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Thread: My abusive narcissist ex convinced landlord to evict only me...

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    Senior Member Savannah Lee's Avatar
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    Default My abusive narcissist ex convinced landlord to evict only me...

    So after 6 years of being with this abusive, manipulative POS and living together for the last 1.5 years, i finally got the courage to leave him. I found out I was pregnant, while staying at my parents for few days to get away from him. I called him a few days later to say I was having a crisis and really just needed him to be by my side. He was out with his friend watching football and said he was too busy. So after pleading with him and crying to no avail, I let him know on the phone I was pregnant. To which he responded "wtf, just get rid of it". I let him know that i wanted to discuss our options at least. He basically let me know he wanted nothing to do with any of that if i decided to go through with having the baby. That's the very moment I knew I had to leave him.

    He had given me a black eye earlier that week, which I hid from everyone as usual, so I decided to file a restraining order as soon I hung up the phone.

    Little backstory: I have no car, suspended license, currently no job (on disability for major depressive episode), bad credit, and 3 dogs who are my everything. Making it impossible to find another apartment and he is fully aware of this.

    I have been living alone in "our" apartment since then. While awaiting for the final hearing.

    This afternoon, the landlord handed me a letter addressed and signed only by her and my ex (I am a tenant on the lease as well, was added on as an addendum to lease because ex lived alone in apartment prior) dated October 1, stating the two of them had a phone conversation agreeing/saying that, I, solely, have to vacate the premise by October 31 due to having 3 dogs (on lease states 2 allowed). Crazy how all 3 dogs have lived here for 1.5 years and never been a problem until now. The landlord is aware their is a protective order against him. She actually had the audacity to ask why I filed bc he is "so nice and would drive me everywhere". Clearly he used his manipulation on her and it worked.

    I already know none of this will stand in court bc legally makes no fucking sense. I just can't wrap my head around the fact this asshole convinced this woman to somehow kick me, the victim, out...while pregnant.

    I really wish I knew more about narcissism when I was younger. After reading so much about it now, I really think I would have left him sooner. The gaslighting, triangulation, love bombing, was all so obvious, yet I had no idea. But I guess we live and we learn.

    I know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And although i feel like I have hit rock bottom, I have had more peace just this past month than i have had in the past 6 years. My parents are helping me purchase a car. I am going back to work in November (no longer majorly depressed/suicidal since this asshole has not been abusing me) and I am about 99% sure I cannot get evicted right now bc of covid, giving me adequate time to find an apartment/living situation.
    Last edited by Savannah Lee; 10-18-2020 at 11:46 PM.

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    Default Re: My abusive narcissist ex convinced landlord to evict only me...

    I know others will emotionally support you, but really quickly:

    -You already know they cannot actually evict you, there is no "self help" eviction in any of the 50 states. Only the sheriff can evict you. Stay put.
    -On October 31st or thereabouts depending on state law where you live, owner will possibly file against you. You need to prepare for this. I know it is hard to wrap your head around this, but unless you have another safe, healthy place to live, this will give you some time.
    -Respond to the filing within the allotted amount of time.
    -Judge will assign a court date, after a possible trial conference, or similar. My guess is the "curable" issue, the dogs, will be passed over as inconsequential. Rent is the real issue for the first conference. If you pass that, it will have to go to trial. Trust me your ex does not want that exposure.

    Apologies if you already know all this, I just want to make sure you know so they can't continue to act abusive. You are taking steps to get away from this asshole, and your weird owner as well.
    Where Am I? Missing NYC

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    Default Re: My abusive narcissist ex convinced landlord to evict only me...

    Savannah, just to add to Bahuba's excellent advice...

    If you are still in NJ, there is a free legal assistance line for low income people dealing with civil matters. Below is a link:
    https://www.lsnj.org/

    When you call them, be sure to also ask about the federal moratorium on evictions through December 31. The reason she threw the dog nonsense into the mix is because she knows that she cannot evict you for non-payment alone - landlords who wish to evict someone need to drum up some other lease violation as an excuse. I agree with Bahumba that 2 vs. 3 dogs sounds like a spurious excuse.

    Also, your local courthouse likely has free legal self-help resources. You should be able to buy yourself some time, but in order to do so you must (as Bahuba said) be sure to file everything you need to in a timely manner.

    Good luck as you work through all of this.

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    Senior Member Savannah Lee's Avatar
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    Default Re: My abusive narcissist ex convinced landlord to evict only me...

    Thank you! Rent has actually always been paid on time. I even borrowed money to pay for October rent because the Landlord called me on October 3rd to ask who was going to pay rent and stated she knew my ex could not contact me, yet completely failed to mention the "eviction", discussion with my ex, or even the signed letter (how odd)

    Your advice has put my mind at ease for the moment. I will continuing paying rent on time to show good faith as well. Tomorrow is my final hearing for restraining order and I am praying everything goes in my favor.

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    Crossfingers Re: My abusive narcissist ex convinced landlord to evict only me...

    I'm so sorry for you having to going thru this.

    Just take it one step at a time

    Take care, God bless!
    Last edited by whirlerz; 10-21-2020 at 03:33 AM.
    Characterize people by their actions, & you'll never be fooled by their words.

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    Default Re: My abusive narcissist ex convinced landlord to evict only me...


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    Default Re: My abusive narcissist ex convinced landlord to evict only me...

    So turns out I am only an occupant. I'm not even financially responsible for the apartment and whole time I thought I was. I already paid October but with no job or money can't pay next month. Landlord is going to have to take this to court bc I'm not going anywhere. I will continue to look for an apartment, but know it will be a while before i can actually get one/be able to pay. I'm trying really hard not to be petty, but I cannot wait to see the look on his face tomorrow when my attorney tells him he needs to get his furniture bc I'm not going anywhere. He more than likely will be ordered to pay rent as well in the meantime.

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    Default Re: My abusive narcissist ex convinced landlord to evict only me...

    I don't know if this would apply to having three dogs, but there is a law under ADA where a landlord cannot prohibit you from owning a service dog or an emotional support dog. The only exception is if your dog were to cause harm to the property or other tenants. If you're on disability for a major depressive episode, perhaps you can get your dogs classified as emotional support animals, and your landlord could not evict you for having them. Again, I don't know if you can do this with three dogs, but it can't hurt to look into it. Have you been seeing a doctor or therapist for your depression? If you have a doctor or therapist you can go to, ask about getting your dogs classified as emotional support animals. Here's more:

    https://www.servicedogcertifications...s-service-dog/

    https://www.mcadamslaw.net/blog/2018...upport-animal/
    Last edited by eagle2; 10-19-2020 at 11:24 PM.

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    Default Re: My abusive narcissist ex convinced landlord to evict only me...

    Quote Originally Posted by Savannah Lee View Post
    So turns out I am only an occupant. I'm not even financially responsible for the apartment and whole time I thought I was. I already paid October but with no job or money can't pay next month. Landlord is going to have to take this to court bc I'm not going anywhere. I will continue to look for an apartment, but know it will be a while before i can actually get one/be able to pay. I'm trying really hard not to be petty, but I cannot wait to see the look on his face tomorrow when my attorney tells him he needs to get his furniture bc I'm not going anywhere. He more than likely will be ordered to pay rent as well in the meantime.
    If she is not a tenant or authorized occupant, that is probably all the landlord needs to proceed with the eviction.

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    Default Re: My abusive narcissist ex convinced landlord to evict only me...

    ^^A judge will get involved and that will introduce some sanity. She does need an attorney.
    Where Am I? Missing NYC

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    Default Re: My abusive narcissist ex convinced landlord to evict only me...

    Do you trust this guy to respect this restraining order ?

    Get yourself to a domestic violence resource center ASAP !!

    Safety is #1 !!!!!

    I would recommend just eating ANY money and making sure he can't find you if there is any risk of violence.

    So .... just to recap he if fully OUT ? Make sure he never comes over to collect furniture or anything like that without a police escort of a couple male friends. It's so key to think in terms of safety.

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    Default Re: My abusive narcissist ex convinced landlord to evict only me...

    Quote Originally Posted by Bahuba View Post
    ^^A judge will get involved and that will introduce some sanity. She does need an attorney.
    If a judge finds she is not the tenant, and not an authorized occupant, he will evict her, or should.

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    Default Re: My abusive narcissist ex convinced landlord to evict only me...

    If you are not on the lease you will probably be evicted even in an abusive situation but it sounds like you are checking your local laws.

    I think if you have the Nov rent ready by then you should just ask for your own lease so you are following typical rental laws.

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    Default Re: My abusive narcissist ex convinced landlord to evict only me...

    Legal issues aside, I think it would be safest if you to move out where he can't find you. Yes, you may be entitled to stay there until they physically evict you, and you may not have money for a new place, but I would heavily suggest calling women's shelters in your area. He has been physically violent with you, and it always gets worse. I don't know if you decided to abort or have a baby by yourself, but being pregnant is a REALLY dangerous time. So is ending a relationship with a narcissist. I would try and get the restraining order, move (probably to a shelter if you can't stay with your folks) and accept whatever help is offered from safe people and social services programs. Only work in clubs he wouldn't visit. You have to separate yourself from him entirely and go no contact (including looking at his social media). Good luck <3

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    Default Re: My abusive narcissist ex convinced landlord to evict only me...

    I am an authorized occupant, Just not a tenant. I was put on as an addendum to the lease as an occupant, I assumed at the time i was put on as a tenant. I had a letter drafted from a real estate attorney for the landlord.. Basically, I will continue paying rent and with the current rent moratorium in my state, along with it being notorious for always siding with tenant/occupant, it looks like I will be staying here until I find an apartment. Locks were already changed and security system put up this afternoon. Still have another hearing next week, where the ex is facing serious jail time, making it safe to stay put, eventually. By the time he gets out I will have moved.

    Additionally the emotional support animal idea is genius. Another law in the state prohibits discrimination for such pets. I will have my therapist draft letter tomorrow they really are my emotional support, I don't think I would be alive if it wasn't for my little furballs <3

    Thanks for all the positive vibes ladies, things are only getting better from here on out

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    Default Re: My abusive narcissist ex convinced landlord to evict only me...

    Quote Originally Posted by slowpoke View Post
    If a judge finds she is not the tenant, and not an authorized occupant, he will evict her, or should.
    Quote Originally Posted by carmen_b View Post
    If you are not on the lease you will probably be evicted even in an abusive situation but it sounds like you are checking your local laws.

    I think if you have the Nov rent ready by then you should just ask for your own lease so you are following typical rental laws.
    No disrespect, because I know you are an attorney slowpoke, but in my youth I actually was in an apartment in NYC where the tenant of lease moved out abruptly and tried to force me to leave as well. My attorney was able to end that effort in an afternoon, and I stayed on as a tenant until the end of the lease, when it was renewed in my name.

    Each state varies of course, but she can be established as a tenant.
    Where Am I? Missing NYC

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    Default Re: My abusive narcissist ex convinced landlord to evict only me...

    Quote Originally Posted by Savannah Lee View Post
    I am an authorized occupant, Just not a tenant. I was put on as an addendum to the lease as an occupant, I assumed at the time i was put on as a tenant. I had a letter drafted from a real estate attorney for the landlord.. Basically, I will continue paying rent and with the current rent moratorium in my state, along with it being notorious for always siding with tenant/occupant, it looks like I will be staying here until I find an apartment. Locks were already changed and security system put up this afternoon. Still have another hearing next week, where the ex is facing serious jail time, making it safe to stay put, eventually. By the time he gets out I will have moved.

    Additionally the emotional support animal idea is genius. Another law in the state prohibits discrimination for such pets. I will have my therapist draft letter tomorrow they really are my emotional support, I don't think I would be alive if it wasn't for my little furballs <3

    Thanks for all the positive vibes ladies, things are only getting better from here on out
    I'm so glad to hear he is facing jail time, and that you are putting security measures in place. Stay safe.

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    Default Re: My abusive narcissist ex convinced landlord to evict only me...

    I would suggest you have a free consultation with a personal injury attorney. They will work for you on contingency.

    The man you co-habited with, and the father of your unborn child, physically abused you to the point of giving you a black eye within days of you confirming you were pregnant. There is a pattern of physical battery that is growing increasingly worse.

    I would suggest you contact the domestic violence support offices in your area and get assigned a victim advocate. This does not cost any money.

    Your advocate can help guide you to create a "Safety Plan".

    There are laws in many states that protect victims of domestic violence from discrimination while getting a Lease and/or from Landlords during a Lease. Even if you are not on the Lease at all, and if you reside at the Premises, and ESPECIALLY if the Order of Protection is granted, the Tenant on the Lease must still pay the rent, AND the victim of Domestic Violence or even the Legal Occupant, is permitted to remain on the Premises.
    If the Tenant returns to the Premises this would be a violation of the Order of Protection. The Tenant and/or home owner is still responsible for the payments on their contracts (Leases or Mortgages), AND they are not permitted on the Premises if there is an Order of Protection against them.

    In this case you ARE on the Lease as a legal occupant and you would not be held responsible for paying the rent. The Tenant must pay the rent even if the Tenant is not staying at the Premises. In this case the Tenant will be arrested if he returns to the Premises. I would suggest contacting the Real Estate Attorney that helped you to draft your addendum to the Lease (when you were added as an occupant) as they would be well versed in the domestic violence laws as they pertain to L&T law in your state.


    There are three separate types of attorneys you should have a consultation with:

    1. Real Estate Attorney - (Landlord Tenant Law)- The Tenant needs to pay the rent NOT you. You are not liable.
    2. Personal Injury Attorney - You can be awarded damages for The Abuser beating you.
    3. Family Lawyer - (You will need to serve the father of your child with a paternity suit as well for child support.)

    In addition the Landlord can face legal ramifications and damages for violating any of the protections a victim of domestic violence is entitled to during the course of a Lease or while selecting or rejecting a Tenant during the application process on a new Lease. There are discrimination laws that LL's must follow for DV victims.

    Best Wishes to you and please get a "Safety Plan" in place if you have not started one already.

    It may seem daunting to meet with all three of these different types of lawyers, but they each have separate knowledge in these different areas of law and to get the best result I would suggest you empower yourself with the knowledge from all three types of lawyers. The lawyers can/will communicate together in regard to the best outcome for your case.

    This can take some time and work, but it is worth the effort especially to protect your new child and your future.

    Take care of yourself and the baby and be healthy and strong.

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