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Thread: I hate myself now because I was cam girl few years ago.

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    Default I hate myself now because I was cam girl few years ago.

    For start I want to apologise all cam girls on here. I really dont want you felling bad. It is only my personal felling at now. I want to warm you that wasnt a good topic.
    I am 31, I am in deep deppresion, anxiety, paranoid and I am pregnant with my second child. My pregnancy is at risk. I have been bleeding twice now I dont know bacause I am all time nervous or what, the doctor doesnt found a reason. My first child see my crying more of the time.
    My fear started when I discovered a website that verifies your face and looks for your other photos on the Internet, including those from your webcam. And this site is free for everyone. Soo anyone can knows about me and my past.
    I can't stand that someone can recognize me, that someone can see my videos on the internet when I masturbate (thanks God i never do porn with someone else). I am paranoid because I thinking about it all the time and I cant stop. It is no depend of me :( i think I'm a bad person, it makes me feel terrible, I am a bad for mi child. I'm angry with myself, I feel bad with myself, I don't know how long I can take it. I dont know where to find a help, sexologist? Psychiatrists? I am not sure therapy makes sense in this terrible case of me. I have noone which I can talk about this felling, my housband doesnt care, he said "they will see your pus*y and what? Nothing bad will happened" he totally dont understand me :( what do you guys think?

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    Default Re: I hate myself now because I was cam girl few years ago.

    I dont know maybe hes just tired about myself, I have panic attack and I cry alot. Its not easy thing. Hes good for child and spend alot of time with him when I just cant...

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    God/dess laurielegs's Avatar
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    Default Re: I hate myself now because I was cam girl few years ago.

    Just know that once you stop working, your photos and videos will be buried under millions of other photos and unlikely to surface (unless someone was specifically looking for just you and that is unlikely, and if someone was that crazy they could just paste your face on someone's body and claim they found a pic - hopefully nobody in your life is that nuts).

    No affiliate is going to waste their bandwidth advertising a camgirl who no longer goes live.

    Now, even more than before the market is flooded with cam hosts. ​Very unlikely your photos will be easy to find. During the pandemic so many people turned to camming due to job loss. One effect is that I'm seeing a small change in people's attitude toward cam modeling. It's not looked down on as much as before this all happened.

    Also it's awesome your husband is so supportive! I hope you feel better about this soon.


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    Default Re: I hate myself now because I was cam girl few years ago.

    OP, to me, it sounds like your paranoia has less to do with reality and far more to do with your mental health. I think the odds of someone discovering your cam work, in reality, are extremely low. But your brain is obsessing over these possibilities, and your depression and anxiety are lying to you about the state of the world.

    Have you looked into calling a hotline for mental health, just to talk through some of this stuff? Is there a trusted friend or family member you could connect with? I highly suggest getting out of your head... finding a way to externalize your anxieties. Talk to someone, exercise / walk, and just entertain the possibility that your mind is lying to you, telling you that you'll be found out, that everyone is looking at you... Unless you're a politician or other high-profile individual who was ultra popular while camming and has rare and highly recognizable features (pink mohawk?), i think you have nothing to worry about. There are so many women, myself included, who have done camwork. It's 2021!

    Also, try to separate the work you've done from how people might judge that work. There is nothing wrong with masturbating for money (making people happy, entertaining, creative expression). The world is the one with the problem, for passing judgment on such a harmless job.

    Sending love to you... you are worthy of receiving help and love.


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    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
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    Default Re: I hate myself now because I was cam girl few years ago.

    Tubes sites are being more & more regulated & content without proper ID & paper work will disappear off the internet soon. Plus Mastercard has some more regulations going into effect on Oct 1, 2021 that will cause even more content to be removed.

    Please seek help, you are worried for nothing & this is bad for your health.
    Video blogs on Camming industry & how to succeed at camming.

    Personality is the glitter that sends your little gleam across the footlights and the orchestra pit into that big black space where the audience is. Mae West


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    Default Re: I hate myself now because I was cam girl few years ago.

    Are there many photos of you on social media? I don't know how easy or difficult this would be, but if you take down every photo of you that people who know you have access to, they wouldn't be able to do a facial recognition search for you. If they don't have a digital photo of your face, they can't do a search. The only problem would be is, if someone has downloaded photos of you on his or her computer or has photos of you on any of their social media pages. If you only have a few photos of yourself on Facebook or Instagram, just take them down.

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    Default Re: I hate myself now because I was cam girl few years ago.

    Thank you for this all comments, thats means really much for me. I neet I take a deep breath and slow down with this situation. The problem is I dont have anyone who can I talk about it, only people from Internet and mu husband who didnt see a problem.

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    Default Re: I hate myself now because I was cam girl few years ago.

    charlie61 - you right, my paranoid and all this feellings start in my head, and you right nothing bad could happen, I try to stop paranoid but usually if i keep calm for few hours that back and hit me like a thunder and I dont want it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    Tubes sites are being more & more regulated & content without proper ID & paper work will disappear off the internet soon. Plus Mastercard has some more regulations going into effect on Oct 1, 2021 that will cause even more content to be removed.

    Please seek help, you are worried for nothing & this is bad for your health.
    Thank you ❤
    Do you have more information about this? Some article? I would love to read. Its sounds great. I hope what will happened with piracy site who didnt accept dmca. (I totally dont understand why nobody checked that, it could be many tons of child pornography on there or another bad crimimal things - because they owner just a criminal)

    Quote Originally Posted by eagle2 View Post
    Are there many photos of you on social media? I don't know how easy or difficult this would be, but if you take down every photo of you that people who know you have access to, they wouldn't be able to do a facial recognition search for you. If they don't have a digital photo of your face, they can't do a search. The only problem would be is, if someone has downloaded photos of you on his or her computer or has photos of you on any of their social media pages. If you only have a few photos of yourself on Facebook or Instagram, just take them down.
    No. I remove all my social media. But many of my friends and family have many photos of me on phone or computer.

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    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
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    Default Re: I hate myself now because I was cam girl few years ago.

    ^ Something to consider too is that you really look different in sex worker mode.
    Hair and makeup and outfits make you look so different.
    I worried for years about being recognized as a dancer ...... and never was recognized.
    Now my career has been so long that if I was ..... eh .... big deal.

    ^ Maybe once you settle in a bit more with therapy and mental health you can look at it the same way.

    Think of the ULTRA slim odds. Like .... someone would have to see your video content VERY recently to even *maybe* make the connection. They probably wouldn't even make it ! If you have a bad day of paranoia think like a celeb ( large hat / shades ) !

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    Default Re: I hate myself now because I was cam girl few years ago.

    Fight for the mental health help you need.
    I have been there myself.
    Community clinics in your city probably have discounted or free mental care .
    There is also the National Aliance for mental illness ( NAMI ) . You can look them up in your state to get pointed to resources for discounted or free care.
    The college of Pheonix has free care from their Masters student in graduation mode.
    ^ I have used all these resources .

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    Default Re: I hate myself now because I was cam girl few years ago.

    Quote Originally Posted by carmen_b View Post
    ^ Something to consider too is that you really look different in sex worker mode.
    Hair and makeup and outfits make you look so different.
    I worried for years about being recognized as a dancer ...... and never was recognized.
    Now my career has been so long that if I was ..... eh .... big deal.

    ^ Maybe once you settle in a bit more with therapy and mental health you can look at it the same way.

    Think of the ULTRA slim odds. Like .... someone would have to see your video content VERY recently to even *maybe* make the connection. They probably wouldn't even make it ! If you have a bad day of paranoia think like a celeb ( large hat / shades ) !
    I really want know how to dont care about my past and being recognized for someone I know. All time I think whats happened if someone will know, it will be big shame for me and I think I dont take it. It hurt me alot I am scare. How to didnt care?

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    God/dess carmen_b's Avatar
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    Default Re: I hate myself now because I was cam girl few years ago.

    ^ Well have you been recognized ?

    It sounds like you haven’t.

    It could be some guilt / regret which a therapist could help you with !

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    Default Re: I hate myself now because I was cam girl few years ago.

    Keep in mind too you would have resources if someone harassed you.
    Cam work is legal work . You can not get in “ trouble “ with the law for it.

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    Default Re: I hate myself now because I was cam girl few years ago.

    Quote Originally Posted by carmen_b View Post
    ^ Well have you been recognized ?

    It sounds like you haven’t.

    It could be some guilt / regret which a therapist could help you with !
    Yes I fell it. I just try to start get contact from therapist but I dont know I am ready to tell about caming to stranger.
    Noone before, but now is much easier way to do it. I write about in main post
    I just need to accept is risk thay someone can, but i dont know how.

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    Default Re: I hate myself now because I was cam girl few years ago.

    There are therapists online that you can talk to that you wouldn't have to see face to face. It sounds like you need to talk to someone to help ease your mind. You're pregnant so this may be causing your feelings as well. Pregnancy hormones can make you feel all kinds of things. You mentioned bleeding. I'm no doctor but I've been pregnant many times before. With my oldest child I had bleeding off and on for the first trimester and no medical reason could be found. I have a healthy 11 year old child now. Camming is always a risk if you show your face. There is cammodelprotection who can help you remove content if there's any out there of you that you didn't post.

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    Default Re: I hate myself now because I was cam girl few years ago.

    Quote Originally Posted by WendiStarr View Post
    There are therapists online that you can talk to that you wouldn't have to see face to face. It sounds like you need to talk to someone to help ease your mind. You're pregnant so this may be causing your feelings as well. Pregnancy hormones can make you feel all kinds of things. You mentioned bleeding. I'm no doctor but I've been pregnant many times before. With my oldest child I had bleeding off and on for the first trimester and no medical reason could be found. I have a healthy 11 year old child now. Camming is always a risk if you show your face. There is cammodelprotection who can help you remove content if there's any out there of you that you didn't post.
    Ok so I start to lookin for someone online who could help. I wrote to pinapple support but I am not active cam girl, I remove all my accounts soo I cant identyfication myself I dont know why, but they need it.
    And I use similar site like cmp they help me alot, i remove many on my content on upstore, and many videos online on tubes, but not all 😞
    I am not active camgirl since 4 years. Why it hit me now? When my life was good and I dont have any problems. It was better before, I mean i think about it but not paranoid. Soo maybe all this in just my head...

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    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
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    Default Re: I hate myself now because I was cam girl few years ago.

    Quote Originally Posted by Saddlykitten View Post
    charlie61 - you right, my paranoid and all this feellings start in my head, and you right nothing bad could happen, I try to stop paranoid but usually if i keep calm for few hours that back and hit me like a thunder and I dont want it.



    Thank you ❤
    Do you have more information about this? Some article? I would love to read. Its sounds great. I hope what will happened with piracy site who didnt accept dmca. (I totally dont understand why nobody checked that, it could be many tons of child pornography on there or another bad crimimal things - because they owner just a criminal)



    No. I remove all my social media. But many of my friends and family have many photos of me on phone or computer.
    Porn Hub owns majority of tube sites & Visa/Mastercard pulled their billing. So they pulled all content that was not uploaded by a Verified account. You can Google it. So other tubes see that as a warning & pulling unverified content off of their sites. Without Visa/Mastercard NONE of these companies can make money.

    APAG President Alana Evans just posted a news article this week onto The Daily Beast about Mastercard new policy. Now she sees it as a negative, I see it as a positive.

    Literally there are thousands upon thousands of new cam performers & Onlyfans content creators that want men's money. Thinking that men are seeking you out at this point when there are a good million performers trying to get their attention & money is not a thing. Onlyfans has created 300 millionaires out of content creators, so many of us are all trying to get rich. Men go for what is in their faces now, rarely will one look up someone they might have seen on cam a year or more ago.
    Video blogs on Camming industry & how to succeed at camming.

    Personality is the glitter that sends your little gleam across the footlights and the orchestra pit into that big black space where the audience is. Mae West

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    Default Re: I hate myself now because I was cam girl few years ago.

    Quote Originally Posted by Saddlykitten View Post
    Ok so I start to lookin for someone online who could help. I wrote to pinapple support but I am not active cam girl, I remove all my accounts soo I cant identyfication myself I dont know why, but they need it.
    And I use similar site like cmp they help me alot, i remove many on my content on upstore, and many videos online on tubes, but not all 😞
    I am not active camgirl since 4 years. Why it hit me now? When my life was good and I dont have any problems. It was better before, I mean i think about it but not paranoid. Soo maybe all this in just my head...
    Have you actually confirmed that a facial recognition search will bring up your photos from camming, or are you just concerned because a site like that exists?

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    Default Re: I hate myself now because I was cam girl few years ago.

    Quote Originally Posted by Saddlykitten View Post
    For start I want to apologise all cam girls on here. I really dont want you felling bad. It is only my personal felling at now. I want to warm you that wasnt a good topic.
    I am 31, I am in deep deppresion, anxiety, paranoid and I am pregnant with my second child. My pregnancy is at risk. I have been bleeding twice now I dont know bacause I am all time nervous or what, the doctor doesnt found a reason. My first child see my crying more of the time.
    My fear started when I discovered a website that verifies your face and looks for your other photos on the Internet, including those from your webcam. And this site is free for everyone. Soo anyone can knows about me and my past.
    I can't stand that someone can recognize me, that someone can see my videos on the internet when I masturbate (thanks God i never do porn with someone else). I am paranoid because I thinking about it all the time and I cant stop. It is no depend of me i think I'm a bad person, it makes me feel terrible, I am a bad for mi child. I'm angry with myself, I feel bad with myself, I don't know how long I can take it. I dont know where to find a help, sexologist? Psychiatrists? I am not sure therapy makes sense in this terrible case of me. I have noone which I can talk about this felling, my housband doesnt care, he said "they will see your pus*y and what? Nothing bad will happened" he totally dont understand me what do you guys think?
    you’ve internalized the stigma. You didn’t do anything wrong. I do believe you need therapy.

    I agree there’s so much porn. How would they know it was you?

    First rule-deny, deny, deny
    What porn? Who? Why are you looking me up? You’re a crazy stalker?
    Flip it on them. I normally would never suggest gaslighting someone, but you need to stay safe.
    Focus more on what you want than on what you don’t want


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    Moderator charlie61's Avatar
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    Default Re: I hate myself now because I was cam girl few years ago.

    I honestly feel like i wouldn't even recognize famous celebrities if i saw them in person, lol!

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    Default Re: I hate myself now because I was cam girl few years ago.

    Quote Originally Posted by eagle2 View Post
    Have you actually confirmed that a facial recognition search will bring up your photos from camming, or are you just concerned because a site like that exists?
    Yes I confirmed and its work.

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    Default Re: I hate myself now because I was cam girl few years ago.

    I just care about people I know who can use this application and found me I am scary someone can blackmail me or someone can send it to others.

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    Default Re: I hate myself now because I was cam girl few years ago.

    Perhaps one day you’ll feel comfortable to just “out yourself” so this way no one holds the power over you to control you/your emotions. You can’t be blackmailed if you control the narrative.

    At the end of the day it’s just a job and unless the trolls are paying your bills then they don’t have anything to say

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    Default Re: I hate myself now because I was cam girl few years ago.

    Quote Originally Posted by Saddlykitten View Post
    I just care about people I know who can use this application and found me I am scary someone can blackmail me or someone can send it to others.
    Blackmail you how? Your husband already knows and he doesn't care. Who else could they threaten to tell that might cause backlash for you?

    IMHO you do really need to see someone. It sounds like your mind is playing tricks on you, causing paranoia over something very unlikely and then blowing up the potential consequences even if it did. You said that you did not care so much before, but now you do. I'm guessing that what changed is the load of pregnancy hormones running through your system right now. I'm a father of three and an uncle to four more and I've seen those changes happen countless times now, with nesting and protective instincts kicking into high gear in all sorts of unpredictable ways.

    IMHO your husband probably has good intentions in trying to downplay it, but he's making a mistake shrugging it off. You are of course looking for him to acknowledge your concerns and to be supportive. He needs to understand that your concerns do not always have to be rational or realistic to warrant his attention, especially when they pop up during pregnancy.

    Again, I very much hope you see someone and good luck as you work through this - and of course on the second baby!

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    Default Re: I hate myself now because I was cam girl few years ago.

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    Blackmail you how? Your husband already knows and he doesn't care. Who else could they threaten to tell that might cause backlash for you?

    IMHO you do really need to see someone. It sounds like your mind is playing tricks on you, causing paranoia over something very unlikely and then blowing up the potential consequences even if it did. You said that you did not care so much before, but now you do. I'm guessing that what changed is the load of pregnancy hormones running through your system right now. I'm a father of three and an uncle to four more and I've seen those changes happen countless times now, with nesting and protective instincts kicking into high gear in all sorts of unpredictable ways.

    IMHO your husband probably has good intentions in trying to downplay it, but he's making a mistake shrugging it off. You are of course looking for him to acknowledge your concerns and to be supportive. He needs to understand that your concerns do not always have to be rational or realistic to warrant his attention, especially when they pop up during pregnancy.

    Again, I very much hope you see someone and good luck as you work through this - and of course on the second baby!
    My mom, my friends, my housband family and my boss in work (i am scared he can fired me if he would know.)
    Just paranoia ... and this site soo ilegall and unfair, I cant believe this happened in democracy word ��
    For now I am scared to leave my house, and I think about it all the time, just lay on the bed and think, soo I look to online help, but it must be a person who will understand, someone who worked with sex workers, soo no easy to find someone.
    Unfortunately, I have no influence on my husband's behavior, telling him not to belittle it, will not change anything.

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