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Thread: Leaving Abusive Partner / accountability and planning

  1. #76
    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
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    Default Re: Leaving Abusive Partner / accountability and planning

    I just don't need him. I can take myself to nice meals / outings. Nothing he offers is going to get him another chance.

  2. #77
    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
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    Default Re: Leaving Abusive Partner / accountability and planning

    I have a rule about sex, which frustrates many of men. I do not have sex with them until I know that they have my best interest at heart. You seemed to be hung up on the fact that he also had a nice home, guess what? nice homes, cars & such have nice big payments to go with them. So you also never know how much credit card debt a person might be in either. So those things don't necessarily impress me.

    I don't have sex with men & just go on dates. Where I meet them at the location, don't even let them know where I reside. During that time how frustrated or how much they push for sex tells me a lot about them. It weeds lots of jerks too, those who assume that I owe them sex after the first date to 3rd date. Doesn't take long for them to get all pissy because they think they are owed sex at some point. Which is a major turn off for me.

    How they handle the wait time, how mad they get, which is always the wrong way to go about things.

    Statistically in a marriage if the wife becomes ill for any reason & can't provide sex, house cleaning, cooking, errands & such. Aka all the unpaid work that adds up to 4.5 hours a day, men will divorce them. Men feel they deserve sex & free labor no matter how ill the wife is and how long they have been together also does not matter. He will divorce her & find someone else.

    So making men wait for sex & how they deal with it shows their true character.
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  4. #78
    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
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    Default Re: Leaving Abusive Partner / accountability and planning

    Quote Originally Posted by carmen_b View Post
    I just don't need him. I can take myself to nice meals / outings. Nothing he offers is going to get him another chance.
    The world has yet to run out of men, he is not the only man in the world. There are enough men to line up a different dinner date every night of the week. And in every town there is a early morning breakfast place where men who work hard, make investments all meet up for breakfast. They chat about business & help each other make wise investments. You can wake up & go to those places about 5:30Am to figure out the closest one to where you live.

    Now, they maybe a bit blue collar but have many irons in the fire creating incomes & more to be looking for a partner in life & just not for sex.

    Also getting dressed up, going to the best steak house in town by myself. Eat at the bar, can't tell you how many times I have gotten dates with good guys from those places. Most of the time, I don't even pay for my meal. Done it in many of cities.
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  6. #79
    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Leaving Abusive Partner / accountability and planning

    Quote Originally Posted by carmen_b View Post
    ^ I don't contact him. I just track if he sends anything over ( in case I need a restraining order ). So far it doesn't seem needed.

    He isn't in my head. I know it's a 99.999999% chance that if I " gave him another chance " there would be more abuse.
    I know he is mentally ill ( no one who wasn't would treat women this way ).
    But you respond to him sometimes. You already said so yourself. And you're still posting about him a lot despite the short relationship. So maybe he still is in your head a bit? You also said that he can't find you, so if you also block his communications then voila - no more shithead to deal with. You can put it behind you and move on.

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  8. #80
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    Default Re: Leaving Abusive Partner / accountability and planning

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    The world has yet to run out of men, he is not the only man in the world. There are enough men to line up a different dinner date every night of the week. And in every town there is a early morning breakfast place where men who work hard, make investments all meet up for breakfast. They chat about business & help each other make wise investments. You can wake up & go to those places about 5:30Am to figure out the closest one to where you live.
    Sam this is the advice I give to all my single friends!!!! Yes! Dates don't just have to occur after 6pm. I tell them to look for men who can get up early in the morning and start grinding. Get away from the Tinder culture. Also pre-dates are good for checking their temperature. Go on a quick breakfast or lunch date just to see if you like them. Plus you get to see if he's willing to get his butt up early enough to spend time with you.

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  10. #81
    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
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    Default Re: Leaving Abusive Partner / accountability and planning

    ^ Good ideas everyone. I'm already on this. I have a different platform now ( online ) and specifically said I'm looking for friends only for the next couple of weeks and open to dating my established friend after that time frame. I am hoping it will help.

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  12. #82
    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
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    Default Re: Leaving Abusive Partner / accountability and planning

    I'm absolutely ON IT as far as the going to nice places done up to dine alone.
    I feel like there is always a great chance of meeting someone this way. I'm not in a hurry. Friendship only for now.
    Last edited by carmen_b; 01-28-2020 at 11:23 PM.

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  14. #83
    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
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    Default Re: Leaving Abusive Partner / accountability and planning

    He did text twice and try to call me twice at 1:25 a.m. yesterday.
    When I saw those at 9a.m. , I sent :
    M , I'm going to ask that you not contact me anymore due to the emotional / verbal abuse . "

    ^ TO ME , I FEEL GOOD TELLING HIM HE ABUSED ME.
    HE DID. SO THERE ISN'T ANY OTHER WAY TO PHRASE IT .

    He has his warning and I'll get the restraining order if needed.
    Last edited by carmen_b; 01-29-2020 at 10:09 AM.

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  16. #84
    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
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    Default Re: Leaving Abusive Partner / accountability and planning

    This is so true. I know some of his rentals are also shared with an investor. I have no idea really how much is him v.s. backing investor/s.

    I do know he pays about $7,000 a month for the payment and $900-$1,000 in utilities so if his AirBnB doesn't work he is in serious trouble. I personally think he scaled too fast ( he had a smaller successful 3 bedroom AirBnB renting two rooms out last year ). This monster of a place is a lot of pressure even with his experience. These details don't matter since he is crazy but a little part of me hopes it does fail on some front and he has to liquidate some of his other properties.

    I try not to think about it and just MOVE FORWARD .

    Give me the guy who has his own apartment or condo and suggests an Applebee's dinner ! Lol !
    As long as it doesn't come with an assault of verbal garbage I am so game !

    I think he thinks he will just " win " because of the house / cars ect. ! He will NOT with me.

    Onward !!! It's a shame. We had a great time together when he was faking being normal I guess ?

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    nice homes, cars & such have nice big payments to go with them. So you also never know how much credit card debt a person might be in either. So those things don't necessarily impress me.
    Last edited by carmen_b; 02-06-2020 at 11:51 PM.

  17. #85
    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
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    Default Re: Leaving Abusive Partner / accountability and planning

    Quote Originally Posted by carmen_b View Post
    He did text twice and try to call me twice at 1:25 a.m. yesterday.
    When I saw those at 9a.m. , I sent :
    M , I'm going to ask that you not contact me anymore due to the emotional / verbal abuse . "

    ^ TO ME , I FEEL GOOD TELLING HIM HE ABUSED ME.
    HE DID. SO THERE ISN'T ANY OTHER WAY TO PHRASE IT .

    He has his warning and I'll get the restraining order if needed.
    It is not that easy to get a restraining order, I have to side with Rick a bit. You are looking for him to be remorseful. Why not just block him? You are holding on to a fantasy, for him to secretly to be a good guy.

    You are also way to emotionally invested for such a short relationship. The way you keep waiting for him to text & call you no matter if it is good or bad is weird at this point. You might need to seek professional help as to why you just don't block him & move on with your life.

    Hoping he will fuck up enough for a restraining order... instead of blocking him. Restraining orders depending upon each State or Judge can be very hard to get. He is not showing up at your home or work. The judge will wonder why you didn't just block him too.
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  19. #86
    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: Leaving Abusive Partner / accountability and planning

    I think a guy upthread suggested to keep the text line open in case he sent threatening texts so she’d had proof for a restraining order.

    Well instead dude sent narcissistic hoovering type texts (as I figured he would) which are geared towards playing on a persons emotions to draw them back in (for a short period of honeymoon phase before the cycle of abuse begins again)

    The guy was (so far) emotionally abusive and it appears to me the OP was simply communicating and making it clear to him why she will no longer be in contact - because he is emotionally abusive

    Unfortunately in the court system (in these parts) - emotional abuse by itself doesn’t hold enough weight to get restraining orders as much as proof of physical abuse/violence, stalking and threats of such actions

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  21. #87
    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
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    Default Re: Leaving Abusive Partner / accountability and planning

    I know what I'm doing.
    My state grants one immediately ( a temporary one ) easily.
    All I'm doing is just leaving the option open to text something nasty or threatening in case I need to use it as proof.
    I know he isn't a good guy. I hope that he just gives up and doesn't bother me ( I think he will personally ).
    Last edited by carmen_b; 01-29-2020 at 03:16 PM.

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    Default Re: Leaving Abusive Partner / accountability and planning

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    It is not that easy to get a restraining order, I have to side with Rick a bit. You are looking for him to be remorseful. Why not just block him? You are holding on to a fantasy, for him to secretly to be a good guy.
    I think that if he were to send her any threatening messages, it would be good for her to know.

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  24. #89
    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
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    Default Re: Leaving Abusive Partner / accountability and planning

    1. A restraining order is just a piece of paper, it really does not protect you.
    2. You have to put addresses down so he can know where to avoid you.
    3. Men who are violent know how to play the system, way better than the victims.

    If he was going to threaten you, then he would have done it by now. So I really think you are holding on and what you wrote him read as if you were asking permission. The fact that you respond shows him you are still connected & care.

    Blocking says you don't give a fuck at all. Which is when they know the other person is over it & moving on. And unless you change your number he can always use another phone to contact you. But in the eyes of the law you blocking him also shows you are done.
    At this point, you may have shut the door, but are leaving a window open.

    When you write how you "hope he gives up & doesn't bother me anymore" reads like you are giving him all the POWER in this situation. And still reads as 'please play nice' vibe which he can totally use to manipulate you.
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  26. #90
    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
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    Default Re: Leaving Abusive Partner / accountability and planning

    To me, it *seems* at least like the situation is getting better.

    I don't plan to give him any more time or energy. I mean ..... I am feeling better.

    Personally I feel like I took power back by simply stating " Don't contact me anymore at all. You are abusive . "

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  28. #91
    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
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    Default Re: Leaving Abusive Partner / accountability and planning

    All is well but today I was thinking I had been away at least as long as I'd been with him. It's not quite there . ;/

    I do feel STUCK sometimes.
    I feel anxious and scared with men but I know eventually I need to try..........

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  30. #92
    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
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    Default Re: Leaving Abusive Partner / accountability and planning

    41 days together ( Dec. 3 - Jan. 13 ) .

    Now it's been 41 days FREE !

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  32. #93
    Featured Member Ifyouseekamy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Leaving Abusive Partner / accountability and planning

    Good job! I’m so proud of you
    milfin’ ain’t easy

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  34. #94
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    Default Re: Leaving Abusive Partner / accountability and planning

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    I have a rule about sex, which frustrates many of men. I do not have sex with them until I know that they have my best interest at heart. You seemed to be hung up on the fact that he also had a nice home, guess what? nice homes, cars & such have nice big payments to go with them. So you also never know how much credit card debt a person might be in either. So those things don't necessarily impress me.

    I don't have sex with men & just go on dates. Where I meet them at the location, don't even let them know where I reside. During that time how frustrated or how much they push for sex tells me a lot about them. It weeds lots of jerks too, those who assume that I owe them sex after the first date to 3rd date. Doesn't take long for them to get all pissy because they think they are owed sex at some point. Which is a major turn off for me.

    How they handle the wait time, how mad they get, which is always the wrong way to go about things.

    Statistically in a marriage if the wife becomes ill for any reason & can't provide sex, house cleaning, cooking, errands & such. Aka all the unpaid work that adds up to 4.5 hours a day, men will divorce them. Men feel they deserve sex & free labor no matter how ill the wife is and how long they have been together also does not matter. He will divorce her & find someone else.

    So making men wait for sex & how they deal with it shows their true character.
    Sam if you ever write a book I will buy it. #justsaying

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  36. #95
    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
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    Default Re: Leaving Abusive Partner / accountability and planning

    **DON'T QUOTE PLEASE**

    My rape kit ( I'm 90% sure he was sneaking condoms off or did particularly in this one incident ) was supposed to paid for by a domestic violence organization. Now I got a letter saying denied.

    Something about the police report not having enough info. I feel like I don't want to even follow up or anything but it's opening that can of worms now . Like ..... SHOULD I press charges and name him in that report ? Did not want to think about this for another 1-2 months honestly. That way that it sits now is that I didn't press criminal charges 8 weeks ago but his DNA # ( marker ) is now in a crime database.
    Last edited by carmen_b; 03-21-2020 at 09:21 AM.

  37. #96
    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
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    Default Re: Leaving Abusive Partner / accountability and planning

    ** DONT QUOTE PLEASE **

    ^ AND ..... in my file I specifically said NO MAIL . So this peice of mail comes to a FAMILY home saying " victims of crime " . They promised me they wouldn't send me any mail. I provided an email address, text # , phone number.

    I don't even care if I have to pay for the ER visit but I wish they would not send mail like I asked !!!
    Last edited by carmen_b; 03-21-2020 at 09:21 AM.

  38. #97
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    Default Re: Leaving Abusive Partner / accountability and planning

    It doesn't matter what they're asking for - if you don't say " how high?" when they say "jump", they will have a problem

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