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Thread: Feeling Stuck In this Industry?

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    Default Feeling Stuck In this Industry?

    Has anyone ever felt stuck in the industry? The transition to regular life and regular job is daunting? What did you do or what was your plan entering and exiting the industry? Making cash, what type of retirement plan did you opt for?

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    Default Re: Feeling Stuck In this Industry?

    Yes, after you’ve been doing it for a while it’s common to feel that way. Especially when you’ve tried other jobs and realize that nothing can really compare to stripping! I’ve tried normal jobs several times and realize they are not for me, I just don’t do well with the vanilla work lifestyle. I am currently on unemployment/PUA and I have written 2 ebooks on Amazon’s Kindle. I also do freelance gigs on a website called Fiverr (non-adult related). I have made some money from these things, and my retirement plan is to buy a house and rent it out to someone. I can live on the rent money I collect and do online freelance stuff on the side. Any type of freelance or online work is great for someone who doesn’t do well with normal jobs or is tired of stripping.

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    Default Re: Feeling Stuck In this Industry?

    Quote Originally Posted by Likethis View Post
    Occasionally, yes.

    A common advice here that I believe in too is that for most people it helps to have something else besides dancing, another job, school, anything really to stay in touch with "the regular world". For some time I had dancing and dancing only. It was intense. I gained and learned so much from it and truly value that experience, but perhaps it did have a kind of lock in effect.

    Having an idea of what you want to achieve through dancing and having an exit plan right from the start or early on could make things easier when you want to leave and maybe serve as a reminder that this is all temporary, when I started I didn't have any kind of plan and when I stopped I didn't have one either.

    The fact that I'm not willing to lie a lot on my resume probably puts me in a disadvantaged position when transitioning to a regular job but even without dancing I'd have problems with gaps because of periods of not being able to work at all, so I wouldn't be a great candidate for a job in regard to that anyway. Facing other problems that have nothing to do with dancing can add to feelings of being trapped in this industry, it can give the impression that there are not as many options for me for example compared to someone with a different background.

    Doing something else entirely can seem daunting and difficult, it's daunting to me at times, but you have to try to find out. It might mean you have to make some sacrifices along the way. I don't expect to be making dancer money anytime soon for example and having realistic expectations can make you feel less stuck I think. Some are able to transition into something that pays just as well but not everyone can do that, so I never expected to go from dancing to my dream job with no struggle in between (not saying you or people in general do btw, but I've heard that reasoning at times where people stay in it because the money is better). If you have the option of transitioning while still working the club now and then to get some extra money you could consider that, maybe it's possible to have the best of both worlds.

    I've left dancing for now to study to get a degree. Hopefully this can be a way to a vanilla job, but if not it kind of gives me some sense of security to know that this industry is not going anywhere. It can be there for me if I need it in the future as long as I'm able to do it. I don't think I've quit for good, I miss it sometimes and I can see myself going back on occasion in the future, but hopefully I've quit that feeling of being stuck.


    thank you so much for your detailed reply. New things for me to think about. I work at a spa, and haven’t worked a “regular” job in 6 years. You’ve given me new ideas and things to think about

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    Default Re: Feeling Stuck In this Industry?

    Stripping is like being a professional athlete, a very time limited job. I didn't know that going in, but I figured it out pretty quickly. So, I set up a plan to make as much money as possible while my looks would make that possible. I was a full time college student while stripping. That did limit my time at the clubs a little. So, I set up a pretty regular schedule of dancing during the school year. I always took spring break off and usually a week or two in the summer totally off. Otherwise, I had ten weeks in the summer to do full time stripping. So, that's what I did. During classes, I danced two to three nights a week.

    On two to three nights a week, I hit it hard. I came in early, to take advantage of any fee discounts. I staid as long as there were custys to dance for. I made the rounds after every stage set. I chatted up every guy who tipped me, and moved pretty quickly to asking for a VIP. Close early and often is my motto. (Still is, it helps in straight business too.) I upsold every chance. If a club offered something, that I could make money on, I sold it, or tried. At the time, I was definitely bi-curious, so I offered GG dances too. That was always a bank maker with middle age guys. Speaking of which, I focused on middle aged guys. Young guys usually don't have the $ to spend lavishly.

    After a couple of years of dancing, I knew that I would stop when I graduated. So, I made a plan to max out my career. I got a pre-paid phone and started giving out my number to guys who were good customers. I started making appointments to see them in the club. That way, I knew I had some dances lined up when I came in. It also made them feel "special" so they would end up buying more dances. If I was dancing now, I'd definitely be working my contacts for dinner dates/mall trips/whatever to keep the $$$$ flowing in. When I was at the club, I was there to work, not get drunk, or "have fun". Fun was part of what I sold, but I kept the fun part of my life separate from work. I still do. Even though, I enjoy owning my own business and wouldn't trade it for any other job, it's still just a job. My fun is separate. That means always being on the dance floor, always being in costume and character. Switching up costumes a few times a night doesn't hurt either.

    I put my money in the bank every night after work. I set aside 30% for taxes and lived on no more than 50% of what I made. The rest, I saved or invested. Sometimes, things come up, like car repairs. So that savings is important. Also, there are down times in this industry, like any other. That savings is important to carry through to better times. Which, are always coming. In fact, live beneath your means is still how I run my financial life. BF and I have a lot more than I did when I was dancing, but we still save/invest 20% to 30% of our gross incomes.

    HTH
    Z


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    Default Re: Feeling Stuck In this Industry?

    It's hard to quit when you get used to money. Most vanilla jobs are shit money in my country even with a degree.

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    Default Re: Feeling Stuck In this Industry?

    ....I guess the silver lining is once you're 100% over being a dancer, it's hard to even imagine going back. With enough time and effort it becomes an interesting chapter in your past, not some sort of life-altering forbidden detour that everyone regrets (that's a nod to the naysayers and haters.)

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    Default Re: Feeling Stuck In this Industry?

    Yes, it's easy to feel that way. With dancing or any of the adult industry jobs, it can be easy to get into a certain mind set where you think,"I could just work 10 days this month and be set for the rest of the month". You have way more freedom and flexibility than you do with vanilla jobs. Every time I quit and try to work a vanilla job, I loathe sticking to a set schedule, busting my ass, and only making minimum wage or barely above minimum wage. I think you need to study for a degree or career that you can transition to but make sure it's something that makes you happy. For me I'm currently studying in a full-time education program about something I'm passionate about but still do camming and pso sometimes.

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    Default Re: Feeling Stuck In this Industry?

    So stuck! I’ve been dancing on and off (mostly on) for the last 15 years. Although I still love certain aspects of it, I’m beginning to hate it. Mostly because of an extremely traumatic experience that happened while dancing earlier this year. Also, I’m getting older and even though most guys guess I’m much younger, I feel mentally and physically done. I’m actually going back to school and hopefully starting a new career. Really late in the game but hey, nowadays people change and start careers older and older. I have a daughter I need to support on my own and I want security with an essential job and benefits.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Quote Originally Posted by Kisa7513 View Post
    You can only make so much selling dances, but when you really get into a guys head and heart, you get into his wallet.

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    Default Re: Feeling Stuck In this Industry?

    Quote Originally Posted by moneybags View Post
    You can call cupcake girls. They help girls transition out of sex work.

    Unless you have a masters degree it’s unlikely to find a job that pays a wage that feels comfortable.

    I have my PT certificate and couldn’t find a job because I was honest about dancing.

    I’m sorry. I’m in school now for nursing. I do feel until I finish school this is the only job that pays well.
    I’ll dance for as long as I can or have to but we can’t dance forever and I’d like an exit plan so that I can continue living a comfortable life and retire eventually. Dancers that invested when they first started and continued to save may not need that kind of exit but let’s face it, how many dancers actually do that? I wish I would have. So now I’m looking at the next 20 years.
    I’m hoping to go to school for nursing as well. I just completed all my fasfa forms and I’m talking to admissions on Thursday. I agree this is the only thing to do until I graduate.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Quote Originally Posted by Kisa7513 View Post
    You can only make so much selling dances, but when you really get into a guys head and heart, you get into his wallet.

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    Default Re: Feeling Stuck In this Industry?

    Quote Originally Posted by Danni View Post
    I’ll dance for as long as I can or have to but we can’t dance forever and I’d like an exit plan so that I can continue living a comfortable life and retire eventually. Dancers that invested when they first started and continued to save may not need that kind of exit but let’s face it, how many dancers actually do that? I wish I would have. So now I’m looking at the next 20 years.
    I’m hoping to go to school for nursing as well. I just completed all my fasfa forms and I’m talking to admissions on Thursday. I agree this is the only thing to do until I graduate.
    Not to threadjack but I was able to get the most out of my time (moneywise) in the adult industry. It is true, you have to be money hungry to make sure you get the most out of the time you put in.

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    Default Re: Feeling Stuck In this Industry?

    Idk I feel like these days it isn't just hustle and a lot of what are you willing to put up with to get money? I don't necessarily mean prostitution, but I am not gonna be groped for cheap, except my definition of cheap keeps going higher. Also a lot of these guys are really fucking annoying especially depending on the area of the country. I don't wanna hear their bullshit for cheap or free at all, I just don't fucking care and don't see most of them as humans. I can't even fake otherwise, I just dgaf.

    I think these days to get the most out of stripping moneywise somebody needs to find some badass high roller club. I've made out well in smaller places but generally you have to travel more. At some point travel is too impractical and the money is biggest in big city champagne room clubs and maybe certain "urban" clubs.

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    Default Re: Feeling Stuck In this Industry?

    Quote Originally Posted by random stripper View Post
    Idk I feel like these days it isn't just hustle and a lot of what are you willing to put up with to get money? I don't necessarily mean prostitution, but I am not gonna be groped for cheap, except my definition of cheap keeps going higher. Also a lot of these guys are really fucking annoying especially depending on the area of the country. I don't wanna hear their bullshit for cheap or free at all, I just don't fucking care and don't see most of them as humans. I can't even fake otherwise, I just dgaf.

    I think these days to get the most out of stripping moneywise somebody needs to find some badass high roller club. I've made out well in smaller places but generally you have to travel more. At some point travel is too impractical and the money is biggest in big city champagne room clubs and maybe certain "urban" clubs.
    Just my 2 cents-

    a lot of "house girls'' (this term is probably a bit classic for the business now) can do well at a smaller club/dive. Having a loyal and thoughtful following of regulars can pay off for years. In the United States, a dancer really is better off at a corporate club for real money. YES the corporate model of nightclub can be stressful, infuriating and even boring AF....But the money potential is there.

    To be honest a lot of women in the adult industry can't hack it as escorts. It takes a certain kind of steel to make it in the long haul with escorting.

    I like to say the returns on stripping are slow and rewarding, and the money with escorting is fast and (truly) furious. You need to be on an even keel as a person to handle the money, the lifestyle and the work, and not let it go to your head, or enable habits that destroy you (dysfunctional relationships or addiction.)

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    Default Re: Feeling Stuck In this Industry?

    Save yo' money. Save yo' money...

    That's the least you can do in order to overwhelm the feeling "being stuck."

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    Default Re: Feeling Stuck In this Industry?

    hey girl I have been working at a spa too and in and out of the club and am feeling like I need a change too and some normalcy in the workplace. What is the easiest next step you can do? For me it's finishing a program I started before getting into dancing. It's only a years commitment and it leads to a job. I never really had an exit plan when coming into this work but realized recently the reality of not being able to do it long term- I've already quit night shifts. Can you switch to day shifts if you're feeling drained,? I'd start with the next step forward into exiting whether it's fixing up your resume or applying to school.

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    Default Re: Feeling Stuck In this Industry?

    I don’t think it’s particularly helpful to “should” on others. We all know we “should” save our money, but life happens.

    The fact of the matter is the coronavirus has devastated everyone! Everyone feels exactly how you feel OP. I know people from all walks of life and it’s just hard now’ n’ days. So point being is don’t beat yourself up. Just make the next right choice. Go back to school or start your own business.

    I would focus on changing the things you can and accept where you are right now. Acceptance doesn’t mean you like it or it’s okay, but just accept in this moment you’re stuck doing survival sex work-or whatever you want to call it. Try to be grateful you have a way to take care of yourself financially. Believe you can and you will find another way to make money that’s not in the adult industry.
    Last edited by moneybags; 08-29-2020 at 09:44 PM.
    Focus more on what you want than on what you don’t want

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    Default Re: Feeling Stuck In this Industry?

    I totally relate, what helped me is investing time in myself. I am in webcam but was a dancer, and also worked as a server in clubs for a few years. By investing time in myself, I did a lot of soul searching. For me a real job wouldn't pan out, and growing up I never knew what it is I wanted to do. For those that grow up knowing exactly what they want to do, I am not envious but it is a blessing for them.

    However, we all have our passions but we must face the reality, at times our passions won't pay the bills. I love crafting for example. Would I bank on surviving off of crafts on etsy, NO. Is it possible? Yes, for some.

    I invite you to discover your passions but be realistic and then create a future business out of this. I came to realize that this industry isn't a dark place that we can't escape from, but we truly have to find what it is we want out of a job to successfully leave. I never want to work a 9-5 job. I would never realize that if I never entered this life, and I don't have to return to the workforce and get a normal job. I can create my own job and business. For you, in the meantime, try to reframe how you view dancing in your own mind. If it is this dark place you can't get out of..... You are missing out on seeing what a blessing it really is and the many blessings it provides. This industry affords us a great lifestyle, unlimited income potential, and a lot of freedom. Freedom to take our time to discover what we want. Many other people don't have this luxury, they juggle life, work, school, etc, with no ability to take a day off if they want to. Try to count your blessings instead of focusing on the negative aspects, it will change your life and your work life for the better.

    I have many ideas for other businesses due to my soul searching, and came to my decision a few years ago. It was only ME that was holding me back. But an example, my business idea came from my passions: Beauty, wellness, yoga and writing.

    Now break that down.... There are many many many businesses I could start just listing very few passions.

    Do the same thing, list your passions and then we can all add an idea or you can create your own lists of businesses you can start. Always remember if it doesn't take off right away, you have that freedom and the time thanks to dancing! If it doesn't work out, you can still dance until you find whats it! Dancing then becomes the back up plan! My biggest fear was that I'd invest time or money, or both and not make the same money that I do in webcam. It's not true, the fear is an illusion and an excuse that holds us all back.

    EDIT: I actually feel really bad now that I mention it. I wanted to start building my copy writing portfolio years ago, and I made a post to do copy writing for all the ladies here pro bono. So many ladies were interested but I never did go for it. I talked myself out of it and those pesky internal voices saying "My work isn't good enough, I wont succeed, etc." Got to me. It just wasn't the time, I was not strong enough to face my fear of failure. My ex was not supportive of my writing as well. Although, I held me back, this had an impact on me as well. Ugh I hate that I did that.

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    Default Re: Feeling Stuck In this Industry?

    Quote Originally Posted by EastCoastDancer01 View Post
    Yes, after you’ve been doing it for a while it’s common to feel that way. Especially when you’ve tried other jobs and realize that nothing can really compare to stripping! I’ve tried normal jobs several times and realize they are not for me, I just don’t do well with the vanilla work lifestyle. I am currently on unemployment/PUA and I have written 2 ebooks on Amazon’s Kindle. I also do freelance gigs on a website called Fiverr (non-adult related). I have made some money from these things, and my retirement plan is to buy a house and rent it out to someone. I can live on the rent money I collect and do online freelance stuff on the side. Any type of freelance or online work is great for someone who doesn’t do well with normal jobs or is tired of stripping.
    I'd love to pick your brain about fiverr and amazon. I am a writer as well, and I am launching a business. I have always wanted to write a book, but for now my focus is copy writing. I set up a fiverr account and signed up to sites like it. It would be great to connect with you. I am in a few facebook groups for fiverr and copy writing but they arent a great resource for anyone really, just people begging for work.

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    Default Re: Feeling Stuck In this Industry?

    Definitely find your passion. What comes effortlessly to you that people always seem amazed my? That’s your passion. I too felt this way for some time but it really was me not being sure of my future. Instead of the club I jumped on ONLYFANS , taking online courses for my real estate license and started my blog finally. Dopeasfck.com It’s for female empowerment for moments exactly like this.

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    Default Re: Feeling Stuck In this Industry?

    Quote Originally Posted by SnuffleUffleGrass View Post
    Just my 2 cents-

    a lot of "house girls'' (this term is probably a bit classic for the business now) can do well at a smaller club/dive. Having a loyal and thoughtful following of regulars can pay off for years. In the United States, a dancer really is better off at a corporate club for real money. YES the corporate model of nightclub can be stressful, infuriating and even boring AF....But the money potential is there.

    To be honest a lot of women in the adult industry can't hack it as escorts. It takes a certain kind of steel to make it in the long haul with escorting.

    I like to say the returns on stripping are slow and rewarding, and the money with escorting is fast and (truly) furious. You need to be on an even keel as a person to handle the money, the lifestyle and the work, and not let it go to your head, or enable habits that destroy you (dysfunctional relationships or addiction.)


    Very much agree. I "attempted" to escort and it is NOT for me AT ALL. The money I actually found too slow (probably because I would charge a lot and will not compromise), I did an ad & got my feet wet, it was completely harmless "testing" of what the potential was and found escorting to be still too much of an emotional
    hustle for me. Dancing is purely transactional, it's instant money & I can be a bitch to who I like. I could definitely do dominatrix work I think still, but
    escorting I just found WAY too much of a time & energy suck for little to no return. I think over time you develop what works for you, but for me,
    I still believe I would make the most dancing and as I go back to it for the 3rd time just need to stay focused on my businesses and take no shit.
    I literally have zero social life without dancing, its sad, but I also wouldn't have it any other way.
    Bring on the PTSD..... lol.

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    Default Re: Feeling Stuck In this Industry?

    Quote Originally Posted by SnuffleUffleGrass View Post
    ....I guess the silver lining is once you're 100% over being a dancer, it's hard to even imagine going back. With enough time and effort it becomes an interesting chapter in your past, not some sort of life-altering forbidden detour that everyone regrets (that's a nod to the naysayers and haters.)
    Yeah, I was looking to do one more tour, then be out-

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    Quote Originally Posted by yaya_cash View Post
    Yeah, I was looking to do one more tour, then be out-
    I'm thinking of doing the same. One more round of traveling, and then do something else after I get the amount of money I want. (Unless the job becomes fun again all of a sudden). But the last few times I danced (in different places) it was just insanely stressful and I wanted to kill most of the customers even if I made money.

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    Default Re: Feeling Stuck In this Industry?

    I'm still in nursing school now with a 98%. If I could tell myself now to me when I was 19yrs old....stay in SCHOOL and get a degree. I feel so much more confident and proud of myself right now because I'm making all the right choices to further myself.

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    Default Re: Feeling Stuck In this Industry?

    I get like this when all I end up doing is working just to survive. I'm trying to stop that unhealthy cycle as we speak. I almost in certain ways live like Ava Gardner did back in the old Hollywood days. She basically did movies just for the loot & spent her money lavishley and would go sometimes a year or longer without working. So basically working when I really need the money and having fun , enjoying life when I'm not working.

    Alot of people probably question how on earth I'm able to do this. Well I don't own a home & honestly have zero desire to do so. I love living a nomadic life where I can pick up & move anytime I want to anywhere I please. Yes hotels are expensive to live in & eating out is as well but IMO so is living like a normal person would. I still live waaay below my means though whenever possible. I am a complete cheapskate. I like it better that way.

    Living way below your means opens many doors. I'm almost feeling burnout now and I've only been working about a week so far again LOL I'm ready to just stop but I need to keep saving in order to completely relax.

    At times yes I do feel stuck, but you can feel that way in any industry you're in.
    "Alot of people are afraid to say what they want, that's why they don't get what they want"~ Madonna




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    Default Re: Feeling Stuck In this Industry?

    Quote Originally Posted by random stripper View Post
    I'm thinking of doing the same. One more round of traveling, and then do something else after I get the amount of money I want. (Unless the job becomes fun again all of a sudden). But the last few times I danced (in different places) it was just insanely stressful and I wanted to kill most of the customers even if I made money.
    Nowadays entertaining just isn't enough; I was thinking to do one tour / work vacation for a week, maybe. And I won't just be going to dance- I figure sex work is just too inconsistent and too demanding to be a full time job. It just seems like it's just good for extra money / fun now- too many people in the adult industry are struggling, including myself who was, with working full time. It just isn't such a good bet. Can you imagine making 6 figures full time, then your earnings start to dry up and you're having to deal with much more shit for much less money, without benefits (Let's face it there's no stock options, health care or retirement benefits.)? I would rather spend my time doing something more productive, than staring at an empty club or having to deal with crude customers, indifferent managers and cunning entertainers; and being disappointed more time than not with the money I walk out with. I realize sitting in there is a waste of my time, a lot of times.

    It's fine when you have nothing else to do, do your homework assignment / applying to other jobs while you wait for the next customer / paid check to walk in.
    Last edited by yaya_cash; 10-18-2020 at 02:18 PM.

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    Default Re: Feeling Stuck In this Industry?

    This is coming from an OG stripper I think dancing really fell off before Covid but personal opinion. Now I personally wouldn’t take a risk with dancing it seems way too stressful with covid.

    You’re not stuck in anything in life, life can change in an instant. There are so many opportunities to make money that we didn’t have 10 years ago. I decided I was tired of just being a dancer and I went to college, got my degree and work in my field. I still do online sex work because I enjoy it now more than I did when I danced. I’m grateful for the opportunity to make money in this business and looking back I was grateful for the freedom and money I made dancing. You never know what you’re capable of if you never try. I actually enjoyed taking college classes again (and became a more intelligent person) and there are many trades you can go into as well. Or try different kinds of sex work, maybe you ll find something that is a better fit for you. Or try starting an online business, wherever your talents lie. Sex work is a real job, so look at it like, now I’m changing careers. People do it all the time, you can too.
    Also, do what feels right for you, and don’t tell too many people because they can be negative and bring you down. The times in my life I felt stuck was because I was dealing with toxic people and letting them get into my head .

    i wanted to add....having a plan is a good thing! I’m not saying just get out completely that may not be realistic. Like when I finished the degree I knew I would make more doing sex work. It was more of a backup plan, but now I love doing both jobs because they balance each other out and gives me some real world experience too. I think it’s great to do different things and have different ways of making money because then you never feel too dependent on one thing. Even just going to school helped me because I was focused on something other than sex work.
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