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Thread: Feeling depressed about my relationship and work, need advice

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    Default Feeling depressed about my relationship and work, need advice

    Hello! I feel like this forum is a safe space with people I can relate to, so I'm kind of going to pour my heart out right now.

    As a sex worker (I'm a cam model, and preparing to audition and try stripping), it's really easy to feel isolated. My family doesnt know what I do. They think I'm a nanny. I dont feel comfortable telling my best friend either because shes related to me and I dont want my family to find out. So I've been feeling so lonely lately. My bf is the only person who knows (and a few friends)

    Anyway, I've been with my bf for a year and a half. We moved in together a month ago to a new state and it's been amazing so far. Before I was staying at his place (a cramped studio apt), so we are both so happy to have an awesome new place to call home ^_^

    He got a new job and he's really really happy. He hated his old job and was often depressed about it.

    My problem is that I'm feeling REALLY insecure about myself and him. He has a PhD, he does important disease curing research for work. And I have no college education. I'm just a sex worker. All his exes sound so different from me. He's dated surgeons and nurses. Now that he is super happy with his job, he's surrounded by successful women in his industry. I'm constantly wondering if he wishes he could be with someone normal and successful like that. He could find someone with an equal salary and buy a house. But instead he lives with me in an apartment.

    How do I communicate my insecurities with him without sounding totally fucking sad and insecure as fuck?

    I keep trying to tell myself that I'm a badass, I'm pretty, im worthy of love. And he chose ME to move in with (he's never moved in with a gf before), he chose ME to be in a relationship with. But I keep comparing myself and its draining me and I don't know how to resolve my feelings.

    Any reassurance would be great. I havent slept well these past couple days or made good money camming. So I've been so stressed out.

    Thanks for reading

    TLDR; moved in with bf and he got an awesome successful job. Bf has a PhD and I have no college education, feeling less worthy of him because I'm 'just a sex worker'

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    Default Re: Feeling depressed about my relationship and work, need advice

    Quote Originally Posted by princesslucy View Post
    TLDR; moved in with bf and he got an awesome successful job. Bf has a PhD and I have no college education, feeling less worthy of him because I'm 'just a sex worker'
    You should not feel less worthy at all! And since you say you two have a great relationship, I’m sure he doesn’t see you that way either.

    If you want to talk about worthiness - it’s personality 100%, not what you’re doing for a living

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    Default Re: Feeling depressed about my relationship and work, need advice

    Quote Originally Posted by kimbe View Post
    You should not feel less worthy at all! And since you say you two have a great relationship, I’m sure he doesn’t see you that way either.

    If you want to talk about worthiness - it’s personality 100%, not what you’re doing for a living

    Thank you! That's nice of you! He really hasn't given me a reason to feel insecure. He's such an amazing guy. BUT the other day, he was talking about married women at his work and he said that all the 'more successful', higher ranked women on his team were all married. That no one wanted to date the basic ones like the coordinators or receptionists type jobs. So this whole thing is making me second guess his thinking

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    Default Re: Feeling depressed about my relationship and work, need advice

    I just feel like if I reveal my feelings he's going to think I'm INSECURE AS FUCK

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    Default Re: Feeling depressed about my relationship and work, need advice

    Quote Originally Posted by princesslucy View Post
    Thank you! That's nice of you! He really hasn't given me a reason to feel insecure. He's such an amazing guy. BUT the other day, he was talking about married women at his work and he said that all the 'more successful', higher ranked women on his team were all married. That no one wanted to date the basic ones like the coordinators or receptionists type jobs. So this whole thing is making me second guess his thinking
    Ok, but did he talk negatively about the “basic ones”? Or did he mention this as a fact, which of course could be true but doesn’t say in any way he shares the same opinion
    I think there’s a risk here that you’re overthinking this thing a lot right now.

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    Default Re: Feeling depressed about my relationship and work, need advice

    Quote Originally Posted by kimbe View Post
    Ok, but did he talk negatively about the “basic ones”? Or did he mention this as a fact, which of course could be true but doesn’t say in any way he shares the same opinion
    I think there’s a risk here that you’re overthinking this thing a lot right now.
    He jokingly said they were less attractive. Thank you for talking this out with me! It helps that I wrote it all down and your quick reply helped me feel better.... I feel like he was saying that to make me feel MORE secure, like saying he wouldn't date any of the single girls at his job. Lol

    I think I'm overthinking this lol

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    Default Re: Feeling depressed about my relationship and work, need advice

    Quote Originally Posted by princesslucy View Post
    He jokingly said they were less attractive. Thank you for talking this out with me! It helps that I wrote it all down and your quick reply helped me feel better.... I feel like he was saying that to make me feel MORE secure, like saying he wouldn't date any of the single girls at his job. Lol

    I think I'm overthinking this lol
    Continue to do your stuff you are doing with dedication, that shows far better character and self esteem compared to if you were trying to do something that weren’t yourself! If you see what I mean?

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    Default Re: Feeling depressed about my relationship and work, need advice

    This video made me really think about my life choices. I think we are just all doing the best we can where ever we are. Don't be so hard on yourself.




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    Default Re: Feeling depressed about my relationship and work, need advice

    We’re brainwashed by society to think we’re not enough...especially as sex workers! We’re programmed to equate are socio economic status with our self-worth. If you are in alignment with your path that’s all that matters. seems like your bf equates self-worth with SES which I respect his belief. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with being high achiever or people shouldn’t be proud to have a prestigious jobs that contributes to the betterment of society-that’s worth of praise and respect for sure. I’m just say you are innately enough and you are just as worthy as he is at your core.

    Even my mom a liberal feminist has been making passive aggressive comments about my job, but that’s just her personality critical and judgemental about everything. It just surprises me when so called feminists attack me or shame me for my work- that’s divided feminism for you. At the end of the day, the work we do is legal and we pay taxes. We are productive members of society.

    I think I’m going to write some affirmations for sex workers and post them.
    Last edited by Ifyouseekamy; 01-08-2020 at 04:35 PM.
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    Default Re: Feeling depressed about my relationship and work, need advice

    Idk. I personally wouldn’t tell my insecurities to a dude (because they might use it as leverage or decrease attraction) but then again I haven’t been in a super long relationship so take my input with a grain of salt.

    Instead of telling him your “insecurities” maybe DO somethings that make you feel good about yourself (art, exercise, study, travel, volunteer, etc)

    if yku you feel compelled to talk about insecurities then talk to a therapist or life coach instead

    and remember he’s with you - and stayed with you - for a reason

    Quote Originally Posted by princesslucy View Post
    Hello! I feel like this forum is a safe space with people I can relate to, so I'm kind of going to pour my heart out right now.

    As a sex worker (I'm a cam model, and preparing to audition and try stripping), it's really easy to feel isolated. My family doesnt know what I do. They think I'm a nanny. I dont feel comfortable telling my best friend either because shes related to me and I dont want my family to find out. So I've been feeling so lonely lately. My bf is the only person who knows (and a few friends)

    Anyway, I've been with my bf for a year and a half. We moved in together a month ago to a new state and it's been amazing so far. Before I was staying at his place (a cramped studio apt), so we are both so happy to have an awesome new place to call home ^_^

    He got a new job and he's really really happy. He hated his old job and was often depressed about it.

    My problem is that I'm feeling REALLY insecure about myself and him. He has a PhD, he does important disease curing research for work. And I have no college education. I'm just a sex worker. All his exes sound so different from me. He's dated surgeons and nurses. Now that he is super happy with his job, he's surrounded by successful women in his industry. I'm constantly wondering if he wishes he could be with someone normal and successful like that. He could find someone with an equal salary and buy a house. But instead he lives with me in an apartment.

    How do I communicate my insecurities with him without sounding totally fucking sad and insecure as fuck?

    I keep trying to tell myself that I'm a badass, I'm pretty, im worthy of love. And he chose ME to move in with (he's never moved in with a gf before), he chose ME to be in a relationship with. But I keep comparing myself and its draining me and I don't know how to resolve my feelings.

    Any reassurance would be great. I havent slept well these past couple days or made good money camming. So I've been so stressed out.

    Thanks for reading

    TLDR; moved in with bf and he got an awesome successful job. Bf has a PhD and I have no college education, feeling less worthy of him because I'm 'just a sex worker'

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    Default Re: Feeling depressed about my relationship and work, need advice

    ^ I agree talking to a therapist might be helpful. I’m probably the wrong person to ask for relationship advice. I have great advice for personal development, but when it comes to guys I just don’t care unless they are paying my bills. There’s nothing he can say that’s going to make you feel better in the long run. He might say, “babe I love you better than all those women you have nothing to worry about”, but if deep down you feel like he’s comparing you then what he says probably won’t make a difference. Also, a lot of women in the medical profession-nurses-are crazy. (When I did my prenursing work I saw a lot of health care professionals acting crazy. A lot of them have a superiority complex too. So If he thinks he’s trading you in for something “better” I don’t know about that. Everything that glitters is not always gold. Ultimately we have no control over whether our partners leave us. We have to know that with or without them we’ll be okay. We might cry and eat a tub of Ben and Jerry’s, but we’ll survive.

    Personal note: every ambitious guy who rejected me or dumped because I was “just a stripper“ has communicated later in life they wish they never let me go. Our hearts our where are value comes from. Proverbs 4:23

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    Last edited by Ifyouseekamy; 01-08-2020 at 06:44 PM.
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    Default Re: Feeling depressed about my relationship and work, need advice

    He is super lucky to have you. In a post he will never see, you just talked about how great he is. You're attractive (according to your own post), engaging, and regardless of your level of education you write and communicate well. You have a different perspective than he does, which he probably finds relaxing - does he want to be around work colleague types all day and night?

    For long term wealth building, a stable couple is a very strong unit. His positive attributes are, in essence, yours, and yours are his. If you complement each other that is what matters.
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    Default Re: Feeling depressed about my relationship and work, need advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Bahuba View Post
    You have a different perspective than he does, which he probably finds relaxing - does he want to be around work colleague types all day and night?
    Former stripper turned medical professional here. I can’t for the life of me understand why so many of my colleagues marry other medical professional professionals. I would never want to partner with someone who works similar horrible hours that I do, or have endless conversations about work in my off time. I’m hoping to find someone self-employed - which is what you are honey!

    Also...he’s right about the “low ranking” women he works with. They often are basic, unhappy people that an ambitious guy like him wouldn’t be compatible with.

    Perhaps your feelings actually stem from you feeling like you need to have a career to feel good about yourself. I’m sure it’s hard not being able to talk about what you do with friends and family. Maybe you can try out some different careers and see if anything feels like a fit. Don’t feel bad if it takes you a while to find the right career, it does for a lot of people and you are blessed to have the stable income from sex work while you figure things out.

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    Default Re: Feeling depressed about my relationship and work, need advice

    Maybe this is you just getting ready for your " next step " . I mean .... we all have to leave the industry sometime. Maybe you are kind of knowing you are ready to seek out what's next for you and not just for him.

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    Default Re: Feeling depressed about my relationship and work, need advice

    Quote Originally Posted by princesslucy View Post
    My problem is that I'm feeling REALLY insecure about myself and him. He has a PhD, he does important disease curing research for work. And I have no college education. I'm just a sex worker.
    You are not 'just a sex worker'. Do not define yourself by how you earn your money. You are a lot more than that. I can't tell you what exactly, because, I don't know you. You have to examine yourself - what do you love to do - are you a writer, artist, poet, musician, etc.? It is better to define yourself by your passions and what your soul loves to do, rather than what you need to do to make a living. We all have creative gifts and passions - what is yours? When you cam, how creative are you? What gifts (other than the obvious) do you rely on - are you great with seductive speech or creating kinky stories?

    A college education certainly has it benefits, but, do not believe for a second that you are nothing without one. I know people who are very successful and do not have college degrees. They are creative and inventive and forged their own path. Ten years ago, I hired a Mexican dude to mow my lawn. He and his brother were a two-men crew and they were very hard working. Today, they have a thriving business with six trucks and about 20 employees. I know a maid that started a janitorial service company and she has a similar success story. I know a former stripper that, when she retired, used her savings to start a trucking company with two 18-wheelers. She is doing well for herself. I could go on and on.

    Many former strippers have become fitness instructors and book authors; some have even become pop stars and (mainstream) movie directors.

    If your insecurity is less about money and more about not having a degree that validates you at an intellectual level, then, the only fix is to start college, even if you start with one online course a semester. Community colleges are very cheap and there is a post somewhere on this site about free online college courses. You are young and have plenty of time to pursue a college education, if that is what you want.

    Quote Originally Posted by princesslucy View Post
    How do I communicate my insecurities with him without sounding totally fucking sad and insecure as fuck?
    If you tell him you feel insecure about "just being a sex worker". His response is probably going to be something like one of these three, and, they're all bad: (a) BRUTALLY HONEST: "I'm not crazy about you being just a sex worker, either, but, I've learned to accept it." (b) PATRONIZING: "I love you, babe. You're good enough for me the way you are." (c) CONFUSED: "I don't want you to feel insecure, but, I don't know how to fix that for you. Are you saying we should not have any PhD friends?"

    I think you need to determine for yourself what is missing in your life, and then, you can discuss it with your BF. For example, "I feel insecure about not having a college degree and I've been thinking about taking a couple of online college courses that may lead to a nursing degree" or "I feel insecure about just doing sex work, so, I am going to start looking into other types of small businesses I can get into".
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    Default Re: Feeling depressed about my relationship and work, need advice

    I'm a sex worker (phone sex) and a psychic by profession. My husband is a doctor twice over. He always tells me how much more he loves me than his past girlfriends and how much happier he is. It's not about what you do for a living. It's how you make him feel. Be proud of who you are!

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    Default Re: Feeling depressed about my relationship and work, need advice

    Quote Originally Posted by princesslucy View Post
    Hello! I feel like this forum is a safe space with people I can relate to, so I'm kind of going to pour my heart out right now.

    As a sex worker (I'm a cam model, and preparing to audition and try stripping), it's really easy to feel isolated. My family doesnt know what I do. They think I'm a nanny. I dont feel comfortable telling my best friend either because shes related to me and I dont want my family to find out. So I've been feeling so lonely lately. My bf is the only person who knows (and a few friends)

    Anyway, I've been with my bf for a year and a half. We moved in together a month ago to a new state and it's been amazing so far. Before I was staying at his place (a cramped studio apt), so we are both so happy to have an awesome new place to call home ^_^

    He got a new job and he's really really happy. He hated his old job and was often depressed about it.

    My problem is that I'm feeling REALLY insecure about myself and him. He has a PhD, he does important disease curing research for work. And I have no college education. I'm just a sex worker. All his exes sound so different from me. He's dated surgeons and nurses. Now that he is super happy with his job, he's surrounded by successful women in his industry. I'm constantly wondering if he wishes he could be with someone normal and successful like that. He could find someone with an equal salary and buy a house. But instead he lives with me in an apartment.

    How do I communicate my insecurities with him without sounding totally fucking sad and insecure as fuck?

    I keep trying to tell myself that I'm a badass, I'm pretty, im worthy of love. And he chose ME to move in with (he's never moved in with a gf before), he chose ME to be in a relationship with. But I keep comparing myself and its draining me and I don't know how to resolve my feelings.

    Any reassurance would be great. I havent slept well these past couple days or made good money camming. So I've been so stressed out.

    Thanks for reading

    TLDR; moved in with bf and he got an awesome successful job. Bf has a PhD and I have no college education, feeling less worthy of him because I'm 'just a sex worker'

    I was there once. Former stripper, but happily married college student. After years of stripping and going through a long relationship with my ex-boyfriend following with depression and what not, I've came to realize I'm the hardest critic to myself. Had I not judge myself as hard, I probably will gain more success in many more things in life. My own harsh and self critic has caused me a lot of pain, failure, heartaches, and etc. It weighed me down with depression and a low self esteem. It took me years to realize it all. I also suffer from anxiety issues, which made matters worse. Reading your situation, it reminds me of my past. Girl, stop that harsh self-judgement. Stop judging your own self so hard when your boyfriend is just there for you all along. You got to show him you are worth it just as he see you as the dream girl he loves. The own critic is your own self. Don't cloud your boyfriend's great judgement on who he chose to be with. He picks you for a great reason. It's because you are worth it. Don't assume the he could have this and that. NO, you got to stop. You are not him. Just remember that you are beautiful, strong, and can achieve anything you want as long as you are healthy and willing. I know the nature of stripping does take a toll on the self-esteem and confidence level because of how society labels it. However, if it wasn't taboo, then the money won't be there. There is a reason for everything. Stay strong, girl.

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    Default Re: Feeling depressed about my relationship and work, need advice

    I've been in the same boat the past few months and decided to try to look for a different job while I'm almost done with school. How old are you? Do you plan to do anything else? I have met very few men who are OK with dating a sex worker. It will absolutely bother him in the long run. I would honestly suggest you work on a degree and move on to a career sooner rather than later. Or you could always dance/cam just as an extra job

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    Default Re: Feeling depressed about my relationship and work, need advice

    Quote Originally Posted by princesslucy View Post
    Hello! I feel like this forum is a safe space with people I can relate to, so I'm kind of going to pour my heart out right now.

    As a sex worker (I'm a cam model, and preparing to audition and try stripping), it's really easy to feel isolated. My family doesnt know what I do. They think I'm a nanny. I dont feel comfortable telling my best friend either because shes related to me and I dont want my family to find out. So I've been feeling so lonely lately. My bf is the only person who knows (and a few friends)

    Anyway, I've been with my bf for a year and a half. We moved in together a month ago to a new state and it's been amazing so far. Before I was staying at his place (a cramped studio apt), so we are both so happy to have an awesome new place to call home ^_^

    He got a new job and he's really really happy. He hated his old job and was often depressed about it.

    My problem is that I'm feeling REALLY insecure about myself and him. He has a PhD, he does important disease curing research for work. And I have no college education. I'm just a sex worker. All his exes sound so different from me. He's dated surgeons and nurses. Now that he is super happy with his job, he's surrounded by successful women in his industry. I'm constantly wondering if he wishes he could be with someone normal and successful like that. He could find someone with an equal salary and buy a house. But instead he lives with me in an apartment.

    How do I communicate my insecurities with him without sounding totally fucking sad and insecure as fuck?

    I keep trying to tell myself that I'm a badass, I'm pretty, im worthy of love. And he chose ME to move in with (he's never moved in with a gf before), he chose ME to be in a relationship with. But I keep comparing myself and its draining me and I don't know how to resolve my feelings.

    Any reassurance would be great. I havent slept well these past couple days or made good money camming. So I've been so stressed out.

    Thanks for reading

    TLDR; moved in with bf and he got an awesome successful job. Bf has a PhD and I have no college education, feeling less worthy of him because I'm 'just a sex worker'
    I'm a guy and I think I'm qualified to say something on this..

    1. I wouldn't tell him about your own insecurities because he could take a turn for the worse and use it against you. You should look into seeing a therapist and work on self improvement techniques (i.e., working out at a gym) to build up your self esteem without having him involved.

    2. Men don't look at women the way women look at and judge men. You have been chosen but because of your low self esteem you're not comfortable that he chose you because of how you view yourself. Men don't care about money, status, or any superficial fluff other then physical attraction, can we get along and would she be a good mother; that's about it.

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    Default Re: Feeling depressed about my relationship and work, need advice

    Quote Originally Posted by princesslucy View Post
    BUT the other day, he was talking about married women at his work and he said that all the 'more successful', higher ranked women on his team were all married. That no one wanted to date the basic ones like the coordinators or receptionists type jobs. So this whole thing is making me second guess his thinking
    I don't blame you for feeling bad after hearing this from him. Honestly it was crappy of him to say any of this in the first place and tbh it lowers my estimation of him a bit.

    Don't let someone else set the criteria for your worth. You are bright enough to post a well written description of the events and obviously attractive enough to be paid to cam. I'm guessing you bring lots of other things to the table as well. You are a unique person with a lot of value to offer. if he doesn't see that then there will be someone else out there who will.

    I also don't buy that he can't buy a house because he is with you. Maybe he needs to think about a smaller house with a lower household income requirement. He may also need to manage his money better. If he isn't man enough to make sacrifices and work it out in order to be with you, then maybe he's not the man who you should be having kids with in the future.

    After a year and a half and with you two living together, it's probably time for you to sit down with him and understand where he sees this going. If he is having reservations, then don't let him burn the best years of your life with is indecision.

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    Default Re: Feeling depressed about my relationship and work, need advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Luckyguy09 View Post
    I'm a guy and I think I'm qualified to say something on this..

    1. I wouldn't tell him about your own insecurities because he could take a turn for the worse and use it against you. You should look into seeing a therapist and work on self improvement techniques (i.e., working out at a gym) to build up your self esteem without having him involved.

    2. Men don't look at women the way women look at and judge men. You have been chosen but because of your low self esteem you're not comfortable that he chose you because of how you view yourself. Men don't care about money, status, or any superficial fluff other then physical attraction, can we get along and would she be a good mother; that's about it.
    Feminist are going to hate me but the truth is this guy is right. Traditionally you wouldnt have been expected to get an education and a job. That would have just been your mans roll. We now put all this emphasis on women being equal to men and so they go out and get these jobs and then at 40 start desperately trying to have kids and a family because they realize their fertility is over and their lives are empty!! All these ladies that are married will soon be pregnant and then they will leave their jobs. Unless they have kids and then go back to work and then they will be terrible mothers who barely raise their own kids. Deep down men dont care about you college education. Like the guy above said they want you to be a good mom and they want to be taken care of.

    YOU have the perfect situation (at least in my opinion) You get to stay at home and cook, clean, have kids and make a beautiful home and whenever you need some extra cash for a holiday or something special for yourself you can just hop on cam and make a few hundred. You never have to leave the house. Embrace it!

    Also did you ever consider that if this guy is talking about the "married" women he works with its only because he is thinking about marriage and nothing more?? I bet he is going to be putting a ring on it if he hasnt already.

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    Default Re: Feeling depressed about my relationship and work, need advice

    Quote Originally Posted by princesslucy View Post
    I dont feel comfortable telling my best friend either because shes related to me and I dont want my family to find out.
    This is by no means intended to come off rudely or cold hearted towards your situation (As I do sympathize) however, eventually you can or will be found out.
    This can make your performance dip, if you have an underlining fear of being caught by those you know.
    It is a trade for being a webcam model that some either do not take into full consideration or try to avoid by not looking up their model content in search engines. (See nothing/Hear nothing)

    Never compare yourself to the other people your boyfriend had dated in his past. They had different lives, opportunities, Families and sometimes (Not always) had golden bricks paved for them.
    There are people who have struggled financially, some who have hit rock bottom, had children and needed to make a decision. Many are comfortable doing their job, like the company of others or have a passion for BDSM.
    (Sometimes it gets into your blood)
    Personally would not involve my boyfriend into insecure areas that I've been struggling with, as those would be areas that can only be solved within myself. I felt very similar to how you've been feeling in my previous relationship and part of it lead to the downfall of my overall health. I didn't hit rock bottom, till I was consumed by a dark cloud (Caused by ex) that was eating away at me and the underlining insecurities that made me feel utterly worthless. It was not till I looked very deep down and found what made me unique and separated me from the harsh realities of life. (I recommend finding self love)

    There are three important factors to take into consideration.

    1) Does it make you happy and can you sleep at night with your decisions?
    2) Are you truly (Deep down) comfortable being a webcam model?
    3) Does it make money and bring a stable income?

    Don't worry about fighting to keep the relationship or taking responsibility for someone else's happiness or expectations.
    Always take care of yourself first and if they wish to stick around, that would be great. If not, they know where the door is.

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    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Feeling depressed about my relationship and work, need advice

    Quote Originally Posted by DeepThoughts View Post
    Feminist are going to hate me but the truth is this guy is right. Traditionally you wouldnt have been expected to get an education and a job. That would have just been your mans roll. We now put all this emphasis on women being equal to men and so they go out and get these jobs and then at 40 start desperately trying to have kids and a family because they realize their fertility is over and their lives are empty!! All these ladies that are married will soon be pregnant and then they will leave their jobs. Unless they have kids and then go back to work and then they will be terrible mothers who barely raise their own kids. Deep down men dont care about you college education. Like the guy above said they want you to be a good mom and they want to be taken care of.

    YOU have the perfect situation (at least in my opinion) You get to stay at home and cook, clean, have kids and make a beautiful home and whenever you need some extra cash for a holiday or something special for yourself you can just hop on cam and make a few hundred. You never have to leave the house. Embrace it!

    Also did you ever consider that if this guy is talking about the "married" women he works with its only because he is thinking about marriage and nothing more?? I bet he is going to be putting a ring on it if he hasnt already.

    I agree with most of this in theory, but not every man has the desire or the emotional fortitude to function as the primary bread winner. There was a time where this was the norm, but a lot of boys aren't raised to think this way anymore. Too many of them are too weak and too self indulgent to shoulder that load - they can't handle the pressure or the sacrifices that must be made.

    When he made the comments that he did, it rang off a warning bell to me. She's right to be questioning his state of mind. What she really needs to do is sit down with him and find out what he's thinking. It's been a year and a half and she won't be young forever. If he doesn't intend to move forward, she needs to know sooner rather than later.

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    Default Re: Feeling depressed about my relationship and work, need advice

    It is important for you to just keep at what you love. If you are happy and working to create your own goals and work on your dreams that is what counts. Don't lose sight of that and a job doesn't define you. I do agree that you could have a nice convo with him to see what page he is on. He lives with you so he sounds serious. Has he ever mentioned your job or asked you questions that would lead you to think he was uncertain?

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    Default Re: Feeling depressed about my relationship and work, need advice

    Quote Originally Posted by Luckyguy09 View Post
    I'm a guy and I think I'm qualified to say something on this..

    1. I wouldn't tell him about your own insecurities because he could take a turn for the worse and use it against you. You should look into seeing a therapist and work on self improvement techniques (i.e., working out at a gym) to build up your self esteem without having him involved.

    2. Men don't look at women the way women look at and judge men. You have been chosen but because of your low self esteem you're not comfortable that he chose you because of how you view yourself. Men don't care about money, status, or any superficial fluff other then physical attraction, can we get along and would she be a good mother; that's about it.
    this! You said he dated surgeons and nurses before...? He’s dating you bc you’re probably more attractive and sexy to him. Get him to take care of you if he has such a good job and buy you nice things. Men go for looks, smart women go for money, looks are a bonus on top. Your insecurities are where most women screw up, because they try to do 50/50 with a man or be equal to him. And they lose him bc a man doesn’t want another man in the relationship (unless he’s broke and wants you to pay his bills). Quality men don’t care How much money you make or your degrees. Sounds like you caught yourself one, so relax and enjoy the perks that come with it. Or you can be the stereotypical stripper who dates the broke losers(still don’t get it....?), because that’s what insecurity attracts. And if you break up, just know what your capable of attracting and continue to have high standards.

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