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Thread: Boyfriend disapointed in me when i dont want to cam?

  1. #1
    Newbie MissSophieXx's Avatar
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    Default Boyfriend disapointed in me when i dont want to cam?

    Hi Ladies i have been a long time lurker on here, i have cammed on and off over the years.when i met my boyfriend i was full time working in a ''normal job'' with a young a baby, since then we had a baby together.
    I decided to start camming again as his work went bust and we had a lot of outgoings and not enough money coming in.

    Now we have enough money coming in and we both have savings, i find that i dont like camming every single day unless i really need to which i dont.
    I put our kids to bed at 8 and sometimes i just want to chill out, i dread him asking the question every single night, are you going on cam or what? when i say no im tired he acts all disappointed saying were missing out on money now ect.

    I am so over it as much as i love camming im still a mom and i enjoy spending time with my family instead of being upstairs on my own all day working.

    Because its nearly that time of the month for my period he tries to push me even more because he knows i will have a good three days off.

    I dont know how to feel about all this its making me miserable.

    x

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    Veteran Member kamiliam's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend disapointed in me when i dont want to cam?

    First of all did you both agree when things were going well to split expenses 50/50? If I am reading your post correctly it sounds like he isn’t contributing to the household income, or less then before? Does he have a plan to fix this? Is he watching the kids during the day? If he is trying his best maybe he has a leg to stand on, mostly because in times of hardship one partner needs to pick up the slack. That is if everything else about the arrangement is going how you want.


    edit: reread and it sounds like like money is fine now, so in that case communicate to him that unless he is willing to contribute something that makes you working more palatable to you it is at your discretion. That any large purchases/experiences/investments he wants with the extra money beyond your expected contribution needs to be discussed as a couple. Maybe that involves him taking on more work.

    I didn’t see you mention anything about how he helps you work, just that he expects the money to come in. Please correct if I am assuming wrong.

    You need to tell him in a calm matter how his pushing makes you feel. Have you told him you are exhausted and need time to be a mom? Don’t accuse him or make broad statements (example“you don’t care about me”) identify what the real feeling is and tell him.

    If he doesn’t recognize that he needs to help you, if he can’t you will continue to have similar issues around the same theme over and over again. He needs his own plan, and that plan cannot be a domesticated pimp.
    Last edited by kamiliam; 05-30-2020 at 10:54 PM.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend disapointed in me when i dont want to cam?

    He’s looking for you to support him. Plain and simple. Any man overly interested in how much a woman is making is looking for some of those funds to be directed to him.

    If dating a provider is important to you, leave him now. Put him on child support and then you can sit at home with your kids after a long day of work AND have an extra check coming in.
    "I'm trying to get Boston George and Diego money/And stack it all up like Lego money....."


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    Default Re: Boyfriend disapointed in me when i dont want to cam?

    As an OG I keep my mouth shut because girls don’t want to hear it because “they are in love” and “he’s different” and “he really loves me.” In my humble opinion, every young lady would be better off just getting rid of significant others and not worry about men until you have your own savings account and education. Even then sign a prenuptial so they can’t take your shit. Men are a waste of time. Yep that came out as bitter and jaded as I thought it would.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend disapointed in me when i dont want to cam?

    ^Most of them are......

    We’re in a new era where men feel like their male privilege isn’t enough and they have to now use women for their time, resources, etc. These types of men weren’t raised right or they got hurt by some woman so they take it out on women around them.

    Every now and then you’ll luck up on a good man. You’ll know it when you come across it. Keep the good men and toss the rest out quickly before you start thinking dysfunctional men are normal.

    If you’re fine being the breadwinner then do what ya do.

    If not tell him he needs to help you out more. If he refuses then let him go cause last thing you want to be doing is raising an adult kid.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend disapointed in me when i dont want to cam?

    I work as an online psychic and sometimes as a phone sex operator. I cannot tell you the number of times my husband has asked me if I'm not going to take calls "now." It's not because he wants my money because we don't share it. And it's not because we need the money as he teaches in the medical profession, I think that he literally just thinks that because I work from home, I should be always on. And of course, that is not realistic, for anyone. We seem to have worked that out, but he still asks sometimes. I just brush it off and go about my business.

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    Senior Member LegoMoney's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend disapointed in me when i dont want to cam?

    Quote Originally Posted by moneybags View Post
    As an OG I keep my mouth shut because girls don’t want to hear it because “they are in love” and “he’s different” and “he really loves me.”
    Exactly. I almost felt bad telling OP to leave him because for some inexperienced women leaving him would be out of the question.

    Men have added financial support as a new way of using women. I think that this has been caused by some desperate women (not OP) who want to keep a man so badly that they are willing to cover ALL the household bills, buy a man’s clothes, shoes, entertainment, etc.

    I think it’s absolutely ridiculous, but if you aren’t savvy you’ll get sucked into such behavior by thinking that you’re doing what’s good for the relationship by “sharing” with your man and providing so much to him. I personally don’t even agree with 50/50. Today’s woman is expected to go to work, go to the gym, dress stylishly, take care of the children, clean the house, cook, all while having the looks of an IG model. (Most modern men aren’t committing to women who don’t meet these standards.)

    The man has ONE obligation: To provide. And that is why I refuse to contribute financially in romantic situations.

    Women carry all this financial weight in relationships thinking it makes them a “good woman” and their man will stay with them. Meanwhile, the man is living luxuriously, saving his own money, and looking for your replacement.
    "I'm trying to get Boston George and Diego money/And stack it all up like Lego money....."

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    Default Re: Boyfriend disapointed in me when i dont want to cam?

    We're missing out on money now? I would've been looking at him like...







    while asking him who's we?

    He's talking like he's on cam with you for hours helping you to make money. I hope he contributes in more ways than just money and that you aren't contributing to bills while also doing the majority of cleaning, cooking and child caring. I could never be in this situation because I'd end up in jail for assault. To each their own but whether I was a camgirl or working a "regular" job there's no way in hell I could birth a man's kids and still have him breathing down my neck about money like he's my pimp or something.
    Last edited by Blovely; 06-02-2020 at 01:36 PM.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend disapointed in me when i dont want to cam?

    Just want to add I'm not judging you. Love makes a dummy out of all of us. I think most women hate seeing young girls taken advantage of because it happened to us.

    Girls are brainwashed by disney, music, and society to think love is magical. While healthy love is magical a lot of men exploit a lady's love-which is holy.

    I actually had a guy at the club tell me, "By the time your 30 you will hate all men. That's why I like them young because they don't know yet." AGH!!! Mother fucker gave the game away! I actually am not even close my twenties. I was like YEP I hate all men. So not true...LOL. There's some really sweet guys, but most men are conditioned by society to use and abuse women unfortunately.

    Put yourself first. If you don't feel like working don't. Tell him to get on cam by himself if he wants.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend disapointed in me when i dont want to cam?

    my ex used to be on my ass about getting on cam. he would tell me about multiple other models being on for 12 hours straight. i started bc of financial issues he created from businesses he started even though I said I did not agree with starting/expanding these businesses. i would work the businesses with him and cam after. then i decided to cam only. the guilt trips and bullshit eventually led me to seeing the greed. if i was home more, i should cam more. being on cam is emotionally exhausting. there's only so much porn you can take in a day. he didnt even cam with me so if I told him to go on cam, he'd say that wasn't fair.

    ask yourself what you want in life. i'm happy with a 60k/year income. it gives me and my family a good life, savings for retirement, a home, and some holidays. I dont need to strive or drive to get to 70 or 80 or break 6 figures. That was a very important goal for my ex, that 6 figure stuff. how do you balance 2 people that want 2 complete different lifestyles? our relationship didn't survive.


    edited to add:
    when we got together, i knew he had big dreams. this wasn't a surprise to me. i was happy to support him in his dreams just as i would think a partner would reciprocate. usually you support your partner's dreams in their career, not join them. i was naive in thinking i could go about my career and he work towards his. for his dream to work, he needed a partner in life and business, someone willing to make the same sacrifices he was to get to that income level, which didn't work for me.

    there isn't a way to make someone want something when they don't see the value in it. i don't see the value of an extra 40k or 100k or whatever else per year when i have everything i want now and in retirement.

    a person can only be externally motivated into doing something for so long...and the more you internally don't have a purpose to do it, the faster burnout comes along.

    i'd suggest you 2 sitting down and discussing what the hard concrete goals are financially and break it down into a shift goal so you both have an answer of when work stops so it doesn't break down your relationship


    i need to do a 2nd edit:
    when you sit down to do this goal/plan, it is for good shifts and bad. pose the questions about what happens in a bad shift. do you make it up or count your losses? do you have 2 set shifts per week and a 3rd optional? what happens with really good shifts? do you work the entire shift or stop early if you hit a high goal?

    don't do it off the back of the evening question when you know it's coming and you're already agitated knowing the question is coming.

    at some point earlier in the day when it's just you two, tell him that you'd like to set a time to do this together as a team. discuss your dreams and stuff...then when you get to shift time, you know your purpose! it's really good couple bonding stuff when you're on the same page!
    Last edited by ggminx; 06-03-2020 at 11:20 AM.




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    Default Re: Boyfriend disapointed in me when i dont want to cam?

    Tell him to get his ass on cam, if he is in such a money rush.
    The quickest way to crash is to push too hard and end up with a burn out, then there will be no money.
    He sounds pretty selfish..

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    Default Re: Boyfriend disapointed in me when i dont want to cam?

    IMHO he needs to act more like your SO and less like your pimp. He has no right to push you to get online, get naked and play with yourself for the entertainment of others all so that he can have more to spend.

    If he wants to improve the money situation, then the adult way to deal with it would be to sit with you and work out how the two of you can make that happen together. This includes understanding your limits and making adjustments in his own behaviors to help out, such as working more hours himself. He is a grown man who shouldn't be putting this kind of pressure on the mother of his child who no doubt spends a lot of each day taking care of two young children.

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    Veteran Member Elle:)'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend disapointed in me when i dont want to cam?

    Are you financially stable enough to ditch him?

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    Default Re: Boyfriend disapointed in me when i dont want to cam?

    If someone wants money, they should be the one hustling for it. My man will take a dildo the ass for free, so the idea of getting paid for it is a dream. That's not for everyone, so they can go find work on Airtasker or Fiver.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend disapointed in me when i dont want to cam?

    Quote Originally Posted by LegoMoney View Post
    Exactly. I almost felt bad telling OP to leave him because for some inexperienced women leaving him would be out of the question.

    Men have added financial support as a new way of using women. I think that this has been caused by some desperate women (not OP) who want to keep a man so badly that they are willing to cover ALL the household bills, buy a man’s clothes, shoes, entertainment, etc.

    I think it’s absolutely ridiculous, but if you aren’t savvy you’ll get sucked into such behavior by thinking that you’re doing what’s good for the relationship by “sharing” with your man and providing so much to him. I personally don’t even agree with 50/50. Today’s woman is expected to go to work, go to the gym, dress stylishly, take care of the children, clean the house, cook, all while having the looks of an IG model. (Most modern men aren’t committing to women who don’t meet these standards.)

    The man has ONE obligation: To provide. And that is why I refuse to contribute financially in romantic situations.

    Women carry all this financial weight in relationships thinking it makes them a “good woman” and their man will stay with them. Meanwhile, the man is living luxuriously, saving his own money, and looking for your replacement.
    https://farfrombasyc.com/2018/03/bei...intenance.html
    https://farfrombasyc.com/2019/05/are...k-whipped.html

    This dude's blog can be cringe at times but I still suggest everyone read through his articles. He writes about exactly what you described and why modern women deserve better.

    Artwork is from my most favorite webcomic ever, Lore Olympus

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    Default Re: Boyfriend disapointed in me when i dont want to cam?

    Quote Originally Posted by Red Velvette View Post
    I work as an online psychic and sometimes as a phone sex operator. I cannot tell you the number of times my husband has asked me if I'm not going to take calls "now." It's not because he wants my money because we don't share it. And it's not because we need the money as he teaches in the medical profession, I think that he literally just thinks that because I work from home, I should be always on. And of course, that is not realistic, for anyone. We seem to have worked that out, but he still asks sometimes. I just brush it off and go about my business.
    It really depend on the dynamic of the relationship which only the OP knows.

    i still say fuck men get money, but that’s just my own opinion. I think a lot of us have just seen too many girls get financially exploited.

    I usually say “take what you and leave the rest” because at the end of the day we
    are the experts on our life journey.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend disapointed in me when i dont want to cam?

    I didn't even read the other comments in full, but I skimmed and I agree.

    This has NOTHING to do with you being a stripper or web cam girl. I was a stripper and I saved money and went to law school and the same rules apply.

    If I am working and I am with a guy and he wants me to work more to support HIM, I don't care if it is stripping or lawyering, HE IS A PIMP. Plain and simple.

    If you all are married and have a plan together about hours of work (again - any sort of work), and he is trying to hold you accountable, that is another thing. But if he is living off you...NO, just NO.

    Good luck to you!

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    Default Re: Boyfriend disapointed in me when i dont want to cam?

    Is the guy looking for you to support him?

    With you discontinuing camming, are the two of you, combined, still bringing in enough to be comfortable with your living arrangement and whatever your children need? Is there some kind of extra project or expense on hold over money?

    Why is it important for him, right now, that there be more income? Is his work slowing down? Is he about to get laid off?
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