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    Senior Member Yvonne.'s Avatar
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    Default Lonely and depressing

    I’m single since I broke up with my ex 3 years ago. Being single was fun at the beginning, but now it just suck. I am lonely and sad. I’m trying to find a new boyfriend and go on dates all the time, but no luck. Only guys who I don’t like want me (mostly short and not so good looking or anti-social) and the guys I like won’t even look at me or they lose interest and disappear after few dates (normal, working class, I don't need a millionare). I’m tired of this rat race called dating. I’m tired of sleeping alone, never getting cuddles and sex, going to friends' weddings and baby ceremonies and pretending that I’m happy when I'm actually dying inside.

    I don’t understand it, I’m a good catch. Well educated, make good money, pretty (Yes, sex worker too, but they don’t know that). As a result I got depression and am taking antidepressants.

    Anyone else feels the same? Where do you meet guys? Guys aren’t even approaching nowadays… I have no ideas anymore and the time is ticking. All I ever wanted is a nice guy who loves me and a baby and somehow seems like I'm being punished for someting

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    Featured Member BambiCutie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lonely and depressing

    The answer personally, is not to find a new boyfriend. The answer is to find company and love within yourself first.
    You can change your environment, take yourself out on dates, get yourself out in the world, go to a bar, restaurant or a special cafe dressed up and feeling wonderful with your own company.
    Your energy is what will attract positive and similar people into your life. When you feel depressed, you attract people who are equally the same or along the lines or narcissist, especially when you go looking for them.
    When you get out into the world, you meet others who are doing the same and you can see a difference in the way they hold themselves. This is your opportunity to look out for signs of positive behavior, as well evaluating the way they talk about themselves. Seeing yourself as a good catch, doesn't always mean you love yourself.

    When I go out in public, I go out for myself and treat myself as being in a relationship with me. Taking a commitment to myself only and doing what makes me feel happy, without the worry of finding a mate/guy. I've found that this attracts various people without effort and I tested this through my marriage. Being content (In the beginning) in my marriage made me feel relaxed not having to look for another. I was able to be with myself and not have any worries, far as dating or time being a concern. Genuinely forgot my ring at home when I took a shower (Left it on the ring stand), went out in public the same as I would any other day and still attracted various people. You know why? Because you love your own company and people who are equally among the same level try to surround themselves with the same energy. I discovered that prior to when I was married, I lacked self love and felt the need to search for others rather than trying to find that comfort in myself. I attracted the same lack in self love that I was experiencing from depression and I never had anyone positive approach me in public due to this negative energy. You have got to find love within yourself first and I personally would suggest you take a break from dating, otherwise you might attract someone who might see your vulnerability and could do you harm.

    Also I understand the strong, burning feeling of wanting a baby. You are doing an amazing justice by holding off on a baby, by wanting to provide a healthy relationship that could potentially blossom into a Family.
    That in itself is being a good parent, even if you do not have a baby, same with using protection and taking caution of who you let into your life. (Not just anyone)
    You are doing a justice to yourself and to a potential child in your future, which is the start of being a responsible parent and adult. How old are you btw?

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    Senior Member Yvonne.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Lonely and depressing

    Hey Bambi, thanks for the nice words.

    I was like that in first 1,5 years. I hung out with my friends a lot, travelled, had lot of money, did various hobbies, I enjoyed life at the fullest. But I got tired of that. I don't want to do all of that alone, I'd rather do it with a partner.

    I'm on dating sites for almost 2 years now non-stop... I'm tired of writing the same messages to every guy there knowing that it won’t work out AGAIN. Going on first dates answering all the same questions again and again, hopping just to get disappointed...

    I’m happy with other parts of my life. I have a nice family, money, education, home, various hobbies and interests, but it feels like I’m still not good enough . I'm 29

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    God/dess miss.a.p1600's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lonely and depressing

    You’re overly focused on something with almost an extra thirsty vibe.

    Hey I’m no one to judge. You want what you want but there is a way to go about things.

    Just appreciate being (regardless if you are single or in a relationship) and being the best you that you can be and your desires will come to you

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    Senior Member Yvonne.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Lonely and depressing

    That's true. I'm really becoming desperate, but I don't show it. I hide my sadness very well and everyone thinks I'm super positive and funny person who enjoys life.

    Funny is, I have almost 5000 followers on instagram, they admire me every day sending me messages that they envy me for having so perfect life lol. But they don't know that I cry almost every day, wake up in sweat because of the nightmares and take meds to be able to get out of the bed. Fake life…

    I was a long time believer in law of attraction and a very positive person, but with time and by not moving forward I lost faith and then depression took over me.
    I’ll try. I must. There is no other way.

    Sorry for being negative girls, I needed to vent today. Usually I'm normal.

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    Featured Member BambiCutie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lonely and depressing

    Quote Originally Posted by Yvonne. View Post
    Hey Bambi, thanks for the nice words.

    I was like that in first 1,5 years. I hung out with my friends a lot, travelled, had lot of money, did various hobbies, I enjoyed life at the fullest. But I got tired of that. I don't want to do all of that alone, I'd rather do it with a partner.

    I'm on dating sites for almost 2 years now non-stop... I'm tired of writing the same messages to every guy there knowing that it won’t work out AGAIN. Going on first dates answering all the same questions again and again, hopping just to get disappointed...

    I’m happy with other parts of my life. I have a nice family, money, education, home, various hobbies and interests, but it feels like I’m still not good enough . I'm 29
    I understand this, but from an outside perspective it is metaphorically like putting the cart before the horse.
    The difference between meeting people outside of a dating site, is that you get to know someone slowly over time vs looking over a resume and repeating the same questions with every date.
    Sometimes I think technology has had a little too much of an impact in people's lives, to the point where it has created issues in how we develop healthy relationships.

    If you feel like you are not good enough, then this is a sign that you should step back and take care of yourself first, before finding someone else. (You cannot give what you do not have.)
    I get that you are 29 and it may feel like time is running out. This could very well be a mid-life crisis that you are experiencing, but there are woman who have had healthy babies at the age of 40 and even 47.
    It is not too late to enjoy your own company once again and find someone along the way who is healthy. It is when you rush too fast that things can spin out of control.

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    Default Re: Lonely and depressing

    It’s normal to want someone to love. I would just focus on loving yourself for now.

    One thing is the healthier I’ve gotten the less guys are available to date. Sometimes being pretty, smart, and a good catch can be a curse.

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    Default Re: Lonely and depressing

    No one likes this advice (including me) but- you have to choose someone "good enough" and work with/around their quirks and issues.

    Especially when you plan a family. Parenting is the hardest job there is and having your family unit break down while you're trying to care for a child or children will be one of the most stressful negative experiences of your life.

    A LOT of people (especially men) join religious organizations to find someone marriage worthy. Marriage itself is still a really traditional way of forming a family and telling the world at large that you are settling down.

    I wish you luck. I randomly lucked into my LTR so I cannot share any advice about finding "The Right One." Just keep looking and trust your intuition.

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    Default Re: Lonely and depressing

    Another thing is dating is a job in of itself. I would treat dating like a job. You are interviewing them to see if they are good enough for you.

    Look at Jennifer Lopez and Emma Watson. They are hot and successful, but they’d just rather be single. My point is don’t take it personally that you are having a hard time manifesting a worthy partner. It’s truly not a reflection of your value. I would date your self as corny as that sounds. Pour all the love you’d pour into a guy into yourself and eventually you’ll manifest a worthy partner.
    Last edited by moneybags; 06-30-2020 at 07:26 PM.

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    Senior Member Yvonne.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Lonely and depressing

    Thanks girls. I was away for a few weeks because my mental health became worse because of all this chaos with covid, being single and not making enough money... I'm seeing a guy for two weeks now. He is not 100% my type, but I think I will get to know him better and see if there is a potential. I think he likes me. He wants to see me every 2-3 days.
    Another guy disappeared after our date, it has been over a week and he didn't contact me. Clearly he doesn't like me. He was more my type, but what can I do...

    I stopped using dating apps. I just can’t stand them anymore. I’m trying to meet someone in person now.
    And so...

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    Default Re: Lonely and depressing

    ^ Good luck to you.

    I had my share of frustration with dating in 2019.

    I was like you too . Often feeling like men were too passive ect.!

    You might like both of the dating threads in ladies only.

    I’d honestly give a shorter guy a chance too .
    That’s what I did. My current partner lied about his height lol and is a couple inches shorter than me ( I’m 5’8” ).

    I’d just say if you aren’t getting ideal results give a little *somewhere* you know. Such as being a little less restrictive with superficial things .

    I’m answering on my phone. I hope that makes some sense.

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    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lonely and depressing

    ^ Make sure you are making as much in person effort as apps also. Volunteer , get out to parks , join social clubs , ect.! It sounds positive though this guy wanting to see you every 2-3 days!

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    Default Re: Lonely and depressing

    You don't have to look for someone to feel loved. You have you - a person who needs YOUR love and care. Think about it.

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    Featured Member Raziel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lonely and depressing

    Yeah, i only have one thing to add, dating sites just don't do anything. You'll be on one for MONTHS with no luck. I've NEVER had any luck with a dating site. And i'm kind of a catch.
    Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it

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    God/dess whirlerz's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lonely and depressing

    Lol.^

    OP, hope it gets better!
    Characterize people by their actions, & you'll never be fooled by their words.

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    Default Re: Lonely and depressing

    Quote Originally Posted by Raziel View Post
    Yeah, i only have one thing to add, dating sites just don't do anything. You'll be on one for MONTHS with no luck. I've NEVER had any luck with a dating site. And i'm kind of a catch.
    same. Iím smart, independent, beautiful, kind...still single. Dating sites...lol...to me dating is just a form of unpaid labor.


    Being lonely is part of the human condition. Honestly being such a different person even if Iím in a crowd I feel lonely. I donít like many people. My advice is to make friends with it. Loneliness is an illusion of separateness. Try meditation in nature. We are one with the universe. While relationships are beautiful, we canít attach to anything outside of us for happiness. We have to choose to see everything as love then you wonít be so lonely.
    Focus more on what you want than on what you donít want

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    Arrow Re: Lonely and depressing

    Quote Originally Posted by moneybags View Post
    same. Iím smart, independent, beautiful, kind...still single. Dating sites...lol...to me dating is just a form of unpaid labor.


    Being lonely is part of the human condition. Honestly being such a different person even if Iím in a crowd I feel lonely. I donít like many people. My advice is to make friends with it. Loneliness is an illusion of separateness. Try meditation in nature. We are one with the universe. While relationships are beautiful, we canít attach to anything outside of us for happiness. We have to choose to see everything as love then you wonít be so lonely.
    This's Awesome^!
    Characterize people by their actions, & you'll never be fooled by their words.

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    Featured Member Raziel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lonely and depressing

    The trouble with Dating Sites is it's all about physical appearance. I'm not the most handsome man, There are way more stupider guys that are WAY more Handsome than me, but i do have Charisma. And that doesn't come across. How do you translate that over the internet if it's just a picture? If she's really hot, she probably gets a million requests from dudes she doesn't fucking want or live states away, she'd probably nope out on me as well, Hell she doesn't even know me or know anything about me. But how would she even know who these men are? The internet doesn't translate Charisma, and that might be the thing she'd like most!

    I'm not UGLY, i just look like an average guy. Not super handsome. But i can knock your socks off. Truth!!! Charisma.

    And a guy might meet a girl that looks good, but is an UGLY bitch! I wouldn't stay with a mentally ugly bitch, not for a day, i don't give a fuck how hot she is. I want an Angel.
    Last edited by Raziel; 09-24-2020 at 07:46 AM.
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    Default Re: Lonely and depressing

    If you can’t figure out where you stand with someone, It might be time to stop standing and start walking.

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    Default Re: Lonely and depressing

    Yeah I'm over dating sites too. It's all about appearance. I had 3 men who had the audacity to ask me to drive to THEIR place to watch tv as a first date. WTF!!?! Grown ass men who didn't want to take the time to even offer to drive to me. Then they ask if my photos are really of me and to facetime them. OF course they are! Only one was a solid guy who was an attorney but I just wasn't ready for being tied down. I'm waiting until I get a normal job and meet people who are attracted to my personality not just photos online.
    Last edited by indiegirl; 10-20-2020 at 03:35 AM.

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    Default Re: Lonely and depressing

    Quote Originally Posted by indiegirl View Post
    Yeah I'm over dating sites too. It's all about appearance. I had 3 men who had the audacity to ask me to drive to THEIR place to watch tv as a first date. WTF!!?! Grown ass men who didn't want to take the time to even offer to drive to me. Then they ask if my photos are really of me and to facetime them. OF course they are! Only one was a solid guy who was an attorney but I just wasn't ready for being tied down. I'm waiting until I get a normal job and meet people who are attracted to my personality not just photos online.
    Watch TV? That's a ridiculous first date! Save that shit for later. You know what he was wanting, don't you.

    "Hey, come over to my house, first date" *eye roll*

    Booty call can't be more obvious. And probably a dude that doesn't have the MONEY to take you out!
    Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it

  35. #23
    Featured Member Raziel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lonely and depressing

    For me, a date consists of something the last guy didn't do. Not dinner and a movie. The Zoo ( that can be romantic, if you MAKE it romantic), Minigolf, or the Science Center, or Ziplining (if she's not afraid of heights), something unique. But there's always food involved. But i'll usually take her to some place she's neve been, like a Lebanese Restaurant, or African food, or Greek (most folks have never had any of this, but I know the location of most of these places). This is how you stick out in her mind. Unique experiences.

    Because her next date is gonna be boring and she'll be thinking about YOU the whole time. Expect a phone call...

    You gotta work to make a girl like you, she not just gonna snap to it.
    Last edited by Raziel; 10-22-2020 at 04:38 AM.
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    Default Re: Lonely and depressing

    Quote Originally Posted by Raziel View Post
    Watch TV? That's a ridiculous first date! Save that shit for later. You know what he was wanting, don't you.

    "Hey, come over to my house, first date" *eye roll*

    Booty call can't be more obvious. And probably a dude that doesn't have the MONEY to take you out!
    I know! I was so pissed off because they wrote they were looking for a serious relationship in their profile and turned out to be such douchebags after saying that to me.

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    Featured Member Raziel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Lonely and depressing

    Color me unsurprised if some dude is trying to get you in their home as a first date. There is a reason for a first (and second, and third) date. There are so many crazy guys in the world that she wants to make sure you're not one of them. And she doesn't want to be alone on that date. There's a reason why we meet in public places. She goes into your house on the first date, might be a normal guy, and with a whacko she might end up trussed up in his basement. How the fuck is she supposed to know? She doesn't even know this guy!!!

    Idiotic!
    Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it

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