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    Default Questions on Love

    Do you believe in love? (The romantic type of love that is the stuff of cheesy movies.)

    Is it something that happens spontaneously (like love at first sight or feeling like you just got hit with cupid's arrow) or something that develops over time (like falling in love with your best friend)?

    How do you know when you are in love?

    What is the longest length of time that you have felt 'in love' with someone?
    Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
    - Oscar Wilde

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    Default Re: Questions on Love

    In which context? The English word “love”, French word “amour”, et. al. are used in place of what other languages used multiple words to break down into specifics. Of these, Greek tends to be commonly cited; particularly philia/philos, eros, and agape. There are also other relevant terms the Greeks use, but the focus tends to be on those three.

    Philia (or philos) tends to be used to define friendship. Which, I certainly believe in that. I think it’s often a misused term in English. E.g., hemophilia refers to a genetic condition where someone doesn’t experience clotting if they get open wounds, and I doubt those who suffer from such a condition have any affection for it. Then we get to my favorite (for the hilarity I find in it, not for any desire to partake in it) - necrophilia. Which, necrophilia is typically perceived as an act of eros rather than philos, although differing perspectives exist on that. The Slayer song “Necrophiliac” portrays it as a ritualistic act, which gives it some parallels to agape as mainline Christian churches tend to define it. Tom Petty had a different perspective on it...



    Such a romantic. If a necrophiliac ever got a hold of me, I’d hope they’d make a date night of it, rather than just smash. Fun fact - there’s a common misconception that necrophilia is a felony in all states except New York. I wish that was true. That would be such a great ad campaign - “Virginia may be for lovers, but New York is for necrophiliacs”. Alas, it’s not to be - 17 states class it as a misdemeanor, and seven states (including North Carolina) have no laws on the books.

    Eros, we probably all know that one. I believe it exists, I’m just not prone to feeling it. This one gets a little complicated, as in Modern Greek they felt a need to coin the term “erotas” specifically to define “intimate love”. But eros (from which we get “erotic”, “eroticism”, etc.) most certainly exists.

    Agape… mainline Christian churches try to claim that as their own and make it out to be something humans can’t experience and understand for themselves. Yet ancient texts define it as familial love (to which end, it overlaps with storge). Of course I believe in that.

    Then we get into the oft-overlooked ones, of which I’ve already named storge, which mostly defines a maternal/paternal type of love. Really would’ve been a more fitting one for the churches to use, as that’s the core of what they make agape out to be. Certainly, I believe it exists, but is often also misconstrued.

    Then we get to xenia (not the warrior princess), which is hospitality towards strangers, particularly from afar. Also where we get “xenophobia” from. This one, I’d say somewhat… it’s done, it’s practiced, but I don’t believe so much for the reasons which defined xenia. I think it’s often just going through the motions, force of habit, etc. I think xenia in an unadulterated firm is mostly lost.

    And then there was philautua - a love of self. Do I believe in it? Of course, even if it’s not something which I possess. Too much philautia, and you get into vanity, conceit, and the like.
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    Default Re: Questions on Love

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    Do you believe in love? (The romantic type of love that is the stuff of cheesy movies.)

    Is it something that happens spontaneously (like love at first sight or feeling like you just got hit with cupid's arrow) or something that develops over time (like falling in love with your best friend)?

    How do you know when you are in love?

    What is the longest length of time that you have felt 'in love' with someone?
    How do you know you are in love? When nobody else exists/matters in the room but your significant other/catching each others gaze all time. Or just being able to read each others thoughts just by looking at each other in certain situations LOL. Sounds cheesy but oh well.

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    Default Re: Questions on Love

    ^ That's not cheesy.
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    Default Re: Questions on Love

    Idk.

    I don’t know the difference between love, in love, and deep caring.

    I guess you know it when you think about them frequently, give them preferential treatment, and trust them more than any other people in your life......and the feeling is reciprocated

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    Default Re: Questions on Love

    Quote Originally Posted by AChildOfBoredom View Post
    In which context?
    I said - The romantic type of love that is the stuff of cheesy movies. I think it is 'all of the above' that you mention. It blends ALL types of love into one: friendship, respect and admiration, attraction, devotion, lust, etc., and even love of self (because you feel like a better person around her/him)
    Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
    - Oscar Wilde

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    Default Re: Questions on Love

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    Idk.

    I don’t know the difference between love, in love, and deep caring.

    I guess you know it when you think about them frequently, give them preferential treatment, and trust them more than any other people in your life......and the feeling is reciprocated
    ^ Trust me, when you feel it, you know it. I can't explain further, it's just something you have to experience.
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    Default Re: Questions on Love

    Quote Originally Posted by indiegirl View Post
    How do you know you are in love? When nobody else exists/matters in the room but your significant other/catching each others gaze all time. Or just being able to read each others thoughts just by looking at each other in certain situations LOL. Sounds cheesy but oh well.
    I love this, indiegirl! I may steal it!
    Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
    - Oscar Wilde

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    Default Re: Questions on Love

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    Idk.

    I don’t know the difference between love, in love, and deep caring.

    I guess you know it when you think about them frequently, give them preferential treatment, and trust them more than any other people in your life......and the feeling is reciprocated
    Miss AP - Have you ever felt the type of love that makes feel like you are flying high on a very potent drug? It can be a bliss/euphoria-producing drug, if the other person reciprocates and is good to you,... but, it can also be a bad drug causing you to question your sanity and experience extreme levels of depression, if the other person fails to reciprocate, or, doesn't treat you right.
    Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
    - Oscar Wilde

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    Default Re: Questions on Love

    Jack, i don't think you can even read me, it is what it is, but when I had my Wife I was flying pretty high. Just looking at her gave me a feeling that I can't describe. I actually became a better Man for it. I miss her a LOT.
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    Default Re: Questions on Love

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    Miss AP - Have you ever felt the type of love that makes feel like you are flying high on a very potent drug? It can be a bliss/euphoria-producing drug, if the other person reciprocates and is good to you,... but, it can also be a bad drug causing you to question your sanity and experience extreme levels of depression, if the other person fails to reciprocate, or, doesn't treat you right.
    yeah.

    when I fell for a narcissist

    Haven’t been as open and a bit more guarded since then.

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    Default Re: Questions on Love

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    Have you ever felt the type of love that makes feel like you are flying high on a very potent drug? It can be a bliss/euphoria-producing drug, if the other person reciprocates and is good to you
    Multiple times, yes. It passes. LOL

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    Default Re: Questions on Love

    Jack you okay over there? Did you fall in love with a stripper? Lol!

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    Default Re: Questions on Love

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    Jack you okay over there? Did you fall in love with a stripper? Lol!
    Not yet. I will when I meet you in person, Miss AP. ;-)

    But, I do get 'puppy love' crushes on my favorite strippers. Those are fun, too.


    - My goofy brain: Daaaaamnnnn! That girl is smoking hot! Oh boy, she's coming over here to talk to me!

    - My smart brain: Of course she is, you idiot! You're in a strip club! She's going to be nice to you, only because she wants you to buy lap dances.

    - My goofy brain: Shut the fuck up! I've finally found real love!

    - My smart brain: You're such an idiot! Look, I'll compromise with you. I'll let you have a crush.

    - My goofy brain: Um, okay. I've got the biggest crush on her!

    - My smart brain: Oy vey!
    Last edited by jack0177057; 12-17-2020 at 03:59 PM.
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    Default Re: Questions on Love

    Quote Originally Posted by Raziel View Post
    Jack, i don't think you can even read me, it is what it is, but when I had my Wife I was flying pretty high. Just looking at her gave me a feeling that I can't describe. I actually became a better Man for it. I miss her a LOT.
    Raziel, you and I may not always get along, but, I'm really sorry for your loss. Hope you find love again; not to replace your wife, but, as the next chapter on your journey.
    Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
    - Oscar Wilde

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    Default Re: Questions on Love

    I've seen people who truly love each other for 50 years, and I've seen people who go from what seems like the heights of love to deep hatred in just a few years. From what I can tell, actual love occurs when two people are each other's top "go to" people. No friends, relatives, sides, workmates, anything, get the truth more than that person. It's not absolute (nothing is in love) but that holds pretty true across all spectrums.
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    Default Re: Questions on Love

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    Raziel, you and I may not always get along, but, I'm really sorry for your loss. Hope you find love again; not to replace your wife, but, as the next chapter on your journey.
    Thanks Bro. It just happens. I understand it, even if I'm not happy about it. It happened a bit ago, but I'm still not over it. But, I guess it is what it is. Nothing I can do about it. People die sometimes. It's just nature.
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    Default Re: Questions on Love

    I believe in love. I make sure that love exists every time I watch a couple sex on cam. I love watching these couples have sensual sex . When I find my soul mate, I will also try myself in this kind of porn.
    Last edited by Brandom39; 12-24-2020 at 07:36 AM.

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    Default Re: Questions on Love

    Quote Originally Posted by Bahuba View Post
    I've seen people who truly love each other for 50 years, and I've seen people who go from what seems like the heights of love to deep hatred in just a few years. From what I can tell, actual love occurs when two people are each other's top "go to" people. No friends, relatives, sides, workmates, anything, get the truth more than that person. It's not absolute (nothing is in love) but that holds pretty true across all spectrums.
    This is what I don’t understand

    unless one of the parties was 1) covert narcissist n their “mask” came off 2) changed drastically causing friction [ex became a drug addict or something]

    idk. I don’t see how people hold it together to get in a relationship then completely fall apart once they’re in a relationship.

    hell, mf what you see is what you get....that’s the motto I live by

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    Default Re: Questions on Love

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    This is what I don’t understand

    unless one of the parties was 1) covert narcissist n their “mask” came off 2) changed drastically causing friction [ex became a drug addict or something]

    idk. I don’t see how people hold it together to get in a relationship then completely fall apart once they’re in a relationship.

    hell, mf what you see is what you get....that’s the motto I live by
    I can think I of a third. They committed before they really got to know each others’ true colors. Largely why I think notion of “love at first sight” is a bunch of hokey shit. Perhaps carnal lusts get invoked at first sight, but that’s not love. And people jump into these things with reckless abandon, and, next thing you know, you see them on Jerry Springer or Maury.
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    Default Re: Questions on Love

    Quote Originally Posted by AChildOfBoredom View Post
    I can think I of a third. They committed before they really got to know each others’ true colors. Largely why I think notion of “love at first sight” is a bunch of hokey shit. Perhaps carnal lusts get invoked at first sight, but that’s not love. And people jump into these things with reckless abandon, and, next thing you know, you see them on Jerry Springer or Maury.
    Me and my Wife ended up making out on the first day, unusual for me. But we just hit it off. We didn't have sex or anything, that waited till later. I don't do that with any of my potential Girlfriends, at least not if I intend to make her my Girlfriend. I guess I'm just weird like that. I took her out on a few dates first. But it turned out great.
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    Default Re: Questions on Love

    Quote Originally Posted by AChildOfBoredom View Post
    Largely why I think notion of “love at first sight” is a bunch of hokey shit. Perhaps carnal lusts get invoked at first sight, but that’s not love. And people jump into these things with reckless abandon, and, next thing you know, you see them on Jerry Springer or Maury.
    Agreed. I don't believe in 'love at first sight', but, I won't deny that strong attraction triggers powerful feelings - arousal, excitement, nervousness, giddiness, etc., and these can lead to 'falling in love'. I have felt strong attraction for a woman only to lose it all the second she opens her mouth, because, she says something stupid or her voice is annoying (her accent, pitch or vocabulary, etc.). But, if she is beautiful, intelligent, warm, and interesting, and has a nice voice, then, its like a gravitational force that it starts pulling you closer and closer, until you lose control.

    A good question is: Do we have any control over who we fall in love? Love can be like a cupid's arrow that just hits us unexpectedly, but, we do have a choice when it comes to who is in our circle of friends and acquaintances. If you don't want to fall in love with losers, then, don't spend any time with them. Stay 1000-feet away from psychopaths, narcissists, drama queens/kings, manipulative people, leeches, emotional vampires, etc. Quality of life improves dramatically when you rid yourself of these people.

    I found an article on the 'The Science of Love'. According to Dr Helen Fisher, a renowned anthropologist, there are 3 distinct phases of falling in love.

    - Stage 1: Lust is driven by the levels of testosterone (men) and oestrogen (women) in our bodies. This isn’t so different from other mammals on the planet.

    - Stage 2: Attraction is similar in feeling to the effect of certain drugs or alcohol. The emotion of euphoria, and the release of a jumble of chemicals in the brain, including dopamine (pleasure), adrenaline (fight or flight) and norepinephrine (alertness), can make falling in love feel like an addictive rush. Adrenaline, in particular, is the reason your cheeks feel flushed, your palms feel sweaty and your heart races when you meet someone you like for the first time.

    - Stage 3: Attachment sees the release of dopamine and norepinephrine replaced with oxytocin (the ‘cuddle’ hormone), which is when you may begin to feel closely bonded and start making long-term plans together.

    There are also several factors that affect who you end up falling in love with:

    - 1. Their smell. We all secrete our own special ‘smell’. Like hormones, pheromones are chemicals, but the difference is they are outside the body, lingering in our sweat and other bodily fluids – and the science suggests this is a subconscious factor in your initial attraction to someone. If you’re female, this can be closely linked to the health of your potential children. Overall, the women preferred the scents of men who had disease-resistance genes profiles that would complement their own. This suggests we subconsciously look for a partner that will help us to produce strong, healthy babies, resistant to as many diseases as possible. Who knew?

    - 2. How similar they are to you, e.g., the similarity of individual personality traits, and similar values and beliefs.

    - 3. Their appearance (attractiveness, facial symmetry, BMI, etc.).
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    Default Re: Questions on Love

    Yeah, I don't buy "Love at first sight" either. Lust at first sight, maybe. But Love takes time, has to grow.
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