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Thread: Really need some advice :(

  1. #1
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    Skull Really need some advice :(

    Long time lucker of this site, my first post and it's not a happy one

    To start, I just turned 23 and was living on my own in a city hours away from my family. I was so happy camming full time, studying school part time that I paid myself.
    Then fast forward, the apartment I had was awful. I tried for months to find a nice apartment but I guess because of my age and honestly bad credit from being 19 and stupid.

    I decided I had to move back home for a semester and save up so I can try and pay a few months of rent in advance to get my dream place ( not really a dream just not a shitty apartment)

    Worst descion I have ever made. I knew moving back would be hard for me. I have issues with my dad. My family is arab, if you know arabs..arab men have an awful temper.

    My dad is more calm now then when I was a kid but he was really awful when I was younger ( verbal and physical ) I promised myself I would never move back because my mental health is so so much better living alone but when I go home I have a lot of anger and cry a lot. I just can't stand being at home. He will still scream and say awful stuff when he is mad. Controlling and all that.. I feel like I am 16 again I was so independent had so much freedom and now being here 24/7 I can't take it

    I did not really have a choice tho I told myself it's just for a few months until I save enough. I came back to my family depressed as hell, my dad telling me over and over since I moved back home there is no way I can move out again until I have my degree. Which is not happening at all. I hate myself so much for moving back now he keeps telling me I can't leave but it's not his money paying my rent its mine so why would I let him control me?

    I just want to leave now, but my stupid ass allowed him to pay for this sesmter of full time school. I am so DUMB. Now I can't leave until I am done this semester but I am also camming full time trying to move out in June but there is no way I can finish school by then.

    I am starting to have panic attacks daily like I used to before I moved out. I feel trapped here, can't stop thinking about my childhood and how happy I was living in my own place.

    Out of respect for my dad I have to wait until I am done this semester but I can't do it. I dont want to cheat or use essay mills at all I can' t risk getting kicked out. I want my degree but I should have just taken this semester off, everyday my dad reminds me this is an arab house he does not care about the law I am not moving out until I get my degree. Ugh. I can't leave until I am done this semester since he did pay but i can't focus on school I keep camming and making money to save. I keep stressing over and over about how it will go when I move back, fighting my dad screaming at me etc etc. I can't stop stressing. I should have stayed in my shitty place. I made such a mistake coming back for a few months.

    I feel so stupid. I have no idea what to do because the longer I stay here the more depressed I am getting.

    I really need some advice I feel like I am going to burst.

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    Default Re: Really need some advice :(

    Dance, get your$ , get roommates and go.

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    Default Re: Really need some advice :(

    Quote Originally Posted by carmen_b View Post
    Dance, get your$ , get roommates and go.
    Luckily, I lived alone and want to live alone because the city is pretty cheap for apartments its just the fact that he will go crazy if I try moving out again espically when i am not done the semester he paid for

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    Default Re: Really need some advice :(

    Can you bear it out for the rest of the semester? It's less than 2 months.

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    Default Re: Really need some advice :(

    Professors are very understanding on personal and emotional issues, can you talk to them about your problems and ask for a personalized solution? Don't do something that could potentially get you kicked out of school when you are so close, they could literally brush off assignments, or change them for something much lighter. They have a ton of leeway.

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    Default Re: Really need some advice :(

    Quote Originally Posted by eagle2 View Post
    Can you bear it out for the rest of the semester? It's less than 2 months.
    I started in march and I have been trying to get as much as I can done but the end of the semester is in August which is 5 months

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    Default Re: Really need some advice :(

    ^ just rent a room for the two months.

    He is not going to go to your school and take back the tuition ! They have it and won't give it back .

    I would go over this with a counselor too. Colleges usually have free therapy services or sliding scale .

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    Default Re: Really need some advice :(

    Is it too late to drop out and get a refund? When you were living on your own, were you making enough to pay your rent and save money? Maybe take time off until you save up enough to pay for school. Is the school you're going to your cheapest option? You can save a lot of money on tuition if you go to a community college for two years, and then transfer to a four year school.

    If living with your father is unbearable, then just move out as soon as you can. You have no obligation to stay with him. If you can't afford to pay for tuition on your own, then just finish the semester and take some time off. Also, don't saying anything to your father. Just leave as soon as you're able to find a place to live. If he was physically abusive before, there's no telling how he will react if you tell him you're moving out.

    Do you have a decent car? If camming gets slow for you, maybe you can drive for Uber or Lyft. If you're having trouble paying for tuition, there are some companies that will help pay tuition for employees. I think Starbucks and UPS do. If your situation is really unbearable, you could also join the military. You'll have a free place to stay, and they will give you money for tuition. If you do join, there is always the possibility that you could be sent somewhere dangerous. If you're able to dance, most stripclubs will be opening back up pretty soon. If you're going to take a job where you will have close contact with people, I recommend waiting until you've been vaccinated for covid.

    Are you fluent in Arabic? If you are, you may be able to get a good job with the FBI or CIA. Also, if you joined the military, I think you could get a bonus if you're fluent in Arabic.

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    Default Re: Really need some advice :(

    It sounds like your father is a narcissist. They like having people around to abuse and when you try and leave them, they get very upset. You are a supply of energy to them, and when you cut them off, they can be very abusive and even dangerous. When you do manage to get away from them, life becomes a lot more peaceful indeed.

    The goal here is to get yourself out safely.

    I would give myself a month or two to cam and save as much as I could. Look for a good place to live, then bounce. Don't tell your father ahead of time that you are moving, and don't tell him where you are moving. Narcissists are like crabs in a boiling pot of water... They want to drag you back into the pot so they can keep abusing you. If you move out and your father wants to know where you went, don't tell him you moved out. Just say that you won't be home as much because you have to be somewhere for school. What are you studying? You could use one of the following excuses:

    *I'm participating in a lab for school, or you're participating in a paid medical study. "I've enrolled in a study where they'll be studying my sleep patterns and I have to stay overnight at the sleep clinic for observation for a few weeks"

    *You're participating in a Habitat for Humanity project for school and you're going to be away for a few days because you're helping to build tiny homes for displaced covid survivors.

    (These are just examples)

    Work/save up for a month or 2, get your own home, then move out. Don't tell him you're doing it, just do it. You are an adult and under no obligation to stay home. Don't tell him where you are moving. Abusers are not entitled to your personal info. Then just tell him you had to go do something for school and you won't be home as much. Don't make it seem like you escaped, just try to make like you'll be home soon but school stuff is keeping you busy. Do not feel bad about it. You have every right to set boundaries as a way of preserving your emotional integrity.
    Quote Originally Posted by We had a rabbit like you View Post
    And I'm over here like "fuck you, pay me". No non sense, sorry.

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    Default Re: Really need some advice :(

    + 1

    ^^^^

    If you identify this abuse behavior it's so important to have an action plan .
    Domestic abuse services are not just for those married to abusers either. It can be a family member !

    Also ...... many states have rent assistance right now. It takes some effort ( putting together documents they need ).
    You also might need to " enhance " the application somewhat such as elaborating slightly what you " paid " in rent and how far behind you are but you've got to do what you need to do to get out.
    You could look into that too ( both state assistance and domestic abuse help ).

    Sometimes domestic services can move you fast ( offer a room in a safe house ) and sometimes it's a wait list so approach them sooner rather than later.

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