Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123
Results 51 to 63 of 63

Thread: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

  1. #51
    God/dess
    Joined
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    6,948
    Thanks
    2,846
    Thanked 5,526 Times in 3,113 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    Quote Originally Posted by PhatGirlDynomite!!! View Post
    Dump him girl, dump him now! Let him be someone else's problem. I didn't realize before (I didn't want to assume) how much of a leech this guy is. You can't change him. He didn't just get like this overnight and it doesn't sound like you have the time to undo what has already been done. I hate telling people to leave their partners but this doesn't sound right at all. Get out of there and work on yourself. If you have somewhere to go right away then go. Otherwise he's just gonna guilt you into staying.
    You would think there would be a Salvation Army or women's shelter where she could go.

  2. #52
    Senior Member lightningfarron's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2019
    Location
    I move around
    Posts
    107
    Thanks
    224
    Thanked 209 Times in 72 Posts

    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    Thank you all again. Sometimes all you need is an inside perspective.

    I've spent this time researching where to go next. I haven't dumped bf yet but putting distance between us. I don't want to end this abruptly. I know that's probably not the best decision, but I'm just not emotionally ready to end it abruptly. I really do love this guy, I just don't see myself happiest I can be being with him. Truthfully I've been sorta depressed and hermitlike since we moved in together, and not really doing anything I used to be interested in. I've been hiding about 80% of the money I make from work.

    I connected with a dancer in Hawaii over FB. She put in a good word for me at her club and when I'm ready to leave I will have a place to stay near Waikiki for cheaper than the hotels or apartments there. (The owner is hooking me up until I can find something better)
    I think it will be good for me. I had a long talk with her about my situation and she thinks I will love it here. It seems like a good place to go, take a break and reflect, lol

    I can fit everything I care about in like 2 big suitcases and a carry-on and will also try to sell some stuff before I go.

    I just wish I saw this coming before and prevented it before it happened. Maybe things wouldve turned out different.

    Our roommates are my bf's best friend and his girlfriend who is also a dancer. If you look thru my post history I've talked about them a bit and how she acts as his second mother and pays 100% of expenses for him while he doesn't work. The other night at work she started crying to me and in between sobs confided in me. Saying she barely tries at work anymore because she's working for free so she doesn't feel it matters, and how he went through so much money she could've went to school or bought a house to raise her kid by now (her kid lives with his grandparents because his baby daddy abandoned him and she has to support a manchild who doesn't want her kid living with them). Watching her and listening to her say all this was so haunting.

    It started with fucking cigarettes.
    Then it was food and drinks and a pair of jeans after his ripped and a TV and parts for his computer and a VR headset.
    That's how fast I realized I was going thru this slippery slope... I'm just glad I caught it before I was 30 with no assets by the time it was over. Jesus Christ.
    Seriously, slippery slope. I thought it could never happen to me and then I noticed what was happening and why I couldn't save money anymore.
    Take care of yourself girls

  3. The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to lightningfarron For This Useful Post:


  4. #53
    Veteran Member StellaRose's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2017
    Posts
    561
    Thanks
    1,639
    Thanked 1,121 Times in 429 Posts

    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    I’m proud of you. It’s tough to look in the mirror and change course, keep it up.

    If you have roommates, that will be the next challenges. Is there a time the lease will be up?

  5. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to StellaRose For This Useful Post:


  6. #54
    God/dess
    Joined
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    6,948
    Thanks
    2,846
    Thanked 5,526 Times in 3,113 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    Is she on the lease, and what is the result of breaking the lease? The other tenants probably have joint and several liability. If she escapes they may seek someone to replace her.

  7. #55
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    291
    Thanks
    159
    Thanked 357 Times in 166 Posts

    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    First thing, get the hell out of dodge. take the trip to hawaii, and keep your mind on work. take a break from dating and living with someone, other than your friend.

    Pay your share of expenses, if you have to get them in writing, so three months down the road it doesnt come back to bite you in the ass.

    Tell the BF, you are taking a break, no he cannot come, he needs to get his shit together, meaning stop smoking, get a job, and learn to be an adult. If and only if after a year at least, he can prove a bank account with a normal balance, a steady job, and a healthy lifestyle and attitude, after that year, you might talk to him again. big Might.

    Most probable, you wont ever have to deal with him again, because he sounds like a typical non reality living person, like many his age these days.

    Save your money, enjoy the sunshine, and never date anyone who cant pay for the check, or provide for himself.

  8. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to OmegaWest For This Useful Post:


  9. #56
    God/dess
    Joined
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    6,948
    Thanks
    2,846
    Thanked 5,526 Times in 3,113 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    I would not normally advocate such a thing, but she should just go and not leave a forwarding address.

    She probably has no credit rating to ruin and is judgment proof.

    There seems a lot of things going on, co dependency being one of them, and a clean break is the best way to deal with it.

    In the future she should not even speak to anyone who does not have a job, housing and is self supporting.

  10. The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to slowpoke For This Useful Post:


  11. #57
    Senior Member lightningfarron's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2019
    Location
    I move around
    Posts
    107
    Thanks
    224
    Thanked 209 Times in 72 Posts

    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    Quote Originally Posted by slowpoke View Post
    Is she on the lease, and what is the result of breaking the lease? The other tenants probably have joint and several liability. If she escapes they may seek someone to replace her.
    I'm not on the lease

    Edit: no other legal obligations, contracts, or joint accounts that would require me to stay or remain in some kind of contact or pay for anything.
    Last edited by lightningfarron; 07-06-2019 at 11:28 AM.

  12. #58
    God/dess
    Joined
    Oct 2005
    Posts
    6,948
    Thanks
    2,846
    Thanked 5,526 Times in 3,113 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    Quote Originally Posted by lightningfarron View Post
    I'm not on the lease
    That is good.

  13. #59
    Moderator
    Joined
    Sep 2012
    Posts
    2,508
    Thanks
    4,404
    Thanked 3,977 Times in 1,532 Posts

    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    Quote Originally Posted by slowpoke View Post
    I would not normally advocate such a thing, but she should just go and not leave a forwarding address.

    She probably has no credit rating to ruin and is judgment proof.

    There seems a lot of things going on, co dependency being one of them, and a clean break is the best way to deal with it.

    In the future she should not even speak to anyone who does not have a job, housing and is self supporting.
    This is gold- if you have joint accounts, you must immediately terminate to avoid years of bad credit
    Where Am I? Missing NYC

  14. The Following User Says Thank You to Bahuba For This Useful Post:


  15. #60
    God/dess SnuffleUffleGrass's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2009
    Location
    HearstCastle, Rosebud
    Posts
    8,848
    Thanks
    22,676
    Thanked 17,513 Times in 6,696 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    Quote Originally Posted by Bahuba View Post
    This is gold- if you have joint accounts, you must immediately terminate to avoid years of bad credit
    Sooo true. Side note- banks don't feel beholden to notify you if a problem happens because of old joint accounts or credit cards.

    Also if you really need to use your current state residency information but want to travel (taxes, etc.) get a PO BOX or use a relative's address (WITH agreement, because they might not hold on to your mail.)

    Good luck and wish you the best!

  16. #61
    Senior Member lightningfarron's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2019
    Location
    I move around
    Posts
    107
    Thanks
    224
    Thanked 209 Times in 72 Posts

    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    I'm going to talk with bf tonight before work and say what OmegaWest suggested. I am going to write down my feelings so I don't get guilted or sidetracked.

    Thank you all for the tough love. It wasn't easy to read, but I needed to.

    I will keep updated on how things go

  17. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to lightningfarron For This Useful Post:


  18. #62
    God/dess SnuffleUffleGrass's Avatar
    Joined
    Mar 2009
    Location
    HearstCastle, Rosebud
    Posts
    8,848
    Thanks
    22,676
    Thanked 17,513 Times in 6,696 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    Quote Originally Posted by lightningfarron View Post
    I'm going to talk with bf tonight before work and say what OmegaWest suggested. I am going to write down my feelings so I don't get guilted or sidetracked.

    Thank you all for the tough love. It wasn't easy to read, but I needed to.

    I will keep updated on how things go
    Re- break ups...A good thought to re-inforce the "pulling off the Band Aid" approach to breakups is, if both of you cling to the LTR for the wrong reasons.....BOTH of you will leave with "a bad taste in the mouth" and anger/depression...You're doing you both a favor.

    . Honestly some of his statements made already make me think he's expecting this outcome and is already prepared.

    Back on topic to saving money and working, open an account with a national bank- if you spend a long time traveling you need to be able to deposit money frequently. Also many banks have different online services that are worth paying for....IMO Money needs to be your new "relationship" b/c it will give you the freedom to have the life you want.

  19. The Following User Says Thank You to SnuffleUffleGrass For This Useful Post:


  20. #63
    Curious Guest Bitch_from_the_crypt's Avatar
    Joined
    Dec 2018
    Posts
    1
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: I can't save money and it's really discouraging

    Quote Originally Posted by lightningfarron View Post
    I'm going to talk with bf tonight before work and say what OmegaWest suggested. I am going to write down my feelings so I don't get guilted or sidetracked.

    Thank you all for the tough love. It wasn't easy to read, but I needed to.

    I will keep updated on how things go
    Hey Sweetie! Been thinking of you. How did the break up go and how is Hawaii? Did you make it there and enjoy it, still there?

    What's been up?

    x

Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123

Similar Threads

  1. Discouraging unwanted custie contact.
    By DEE_K in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 4
    Last Post: 04-20-2009, 07:47 PM
  2. Discouraging first night back
    By hazel_eyes in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 09-24-2008, 08:37 PM
  3. Replies: 14
    Last Post: 05-31-2008, 09:41 PM
  4. Discouraging contact
    By NewMoon in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 11-09-2007, 04:56 PM
  5. Organizing to save money and time! (lots of links)
    By lildreamer316 in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 04-19-2006, 09:38 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •