tip for the VIP host plus tipouts and house fee.... yeah lol it sucks

    Partner does not want to move. And honestly, I am thinking about leaving him. It SUCKS, I love him but we have a few other problems too, I am just not living my life the way I want to being with him. I want to travel and save money and invest and buy a home and build my social media presence and I just don't see it happening anytime soon being with him. I've asked him to stop smoking, he only started trying recently (cutting down to cheaper cigs he doesn't like and buying a vape pen). And if I don't buy him smokes he gets cranky and mopey, he also has trust/jealousy issues. I just don't want that negativity in my life. It's going to hurt so much, I love him and most of our relationship is awesome, but I feel like overall it'll be for the better. Anyway when that happens I'll move (not sure where yet) and put off dating for a long time, I'm still young lol I'll live.

    I've cammed briefly in the past (I have a custom powerhouse PC and good Logitech webcam), and did enjoy it! But I've started a YouTube makeup/vlog channel and it's picking up with views and subscribers, I don't want to cam anymore if I have a chance being successful with that. (Risk of doxxing) So it's an option for the future if that doesn't work out!

    My plan right now is work as much as I can (some preplanning helps with the weekend anxiety) and hide money and save to leave in the fall. Suggestions on where to live in the US with good clubs and not New England are appreciated
    I was considering Guam a while ago, but I'm not sure if I want to start working 6 days a week right off the bat. it's an option though!

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    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    Quote Originally Posted by lightningfarron View Post
    I was considering Guam a while ago, but I'm not sure if I want to start working 6 days a week right off the bat. it's an option though!
    A quick warning- if you go to Guam understand that you have to be outgoing and on the hustle- that social climate doesn't work well for shy/introverted dancers. I KNOW I'm going to get flack for being critical of Guam and I don't care. For some girls they thrive there, others hate it.

    At your current age you'd be better off single. Being able to sugar especially would help you put away money so you don't have to struggle when you're older.

    I can add more later. Especially now you have look out for yourself.

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  33. #43
    Senior Member lightningfarron's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    Quote Originally Posted by SnuffleUffleGrass View Post
    A quick warning- if you go to Guam understand that you have to be outgoing and on the hustle- that social climate doesn't work well for shy/introverted dancers. I KNOW I'm going to get flack for being critical of Guam and I don't care. For some girls they thrive there, others hate it.

    At your current age you'd be better off single. Being able to sugar especially would help you put away money so you don't have to struggle when you're older.

    I can add more later. Especially now you have look out for yourself.
    Hey thanks for the warning! I think I am being misunderstood tho. I am not an introvert, in fact I probably have the most assertive/aggressive hustle at my club atm. I am known for being able to suck custies into dances/VIP without having to waste time sitting and chatting too long. I just think that is a stereotype with autism lol. The issue lies with working 6 days a week on days where I'm not sure I'll have the social battery charge to deal with it or not. But a schedule might be good for me idk. I did used to work a lot more when I was single so that's another factor.

    I have also considered sugaring and have been reading up on it!

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    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    Quote Originally Posted by lightningfarron View Post
    Hey thanks for the warning! I think I am being misunderstood tho. I am not an introvert, in fact I probably have the most assertive/aggressive hustle at my club atm. I am known for being able to suck custies into dances/VIP without having to waste time sitting and chatting too long. I just think that is a stereotype with autism lol. The issue lies with working 6 days a week on days where I'm not sure I'll have the social battery charge to deal with it or not. But a schedule might be good for me idk. I did used to work a lot more when I was single so that's another factor.

    I have also considered sugaring and have been reading up on it!
    Oh good! Yes if you are extroverted at work Guam can pay off for you. I have an autistic sibling who is super shy so I often assume that is the default for autism sufferers.

    Later I'll share some of my sugaring experiences, in light of some tragic events that have occurred in that world. I often think sugar sites are the worst thing to happen to people who want to grow those relationships.

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  36. #45
    Senior Member lightningfarron's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    Quote Originally Posted by SnuffleUffleGrass View Post
    Oh good! Yes if you are extroverted at work Guam can pay off for you. I have an autistic sibling who is super shy so I often assume that is the default for autism sufferers.

    Later I'll share some of my sugaring experiences, in light of some tragic events that have occurred in that world. I often think sugar sites are the worst thing to happen to people who want to grow those relationships.
    Alot of us don't suffer, we were just born that way. I honestly would love to travel and check it out, even if the money potential is the same I would mostly be going for the experience. Been reading up on clubs there just in case... The idea of travelling off the mainland alone kinda scares me haha.

    I would appreciate that!! I will be avoiding online if I do, seems like the recent laws messed up a lot with that. I would freestyle in rich/classy spots haha. I have also been eyeing thredup, poshmark, fb groups, eBay, thrift shop etc for any designer brands I can get for cheap for my wardrobe and then tailor them, which I wanted to do anyways.

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  38. #46
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    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    Sorry the BF might not work out. However, from what I read you are doing the deep and realistic thinking needed to produce change.

    If you really love the guy you need to have a heart to heart with him, and tell him issues or not, he needs to hustle too or he will lose the best woman that will ever happen to him. If he has any sense at all he will realize you are a diamond and worth any effort.

    He would benefit from

    1. Quitting smoking for his, health, your welfare, and everyone else who comes in contact with him
    2. Finding ANY online gig, learn to code, learn SQL, anything. Those gigs often pay $10/hr to start, but much better after a few years.
    3. Doing what exercise he can do

    You should consider

    4. Assessing clubs
    5. Looking at additional revenue streams no matter how small that can potentially grow
    Where Am I? Missing NYC

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  40. #47
    Senior Member lightningfarron's Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    Quote Originally Posted by Bahuba View Post
    Sorry the BF might not work out. However, from what I read you are doing the deep and realistic thinking needed to produce change.

    If you really love the guy you need to have a heart to heart with him, and tell him issues or not, he needs to hustle too or he will lose the best woman that will ever happen to him. If he has any sense at all he will realize you are a diamond and worth any effort.

    He would benefit from

    1. Quitting smoking for his, health, your welfare, and everyone else who comes in contact with him
    2. Finding ANY online gig, learn to code, learn SQL, anything. Those gigs often pay $10/hr to start, but much better after a few years.
    3. Doing what exercise he can do

    You should consider

    4. Assessing clubs
    5. Looking at additional revenue streams no matter how small that can potentially grow
    Thank you so for this! I cannot tell you how this makes me feel, being validated and told I'm making the right choice for me. Sadly I just don't think our lifestyles mesh well. I have tried talking to him about all those things. He either says I am trying to change and control him, or says "see I knew I wasn't enough for you" (since I've known he was on disability when we got together). He also doesn't want to move at all.

    He says he doesn't want to lose me but he isn't really taking the steps to not lose me. I've tried to encourage him to take his GED/HISET test (even saying I will pay for tutoring) and getting him on the path to start a career and again that is met with "why are you trying to change me/monetize me." He does have skills too, he's a good amateur mechanic, crafty, and good with computers (he can build them with parts, and code a little). He could really be good at anything if he wanted to. It's so frustrating because I love him and our relationship is great otherwise. But he claims I am trying to change him when really I just need help with being the sole provider and bringing in money for us. He wouldn't have so many things we do now if I weren't here for him (he can claim he bought so and so with his own money, but he wouldn't have had that disposable income to buy it himself if I weren't here). New TV, parts for his computer after they died, vape stuff to help him quit smoking (he enjoys vaping too and did before me), new phone because his was unusuable (still a pre-owned one, but still), all the vehicles we sunk money into for nothing, etc. This was all bought during a time when the club was doing alright. It sucks now and there's no other options but he still refuses to get it together.

    It's going to hurt a lot and it will be really difficult and I don't know if I'll get over it easily but I think I know what I need to do

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  42. #48
    Moderator PhatGirlDynomite!!!'s Avatar
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    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    Dump him girl, dump him now! Let him be someone else's problem. I didn't realize before (I didn't want to assume) how much of a leech this guy is. You can't change him. He didn't just get like this overnight and it doesn't sound like you have the time to undo what has already been done. I hate telling people to leave their partners but this doesn't sound right at all. Get out of there and work on yourself. If you have somewhere to go right away then go. Otherwise he's just gonna guilt you into staying.

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    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    Quote Originally Posted by PhatGirlDynomite!!! View Post
    Dump him girl, dump him now! Let him be someone else's problem. I didn't realize before (I didn't want to assume) how much of a leech this guy is. You can't change him. He didn't just get like this overnight and it doesn't sound like you have the time to undo what has already been done. I hate telling people to leave their partners but this doesn't sound right at all. Get out of there and work on yourself. If you have somewhere to go right away then go. Otherwise he's just gonna guilt you into staying.
    I didn't want to threadjack about your partner and his smoking but- yes smoking does produce health consequences eventually. I smoked on and off for several years and eventually ended up battling bronchitis and pneumonia- terrible and expensive. Also a good friend of mine chain smoked for decades and now she has COPD. In short if you stick with him you'll be paying part of the expenses towards his medical care.

    You two can always stay friendly. Youth is the right time to capitalize on your peak energy in the adult industry.

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  46. #50
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    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    Why is she wasting time with a deadbeat who didn't even graduate from high school and is using her as a cash cow?

    She would be better off dumping him.

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