Recent Dating Event

[KrazyKandie]

Hi everyone,

I would like your thoughts and advice on this one please. And to know what would you do? thanku

I have met a guy from a online dating website and been chatting to him since mid November 2020. He came around after Christmas and spent 4 days with me leading up to NYE. He was completely different in person to speaking on FaceTime on the phone which we were doing every other day. He didn't bring a house gift when he stayed with my mom and I and didn't contribute to buying a meal in or a bottle, we don't drink but it's just the thought that counts even though we knew he didn't have a job, though he bought a box of chocolates when we was on a walk with me and only handed 1 chocolate to my mom the whole time! He had cake and food and used our place like it was a air bnb lolz!

I know it was too soon for him to come over but I did ask him if we were going to be exclusive as I don't just invite anyone around to come and stay only if it's going to lead somewhere serious in the long haul. He said yes, but to see how it goes as well so I agreed as we were just getting to know one another. He was a bit of recluse, he didn't mix in much with my mom, he just wanted to spend it with me and celebrate it in private. But we didn't I insisted we spent it all together ,he's spent most of him time being abroad and being very little with family so he could be a bit shy.


We have been getting along well and things have been smooth until this Monday we were face timing and he was showing me his screen a website and he forgot to hide the tabs of another dating website he was on. I asked why are you looking for other women and what are you doing on another dating website?! he said he wasn't. Then took the ipad off the screen and removed those tabs and said there was nothing there. I was in so much shock that I ended the call. I then msged him on WhatsApp and said "It's obvious your "still" keeping your options open, I know it's early days to say we are a "item" but at least be honest if you are and don't lie as I am too good to be fucked about with" he then later admitted the website popped up and he browsed these profiles of these women, he didnt know who Lydia was and he's not contacted any of these women.

It totally broke my heart, I really just didn't have him down for being that kind of guy, still looking to see if the grass is greener on the other side. I told him I was hurt and he said nothing yesterday, (he's a Taurus if anyone believes in horoscopes, known to be stubborn) I rang him up today he seemed low and sounded like he had been crying, either upset over what happened between us or just a bit down. We seem to be OK now, but I am going to let him chase me from now on.

I can't find a dating website called J, he's been adding new women to his Instagram and that bothered me and that he's been keeping his options open. I now think he's been using a mail order website to meet women. There is one that is called Jolly Summers. We both live in England and he's only had 1 English g/f. His ex was Brazilian and he said he met her in his "racing job" he's never had a racing job! I feel upset that he's adding these women and they are not even pretty! I am pretty and I am a nice person and I am easy going, I have no time for dramas or arguments! Just want to find a nice guy to be with! and then he's looking behind my back!

Why do guys do this? I have lost a bit of my confidence because of this and feel disgusted that he's done that as I feel betrayed and also the worst he's gone to look for a bride!

How would you handle this going further?

[Sugarsteepdoll]

Hi everyone,

I would like your thoughts and advice on this one please. And to know what would you do? thanku

I have met a guy from a online dating website and been chatting to him since mid November 2020. He came around after Christmas and spent 4 days with me leading up to NYE. He was completely different in person to speaking on FaceTime on the phone which we were doing every other day. He didn't bring a house gift when he stayed with my mom and I and didn't contribute to buying a meal in or a bottle, we don't drink but it's just the thought that counts even though we knew he didn't have a job, though he bought a box of chocolates when we was on a walk with me and only handed 1 chocolate to my mom the whole time! He had cake and food and used our place like it was a air bnb lolz!

I know it was too soon for him to come over but I did ask him if we were going to be exclusive as I don't just invite anyone around to come and stay only if it's going to lead somewhere serious in the long haul. He said yes, but to see how it goes as well so I agreed as we were just getting to know one another. He was a bit of recluse, he didn't mix in much with my mom, he just wanted to spend it with me and celebrate it in private. But we didn't I insisted we spent it all together ,he's spent most of him time being abroad and being very little with family so he could be a bit shy.


We have been getting along well and things have been smooth until this Monday we were face timing and he was showing me his screen a website and he forgot to hide the tabs of another dating website he was on. I asked why are you looking for other women and what are you doing on another dating website?! he said he wasn't. Then took the ipad off the screen and removed those tabs and said there was nothing there. I was in so much shock that I ended the call. I then msged him on WhatsApp and said "It's obvious your "still" keeping your options open, I know it's early days to say we are a "item" but at least be honest if you are and don't lie as I am too good to be fucked about with" he then later admitted the website popped up and he browsed these profiles of these women, he didnt know who Lydia was and he's not contacted any of these women.

It totally broke my heart, I really just didn't have him down for being that kind of guy, still looking to see if the grass is greener on the other side. I told him I was hurt and he said nothing yesterday, (he's a Taurus if anyone believes in horoscopes, known to be stubborn) I rang him up today he seemed low and sounded like he had been crying, either upset over what happened between us or just a bit down. We seem to be OK now, but I am going to let him chase me from now on.

I can't find a dating website called J, he's been adding new women to his Instagram and that bothered me and that he's been keeping his options open. I now think he's been using a mail order website to meet women. There is one that is called Jolly Summers. We both live in England and he's only had 1 English g/f. His ex was Brazilian and he said he met her in his "racing job" he's never had a racing job! I feel upset that he's adding these women and they are not even pretty! I am pretty and I am a nice person and I am easy going, I have no time for dramas or arguments! Just want to find a nice guy to be with! and then he's looking behind my back!

Why do guys do this? I have lost a bit of my confidence because of this and feel disgusted that he's done that as I feel betrayed and also the worst he's gone to look for a bride!

How would you handle this going further?

Id say good riddance and drop your losses. He sounds like a liar and a waste of time. Honestly that is a lot of men until you find one that only wants to pursue you and treat you right...Also you deserve someone that isnt a bum and will be a gracious guest in your families home! Ok that is just my 2 cents...and I have wasted a lot of time on losers!

[KrazyKandie]

I'm 36 and need to find a partner otherwise I will be having kids on my own

[Sugarsteepdoll]

Its tough...I feel similar...I am a little bit younger but I am in no way ready for kids (financially). I would rather be with a partner who #1 treats me right and then think about how good of a father he could be. If you are able to have a child why not? You can always find the perfect man later, I wouldnt be settling for anyone, especially as a father for my kids.

[carmen_b]

Didn’t it seem off that he needed to stay with you?
It seems like for a first date or two he should get a hotel in order to meet you.

I would not date anyone outside your area honestly.
I feel for you though because it sucks when the guys insist they need to “ keep looking “. It has happened to me too.
When they are dishonest it’s awful.

[rickdugan]

He ate your food for days and used your shower and toilets, yet didn't contribute a thing. There is just no excuse for that.

36 is still young enough for you to avoid having children with a broke ass mooch. Imagine your life 10 years from now with two young growing children whose need lots of things (more food, clothing, bigger beds, school supplies, etc.) and a useless man to feed and the entire burden falls on your shoulders. Even worse, you'll probably age out of adult work by then, so you'd have to do it all with vanilla work. Is that the existence you really want to set yourself up for?

[whirlerz]

You let a complete stranger stay in your house??

Being on site, chatting, means nothing as far as knowing a person's character, let alone what they are capable of, & will do to you?

Please go to ladies only section, read: Beware dating sites, this's why: a man, who worked in an embassy (a high level government position) was found to have hundreds of images of women drugged, passed out, & he actually lifted their arms (to wave hi) & pried open their eyes..
They were drugged & raped! some didn't even know what happened to them!

Also read, thru a rapist eyes.. there's several threads on dating sites, its possible to meet someone safely, but use CAUTION!

Trust me, there's more out there like him

Wake up, PLEASE ! Thank you, take care!

[carmen_b]

Kandi : I hope you shift to ignoring this guy. I assume you screened him online with his profiles ect. !

Next time just make sure your first couple of dates are outside the home ( anyones ) . You really need in person time to get a full read on someone even if they " check out " well online prior.

[WendiStarr]

Stop wasting your time on a loser. He doesn't even have a job, contributed very little to your relationship from the sounds of it, and is actively still looking for other women. If you want kids that bad, just get a sperm donor. You can be a single mom if you want kids and don't have time to wait to find a decent man. Believe me, it's better to just be single and have your kids than to be trapped in a shitty relationship, supporting a loser man child and your kids and probably dealing with unnecessary drama from him cheating on you while you're busy busting your ass to support your family. Been there, done that.

[carmen_b]

Or date about 10-15 years up.

I’ve done it been spoiled and been offered babies ( really !) which I turned down but the offer came from someone who could easily support one! I wasn’t offended by the offer either. He just wanted me to know he probably had another child left in him lol.

[carmen_b]

If you are serious about getting pregnant you can also ask friends / gay friends ect.!

I have been approached by a gay couple also for baby making ( declined )!

[slowpoke]

Try starting with not even talking to someone who does not have a job.

[KrazyKandie]

Thanks for your replies.

I discussed this with my mom the other day and we both agreed it was too soon for him to come around. Its done with now. He is getting some work soon in early Feb. We just facetime each day, I do p/t webcam and wont be in it much longer as its not providing me much of a income like it did before ive done it way too long!

I am having a scan at the hospital on Saturday to see if I have the menopause! I am 36 and I only have a couple of years until I can have them! I haven't had a period since last July!

If I can't have children I think I will not bother. I rather have my own if I'm being honest. But then adopting isn't bad either.

I need to be financially well off first otherwise I wont be comfortable.

[Dance3536]

Save yourself the energy. He sounds off. I dated someone online that i ignored warning signs for in other ways and i am pregnant now at 36. Not worth it i promise. When things are weird that early on they really don't improve. Stay away from the loser! You can do things on your own or save energy for someone worth it. Good Luck