Did/Do you expect your partner (specifically spouse or future spouse) to pay half of the down payment in a home you buy together?
Did/Do you expect your partner (specifically spouse or future spouse) to pay half of the down payment in a home you buy together?




What? Why wouldn't I expect my husband to pay half? Is this a trick question? lol
"I now exist everywhere and nowhere. In between the fabric of space, time, and streamate. Send help."- illuminaughty





No because I bought one myself 12 years ago.
55-60% paid off roughly.
If I did sell it and buy something with a partner I would hope they are bringing in as much equity as me though.![]()
Last edited by carmen_b; 03-04-2020 at 07:15 PM.





That level of trust ( Co-owning real estate ) doesn’t even seem possible but maybe someday.
Last edited by carmen_b; 03-04-2020 at 01:53 PM.





In a community or separate property state?





In the community property jurisdiction, where I live (I can not speak for the others) property acquired during marriage, except by gift, devise or descent is community. It does not matter who paid for it.





If I understand the legal bits correctly...
Community property - if you divorce, the house is viewed as belonging to both people no matter what and is up for argument. It's the old "what's mine is yours" thing. It applies to everything you buy while married. I think it often ends with an order for the couple to sell the house & split the money
Separate - if you buy the house & then divorce, it's yours, no argument.
Yes I expect my SO to put down half of the down payment, or else to make good on his contribution somehow (i.e. maybe I put down the whole down payment but then he has to pay the mortgage for 6 months).
Arizona is a community property state so yeah that does kind of factor in - I doubt we'd get divorced at this point, but if we did I don't want to get screwed (like if I paid for all of it & then he gets to walk away with half!)
"People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."
"You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."





How about this. In a community property jurisdiction, you and your spouse buy a house. Your spouse dies leaving no will and adult children by a prior marriage, or to make it even more interesting minor children by a prior marriage.
Where we have fun is common law marriages. Older couple move in together, their previous spouses are divorced or deceased and they have adult children.. Old man has valuable real estate. Old lady doesnt (or the other way around but since men tend to die younger we see it more often this way.) The (old man) one with the valuable real estate dies first. Later the other one (0ld lady) dies. Neither of them leave a will. Her adult children claim there was a common law marriage, she inherited a part of the real estate from him, and they inherited it from her.





Common Law marriage laws does have to factor into it. In Texas, when I lived there. I bought a home, if a guy moved in, say lived there 6 months, helped do repairs, mow the grass & such. If we broke up could try & claim common law marriage & get half the house.
So know the laws in your area & there are always contracts. You can buy a property together & have contracts saying who owns what percentages & such like business partners if you don't get married or plan too. But how that affects the homesteading laws & tax breaks is something you need to consult a lawyer about.
My advice is to get to know the laws in your area about Common Law marriage whether you plan to marry or live with a partner for any length of time. We all know to many women financially ruined by men & taken advantage of. Your credit line & history could be on the line too.
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Personality is the glitter that sends your little gleam across the footlights and the orchestra pit into that big black space where the audience is. Mae West





And there is another part of the problem. People dream up stuff like this up, and repeat it as to you though it were true. The Supreme Court set out the rules for a common law marriage a long time ago, maybe even during the Republic. The third and last rule is THE PARTIES HAVE TO INTEND TO BE MARRIED.
Last edited by slowpoke; 03-05-2020 at 09:25 AM.





I bought mine on my own, and will never jointly take out money against it with anyone else. I didn’t have this handed to me, I did this. Considering I left a completely different way of life at 17 with an old pickup and about $1,000 to my name, and managed to get myself in a salary pool that allowed me to make the mortgage payments and had enough saved up for the down payment in nine years, I don’t think I did so bad. One thing I have learned is that it really draws the broke asses out of the woodwork.
But if I were going in on a house jointly with someone else, absolutely I’d expect them to take up that share of the burden. Especially given the expectation that I be the homemaker on top of everything else (e.g., working full-time). And I can open my home to others (hence the number of people living here), but I won’t suffer the whims of a cheap ass or freeloader.
Written on the walls at the house of sorrow
You can find the names of those who burned
Greater yet, the pain in little drawings
I could not remain in that room





^ That's how I feel.
My family ( me included ) have come a long way in just 12-18 years or so. All of us managed to scrape some sort of real estate purchase together in that 2001-2008 ish range.
We have an agreement as a family to protect real estate holdings ( prenups ) . I have never even been in that " phase " with a man where it's serious to discuss other than my long term parter of 7 years.
You are kinder than me. ^
I do admire how you have opened your home to give a leg up to those who need it ( seems like mostly women ) . Yes, having your act together like this can attract lazy men so you do have to be very careful.
I don't like anyone in my space ( the only exception tends to be for a lover OR short term room mates such as 2-3 months ) so my housing needs are a little different since it's typically just me + doggie there.
** ^ NO QUOTING PLEASE, I'LL EDIT SOME OF THIS OUT LATER . **
Last edited by carmen_b; 03-06-2020 at 12:22 PM.
I have no interest in purchasing property with a bf or a fiance, would only do it with a husband. If I was married I wouldn't expect him to pay half and me to pay half because I don't believe in 50/50. We'd pull our resources together as a couple/team to put a downpayment down. But to be real I do not ever want a house that would require a downpayment because I have no desire to pay or owe for up to 30 years. Being that I'm in debt right, seeing my my mom be in debt most of her life and since I do not like having to live to work I'd prefer to own everything outright or at the very least purchase things that have the ability to be paid off within 5-10 years. So I'm very interested in buying a few acres of land with a very small home in which an addition can be added or buying land and building a cabin, shed to home, barn to home or pole barn home.
However seeing how I; haven't found a husband and probably won't for a while, want to own real estate in my name and never want to be destitute if my future husband acts up/tries to kick me out/pisses me off to the point where I want to leave, etc its very important to me to have my own home. So in a few years once I become financial stable again I plan on buying a few acres of land or land with a very small home (with low taxes) that I'll will be able to pay for outright or payoff in 5-10 years by myself. Once and if I marry we can purchase a separate home/land together as a couple and I will just keep my place in my maiden name as an income property, vacation home and if and when the time comes a safe haven.
Last edited by Blovely; 03-06-2020 at 01:03 PM.





My Cousin lived with a woman for 6.5 years& had two kids. He moved out before the 7 year mark. She thought there goal was to eventually get married & he never intended on marrying her at all. Men LIE!! He didn't think she was good enough for him, always felt he could do better.
After a few months, he tried to move back in & she didn't let him. He realized that he did fuck up & married her.
So the INTENDED to marry thing can be iffy.
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Personality is the glitter that sends your little gleam across the footlights and the orchestra pit into that big black space where the audience is. Mae West





The issue usually comes up as in the example where both parties are dead. Then you have an interesting time trying to figure out how to prove it, and there is the dead mans statute (now a rule of evidence) to deal with.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dead_Man%27s_Statute
Interestingly people seem to think there is something about seven years that is relevant. Maybe somewhere but not here.
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