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Thread: Camgirl shame and leaked content

  1. #1
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    Default Camgirl shame and leaked content

    Hi I posted a while ago but just wanted to revisit. I was a camgirl for 3 years. I had one video leak from when i first started and got scammed into a free skype - never again but it was too late it's out there under my alias thankfully but i am still trying to remove links - there is a new platform it seems... (DM OP for name) they are leaking it tons of times all of a sudden, it is scary.
    I have heard there are sites that can monitor and take down for a whole year for a set amount so i'm thinking I may have to do that, I have used cammodel protection but they are averaging 50 removed links a month at the minute which is just not enough when you are paying $160 a month.

    How do you girls cope with that? do you have much leaked content and are you using a DCMA service? - Secondly, lets talk emotions when quitting.. I NEVER thought I would feel this bad honestly it is the worst feeling, I didn't know there would come a point I would hate being a cammodel (after I split with an ex because of it) I didn't realise how HARD the shame and regret would hit me, but it did and I just want to warn others of that, not because I think we SHOULD feel that way, I wish it wasn't.. but when you try and get back into life and have to find normal jobs, have to consider what to study it is such a weight of worry that you will be outed, that you may get fired, that you may lose your reputation whatever you choose to do, that someone may try and be vindictive and nasty and leak content in your real name or even if you set up your own business write reviews saying what you did and who you were.. a lot of people I know in real life, know what I did and know my model name, I wasn't trying to hide it because I thought I would do it for the long term and at the time I didn't feel bad. I can't stop it now though, the anxiety causes physical pain in my heart and I don't feel at ease when my mind goes down those funnels.

    I just want you to be aware because although it all feels good now there may come a time it won't. if you are lucky enough to not have leaked content and not many people know what you do, I would reconsider. I had some amazing times when I was camming, I felt it gave me confidence and I really did enjoy it.. but for what I may have to live with for the rest of my life i'd say it wasn't worth it. Honestly.

    If anyone has similar feelings now or in the future and wants someone to talk to feel free to message me and I will do my best to help support you because I know the feeling and the pain.

    Also if anyone feels differently and has words of encouragement I could also use that too. I am aware it is a paranoid, catastrophising thing too. What are the chances the worst things I am predicting will actually happen. I don't know. but I feel life would be easier without the worry but it's too late now.
    Last edited by PhatGirlDynomite!!!; 05-04-2020 at 05:27 PM.

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  3. #2
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    Default Re: Camgirl shame and leaked content

    Quote Originally Posted by BambiCutie View Post
    From what I've personally experienced throughout the years of camming is that DMCA is not very effective and might even go against the camsite's terms of agreement. I had far more success contacting the camsite, sending them the links and requesting removal. In the end, it did not work and when one content is removed, another quickly takes its place. There really is nothing you can do, other than choosing not cam. It is the cost that comes with camming.
    The leaked video was from skype, it is the same video linked possibly hundreds of times so for the most part I have noticed they have been able to remove a lot of them but like you said it soon gets reuploaded again as though the site has them on a loop especially this v I haven't cammed in nearly 2 years and there is leaks even in this month!! It feels like i'd have to keep paying a DMCA takedown every year for the rest of my life to even POSSIBLY stay on top of it.. and hope after a few years they stop looping not sure what the chances of that are.

    Luckily it is under an alias I cannot imagine the grief people go through who have some nasty person leak under their real name! I am actually scared for a lot of girls the suicide statistics of camgirls and porn stars are extremely sad and I can see why now and it breaks my heart
    Last edited by PhatGirlDynomite!!!; 05-09-2020 at 06:33 PM.

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    Featured Member BambiCutie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Camgirl shame and leaked content

    Unfortunately there is no way to remove the content and for the majority, they see this as a game when you are actively attempting to take down content using DMCA or other similar services.
    The only way this content can be remotely drowned out, is if you stop paying for a take down service to remove the content and become inactive. (Which could take a few years) There is no way to truly prevent someone from recording your videos during a Skype session, neither from camsites. It goes along with the conditions of being a camgirl/model and the risks that are associated with sharing content online. I've heard horror stories of woman who have had their personal information leaked, often times through connecting their model accounts to their social media. Many who consider modeling and come across similar threads such as this one, are directed to the new model pins that go into the full pros and cons of camming. Some start camming without knowing these risks and are floored when finding their content was ripped and blasted across the web. When you are aware of this prior, it doesn't entirely remove the shock, but it helps to a great extent. If you are feeling physically ill from camming, I would highly suggest you take a step back and ask yourself a very serious question. Is this really what you want?

    (Also, if you keep camming regardless of these physical warnings of fright and discomfort, you could experience extreme depression and a complete burnout.)

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    Default Re: Camgirl shame and leaked content

    Quote Originally Posted by BambiCutie View Post
    Unfortunately there is no way to remove the content and for the majority, they see this as a game when you are actively attempting to take down content using DMCA or other similar services.
    The only way this content can be remotely drowned out, is if you stop paying for a take down service to remove the content and become inactive. (Which could take a few years) There is no way to truly prevent someone from recording your videos during a Skype session, neither from camsites. It goes along with the conditions of being a camgirl/model and the risks that are associated with sharing content online. I've heard horror stories of woman who have had their personal information leaked, often times through connecting their model accounts to their social media. Many who consider modeling and come across similar threads such as this one, are directed to the new model pins that go into the full pros and cons of camming. Some start camming without knowing these risks and are floored when finding their content was ripped and blasted across the web. When you are aware of this prior, it doesn't entirely remove the shock, but it helps to a great extent. If you are feeling physically ill from camming, I would highly suggest you take a step back and ask yourself a very serious question. Is this really what you want?

    (Also, if you keep camming regardless of these physical warnings of fright and discomfort, you could experience extreme depression and a complete burnout.)
    I was aware of all the risks but at the time I thought I wanted to do it until I retire lol, I wasn't thinking how i'd feel about meeting someone and settling down (I didn't want to anyway or could see it happening). I just was in a world of my own I guess, in my own little bubble and none of the consequences affected me then cause I didn't think I would want to quit. But then after a traumatic break up my vision and view completely did a 180 and flipped on its head and it all hit me like a ton of bricks. So most cammodels/porn stars can't prepare for that until it is too late, no matter how much knowledge they get before hand! It's all good, until its NOT! like most things that we know could potentially harm us.

    I quit Feb 2019 and haven't cammed since, I quit cold turkey, I was suicidal, I broke down in front of my parents, friends, I was an emotional WRECK shaking all the time, couldn't stop crying, panic attacks! I started removing all sites, social medias, everything I could, I paid cammodel protection a few times. I seeked support from a charity that deals with sex workers and I also paid for private therapy.. the anxiety doesn't go away! the fear will always be there, if I think about it! I am not sure how I can prevent that even if I do manage to remove all the videos eventually which I can only think by paying the site to monitor and remove for a FULL year, maybe every year for about 5 until they get bored of reuploading, maybe i'll have to pay them to monitor forever.. but even THEN it doesn't remove all the fear since a lot of people who know me could already have the content downloaded if they wanna be vindictive it won't matter we know they will find away. How many people are that way inclined? probably not many in all honesty.. to the point they would intentionally try and ruin your life.. but it makes you have to be so careful.. you are scared to fall out with anyone, you are scared when people don't like you, I could move away where no one knows me, it seems simple until you feel its something you want to do and then for the most part that isn't an option you want to consider.. who wants to live far away from their family?! I own an apartment to so don't want to. that would further minimise risk of it getting round from vindictive people and more chance of staying hidden under the radar but you just don't want to unless you really have no choice!! Still doesn't take it away completely
    Main things though we have to stop talking about our past, never talk about our alias again, hope the majority forget or just don't care.
    It can always come bite you back on the ass.. forever.. but what is the alternative? because it feels pretty bleak at times and you don't want to go on.

    I think a lot of people live with shame, not just sex workers, drug addicts, alcoholics, people who have been to prison or have a criminal record of any kind..
    We can talk positive to ourselves all we want, find god listen to the wisdom "No sin is greater than the other, all sin is equal in gods eyes and we are all sinners!" we can try and fight and stand up for ourselves if and when we are attacked. It is very difficult. I am a socially anxious shy person.. I find confrontation difficult, I was bullied that's why I think I loved camming I could feel confident behind a camera and get so much attention that I finally felt I wasn't so hideous. There are things I appreciate about it and I can see WHY I did it and how it became a part of my life story, I just struggle sometimes believing I am capable or strong enough to deal with the consequences and repercussions.

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    Veteran Member kamiliam's Avatar
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    Default Re: Camgirl shame and leaked content

    I mean I am not entirely sure what your point is...are you saying that everyone is ashamed of this job deep down. Because I really don't think that's true. We all have frameworks that decide those things. I grew up in a sex positive household and just knew it was something healthy people do. Do I want videos out that I didn't profit from, not particularly but it's more about the money. Do I hope certain people don't see those videos...sure. But it wouldn't send me on a spiral...I feel horrible that you feel so ashamed of this but it is important not to apply that to us all. Sounds like you figured out this career isn't/wasn't healthy for you and you made the right decision for you. Be proud of that.
    Last edited by kamiliam; 05-04-2020 at 06:17 PM.


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    Member KatieJJJ's Avatar
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    Default Re: Camgirl shame and leaked content

    No I don't believe everyone will feel that way, but I do think we don't always know IF we will feel that way because it just comes on usually after some kind of trauma/grief/heartbreak/rejection and then once that anxiety spiral has started it's very difficult to break out and turns into paranoia if not careful or able to get the right support. I try and put things into perspective that it could be so much worse.. and in many ways am extremely lucky compared to what some people have to go through when it comes to hiding past shame or potential for employment but I still can't shake it. I think also if you are predisponed to depression or anxiety and got into it maybe because you had low self-esteem to start with then it will be so much worse when you come out.

    It does worry me for a lot of the girls getting into the industry because like i said i felt no shame for 3 years, i didn't even attemt to hide it i had youtube and everything, TOO Many people I know in real life found out and i didn't care.. it really can just come on and it is really horrible! I wouldn't be ashamed if it wasn't for the stigma and the feeling that others think I SHOULD be ashamed or will come after me and have something on me. I hate the feeling of being out of control of knowing there is something out there people could hold against me and try to ruin any good thing i try to build in my life. I know i couldn't go back to camming because of the way it made me feel but im trying to decide what to study that gives me the best potential for not having to worry about people holding it against me whilst also knowing i do have to work basic jobs for a long while and just hope for the best that noone tries to get me fired or make my life hell.
    On the plus i have had 2 jobs so far and nothing has came out. but it always feels a matter of time, like im walking on eggshells waiting for a bomb to go off
    It's going to make me ill i think i need more support to change my mindset and KEEP it changed

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    Default Re: Camgirl shame and leaked content

    I'm really glad you can recognize why you struggle with this issue. That is a really good step. Continue to do healthy things for yourself and you will find that you will be surrounded by people who don't just think of you as only a cam model or former cam model. Most people aren't as judgmental or scary when they care about the whole you. This can be your co workers, families, friends and so. If they aren't accepting you they likely will find other things they don't like about you and will probably attempt to make you ashamed. I get it is hard with the job thing, I get that lots of places if they find out would have an issue. But like you said not many people will try that hard to ruin your life. Say your boss stumbled on this vid. He probably won't do shit, because 1 he was watching porn. 2 if he does think you are a bad person and fires you you will probably never know. 3 as long as you aren't violating a contract/morality clause, he's a Douche and that probably isn't a great job or environment if you are suffering from low confidence and shame. This can all work out for you you just need to make the right choices for yourself

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    Default Re: Camgirl shame and leaked content

    I get that this was a very traumatic experience for you. Many models can absolutely, and without doubt believe they've truly accepted the pros and cons fully, only to later take a step back and regret their years of camming. When taking into full consideration, the pros and cons you have to also anticipate how this might affect your future relationships, Families, friends, future employement opportunities, schooling, ect. Many models may feel guilt or fear for spreading revealing content online in their past for the world to see, likely for countless years that later follow them, either emotionally or in their personal lives.

    Other professional models
    (Not claiming you were not professional) have fully understood the possible consequence to working within the online adult industry. (outed/personal information leaked, ect)
    They understood the many struggles they might encounter in future relationships. Often times they've already began dipping their toe in the water by the time they consider those areas of concern. This is again, a serious pro and con that needs to be greatly weighed before signing up to any cam sites or offering services. That "Make $1000 a day" online ad, can blind many into believing they've truly accepted the factors in play, when really all they see is.. ($$$$$$) Or the cam high they could possibly feel from seeing themselves on live and noticing the care they've put into maintaining their beautiful figures, in ways they never knew were there. It feels powerful, similar to a drug!

    The majority of online cam professionals would likely drop in the industry, if it were to later hit them, that their desicions were blinded by the spur moment of cam rush. The only reason it has not dropped, is because they have chosen to stay within the industry, understanding in entirety the trade for possibly making $1000 in a week. There is a trade to signing the contract. Similar to The Little Mermaid when Ariel gives up her voice. You give up your image. (Not that the industry has any correlation to evil, but metaphorical.)

    I really do sympathize with your situation and understand the very feeling you have encountered. I went through this myself after a previous relationship. Had to take 4 years to reflect and eventually I realized that the decision I made to work in the adult industry was not made maturely, neither with great consideration of what it involved. I wish you nothing but, peace from here and in the future. I know it is hard and it really does take time to heal.
    Last edited by BambiCutie; 05-05-2020 at 06:46 AM.

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    Default Re: Camgirl shame and leaked content

    I'm really sorry you feel this way, but I do wonder, where is this shame coming from?

    My only regret is that our society is so fucking stupid about sex that they freak out every time they see a tit. I am making excellent money in my own home and taking care of myself very well. There is not a single thing wrong with our bodies or our sexuality!

    I've been in the corporate world in a "respected" job (wasted - yes completely wasted) over 20 years of my life to that misogynistic rat race, never really getting ahead with constant veiled sexual harassment and being made to feel less than the men who were consistently paid more than me doing less work than me but with a fancy title on their door. My only regret is that I didn't start sooner.

    It's true I don't have my real name out there due to idiot men who may try to stalk me (happened to me when I worked in a damn office before I ever thought of camming) but should it get leaked and anyone in my life has an objection I would cut them off - I do not need some closed-minded idiot in my life, family, friend or not. I'm fortunate to have an accepting (very small) circle of friends but would not hesitate to make that even smaller.

    Anyone who would disrespect you for making an honest living does not deserve to be called family or a friend, period.



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    Default Re: Camgirl shame and leaked content

    I would say keep trying to take the stuff off the internet. I wonder if there is any way to track the original poster? And as you are already doing, contacting each website host directly. Also, I think that even if the videos get some exposure by being re-shared, they'll eventually be buried in all the other content. So the risk of anyone you know finding it should diminish over time, if that is what you're worried about.

    There's no shame in being a sex worker, but I feel like there are so many men (and women) who don't understand that even sex workers have boundaries. By pushing those boundaries or treating us badly, they cause us to feel badly. Some of us do not want our image or content leaked outside of certain parameters, and yet, so much of society does not understand or respect that.

    If you can, please remember that whoever did this to you, first off, stole from you and secondly, they violated your boundaries in sharing it with others. So of course, it feels awful because what they did is awful.
    Last edited by ZeroSugarMonster; 05-04-2020 at 10:34 PM.

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    Default Re: Camgirl shame and leaked content

    Personally, I think you're super duper over thinking this. Okay, there's some videos on the internet of you that maybe some of your friends know about, so what? What are you doing in them that is so bad? Are you seeing a therapist? With all due respect, I think you need to see one, maybe take something to calm your nerves. Cam girl or not, girls get their nudes and fucking videos leaked ALL the time. Kim K made a successful career over it. If someone were to leak it, you say yea, so??? It's what I had to do to get to where I am TODAY. I am self-made baby, fuck off. Do you look good in the videos? Even better. I'm sure you are hot. Right now it's a difficult time in your life because you are at a crossroads meaning you're done with this relationship, done with camming, and now are moving into your vanilla career...bravo, it's the American dream. You got this, just chill out a bit. Let the videos drown out, they'll come down eventually. DOn't talk about it, don't bring it up, and try not to worry about it. FORGIVE yourself for camming, for doing whatever it is you think was wrong. We are HUMAN...and we make mistakes. God gave us free will, to make our choices and to make mistakes and to redeem ourselves and better ourselves. I only say that because you brought up sinning. We all sin, you didn't kill anyone! But still, I like your post because it is a very real fear to be posted sans clothing maybe with a dildo up your twat for a lot of girls and it's something that needs to be taken into consideration if you want to cam and especially if you're only doing it because of a financial hardship so thanks for posting this but I think you need to try to relax. You're going to give yourself an aneurism.

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    Default Re: Camgirl shame and leaked content

    Quote Originally Posted by kamiliam View Post
    I mean I am not entirely sure what your point is...are you saying that everyone is ashamed of this job deep down. Because I really don't think that's true. We all have frameworks that decide those things. I grew up in a sex positive household and just knew it was something healthy people do. Do I want videos out that I didn't profit from, not particularly but it's more about the money. Do I hope certain people don't see those videos...sure. But it wouldn't send me on a spiral...I feel horrible that you feel so ashamed of this but it is important not to apply that to us all. Sounds like you figured out this career isn't/wasn't healthy for you and you made the right decision for you. Be proud of that.
    I'm glad you've never been outed or shamed for SW before.

    I know lots of girls when outed who lost jobs because of it. Anyone who gets shamed enough would have likely internalize it-I don't care how strong someone is. I don't think you understand when one gets outed it can be basically ruins ones life. Not saying this to scare anyone, but it's nothing to be cavalier about either.

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    Default Re: Camgirl shame and leaked content

    I see what you are saying but some people don't find that aspect to be that scary because well people in your life know you have sex often. I have things I have shame in but the fact that people pay me to get them off wouldn't be life ruining for me. As laurielegs touched on I worked corporate for a long time and there was a lot more exploitation with little reward. Probably the only times I did not have control of my sexuality. To spend all the time and energy to fight something you cannot control seems like a losing battle, and could be spent on other things. Many women here have pointed out how to move forward. Just assess.
    Last edited by kamiliam; 05-05-2020 at 02:15 AM. Reason: Clarity maybe lol

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    Default Re: Camgirl shame and leaked content

    Thankyou a lot of good compassionate advice, it is a problem I've always had in that I beat myself up, never feel good enough am perfectionistic and worry what people think of me.. camming for the most part was like freedom from that, I loved it for a lot of the reasons others have mentioned here, corporate world sucks and is more exploitative than sex work could ever be! But despite me feeling confident in it at the time I know it isn't something that I can pursue anymore, I know that because of how suicidal I felt in the end and basically SHIT SCARED lol! Feeling so HOPELESS and like I needed to move to the other side of the world or something, I don't know but it could just never be the same now I have experienced that side of it in my mind.. the darkness came upon me and I can't forget that, I wouldn't dare let my family and friends down either cause they have been so supportive in the past year of me leaving it would really hurt them and myself it's just trying to figure out what else I can do.

    This isolation doesn't help because part of the problem is not feeling like we will be accepted in the world and becoming paranoid, so not being able to frequently go out and experience that and see no one is after me with a pitch fork doesn't help! Mindset is everything, always will be, faith too.. if you can believe in some kind of higher spiritual protection, angels or whatever it can be comforting. For the most part people should and are capable of being understanding, compassionate, kind, forgiving, non-judgemental and provide grace towards anything especially anything that doesn't concern them! When we are hating on ourselves and tearing ourselves down we project that and think everyone else is going to do that to us too and they are also more likely to that way.. it starts within! If we are accepting, compassionate, forgiving to ourselves we will see and experience more of that in the world whatever we have done in life, no matter how deep we have ever sunk we are still deserving of grace and redemption - our value does not decrease by the things we have done. Nobody is better just because they haven't done any of those things even if they think they are, why do some people look down on people that are clearly suffering or have suffered instead of looking at others through the eyes of that could be any one of us had we been through the exact things they had. We are all one and we don't deserve any kind of stigma nobody does and the sheer amount of people who kill themselves from SHAME, it is mostly always shame on some level for something that is the leading cause of suicide - everyone needs to learn to be kinder and it starts with being kind to ourselves which I am not good at

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    Default Re: Camgirl shame and leaked content

    Also I don't think a lot of the times we really acknowledge any trauma that we have been through. It is probably near impossible to go through any adult work career and not experience trauma but we sometimes don't connect it, we blame everything else but not see why we are actually hurting.. we might think that thing didn't affect us or we brushed it off or even that we don't deserve to feel traumatised because we KNEW what we were getting into and knew what would happen therefore we supress it. Having leaked content like Bambi said is extremely traumatic and added much further injury to what it would have been for me. ALOT of us are suffering and many without even realising. I find it hard to not believe the industry is very damaging now. I don't think much good comes from it and that for the most part it is harmful but there is no telling anyone that while they are IN IT because it's something you can only discover in hindsight. I would bet a good 75% or more regret ever getting involved and the ones that don't it's probably because they have been able to earn enough to retire but even out of some of those i think they will still wish they could have done that in other ways that wouldn't have affected their intimate relationships, reputation or possible children.

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    Default Re: Camgirl shame and leaked content

    Quote Originally Posted by arielbriel View Post
    Are you seeing a therapist? With all due respect, I think you need to see one, maybe take something to calm your nerves.
    I was seeing one until the lockdown, I had to seek help when I quit I contacted a charity who helped sex workers and it was incredible to be honest it really helped and I also paid a private therapist. I don't think I would have improved as much as i did without their help, I've actually worked 3 jobs in that time, 2 pub/restaurants and 1 nightclub, the 1st job I was bullied out of but it had NOTHING to do with anything they knew about me, it was just 2 girls jealousy in general.. I am so freaking grateful to know for sure it wasn't because any of them knew about my past because woah that would have sent my paranoia insane!!! I have definitely spiralled since covid, i'm from England UK we have been isolating since early March. I am considering going back on some anxiety/depression tablets too, if i don't improve in a couple of weeks then I will.

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    Default Re: Camgirl shame and leaked content

    Quote Originally Posted by KatieJJJ View Post
    I was seeing one until the lockdown, I had to seek help when I quit I contacted a charity who helped sex workers and it was incredible to be honest it really helped and I also paid a private therapist. I don't think I would have improved as much as i did without their help, I've actually worked 3 jobs in that time, 2 pub/restaurants and 1 nightclub, the 1st job I was bullied out of but it had NOTHING to do with anything they knew about me, it was just 2 girls jealousy in general.. I am so freaking grateful to know for sure it wasn't because any of them knew about my past because woah that would have sent my paranoia insane!!! I have definitely spiralled since covid, i'm from England UK we have been isolating since early March. I am considering going back on some anxiety/depression tablets too, if i don't improve in a couple of weeks then I will.
    I have also been quarantined since early March and yeah it fucks with your psyche.

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  31. #18
    Veteran Member kamiliam's Avatar
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    Default Re: Camgirl shame and leaked content

    I really have no idea if this is totally correct but if you are from the UK I would assume the NHS would have mental health coverage, maybe it is crap but that could be an option. Also I have had a phone only therapist for awhile. I found in person therapy not effective. Everyone is different. But there are ways to get support which we all need.

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  33. #19
    Senior Member Yayayasmine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Camgirl shame and leaked content

    I just wanted to add my own advice. I went through something similar when I did nude photography just to try it out and ended up having my photos leaked on Tumblr. I asked the people to take it down and most did, but of course they were some assholes who didn’t. The only thing that got me through it was accepting what I did and the fact that the photos look nice. As women, Society always teaches us to act a certain way so that we can “make sure we have a husband and a family” men are never taught the same. Society judges women for making only fans and profiting off their body with or without having sex, but then tells us that women who express their sexuality freely have daddy issues. I honestly wouldn’t get too bent on worrying about having a man because there are plenty of porn stars who have happy fulfilling marriages. It’s also important to keep in mind how half of all marriages end in divorce and the other half that’s left are only together because they can’t afford a divorce (according to a statistic that I heard about a while ago). I know women who live religious lives , dress in a way that covers their body, and act in a way that a “ Woman with self-respect“ would and still end up getting divorced ,become single moms, or just can’t find a good man. There’s nothing wrong with any of these things but society teaches us that if we “act like a respectful woman” we won’t have these problems. At the end of the day, you did your job because I gave you freedom at the time and money. Everyone has a past and if a man is going to judge you for your past that didn’t hurt anyone and paid your bills, he’s the one with the problem. I honestly think you should stop trying to look into taking the photos down because when I did that it literally drove me crazy. If someone ever confronts you with the photos own up to what you did and don’t show them that you feel bad about it. Then, that gives you the power. If people know something like this upsets you they will use it against you to tear you down. It took me a few years to do that, so don’t expect for it to happen overnight. Good luck to you!

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  35. #20
    God/dess arielbriel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Camgirl shame and leaked content

    Also, alot of those sex worker rehab people are really negative and make you feel bad for your past. I wouldn't even talk to them.

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  37. #21
    Member KatieJJJ's Avatar
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    Default Re: Camgirl shame and leaked content

    There would be a very long wait list for NHS counselling right now, I do have some support and I don't feel desperate or in crisis it does wear off through the day but my mind sometimes spirals into panic i know I am not taking care as best I should or thinking positively.
    You are right about everything, it has been made worse since checking how many leaked and seeing there seems to be that new site anybunny.tv that I never saw before and it's leaking it consistently every few days so now there are over 50 that I can see from the first 26 pages of google alone let alone the rest! Also.. my ex.. I don't want to go into too much detail right now but we split up over a year ago and he emailed trying to get in touch recently which I allowed because he sent me flowers but when I told him I don't want to stay in contact because he hurt me too much and I can't forget he proceeds to tell me the reason he treated me like trash in the end is because what I was doing "made him feel dirty and sick!" I don't know why he needs to keep throwing shit in my face like that.

    He is an idiot though because he was going through a divorce when I met him, has 2 kids also took drugs pretty heavy but I never held that against or judged him in fact he got me taking weed which I had never done previously, we were together 9 months, he was talking marriage, kids said i was the love of his life even bought me a new webcam and seemed very supportive, introduced me to his family, didn't seem ashamed and then some of the things he said to me when we split was "I need to protect myself and my kids because you are a bad influence!", "you are a prostitute!" and "you can never escape your past"

    I guess it's ruined my trust in people entirely or feeling anyone could ever truly accept what I did and them not turn on me viciously! But like you said.. he is divorced already and his ex wife doesn't even dress provocatively or anything so it happens to anyone for any reason and they will choose your weakness or insecurity to target to bring you down cause they know it upsets you! Healing is just going to take time, there is a lot of hurt, pain, fear, regret i'm trying to THINK my way out of too many things, trying to decide what to study and worrying about every little thing. Sometimes we just need to take a step back, get out of our head and problems, breath and know it really isn't that bad in the grand scheme of things... and I know when I recover properly I will KNOW it was some of the best times of my life that I could never really regret or wish to never have happened.. I really appreciate that time as part of my story or who I am because I know on many levels it was what I needed at the time to see who I am and that I am stronger, more confident, sexier and more capable of being successful than I ever thought I could ever be before camming and probably ever will believe I am after!! camming gives you a sexuality, confidence and feel goodness that attracts good things in your life, and it did!! I met my ex right in the middle of it! My life is turning to shit now because of my mindset and paranoia.

  38. #22
    Featured Member BambiCutie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Camgirl shame and leaked content

    Quote Originally Posted by KatieJJJ View Post
    when I told him I don't want to stay in contact because he hurt me too much and I can't forget he proceeds to tell me the reason he treated me like trash in the end is because what I was doing "made him feel dirty and sick!" I don't know why he needs to keep throwing shit in my face like that.
    So he essentially described himself. A dirty, sick asshole that degrades woman who work in the sex industry.
    Bet he doesn't say this when wacking his dick off to porn or Instagram models, but will turn around to degrade the very hand he eats from.
    He sounds like a straight up hypocrite and emotional abuser. (Deja Vu)

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  40. #23
    Member KatieJJJ's Avatar
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    I loved camming so much but i know that chapter of my life is closed now.
    Lol sex work is exactly like a relationship with a narcissist for real!!!! The cognitive dissonance - the perfect dream fairy-tale that you want to last forever followed by the depths of abusive despair you feel you will never escape from!

  41. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by BambiCutie View Post
    So he essentially described himself. A dirty, sick asshole that degrades woman who work in the sex industry.
    Bet he doesn't say this when wacking his dick off to porn or Instagram models, but will turn around to degrade the very hand he eats from.
    He sounds like a straight up hypocrite and emotional abuser.
    Yeah exactly - narcissist. I was in SO MUCH PAIN when we originally split and he says "least i still have that video of you when im horny!" DISGUSTING - part the reason i could not face going on cam again, giving him the satisfaction of seeing me, watching me, jerking off to me! made me feel SO violated the thought of that and something clicked in my head i just knew i could no longer carry on! Things would have been so different if id never met him, he was the catalyst that caused me to desperately and immediately leave the industry. I am glad of that though, it needed to be that way for me to change. it's sad though

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  43. #25
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    Default Re: Camgirl shame and leaked content

    I think the issue is not necessarily with the sex industry. Though I understand that chapter has closed for you and was an intense, traumatic feeling.
    I do believe it is from your ex's nasty, degrading, shit head remarks in an attempt to beat down your self worth.
    He sounds pathetic and I would recommend blocking him, as part of your healing. I understand this shit, because I am currently dealing with a similar character.
    You will get through this!

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