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Thread: Any tips for a sheltered child turned adult?

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    Senior Member Yayayasmine's Avatar
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    Default Any tips for a sheltered child turned adult?

    My mom grew up teaching me basic life skills, housework, and how to act in public. But I’ve realized that I struggle with certain interactions in my life still and thinking for myself. It took me until I was about 19 or 20 to finally learn how to properly talk to and deal with guys because I grew up being told that they are nothing but trouble. I don’t necessarily disagree with that statement ,lol, but I was desperate to get the attention of the guys who liked me or socially awkward with men and scared of most men growing up and didn’t know how to deal with guys flirting with me. It didn’t help that I was overly nice to people growing up but still managed to have no friends and have been taken advantage of because of it. I grew up thinking that if you’re really kind and good to people, you’ll get the same energy back regardless of if they do you wrong or not (which definitely isn’t the case). I spent a lot of my years cleaning and helping to take care of my brother and just sitting in my room on my phone alone for hours. I struggle with organization and being responsible. I also struggle with setting boundaries because I was so used to everybody else setting them for me and telling me what I should or shouldn’t do with my life. I’m not sure what I want to do with my life because Im not used to thinking about what I genuinely want for myself. I’m so used to relying on my families acceptance and I’m learning how to only rely on my own acceptance. Moving over 1000 miles away from my family in a diverse city has helped a lot but there’s still a lot that I have to learn. I will be seeking counseling once this is all over and once my money gets together but does anybody have any self-help tips in the meantime?

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    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: Any tips for a sheltered child turned adult?

    Yeah I think most women are raised to believe we should “be nice” and this translates to dealing with men/dating which is the worst advice. Cause too many women find themselves in unhealthy situations cause they were too “nice” to men they were supposed to avoid.

    Most men are not raised to “be nice” nor to be nice to women. If you find a rare guy raised like this he may be husband material if he can also provide for a family (ijs)

    I was the same way. It was like I went from extremely sheltered to doing almost whatever tF I wanted at 18. I guess my parents erroneously believed their extreme sheltering taught me life skills when it only made me realize how much I was lacking in real self sufficiency and emotional intelligence

    Anyhow if you make wise choices starting today you can enjoy life how you envision

    Learning is a life long process. You won’t have everything figured out at 18 - even if you did have super parents. If your parents halfway cared about you most likely they did the best they could with the tools they had at that time.

    The good thing is that you can learn these things/life skills and get better by doing.

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    Senior Member Yayayasmine's Avatar
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    Default Re: Any tips for a sheltered child turned adult?

    Exactly! But I’m glad a lot of women are waking up in learning that this narrative is actually poisonous instead of continuing to teach it to future generations of women. Thanks for your advice.

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    Veteran Member StellaRose's Avatar
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    Default Re: Any tips for a sheltered child turned adult?

    You probably already have and will continue to make some cringe inducing mistakes in your life. Not saying you *will* just that it’s likely if you’re sheltered and don’t know things as well.


    If that happens, then don’t allow it to affect your self esteem. You don’t exist to prove yourself to others. Mistakes are learning opportunities. And taking risks can bring out reward. Mistakes are not only okay but can be useful if you do some self-reflection to learn from them. Read a few self-improvement books or take or watch self-improvement videos when you feel stuck.

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    Default Re: Any tips for a sheltered child turned adult?

    Listen your inner voice and get back up if you get knocked down

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    Default Re: Any tips for a sheltered child turned adult?

    Don’t do what I’ve done and you’ll be fine. Now that I look back at everything, I’m kind of a shitty adult.
    Life asked Death, “Death, why do people love me but hate you?”

    Death responded, “Because you are a beautiful lie… and I am a painful truth”

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    Default Re: Any tips for a sheltered child turned adult?

    Quote Originally Posted by AChildOfBoredom View Post
    Don’t do what I’ve done and you’ll be fine. Now that I look back at everything, I’m kind of a shitty adult.
    I don’t think you’re shitty.
    Last edited by moneybags; 05-23-2020 at 08:01 AM.

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    Veteran Member Morrigan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Any tips for a sheltered child turned adult?

    drop your self expectations that are not YOUR personal ones. you are bound by nobody's perception of how the world is or isnt but your own. There is a lot of poisonous lessons from older generation. Remember how long it took women to be " ALLOWED" the same basics a man had. remember generations of our fore-mothers raised believing their blind servitude was a golden rule. remember there was an era a man could drop you off at an insane asylum in the 50's even no questions asked if he was tired of you , and you were just a hysterical woman. and our mothers, grandmothers so on...couldn't say anything in her defense. its just not the way things were...

    why trap yourself in horrible view and " rule" of the world like that. your not a sheltered abused 50s house wife. you are better than that, you are YOU. YOU can walk outside and openly see the world for how it really is, take the time to really pay attention, listen, observe.. there is nothing wrong with needing to learn, relearn, adapt ...we ALL have to do that, and we all are awkward when entering it

    but that old adage is right about stopping to smell the flowers..but stop and just...explore, learn, its a ongoing thing all people do, or are made to do. live your life, see and experience your world. not moms, not a friends, not mine... yours.
    Hatred does not cease by hatred but only by love; this is the eternal rule.

    " What is Reality? An icicle forming in fire."
    -Dogen Zenji

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    Default Re: Any tips for a sheltered child turned adult?

    Quote Originally Posted by moneybags View Post
    I don’t think you’re shitty.
    Thanks. I don’t think I’m a horrible person or anything, I just think I looked at adulting through the wrong metric and under the wrong influences and came up lacking because of it. I look at my friend from the community… we both had very sheltered lives as children, and her into adulthood. Well, that was ripped away from her with two children to boot, and I mean she is just killing it. I’m really left in awe at how driven she is. And she finds balance in it - something I’ve failed to do.
    Life asked Death, “Death, why do people love me but hate you?”

    Death responded, “Because you are a beautiful lie… and I am a painful truth”

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    Veteran Member Morrigan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Any tips for a sheltered child turned adult?

    hun dont worry about time too much... i didn't find my full stride until my late 30's, and even then i'm still stumbling. ive gotten my children launched into the world, and have had a cozy life even with the bumps and cringe moments, all part of the learning curve.
    Hatred does not cease by hatred but only by love; this is the eternal rule.

    " What is Reality? An icicle forming in fire."
    -Dogen Zenji

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    Default Re: Any tips for a sheltered child turned adult?

    1) Get streetwise friends.

    2) Learn to accept constructive criticism. As you age you'll get better at guessing who is really being helpful with blunt advice, and who is trying to shit in your bowl of Wheaties (it's an old American saying.)

    3) A key facet of being successful as an adult is- enlightened self interest.

    4) Learn how to regulate your emotions. Once you can substract sentimentality from the equation when making tough decisions, you will do better.

    5) Trust your intuition (often called "gut feeling")…..the short way to explain this is, the human body is designed to survive. Frequently things that strike you as odd, disturbing or out of place...are appearing that way for a reason.

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