






Thank you all again. Sometimes all you need is an inside perspective.
I've spent this time researching where to go next. I haven't dumped bf yet but putting distance between us. I don't want to end this abruptly. I know that's probably not the best decision, but I'm just not emotionally ready to end it abruptly. I really do love this guy, I just don't see myself happiest I can be being with him. Truthfully I've been sorta depressed and hermitlike since we moved in together, and not really doing anything I used to be interested in. I've been hiding about 80% of the money I make from work.
I connected with a dancer in Hawaii over FB. She put in a good word for me at her club and when I'm ready to leave I will have a place to stay near Waikiki for cheaper than the hotels or apartments there. (The owner is hooking me up until I can find something better)
I think it will be good for me. I had a long talk with her about my situation and she thinks I will love it here. It seems like a good place to go, take a break and reflect, lol
I can fit everything I care about in like 2 big suitcases and a carry-on and will also try to sell some stuff before I go.
I just wish I saw this coming before and prevented it before it happened. Maybe things wouldve turned out different.
Our roommates are my bf's best friend and his girlfriend who is also a dancer. If you look thru my post history I've talked about them a bit and how she acts as his second mother and pays 100% of expenses for him while he doesn't work. The other night at work she started crying to me and in between sobs confided in me. Saying she barely tries at work anymore because she's working for free so she doesn't feel it matters, and how he went through so much money she could've went to school or bought a house to raise her kid by now (her kid lives with his grandparents because his baby daddy abandoned him and she has to support a manchild who doesn't want her kid living with them). Watching her and listening to her say all this was so haunting.
It started with fucking cigarettes.
Then it was food and drinks and a pair of jeans after his ripped and a TV and parts for his computer and a VR headset.
That's how fast I realized I was going thru this slippery slope... I'm just glad I caught it before I was 30 with no assets by the time it was over. Jesus Christ.
Seriously, slippery slope. I thought it could never happen to me and then I noticed what was happening and why I couldn't save money anymore.
Take care of yourself girls
I’m proud of you. It’s tough to look in the mirror and change course, keep it up.![]()
If you have roommates, that will be the next challenges. Is there a time the lease will be up?





Is she on the lease, and what is the result of breaking the lease? The other tenants probably have joint and several liability. If she escapes they may seek someone to replace her.



First thing, get the hell out of dodge. take the trip to hawaii, and keep your mind on work. take a break from dating and living with someone, other than your friend.
Pay your share of expenses, if you have to get them in writing, so three months down the road it doesnt come back to bite you in the ass.
Tell the BF, you are taking a break, no he cannot come, he needs to get his shit together, meaning stop smoking, get a job, and learn to be an adult. If and only if after a year at least, he can prove a bank account with a normal balance, a steady job, and a healthy lifestyle and attitude, after that year, you might talk to him again. big Might.
Most probable, you wont ever have to deal with him again, because he sounds like a typical non reality living person, like many his age these days.
Save your money, enjoy the sunshine, and never date anyone who cant pay for the check, or provide for himself.





I would not normally advocate such a thing, but she should just go and not leave a forwarding address.
She probably has no credit rating to ruin and is judgment proof.
There seems a lot of things going on, co dependency being one of them, and a clean break is the best way to deal with it.
In the future she should not even speak to anyone who does not have a job, housing and is self supporting.


Last edited by lightningfarron; 07-06-2019 at 11:28 AM.















Sooo true. Side note- banks don't feel beholden to notify you if a problem happens because of old joint accounts or credit cards.
Also if you really need to use your current state residency information but want to travel (taxes, etc.) get a PO BOX or use a relative's address (WITH agreement, because they might not hold on to your mail.)
Good luck and wish you the best!


I'm going to talk with bf tonight before work and say what OmegaWest suggested. I am going to write down my feelings so I don't get guilted or sidetracked.
Thank you all for the tough love. It wasn't easy to read, but I needed to.
I will keep updated on how things go





Re- break ups...A good thought to re-inforce the "pulling off the Band Aid" approach to breakups is, if both of you cling to the LTR for the wrong reasons.....BOTH of you will leave with "a bad taste in the mouth" and anger/depression...You're doing you both a favor.
. Honestly some of his statements made already make me think he's expecting this outcome and is already prepared.
Back on topic to saving money and working, open an account with a national bank- if you spend a long time traveling you need to be able to deposit money frequently. Also many banks have different online services that are worth paying for....IMO Money needs to be your new "relationship" b/c it will give you the freedom to have the life you want.
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