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Thread: Pros and Cons of Marriage

  1. #51
    Veteran Member StellaRose's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    Interestingly enough this was here in the similar threads at the bottom of the page:

    https://www.stripperweb.com/forum/sh...ns-of-Marriage

    At this point, I’d question what is driving this question, because I feel like it’s for a personal reason other than idle curiosity. Desire for children? Companionship? Secure safety net (if the man is rich enough).

    I’m personally apathetic to the idea of marriage. I’m too...I guess I’m too idealistic to marry for money (tho I wouldn’t be opposed to a rich man). I prefer to get money more honestly and transactionally. Not a judgement against the gold digger/sugar baby type, since men themselves create the demand for that type of thing. But just talking about myself.

    For me personally, having children is also moot, since I don’t want to procreate. However, later in life I’m very open to adopting a child and leaving what I hope is a positive legacy when that happens. Ideally I’d be in a stable relationship but marriage isn’t required for that I believe.

    Companionship would be the main reason. I’d get married if I stay in a relationship long enough and he really wanted to propose, then it would be more I just won’t object.

    I remember when Harry Browne (a libertarian, individualist, free thinker type) wrote in a book (that I consider to be one of the most inspiring out there) had a chapter in there where against marriage, and how to best structure a relationship. (Basically, don’t have anything that is considered “co-owned”—just items that belong to either one person or another with agreed upon dialog of what one person allows another to use). But sure enough then he got married, and his reasons were emotional—which was that he got married to publicly solidify his commitment to his wife and wanted her as a partner for the rest of his life. So I guess what I get from that, is be smart, but be open to the idea that being sentimental may get to you at some point.

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  3. #52
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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    ^I know someone is going to jump on me for my post up there - obviously LTRs with no marriage do get more complicated after certain life events, like having a child together or buying a home. But you get the idea.

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    ^I know someone is going to jump on me for my post up there - obviously LTRs with no marriage do get more complicated after certain life events, like having a child together or buying a home. But you get the idea.
    I agree, especially in the case of children. Even pets can make things more complicated.

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    I remember when Harry Browne (a libertarian, individualist, free thinker type) wrote in a book (that I consider to be one of the most inspiring out there) had a chapter in there where against marriage, and how to best structure a relationship. (Basically, don’t have anything that is considered “co-owned”—just items that belong to either one person or another with agreed upon dialog of what one person allows another to use). But sure enough then he got married, and his reasons were emotional—which was that he got married to publicly solidify his commitment to his wife and wanted her as a partner for the rest of his life. So I guess what I get from that, is be smart, but be open to the idea that being sentimental may get to you at some point.
    Ayn Rand famously idolized her husband as her ubermensch, that is until he cheated on her with a younger actress then he was excommunicated from Objectivism lol.

    When you create a movement whose sole guiding philosophy is uncaring selfishness, it's a no brainer that you will be cheated on and you will end your life in missery.

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    Veteran Member StellaRose's Avatar
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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    ^ You may have a different idea of what “end your life in misery” is to some. In that same book I referenced (How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World), Browne talked about a previous time where he felt jealousy because a previous woman he was dating was speaking with another man. And it was distracting him from practicing a speech he was supposed to present. So he visualized the at-the-time girlfriend sleeping with him. He said it was emotionally painful at first, but he kept persisting with it until he got bored with the idea and could get back to work.

    One would argue that with the knowledge that you ultimately can’t control others, don’t base your happiness off of trying to do that. But admittedly that is easier said than done (especially for Ayn Rand)

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by StellaRose View Post
    In that same book I referenced (How I Found Freedom in an Unfree World), Browne talked about a previous time where he felt jealousy because a previous woman he was dating was speaking with another man. And it was distracting him from practicing a speech he was supposed to present. So he visualized the at-the-time girlfriend sleeping with him. He said it was emotionally painful at first, but he kept persisting with it until he got bored with the idea and could get back to work.
    That is an interesting take, like I alluded to earlier on the thought experiment of talking = sex, jealousy is an explosive thought that can dominate and consume but we somehow managed to make it socially acceptable for strangers to talk without it being the end of the world, wonder why sex is still so sacred (arguably children, but it is men that are at a deep disadvantage because of the stigma of universal paternity tests).

    One would argue that with the knowledge that you ultimately can’t control others, don’t base your happiness off of trying to do that.
    That and stop putting people on pedestals, her entire books are about putting her ideal man on a pedestal. I could make a fortune gambling on what relationships will completely crash and burn, and would have seen that coming a mile away.

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    Pros:
    pegging

    Cons:
    cleaning

    But seriously, jokes aside, marriage is the support of each other no matter what. Pure love and devotion to a person just because of who she/he is. That's hard to find and harder to keep.

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    98% of marriages are scams for the woman. Marriage overwhelmingly benefits men time & time again despite them calling us the "ball & chain." Divorce no longer rewards the woman more frequently for giving up years of her life to watch over the babies/domestic duties that men refuse to take part in. (Look up "The Mental Load" comic) We are also expected to work & bring home a salary now. In most cases you are signing up for a life of servitude. Birthing & taking care of kids (if you have them) which takes a huge toll on your health, cooking, cleaning, keeping appointments, making sure you stay good looking & sexually available, THEN having to work AND pay half bills. While your husband just works & goes to watch tv, game or hangout with the boys. The standard for us & what we are expected to do has increased, but mens' have overall stayed the same. Unless you're happy with that arrangement, not worth it. Unless you meet a man that does not give a shit about standard gender roles or doesn't mind providing & does his part but even then he is praised like a hero for doing the bare minimum & it gets old. And no, we don't HAVE to do all this, but when we refuse, the whole household suffers, especially if kids are involved.

    Do you know why male suicide rates skyrocket past the age of 75 or so, but women's stay the same? When a woman loses her husband, she just loses her husband. For the most part, she will be ok. When a man loses his wife, he loses the person who watched over the house, cooked/arranged all his meals, booked & reminded him of his appointments, his sole confidant/therapist (because our society tells men they cannot show emotions or rely on anyone but his life partner), his caretaker, basically. Men, your misogyny is literally killing y'all & still you refuse to recognize the unseen & unpaid labor we do & make things truly equitable.

    I could go on about this but yeah, if you're a man, get married, it will benefit you. If you're a woman, don't bother.

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    Do you know why male suicide rates skyrocket past the age of 80 or so, but women's stay the same?
    Don't you think this is a bit cruel? Venting is one thing but this kinda crosses the line, male suicide is always way higher than women's regardless of age and relationship status. Once we are no longer useful we no longer want to be a drain on society.

    I know that is the way I have chosen to go, the final hunt of sorts, immediately before senility or Alzheimers hits.

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by DeathAndTaxes View Post
    Don't you think this is a bit cruel? Venting is one thing but this kinda crosses the line, male suicide is always way higher than women's regardless of age and relationship status. Once we are no longer useful we no longer want to be a drain on society. .
    I meant it skyrockets in regards to their own statistics, not compared to womens. Men are more likely to commit suicide after divorce or losing their female partner regardless of age. They also statistically remarry very quickly after a divorce or losing a partner. (My grandfather remarried 6 months after my grandmother passed away. 6 months! I would be so devastated that I couldn't even think of dating again! But men will do it without an issue.) There's a common saying with older women who have chosen not to date, "all older men want is a nurse or a purse." I think it is cruel to ignore those statistics, I think it is cruel that we are expected to be viewed as exploitable assets & not people, it is cruel to ignore the way patriarchy hurts EVERYONE, & pretend things are equal, because men are dying because they (in society's sense) expect & are entitled to free labor from women & are told they absolutely cannot show any emotion to anyone other than their life partner. If we want to see a change which benefits EVERYONE, then the first step is acknowledging how most men view women as a whole. As well as encouraging them to not believe in toxic gender roles & do their part.

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    Fine let's assume you are arguing from empathy, I still think your premise is wrong, I mostly do short term relationships so meaning I live alone, work, gym, laundry, cook, clean etc. I could hire a maid but actually prefer being self-sufficient and I think I do a good job, none of these have given me ANY societal praise nor have these things driven suicidal thoughts.

    Being useless, huge medical drain, losing my mind. that is where dark thoughts can originate, and that is where society (or what you define as patriarchy) implicitly says we need to go.

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by DeathAndTaxes View Post
    Fine let's assume you are arguing from empathy, I still think your premise is wrong, I mostly do short term relationships so meaning I live alone, work, gym, laundry, cook, clean etc. I could hire a maid but actually prefer being self-sufficient and I think I do a good job, none of these have given me ANY societal praise nor have these things driven suicidal thoughts.

    Being useless, huge medical drain, losing my mind. that is where dark thoughts can originate, and that is where society (or what you define as patriarchy) implicitly says we need to go.
    Well, the Patriarchy is a system. Men do it (even if they don't know not all Men, byt many), but so do some women. They might not even know they do it, but they do. The problem is that no-one will get together and figure this out.
    Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    ^yeah good luck finding women accepting open marriages. Few n far between.

    Open marriages can work out. It just depends on the couple, or trio of people.

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    I still think maybe we're not distinguishing between LTRs and marriage - am i the only one who sees the two as hugely different? Most responses seem to be talking about LTRs, rather than choosing whether or not to enter into the institution of marriage / legally binding yourself to someone else.

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    I still think maybe we're not distinguishing between LTRs and marriage - am i the only one who sees the two as hugely different? Most responses seem to be talking about LTRs, rather than choosing whether or not to enter into the institution of marriage / legally binding yourself to someone else.
    I see them as being different if there are no legal ties between the two people. If there are children involved, and/or the couple co-owns a property, LTRs can potentially become more complicated.

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    I still think maybe we're not distinguishing between LTRs and marriage - am i the only one who sees the two as hugely different? Most responses seem to be talking about LTRs, rather than choosing whether or not to enter into the institution of marriage / legally binding yourself to someone else.
    Haha You know I noticed, but trying to be more concise when/what I post.

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    I find marriage kind of old / weird / outdated.

    It seems strange as a society we kept this weird thing around when it was used mostly for land and property transfers and such way back when .
    People are also less religious now and it was religions often pushing it.

    I know to others though it is the BIG step that they want.

    Hell maybe I'm just jealous since I've only been long term partnered twice but never engaged.
    I want my partner to be choosing more time with me because they WANT TO not because it would take a hell of a paperwork pile to unravel us.
    Last edited by carmen_b; 04-13-2021 at 07:09 PM.

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    So Riley Reid is getting married, the biggest issue I see is that she is doing it out of loneliness which can be quite emotional as opposed to cold logic.

    https://todayheadline.co/riley-reid-...in-six-months/

    Since she was single up to 6 months ago, and clearly the catch in the relationship as a super famous porn star, I really do hope she has a prenup, and if she retires that it be for her own reasons.

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by carmen_b View Post
    I find marriage kind of old / weird / outdated.

    It seems strange as a society we kept this weird thing around when it was used mostly for land and property transfers and such way back when .
    People are also less religious now and it was religions often pushing it.

    I know to others though it is the BIG step that they want.

    Hell maybe I'm just jealous since I've only been long term partnered twice but never engaged.
    I want my partner to be choosing more time with me because they WANT TO not because it would take a hell of a paperwork pile to unravel us.
    Not my cup of tea. I feel like marriage is an oppressive institution. Maybe it can evolve into something healthier, but unfortunately Iíve seen it ruin a lot of lives. I donít like when people disapprove on me being single, so I act happy when people say they are getting married. Live and let live
    Focus more on what you want than on what you donít want

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by moneybags View Post
    Not my cup of tea. I feel like marriage is an oppressive institution. Maybe it can evolve into something healthier, but unfortunately I’ve seen it ruin a lot of lives. I don’t like when people disapprove on me being single, so I act happy when people say they are getting married. Live and let live
    After being married (god knows why I did it lol) I agree. Wouldn’t do it again, even living with a man I think I’d find hard now lol

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by moneybags View Post
    Not my cup of tea. I feel like marriage is an oppressive institution. Maybe it can evolve into something healthier, but unfortunately I’ve seen it ruin a lot of lives. I don’t like when people disapprove on me being single, so I act happy when people say they are getting married. Live and let live

    I'm sorry but this gave me a chuckle when you call it oppressive.

    I had the same thoughts several times too. (aka the ol' ball n chain lol)

    I don't understand why a lot of formerly married men come out as damaged goods after they marry then divorce.

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    Quote Originally Posted by Angela888 View Post
    After being married (god knows why I did it lol) I agree. Wouldnít do it again, even living with a man I think Iíd find hard now lol
    See this is what I mean....like what if you don't discover till after youre married that living with them all up in your space 24/7 is just ...... what if you need space but like your spouse wants to always be with you? Or what if they are messy af and it's unattractive?

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    Quote Originally Posted by miss.a.p1600 View Post
    See this is what I mean....like what if you don't discover till after youre married that living with them all up in your space 24/7 is just ...... what if you need space but like your spouse wants to always be with you? Or what if they are messy af and it's unattractive?
    personally I found marriage suffocating, Iím a free spirit . I gave it a go thou , all three years lol. Men are annoying to live with ; messy, smelly annoying as fuck get a cat instead

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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    Marriage as opposed to what? As opposed to merely living together?

    If you are living with a person and must decide between mere co-habitation and marriage, it will depend on the facts and circumstances and applicable state law. For example, if you move into a guys house and you end up spending a lot of your money helping him to maintain it, make repairs and make improvements, then he dumps you - mere cohabitation would probably mean that you walk away empty handed. The funds you spent were either rent or gifts. On the other hand, divorce law (which applies if you were married) would probably give you a much better outcome, e.g., you might acquire an interest in the house, or at least, you may have a claim to be reimbursed for the improved value of the home. If you think a divorce is messy, try terminating a cohabitation were both parties shared the cost of a mortgage, purchasing furniture, electronics, appliance, etc. If you cannot apply divorce law (because you were not married), you are left with contract law and tenancy in common law, which will yield strange and unfair results. Basically, if you are the high earner and/or if you are both living in your house, you may be better off with cohabitation (assuming you have a a written Cohabitation Agreement that clearly spells who owns what and who gets what when the cohabitation terminates). But, if you are the low earner and/or the house belongs to your partner, then, you are better off married.

    Remember that, at the end of the day, marriage is a legal arrangement and status that confers protection and benefits to the parties, i.e., usually the greater protections and benefits are conferred on the poorer person in the relationship.
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    Default Re: Pros and Cons of Marriage

    If you're cohabiting and buying a home and furniture together, it's probably best to keep very good records of who paid for what.

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