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    Default Coping with loneliness

    I’ve been alone for most of my life—troubles at home, bullied in school, etc. I have no one to talk or turn to. If I didn’t have to work I’d probably be one of those weirdos that talk to themselves. Even at work I tend to keep my distance.

    i would join a support group but their aren’t really any in my area. One day I tried looking for friends on CL and ended up with a bunch of men that wanted to fuck me 😒

    When I try to open up to people it backfires on me— they use my secrets against me. My family (not like I care) says they’re concerned about me living a lonely life (ie I don’t go out/not social, etc) and I’m only 24. I’m disappointed with it but I wouldn’t feel safe in clubs, etc by myself. I don’t believe anybody would.

    How do you owe combat loneliness?

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    Default Re: Coping with loneliness

    1) You need better friends.

    2) Talking to yourself isn't weird, given that you do it in the right times and right places.

    3) Everyone deals with their feelings of loneliness very differently, and that can change over time. I would say, get some hobbies where you meet like minded people, not people with the same occupations. & Honestly every person's social circle shrinks with time and age....

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    Default Re: Coping with loneliness

    I have some ideas that might help.

    Volunteering. It's been a good social network for me and gives you that " face repeat " factor many need to naturally be more friendly.

    #2 ( use at your leisure ) .... more discretion on sex work. You say that people have used your secrets and I guess my suggestion is to just start as " light " friends and wait a long time ( 6 months or so minimum ) to reveal sex work ect.

    When you say work do you mean at a club or vanilla ? If vanilla, it's ok to be the one to initiate an after work happy hour or something ( give people at least 3-4 days notice ) . Then anyone can join / low pressure. Just some random ideas to take or leave.

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    Default Re: Coping with loneliness

    Quote Originally Posted by carmen_b View Post
    I have some ideas that might help.

    Volunteering. It's been a good social network for me and gives you that " face repeat " factor many need to naturally be more friendly.

    #2 ( use at your leisure ) .... more discretion on sex work. You say that people have used your secrets and I guess my suggestion is to just start as " light " friends and wait a long time ( 6 months or so minimum ) to reveal sex work ect.

    When you say work do you mean at a club or vanilla ? If vanilla, it's ok to be the one to initiate an after work happy hour or something ( give people at least 3-4 days notice ) . Then anyone can join / low pressure. Just some random ideas to take or leave.
    I don’t tell anyone about sex work. Lol. I’m not that crazy. But I may HINT at certain things I like to do. Prime example there is this guy from college that I talked to for the time I did go and I told one of my “friends” now the butt of every joke is me being a hoe (I didn’t mention money or anything)....just that he was flying to see me

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    Default Re: Coping with loneliness

    Find activities you enjoy and do them with groups

    Or just get out the house - grocery shopping, mall shopping, post office runs, etc that means you’ll be around people in some capacity

    I think snuffle has a point in that talking to yourself isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Some people talk themselves through challenging situations etc.

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    Default Re: Coping with loneliness

    I think that people have given some really good suggestions. I don't have any advice because I have felt this way for a long time and when I got into SW I naively thought I would make alot of friends with people that relate but everyone has insecurities and are in different places so I just usually stick to myself and have actually gotten pretty used to it. Not that that is everyone but I have found it really difficult to have genuine, lasting friendships and when your family and other friends find out you do SW it can be pretty lonely. Admittedly I did make some mistakes in the beginning with people I told so I have learned that the hard way and it did come around to bite me in the ass. I try to help people though and I think people offer good feedback on this forum so that has helped too.

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    Default Re: Coping with loneliness

    Quote Originally Posted by whodathoe View Post
    Prime example there is this guy from college that I talked to for the time I did go and I told one of my “friends” now the butt of every joke is me being a hoe (I didn’t mention money or anything)....just that he was flying to see me
    This guy is an asshole and is just mad he isn't locking you down for free, sorry to say.
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    Default Re: Coping with loneliness

    Isolating is survival tool. I go to twelve steps; I’ve said that before it that’s sounds redundant. Honestly, I don’t know the solution. I live in a small town where people know I dance and it’s causes problems. I did Lisa Romano’s life coaching class it was great.

    Maybe I’m just being negative, but true friends are hard to find. It’s really better to be alone than hang out with people who aren’t uplifting.

    but my recovery friend is an elite athlete and he says people are finicky. Like he lives in Cali and has hung out with celebrities and he told me people love to hang out with winners. People will swarm to you like bees to honey when everything is great, but times like this build character and show you who your real friends are. I’ve turned into a loner and I’m just working on myself. People are finicky. I remember this show on Oprah and this famous celebrity got cancer and all her friends vanished-people can be shitty. You can’t take it personally when people act shitty or reject you.

    You’re young through, I’m not sure why you can’t join a meet up or something?

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    Default Re: Coping with loneliness

    Quote Originally Posted by Bahuba View Post
    This guy is an asshole and is just mad he isn't locking you down for free, sorry to say.
    Lol no. The guy that’s coming to see me is the one I met in college. The person I told is a woman but yeah she’s likely jealous

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    Default Re: Coping with loneliness

    Quote Originally Posted by whodathoe View Post
    Lol no. The guy that’s coming to see me is the one I met in college. The person I told is a woman but yeah she’s likely jealous
    LOL sorry - I read that and assumed it was a guy!
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    Default Re: Coping with loneliness

    Quote Originally Posted by Ifyouseekamy View Post
    Isolating is survival tool. I go to twelve steps; I’ve said that before it that’s sounds redundant. Honestly, I don’t know the solution. I live in a small town where people know I dance and it’s causes problems. I did Lisa Romano’s life coaching class it was great.

    Maybe I’m just being negative, but true friends are hard to find. It’s really better to be alone than hang out with people who aren’t uplifting.

    but my recovery friend is an elite athlete and he says people are finicky. Like he lives in Cali and has hung out with celebrities and he told me people love to hang out with winners. People will swarm to you like bees to honey when everything is great, but times like this build character and show you who your real friends are. I’ve turned into a loner and I’m just working on myself. People are finicky. I remember this show on Oprah and this famous celebrity got cancer and all her friends vanished-people can be shitty. You can’t take it personally when people act shitty or reject you.

    You’re young through, I’m not sure why you can’t join a meet up or something?
    They don’t have those where I live. The closest thing to that is a church which I’ve considered joining but idw do it for the wrong reasons

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    Default Re: Coping with loneliness

    Quote Originally Posted by whodathoe View Post
    They don’t have those where I live. The closest thing to that is a church which I’ve considered joining but idw do it for the wrong reasons
    I’ve been there. That’s how I ended up in 12 steps. They are the only social group that didn’t judge me. I’ve outgrown that group though. Great group, but their literature is outdated in my opinion. Every group is different though.

    I use to go sit on Sunday service at mega churches just so I could be around people and feel my higher powers love, but the churches were big enough people would leave me alone.

    ironically, the service was about not judging prostitution. The story of Jesus and the prositutes.

    There’s 12 step phone meeting. Pm for more details. I go to a money group. I like it a lot.

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    Default Re: Coping with loneliness

    I can't stop being alone for a long time. A month ago [SPAM LINK REMOVED]i was reading this[/URL] article and realized that all girls are incredibly different and this applies even to domination. I don't know what kind of girls you prefer, but I think most men like quiet and domesticated wives.
    Last edited by Djoser; 07-25-2019 at 06:41 PM.

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    Default Re: Coping with loneliness

    Quote Originally Posted by Geraldo View Post
    I can't stop being alone for a long time. A month ago i was reading this article and realized that all girls are incredibly different and this applies even to domination. I don't know what kind of girls you prefer, but I think most men like quiet and domesticated wives.
    I clearly need to re-read this thread because I missed the necessity of this train of thought. "Quiet and domesticated wives"..... alrighty then.

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    Dizzy Re: Coping with loneliness

    Quote Originally Posted by Geraldo View Post
    I can't stop being alone for a long time. A month ago <<SPAM REMOVED>> article and realized that all girls are incredibly different and this applies even to domination. I don't know what kind of girls you prefer, but I think most men like quiet and domesticated wives.

    You really studied this website carefully before posting here, eh?
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    Default Re: Coping with loneliness

    Quote Originally Posted by Bahuba View Post
    You really studied this website carefully before posting here, eh?
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
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    Default Re: Coping with loneliness

    It's theoretically possible he's not just an ill-informed spammer, also kind of funny (in a perverse way), so we're going to leave it for humorous effect.
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

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    Default Re: Coping with loneliness

    Quote Originally Posted by whodathoe View Post
    I’ve been alone for most of my life—troubles at home, bullied in school, etc. I have no one to talk or turn to. If I didn’t have to work I’d probably be one of those weirdos that talk to themselves. Even at work I tend to keep my distance.

    i would join a support group but their aren’t really any in my area. One day I tried looking for friends on CL and ended up with a bunch of men that wanted to fuck me ��

    When I try to open up to people it backfires on me— they use my secrets against me. My family (not like I care) says they’re concerned about me living a lonely life (ie I don’t go out/not social, etc) and I’m only 24. I’m disappointed with it but I wouldn’t feel safe in clubs, etc by myself. I don’t believe anybody would.

    How do you owe combat loneliness?
    I joined a few groups on meetup.com, so I can go to events where I can meet people with similar interest. Also volunteering can help. I used to do volunteer work at a hospital.

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    Default Re: Coping with loneliness

    I’ve always feel having a rather strict and tight work out schedule helps me staying focused when difficult times hits

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    Default Re: Coping with loneliness

    This should maybe be in 'Life Support' area, but we'll leave it here for now.

    I've dealt with loneliness during several periods of my life, and a couple times it was bone crushing deep.

    Working out is a fantastic way to deal with it, because it releases endorphins, the 'feel good' hormones. Going to the right gym is important. You can meet some cool people at gyms, but some gyms are better than others, and some have a lot of guys trying to pickup. I like mine a lot, even though there's no AC (try going more than six 3 minute rounds on a heavy bag in midsummer afternoon in Key West ), and it's full of grunting noise as there's some serious lifters in there.

    If you are into art or film, there's sometimes gallery showings and film festivals, more so in bigger cities or areas that support the arts.

    Pets are great, but I'm in a strict no pet apartment for more than 10 years now, and also if you don't live a stable life--as in moving a lot, etc--it can be very hard on them. I lost two cats in moving, and I had repeating nightmares about one of them suffering, starving, crying, for 15 years after I woke up crying out for her several times, it was awful. Helped out a couple older cats who were lost/abandoned and that eased off the bad dreams, but I still get them sometimes.

    If you really love animals, there are sometimes No Kill shelters, or benefits for them, that you can get involved in. Help the little furries, meet other people who care.

    I don't know so much about camming, but the stripping industry can be weird as far as dealing with loneliness and finding true intimacy. It's a business focusing on the superficial, so that can be difficult. There's lots of people, but very, very few who will actually care about others, because that's a great way to get destroyed in the business. So many people acting like they are your friends will turn on you--especially if there's drugs involved. And in most clubs the drugs are definitely there...
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    Default Re: Coping with loneliness

    Dog ownership is a great way to deal with feeling lonely. Plus they never want more than walks and food as compensation for time and attention.

    Also volunteering is a great way to meet normal people and reach out to others in a kind way.

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    Default Re: Coping with loneliness

    Quote Originally Posted by Ifyouseekamy View Post
    Isolating is survival tool. I go to twelve steps; I’ve said that before it that’s sounds redundant. Honestly, I don’t know the solution. I live in a small town where people know I dance and it’s causes problems. I did Lisa Romano’s life coaching class it was great.

    Maybe I’m just being negative, but true friends are hard to find. It’s really better to be alone than hang out with people who aren’t uplifting.

    but my recovery friend is an elite athlete and he says people are finicky. Like he lives in Cali and has hung out with celebrities and he told me people love to hang out with winners. People will swarm to you like bees to honey when everything is great, but times like this build character and show you who your real friends are. I’ve turned into a loner and I’m just working on myself. People are finicky. I remember this show on Oprah and this famous celebrity got cancer and all her friends vanished-people can be shitty. You can’t take it personally when people act shitty or reject you.

    You’re young through, I’m not sure why you can’t join a meet up or something?
    Yea, that's true. But at the same time, one of main reasons why people distance themselves from people who are going through hard times is because they don't know what to do or say.

    I have lost friends and family over the years ranging from cancer to motorcycle accidents to murder but yet when someone else goes through the same thing even I struggle to find words to comfort that person in their grief and I find it best not to say anything at all and just distance myself.

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    Default Re: Coping with loneliness

    Quote Originally Posted by Luckyguy09 View Post
    Yea, that's true. But at the same time, one of main reasons why people distance themselves from people who are going through hard times is because they don't know what to do or say.

    I have lost friends and family over the years ranging from cancer to motorcycle accidents to murder but yet when someone else goes through the same thing even I struggle to find words to comfort that person in their grief and I find it best not to say anything at all and just distance myself.
    I'm glad you said this Luckyguy09- all people struggle to find the right way to be supportive to people dealing with loss when it has to do with long term support.

    & I'm just going to come out and say it- a LOT of people don't fully recover from major losses or traumas. There's "broken heart syndrome" which kills pretty fast after a loss or trauma, and then some people go into a long slow decline.

    My advice is, do what you can. I've also experienced how emotionally manipulative some people get when they're struggling with depression or other issues. It can cause a lot of friction in friendships.

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    Default Re: Coping with loneliness

    Quote Originally Posted by whodathoe View Post
    I’ve been alone for most of my life—troubles at home, bullied in school, etc. I have no one to talk or turn to. If I didn’t have to work I’d probably be one of those weirdos that talk to themselves. Even at work I tend to keep my distance.

    i would join a support group but their aren’t really any in my area. One day I tried looking for friends on CL and ended up with a bunch of men that wanted to fuck me 😒

    When I try to open up to people it backfires on me— they use my secrets against me. My family (not like I care) says they’re concerned about me living a lonely life (ie I don’t go out/not social, etc) and I’m only 24. I’m disappointed with it but I wouldn’t feel safe in clubs, etc by myself. I don’t believe anybody would.

    How do you owe combat loneliness?
    Personally I have concluded that American culture is the primary reason why people are alone and feel so lonely. American culture is socially isolating, xenophobic, and hostile. People here don't have any real lives. American life is to live to work and spend whatever downtime holed up inside rotting away in front of a TV. I despise television so much I don't even own one.

    If you go to Europe, Asia, or Africa social gathering spots are everywhere and there is real culture that you can experience. Just a small side street in Paris with real mom and pop stores and coffee shops is infinitely more interesting than the huge boring strip malls staffed by people just staring at their cellphones here in the states.

    America wasn't always as socially isolating as it is today. Back in the 80s and 90s it was better. Back in the day people use to invite you over to their home all the time or a friends family would invite you to their summer family vacation, you got invitations in the mail to a birthday parties and even the company you worked for organized social events. Now? Well that era is long gone and now everyone wants to show you what they're doing or where they're going on Instagram but they never invite you or anyone else along with them. It's just, "look at me, look at me!".

    Had a "friend" last week tell me she's going to her family shore house for 2 weeks. She will probably send me pictures like she did on another vacation. But I'm like, why not invite me? Who wants to see a bunch of pictures of someone else having fun?


    Anyway, the only solution I have found is to move. If your needs aren't being met where you currently live you have to move.

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    Default Re: Coping with loneliness

    Quote Originally Posted by Luckyguy09 View Post
    Personally I have concluded that American culture is the primary reason why people are alone and feel so lonely. American culture is socially isolating, xenophobic, and hostile. People here don't have any real lives. American life is to live to work and spend whatever downtime holed up inside rotting away in front of a TV. I despise television so much I don't even own one.

    If you go to Europe, Asia, or Africa social gathering spots are everywhere and there is real culture that you can experience. Just a small side street in Paris with real mom and pop stores and coffee shops is infinitely more interesting than the huge boring strip malls staffed by people just staring at their cellphones here in the states.

    America wasn't always as socially isolating as it is today. Back in the 80s and 90s it was better. Back in the day people use to invite you over to their home all the time or a friends family would invite you to their summer family vacation, you got invitations in the mail to a birthday parties and even the company you worked for organized social events. Now? Well that era is long gone and now everyone wants to show you what they're doing or where they're going on Instagram but they never invite you or anyone else along with them. It's just, "look at me, look at me!".

    Had a "friend" last week tell me she's going to her family shore house for 2 weeks. She will probably send me pictures like she did on another vacation. But I'm like, why not invite me? Who wants to see a bunch of pictures of someone else having fun?


    Anyway, the only solution I have found is to move. If your needs aren't being met where you currently live you have to move.
    This is so true of American culture. No one talks to each other really in social settings. I just moved to a new state and it has been such a struggle finding friends because there’s no where to really socialize except a party atmosphere. It’s nice to meet ordinary people in cafes or a public square(these are common in Europe.) I preferred European culture over American culture.
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