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Thread: Dating sites?

  1. #1
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    Default Dating sites?

    I know that the topic has been covered here, but I'd like some fresh perspective.

    I recently tried dating sites in my new area. I tried them before in LA/SF and all the guys just wanted sex. One coerced me into having sex, one said after keeping me on the phone for an hour that he was looking for someone to practice sex w/bc he hadn't had much chance prior to that during his high school and college years or other blatant demands for sex. This isn't what I'm looking for. Our job can be super sexed-up and we are oftentimes propositioned in the clubs, so the last thing I want or need after years of being in this industry, is some stranger off these sights wanting sex from me.

    My new area has been a bit disappointing too. Like, one guy I spent four hours with talking at a coffee shop. He said he lived an hour away where he rented a room during the week and rented a hotel for the weekend in the city where I live and where we met for coffee. Not sure how that makes sense since he teaches English online and I'd assume not that well off and doesn't have a need to be in my city if he works from home. But anyhow, he said we could meet next weekend. Then, middle of the week, he texts me saying that he can't see long-term with me because of my political beliefs and because I thought that a girl off Pen15 was ugly. This guy was 36, supposedly, and had a lot of wrinkles, skin marks and not the greatest teeth and as mentioned, no money and no career success. Yet, I thought I'd give him a chance, thinking maybe I'd warm up to him if he had a warm personality but ultimately, I got rejected by a broke and ugly dude. Talk about being humbled.

    I also met another guy who expressly told me that he's looking for a relationship. He was 37, college-educated, no career but a full-time job working for a health insurance company, never traveled on a plane. I asked him about his past relationships and he didn't know the birth date of his longest relationship's (one year) birthday. He treated me nice on the few dates we went out, even put air in my tires before I went on a long trip. Anyhow, I told him about my experience in this industry, and he freaked out, thinking I have diseases. He went to get a full panel of std tets immediately after, and advised me to do the same. I then saw him talking to other women on the site where we met, and I freaked out, thinking he was "shopping around" despite my having shared my body with him. He had two phones and he wouldn't show me his id to verify his identity, so maybe this is a red flag that he's attached, but I don't know. He also was touch-feely on our first date at a brewery and told me later how he was glad I had big boobs bc he's a boob guy, which I find really objectifying and completely inappropriate, considering he's just some loser outside of the strip club atmosphere. We're done.

    I'm wondering if I should continue trying to look for potential dating partners on dating sites. I deleted Hinge. Not into Tinder anymore. I still have okcupid but I dunno-that's where I got pressured into sex by some bald guy in CA and I had left the site alone for a few years after that incident. My non-stripper friend advised eharmony and match.com to keep away from the perverts. A stripper friend advised whatsyourprice because if you date and deal with the bs, at least get paid for it, right?

    These sites are not really great for my self-esteem. I mean, we get paid for talking to guys and looking good for them. Then, in the real world, you meet some loser off of okcupid and the guy thinks it appropriate to compliment you on your breasts but demean you when you tell him you make money off those breasts by being in the sex industry. Ironically enough, he never considers any implants for himself, even though he could benefit from it. Then an ugly wrinkly, broke-guy telling me he'd have sex with me but doesn't see long term potential. It's really degrading. I'm starting to think something is wrong with me and that I'm unattractive.

    How is everyone else's dating app experience? Are there some that I should try over others?

    Are the sites I'm on not the best for finding a more serious and respectful dating partner? Or is there something I need to change? I don't even have a host of requirements on my profiles. I just want to find someone nice.

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  3. #2
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    Default Re: Dating sites?

    Omg. I just feel for you Momma. Read all about my tales in the dating threads.

    I feel that men often do treat women really really really poorly out in the civilian world. SO .... here is what you do. You screen these losers out like your depends on it ! If they make a lame comment on date 1 or 2 say so ( explain why that isn't ok ). If they don't offer a dinner date on date 2 or 3 and they are being cheap or lame suggest dinner.

    Don't be afraid to suggest what you are looking for . I would always describe what I was looking for as " dating with an intent to transition into boyfriend and girlfriend " . That way ..... it's out. I've said what I want. There is no room for a man to be like " oh, I thought casual was ok with you ".

    The good guys are definitely out there.
    The dating sites WILL grate your nerves. I think 80% of the men on there are either taken , or just using the sites to boost egos and have chatting buddies wasting time at work, or what have you.

    I just have some many tales ( some fun and some awful ) . I honestly think you'd have an easier time doing things like learning to golf or going to car shows or just showing up anywhere else men are ( and being themselves ) .
    Last edited by carmen_b; 10-22-2020 at 09:10 AM.

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    Default Re: Dating sites?

    Meh. Ever since my age rolled over from 29 to 30, I’ve noticed some trends on these sites. Guys who avoid you like the plague because they suddenly assume you’re baby crazy or those who have that “post wall” mindset and assume my being in my 30s means I’m having some sort of midlife crisis and will be an easy lay. I think hookup culture has overrun all of these sites, and it just seems like everyone I encounter on them is either only in it for sex or out of desperation. Don’t really know why I bother. I haven’t gone on a single date or met anyone through any of these sites, and I’m really not expecting that to change. And anymore I just feel like I’m trolling on there because I always seem to end up going out of my way to intentionally put off anyone who strikes up a conversation. If I can’t even make it through a conversation without becoming bored with them, I don’t really see much point in giving it a chance.
    Life asked Death, “Death, why do people love me but hate you?”

    Death responded, “Because you are a beautiful lie… and I am a painful truth”

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    Default Re: Dating sites?

    How I approached dating sites......

    Look for the 50+ sugar daddies who don’t realize they’re sugar daddies on vanilla dating sites.

    Because I didn’t feel like going through dating hell n back with guys who would waste my time whilst expecting Sex with minimal effort.

    If you are looking for marriage material then be ready to filter through the riff raff to get what you want. It’s possible to meet a good catch on a dating site but it will take some effort on your end

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    Default Re: Dating sites?

    When I went on dating sites, I was looking for a relationship. Wasn't interested in being a Sugar Daddy, or interested in a cheap lay. I wanted to find a Girlfriend.

    Didn't work out. That's why I gave it up.

    Even if I had someone from there, if she fucks me on the first date, is she really Girlfriend material? I expect her to lead me around the block to the depths of Hades before she fucks me. I believe in proving myself worthy of her. That way she knows. I am serious.

    If I just want a lay, I'll just got hit up an Escort.


    I'm a guy, not too sure how welcome I am in this thread.


    Hell, half the girls on those things are just scammers. Who knows if there even girls!!
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    Default Re: Dating sites?

    ^ Well you probably missed some sex loving ladies having this stupid standard .

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    Default Re: Dating sites?

    Quote Originally Posted by Raziel View Post
    When I went on dating sites, I was looking for a relationship. Wasn't interested in being a Sugar Daddy, or interested in a cheap lay. I wanted to find a Girlfriend.

    Didn't work out. That's why I gave it up.

    Even if I had someone from there, if she fucks me on the first date, is she really Girlfriend material? I expect her to lead me around the block to the depths of Hades before she fucks me. I believe in proving myself worthy of her. That way she knows. I am serious.

    If I just want a lay, I'll just got hit up an Escort.


    I'm a guy, not too sure how welcome I am in this thread.


    Hell, half the girls on those things are just scammers. Who knows if there even girls!!
    well youre entitled to your opinions however

    I think it depends

    I a friend of mine told me she had sex on the first date.....and they ended up marrying

    It's really a case by case basis. And I think situations like these are rare.

    There are scammers on dating sites but once you know someone's not honest you leave pretty quickly. My first try was a guy who turned out to be narcissist/racist idiot and I ditched him pretty quickly once his true colors came out. Then I got better at filtering and ended up meeting an older guy who mostly treated me well but there wasn't a spark so we ended it.

    The most important thing is to match up n stay with people who want the same things you want

    I quit online dating for a bit after that because of privacy reasons but I do believe it's possible to get positive results using it but you have to be quite strategic or else waste a lot of time, become cynical meeting with lower quality people, or worse. idk.

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    Default Re: Dating sites?

    Quote Originally Posted by Raziel View Post
    if she fucks me on the first date, is she really Girlfriend material?
    Does that mean it’s advisable to judge you as not being boyfriend material if you likewise partake?

    I expect her to lead me around the block to the depths of Hades before she fucks me. I believe in proving myself worthy of her. That way she knows. I am serious.
    Two people can’t just have such chemistry that it happens that way?
    Life asked Death, “Death, why do people love me but hate you?”

    Death responded, “Because you are a beautiful lie… and I am a painful truth”

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    Default Re: Dating sites?

    Quote Originally Posted by AChildOfBoredom View Post
    Does that mean it’s advisable to judge you as not being boyfriend material if you likewise partake?



    Two people can’t just have such chemistry that it happens that way?
    You can judge me as you like. I don't fuck on the first date, that's that. If I miss out on sex lovin' ladies, so be it. She wants sex, she can wait till date #2. I don't have an issue with anyone ELSE who fucks on the first date, I just don't personally do it. It's different if you have known this person a while and have been flirting. Then bets are off. But if it's someone I'm trying to get to know... She's gotta get to know ME. You have to remember, I'm a writer. I stay home a lot because that's where I work. Don't get a chance to get to know many Women, at least not in that form. I rely on singles bars (or used to rely, this GODDAMNED PANDEMIC), so i don't know these Women and they don't know me.

    I'm allowed.

    EDIT TO ADD: Yes, in my opinion it WOULD make me not Boyfriend material. Many Men will fuck you and leave, and you never see them again. Chemistry be damned. When a Woman or Man makes you wait, you know it's real. Just my opinion.

    It's a different thing if it's just a kind of booty call. I'll do those, but not if I think she's Girlfriend material. In that case, I'll ask her out again, and turn around and walk back to my car. Make SURE she knows I am serious. I, for one, don't think with my dick.
    Last edited by Raziel; 10-24-2020 at 09:09 AM. Reason: Rearranged, Sorry MissP, it just made me lose brain cells.
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    Default Re: Dating sites?

    Anyway, lets stop hijacking OP's question.
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    Default Re: Dating sites?

    Have you tried bumble? This one you'll at last be able to message the guy first.

    I'm on POF. But I get more dick pictures than normal messages. Even had a guy the other day ask if he could buy my used panties.

    Honestly I'm at the point in my life now where I just want a good booty call. It's just easier than dealing with the drama. I think dating sites can work for some people as you can learn facts about them in the beginning that you otherwise would have to wait for. But I just hate how you don't know the chemistry until you actually meet them opposed to already feeling some positive vibes outside the online dating.

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  20. #12
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    Default Re: Dating sites?

    Oh, GOD dick pics. Panties. I'm dying, here!

    Make sure and meet them in public, and don't go anywhere private with them until you know them WELL.

    Edit to add: In a last reference to my above post. I always walk a date (or any Woman, really) to her door. A friend of mine had a nightmarish experience by not doing that, and I never want to feel that. So I always take her all the way to her door. Whether I want to kiss her or not.
    Last edited by Raziel; 10-24-2020 at 09:23 AM.
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    Default Re: Dating sites?

    Quote Originally Posted by AChildOfBoredom View Post
    Does that mean it’s advisable to judge you as not being boyfriend material if you likewise partake?

    Two people can’t just have such chemistry that it happens that way?
    Both good points. There is still some of this out there, but mostly in very young people. After we get past a certain age, using cookie cutter standards of what should not happen on a first date gets kinda' silly.

    When I was dating right before I met my wife, I was meeting women in their late 20s and 30s. Many of them already had children and/or were previously married, so they were quite obviously not virgins, lol. At a certain point in life, adults are just going to behave like adults and if the situation feels right then so be it.

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    Default Re: Dating sites?

    Dating sites are great if you wanna get laid, I do it all the time. They are cool if you want to chat deeply with strangers with no intention of meeting.

    They can also lead to relationships. I have had a couple great relationships start on a dating site. The trick is to be completely transparent that is the goal and it can work. Just be prepared to deal with the people not on that same page because it is just too efficient for hook ups

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    Default Re: Dating sites?

    Quote Originally Posted by Raziel View Post
    You can judge me as you like.

    Who’s judging? How you go about it (short of driving around in a cargo van and abducting people) is your own prerogative. Just curious what your disposition about this was, especially since (and I’m sure you already are aware of this), there tends to be a glaring double standard with this regarding men vs. women. Just wanted some clarification is all.

    I, for one, don't think with my dick.
    Let us not be zealots here. When you approach someone, I highly doubt you seek out those who look like Mama June because you suspect they possess a really attractive personality. Maybe you put it in check, but physical attraction at the onset is still a pretty big part of it. Well, what is the crux of physical attraction? Taking Mr Giggles for a dive, no?
    Life asked Death, “Death, why do people love me but hate you?”

    Death responded, “Because you are a beautiful lie… and I am a painful truth”

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    Default Re: Dating sites?

    Quote Originally Posted by AChildOfBoredom View Post
    Who’s judging? How you go about it (short of driving around in a cargo van and abducting people) is your own prerogative. Just curious what your disposition about this was, especially since (and I’m sure you already are aware of this), there tends to be a glaring double standard with this regarding men vs. women. Just wanted some clarification is all.
    Yeah, there is a double standard. And it sucks. But it is one that I do not share. That sort of thing is not the only double standard Women face.

    Keep in mind, Child, I'm not mad at you and I never was, I was just explaining myself because I felt that I needed to.

    Quote Originally Posted by AChildOfBoredom View Post
    Let us not be zealots here. When you approach someone, I highly doubt you seek out those who look like Mama June because you suspect they possess a really attractive personality. Maybe you put it in check, but physical attraction at the onset is still a pretty big part of it. Well, what is the crux of physical attraction? Taking Mr Giggles for a dive, no?
    I didn't say THAT. I'm sure Mama June (Whomever that is) has some dude on her tail, let him have her. Physical attraction has nothing to do with respect. We're all attracted to whom we are attracted to! Some dudes like Redheads, some like Raven Hair, some like Blondes. some (creeps) are all into Asians, or Latinas, or whatever. It's all relative. I like the Pretty Girls, I don't care about Race, Color, or Creed. Some guys could care less. I know a guy that will fuck pretty much anything. (But then I also knew another guy who'd fuck a Rattlesnake if you'd hold it's mouth open, he went after my Girl, he didn't last long).

    The crux of physical attraction is pretty much ingrained in you. You can't help it anymore than you can change the fact that you like Ice Cream. None of this means that you can't respect people whom you are NOT attracted to. Be buddies.

    And Mr. Giggles can just drive himself, I'm not a Taxi service.
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    Default Re: Dating sites?

    Quote Originally Posted by Raziel View Post
    Keep in mind, Child, I'm not mad at you and I never was, I was just explaining myself because I felt that I needed to.
    I got that part already.

    Mama June (Whomever that is)
    From Here Comes Honey Boo Boo



    Physical attraction has nothing to do with respect. We're all attracted to whom we are attracted to! Some dudes like Redheads, some like Raven Hair, some like Blondes. some (creeps) are all into Asians, or Latinas, or whatever. It's all relative. I like the Pretty Girls, I don't care about Race, Color, or Creed. Some guys could care less. I know a guy that will fuck pretty much anything. (But then I also knew another guy who'd fuck a Rattlesnake if you'd hold it's mouth open, he went after my Girl, he didn't last long).
    Respect is about how you act and why you act the way you do, not what underlying cause drives you. As apt as they are to denying their restlessness, people are still primal, and sex is a major driving force. It’s part of being human. There’s no shame in it, and that’s the driving force behind physical attraction - wanting to jump someone’s bones. It’s not really difficult to understand, and I don’t understand why you seem to try to pretend otherwise. Whether well intentioned or not, you chat someone up with the idea of bumping pelvises being in your mind. The physical element is what draws you. Again, part of being human. Unlike me. I’m inhuman. I’m not human. I’m a tortured spirit wandering through hallucinations of what life could have been. I completely lack any urge or desire for sex, so there can be no physical attraction. I don’t want intimacy - all I want is Ragnarok.

    And some ketchup.
    Life asked Death, “Death, why do people love me but hate you?”

    Death responded, “Because you are a beautiful lie… and I am a painful truth”

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    Default Re: Dating sites?

    Quote Originally Posted by AChildOfBoredom View Post
    I got that part already.
    Good.

    Quote Originally Posted by AChildOfBoredom View Post
    From Here Comes Honey Boo Boo
    Well, that explains it. Of course I'm not gonna know THAT.


    Quote Originally Posted by AChildOfBoredom View Post
    It’s not really difficult to understand, and I don’t understand why you seem to try to pretend otherwise.
    Chéri, where on Earth did I say that. I didn't say anything like that! In fact, I TOLD you what I liked.

    Quote Originally Posted by AChildOfBoredom View Post
    Whether well intentioned or not, you chat someone up with the idea of bumping pelvises being in your mind. The physical element is what draws you. Again, part of being human.

    I agree.

    Quote Originally Posted by AChildOfBoredom View Post
    Unlike me. I’m inhuman. I’m not human. I’m a tortured spirit wandering through hallucinations of what life could have been. I completely lack any urge or desire for sex, so there can be no physical attraction. I don’t want intimacy - all I want is Ragnarok.
    Life can still be good for you. Or just stay single. It's entirely up to you.

    Quote Originally Posted by AChildOfBoredom View Post
    And some ketchup.
    Now you're playing dirty...
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    Default Re: Dating sites?

    Quote Originally Posted by AChildOfBoredom View Post
    all I want is Ragnarok.
    Keep in mind, I'm here too, and I really don't want Ragnarok. The end of all things is kind of a buzzkill! Don't ya think?
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    Default Re: Dating sites?

    Quote Originally Posted by Raziel View Post
    Anyway, lets stop hijacking OP's question.
    If only you had followed your own advice. This is Life Support for the ladies, many of whom are unlikely to wade in and share their perspectives and experiences when a guy is spazzing out in the thread.

    In this part of the site of all places, AChildofBoredom and others should feel like they can share their personal views without a guy jumping on their backs. Now I have no doubt that this wasn't your intention, but it is kinda' how the blanket posting is starting to come across. Just let the thread breathe a little maybe? LOL.

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    Default Re: Dating sites?

    Quote Originally Posted by Raziel View Post
    Keep in mind, I'm here too, and I really don't want Ragnarok. The end of all things is kind of a buzzkill! Don't ya think?
    No. It’s not even a party until Surtr shows up.

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    Default Re: Dating sites?

    Surtr's sleeping. Let's not wake him up.
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    You’re no fun.
    Life asked Death, “Death, why do people love me but hate you?”

    Death responded, “Because you are a beautiful lie… and I am a painful truth”

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    Featured Member Raziel's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating sites?

    I'm a lot of fun. Just not with Surtr. No fire giants, please.
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    Default Re: Dating sites?

    It's been two years on the dating apps and I'm just now changing how i go about it. To the poster above who would not date serious a woman who sleeps with him immediately....you are entitled to your opinion but keep in mind social media causes people to get to know eachother and they tend to talk for a bit. This changes the dynamic because you can literally go on a first date feeling like you really know them well. With that being said, i stopped falling into the allure of long phone convos ect ect and i don't let corny remarks slide like i used to. For now on, general decent convo to start for me and i do a quick coffee date and roll. Even if they are great i will not meet them right away soon and still meet another guy for coffee. The right guy won't give up fast and can wait a few more weeks if they really liked me to some extent. I just make it clear I'm interested but just busy. Also, expect them to shop around. The green dot is annoying on okcupid but i learned to just keep doing the same thing. I could write a novel. I wish we had a private group just for this lol because it's been weighing on me too. It is not you and remember you can learn a lot about yourself from these experiences as long as you set boundaries. I'm definitely so much more tough from my experiences. I had one decent relationship from the app but sometimes i question why i kept at it. I think it was bc i was so thankful he was normal and nice but we were not ideal long-term. The second decent guy i just cut it off amicably because i didn't feel a spark and i didn't want to settle. It's possible but it's sort of like gambling..keep your coffee strong and keep playing. I met many many jackoffs like
    you did to even get close to the two relationships i mentioned above. I also met people that i had more spark for but they just didn't have it for me but were polite enough. I should add i don't dance currently but i did for years and i usually find a way to nonchalantly bring it up to see their attitudes on it because i would like to go back when i get the damn courage again and i like to weed out bad attitudes because my ties to the industry don't allow me to date anyone that can't be an adult about the adult industry. You don't owe them any explanation because trust me they don't tell you everything at first. Even in other areas of my life i don't disclose as much as i used to. I'm considering a move to New Orleans to start fresh in life. I'm hoping to be swept off my feet but I'm sure I'll just have more stories to add to my collection. I'm in Philadelphia. Good Luck and keep your head up and stay confident/ sweet/ and bring out the snobby bitch a little if necessary.��
    Last edited by Dance3536; 10-26-2020 at 08:26 PM.

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