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Thread: Breast Surgery and Husband, Lack of support

  1. #1
    Featured Member BambiCutie's Avatar
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    Default Breast Surgery and Husband, Lack of support

    I am so sick of dealing with a lack of support and drama from my spouse. I have very large nipples and a B-34 cup, that takes up the majority of my breasts.
    It is so uncomfortable that wearing bras is very difficult. I have mentioned wanting to change my breasts since I was 16 years old, then found out about a breast lift when I was 18 years.
    I don't want to wait till I am too old to have the surgery done and have since switched surgeons to see which would be best suited for the surgery. (Not implanting, just lift and to reduce nipple size and increase comfort)
    I have spoke to one surgeon for about 2/3 years now and I had all the confidence in him to perform the surgery (Very scared and hesitant, just want to make the best decision) but seeking someone who is possibly closer as of recent. Contacted a surgeon close to my City regarding just a breast lift (Mastopexy and reduction of the nipple size) and to find out more information about how the procedure would be performed, as well set up a free appointment.

    My Husband on the other hand is always acting sarcastic and unenthusiastic about me mentioning surgery, given I don't have all the funds saved for it yet.
    He mentioned why I would set up a (free) consultation when I don't even plan to get them done. (Have plans to get them done) He claims I am wasting my time, when I have been working and searching for new apartments.
    He acts like this surgery is just a joke and that my feelings do not matter, when I expect him to be the most supportive.
    He has even gone as far to say once "I don't care about your point of view." during a conversation regarding housing.

    Just a rant, but I am getting so sick of him being this way and he knows that I have been debating on leaving this marriage or seeking counseling.
    I just want him to be supportive, understanding and sympathetic during the matter and other things.
    If he can't be supportive now, how will he do so before the surgery when it does happen?
    This means a lot to me personally and so far I am not receiving what I need from this marriage.
    We are always fighting, he is always trying to pick arguments (Even when I ask him to drop it), calls me names and just never takes me serious.
    Last edited by BambiCutie; 04-29-2020 at 12:13 PM.

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    God/dess laurielegs's Avatar
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    Default Re: Breast Surgery and Husband, Lack of support

    Why are you still with him?

    Sounds like he has nothing to offer you. Time to move on.



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    Default Re: Breast Surgery and Husband, Lack of support

    Quote Originally Posted by BambiCutie View Post
    I am so sick of dealing with a lack of support and drama from my spouse. I have very large nipples and a B-34 cup, that takes up the majority of my breasts.
    It is so uncomfortable that wearing bras is very difficult. I have mentioned wanting to change my breasts since I was 16 years old, then found out about a breast lift when I was 18 years.
    I don't want to wait till I am too old to have the surgery done and have since switched surgeons to see which would be best suited for the surgery. (Not implanting, just lift and to reduce nipple size and increase comfort)
    I have spoke to one surgeon for about 2/3 years now and I had all the confidence in him to perform the surgery (Very scared and hesitant, just want to make the best decision) but seeking someone who is possibly closer as of recent. Contacted a surgeon close to my City regarding just a breast lift (Mastopexy and reduction of the nipple size) and to find out more information about how the procedure would be performed, as well set up a free appointment.

    My Husband on the other hand is always acting sarcastic and unenthusiastic about me mentioning surgery, given I don't have all the funds saved for it yet.
    He mentioned why I would set up a (free) consultation when I don't even plan to get them done. (Have plans to get them done) He claims I am wasting my time, when I have been working and searching for new apartments.
    He acts like this surgery is just a joke and that my feelings do not matter, when I expect him to be the most supportive.
    He has even gone as far to say once "I don't care about your point of view." during a conversation regarding housing.

    Just a rant, but I am getting so sick of him being this way and he knows that I have been debating on leaving this marriage or seeking counseling.
    I just want him to be supportive, understanding and sympathetic during the matter and other things.
    If he can't be supportive now, how will he do so before the surgery when it does happen?
    This means a lot to me personally and so far I am not receiving what I need from this marriage.
    We are always fighting, he is always trying to pick arguments (Even when I ask him to drop it), calls me names and just never takes me serious.
    Get the BA, and then..... separate from this guy!

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    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
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    Default Re: Breast Surgery and Husband, Lack of support

    Sadly, too many men are selfish & think women are just here to serve them. How you feel or what you want does not matter to them. He won't be supportive because that is money of yours he can't spend & you will be down a certain amount of time & he will be required to care for you.

    See it as a warning sign & move on. Because most men do leave their wives if she gets cancer or any other kind of illness. And there are too many men out there, that it is totally possible to replace him. Meanwhile more & more men are celibate because women refuse to have sex with them.

    You can suggest getting professional help for your relationship, but more likely he is fine with not giving a fuck about you.


    You deserve better, you deserve to be happy. Sounds like your misery makes him happy, which makes him toxic & bad for your health now & more so even long term. Married women live shorter more miserable lives than divorced or single women.
    Last edited by Sam38g; 04-30-2020 at 04:57 AM. Reason: added more info
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    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: Breast Surgery and Husband, Lack of support

    I would just come home with some new tits and a freakum dress.. ...then fall asleep on his ass every night.

    Never let him see the results.

    Then remind him “oh Bob I can’t reveal the results because you said you’ll never care about my point of view, etc”

    But as mentioned above stooping down to his level will be exhausting and you’re better off associAting with better quality men

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    Featured Member BambiCutie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Breast Surgery and Husband, Lack of support

    Made it pretty clear to him that I've greatly considered and have been in planning to leave this marriage.
    We have decided to have separate bedrooms, and he is contemplating living in another state in the near future.
    I think he gets the clear picture, now that we are dividing/separating and that this is likely not going to work out without a miracle counselor.

    I don't regret my marriage, but I do regret that he wasn't the same person I initially fell in love with.
    The mask came off so to speak, and he just turned into a completely different person.
    I saved part of my check for my surgery and I have since ignored him.

    Regardless, I am terrified of the after pain when this relationship does end.
    I can definitely feel how painful it will be emotionally, by the thought of the marriage ending.

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    Default Re: Breast Surgery and Husband, Lack of support

    Quote Originally Posted by BambiCutie View Post
    Made it pretty clear to him that I've greatly considered and have been in planning to leave this marriage.
    We have decided to have separate bedrooms, and he is contemplating living in another state in the near future.
    I think he gets the clear picture, now that we are dividing/separating and that this is likely not going to work out without a miracle counselor.

    I don't regret my marriage, but I do regret that he wasn't the same person I initially fell in love with.
    The mask came off so to speak, and he just turned into a completely different person.
    I saved part of my check for my surgery and I have since ignored him.

    Regardless, I am terrified of the after pain when this relationship does end.
    I can definitely feel how painful it will be emotionally, by the thought of the marriage ending.
    Is he open to marriage counseling? Are you?

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    Default Re: Breast Surgery and Husband, Lack of support

    Sometimes a little bit of distance allows for more clarity about the situation. I have known of people who reunited after a separation and those who decided to go their own way.

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    God/dess laurielegs's Avatar
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    Default Re: Breast Surgery and Husband, Lack of support

    Got to say I'm shocked at anyone suggesting getting counseling and staying with a man who insults, degrades and clearly does not care about her and if that were not enough is calling her names.



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    Default Re: Breast Surgery and Husband, Lack of support

    Quote Originally Posted by laurielegs View Post
    Got to say I'm shocked at anyone suggesting getting counseling and staying with a man who insults, degrades and clearly does not care about her and if that were not enough is calling her names.
    Nothing wrong with advice about remaining civil with the spouse and attempting marriage counseling if the couple decides to try it. We are not walking in that woman's shoes.

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    Default Re: Breast Surgery and Husband, Lack of support

    Only you can decide if you are done. Relationships are complicated and no one should tell other people to leave someone because of this or that. Doesn't mean it's a healthy relationship but "advice" will only leave you not making the decision. You absolutely should talk to someone, a counselor could absolutely give you the tools to make your choice. If you have enough factors that necessitate this relationship...that are worth it for you, couples counseling can help many shitty relationships. If you want I can send you a link to a YouTube channel I watch from a couples therapist. He has tons of experience and can give you some things to think about if therapy isn't an option right now. Not pushing it on you but it is a resource

    ETA. This is different if you believe someone to truly be in imminent danger. Then you should get help to that friend ASAP if you can
    Last edited by kamiliam; 05-03-2020 at 08:32 PM.

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    Default Re: Breast Surgery and Husband, Lack of support

    I say put your own happiness, well being above all else. Men do all the time. Statistics prove out that marriage is very good & healthy for men, but the opposite for women.

    Do what is best for you. Men can be chickens and become assholes to force the women to break up with them, so they won't be the 'bad' guy.

    You also have every right to live with breast that you are happy with for the rest of your life.
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    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Breast Surgery and Husband, Lack of support

    I read previously that you don't have kids yet but would eventually like to start a family. So IMHO the question you have to ask yourself is this: Is this the man you want to have kids with? Do you want to commit to being attached to him, in one way or another, for the next 20+ years?

    If the answer is something along the lines of "Hell No" then IMHO you need to find an exit strategy soon, before your options evaporate on you (get pregnant accidentally, stay with him too long, etc.). When I was approaching 30 I was also in a toxic marriage and am forever grateful that I ended it before my choices were taken away from me. I now have three beautiful children with a much better person.

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    Featured Member BambiCutie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Breast Surgery and Husband, Lack of support

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    Is this the man you want to have kids with? Do you want to commit to being attached to him, in one way or another, for the next 20+ years?
    This has been playing off and on in my head. I've been asking myself this, since it has been posted. I even have laid in bed asking myself how I would feel 20 years from now, if I were to stay with him.
    He got into a semi heated argument with me and I confessed this to him. "I'm not sure if I want to spend the next 20 years with you." I cried and he started apologizing. I still cried even after he fell asleep.
    I've made it clear that we are separating. Living in separate rooms and not sleeping together. I took off and set my wedding ring down on his computer table, telling him it was over and have not worn it since.
    I am not sure why I haven't felt the pain of our breakup, but curious when that pain will happen. I'm still trying to accept that we are officially separated.
    He mentioned finding a therapist, but I'm also curious if he will actually pursue doing this to save the marriage.
    For now I have given up and understand that we need to separate.

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    God/dess laurielegs's Avatar
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    Default Re: Breast Surgery and Husband, Lack of support

    Quote Originally Posted by BambiCutie View Post
    I am not sure why I haven't felt the pain of our breakup, but curious when that pain will happen. I'm still trying to accept that we are officially separated.
    He mentioned finding a therapist, but I'm also curious if he will actually pursue doing this to save the marriage.
    For now I have given up and understand that we need to separate.
    Maybe the fact that the breakup isn't causing you distress yet is a clear indication that you are just done being insulted and put down.

    For me the pain never happened. By the time I left I was so done that the day I walked it felt like a ton of bricks had been lifted off my back.



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    Default Re: Breast Surgery and Husband, Lack of support

    Quote Originally Posted by laurielegs View Post
    Maybe the fact that the breakup isn't causing you distress yet is a clear indication that you are just done being insulted and put down.

    For me the pain never happened. By the time I left I was so done that the day I walked it felt like a ton of bricks had been lifted off my back.
    That happened to me as well. Also, you're still not TRULY alone. Until he moves out, I don't think it will hit you.

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