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  1. #1
    Member xCrystalx's Avatar
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    Default lap dance embarrassment

    Hi everyone, ive been dancing for a couple of months now, two or three days a week and starting to really enjoy the pole dancing part of the job, especially since taking classes. However i cant help but cringe a little whenever someone asks for a lap dance. Knowing that in a few minutes i am going to be completely naked having my body groped in front of a packed out club just fills me with so much embarrassment sometimes.
    Does anyone else have this and does it go away.

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    Moderator charlie61's Avatar
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    Default Re: lap dance embarrassment

    Hey girl! I'm remembering the thread you started that was similar to this one, where you like parts of dancing, but you work in an area that allows super high-contact dancing.

    I think you really need to evaluate if your mental health is worth the money you're making. There are other options in sex work. I personally couldn't handle that level of contact without it scarring me emotionally and physically...i still have trauma from touching my own nipples while dancing for so many years. Can't imagine strangers touching me there in such high volumes. I honestly think i would prefer camming or low-volume escorting at that point.

    The short answer is, yes, the feeling may go away, but the cost of mentally dissociating from your body to cope with that feeling isn't something you'll be able to turn off, over time.

    You're the only one who knows what's worth it. It just doesn't sound like the job is healthy for you.

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    Featured Member LoveyD's Avatar
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    Default Re: lap dance embarrassment

    I agree with Charlie. Is there a way you can work at a club where there are stronger boundaries ? I worked at a club where we kept our tops and bottoms on and it was a no-contact club. If the rules were any more lax I don't think I would have been able to handle it.

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    Default Re: lap dance embarrassment

    If you feel.like this after a few months you should probably change jobs.
    xoxo

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    Default Re: lap dance embarrassment

    If you're shy during lap dances, do them in the corners of the club.

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    Default Re: lap dance embarrassment

    Could you try another club? Even here, some clubs have more secure lap dance areas than others. I'm not sure if what you're experiencing is the norm in Gold Coast, but it's probably worth checking out other places. If this is the norm where you are, then like Charlie said I'd consider moving to another area of sex work that jives better with your boundaries. Repeatedly exposing yourself to trauma can numb you over time, but it will catch up with you eventually.

    Also, regardless of what other dancers may allow, you don't have to allow customers to grope you. You're allowed to have and set your own boundaries and there are ways to effectively communicate them without turning off the customer or coming across prudish. Personally, I don't mind customers touching my ass (we keep our thongs on). Breasts and kitty are off limits. Some guys may not know what to expect so you can always "sexily" redirect their hands to an area you don't mind them touching.

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    Member xCrystalx's Avatar
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    Default Re: lap dance embarrassment

    My club has reopened again after being closed due to Covid. So still consider myself inexperienced. Pole dancing im ok with and enjoy especially when someone else is up there with me. Our private dance area is actually not private at all and so every can see me doing my lap dance which on a quite night with only me in there i find just so embarrassing.
    When its busy its not so bad. The dance area can get quite crowded with maybe twenty dancers in there each with a customer. All us girls naked so i just kind of blend in with everyone else and dont have the whole club watching me.
    The contact ive just excepted. All clubs where i live are the same. All lap dances are fully naked with touching everywhere except the inner thigh, vagina and between the butt cheeks.

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    Veteran Member Seatortuga's Avatar
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    Default Re: lap dance embarrassment

    Hello! I have danced in high contact areas and I thought I'd chime in. I have devised methods to still give good dances and make money and preserve your mental health. Although, I wanna throw out there that I have never danced in a club that did dances in the open. We had booths. Indeed, doing your private dances in the open AND enduring high contact sounds like a place I simply wouldn't dance at. You haven't mentioned yet if there is another club nearby you could switch to, but if there is, I would implore you to check them out and see if it is better.

    Nevertheless, if you stay at this club and want some lap dance tips:

    #4 One of the best things you can do is grasp your customer's hands sensually and move them suckers where you want them to go.

    #3 Communicate. Tell them it hurts. Blame your hormones. You may not be able to %100 prevent touching but if they do, they need to do it gently. If they do touch and it's too hard/painful, dance is over.

    #2 Move away. Lean forward, or even get completely off of them and do some sexy air dancing. Whatever it takes to get out of arm's reach.

    #1 Do not dance for a customer who makes you uncomfortable or who touches you inappropriately. Again, you may not be able to %100 prevent touching but they should not be grasping too hard, pinching, slapping, none of that. Tell them the dance is over, of if it hasn't even started, tell them you won't be giving them one. They can take their funky $20 and stick it where the sun don't shine. *****IF YOUR CLUB DOES NOT BACK YOU UP, QUIT IMMEDIATELY.*****

    There is no amount of money worth being essentially sexually assaulted, repeatedly, night after night. Just walk away. It will never, ever be worth it.

    Just a bonus tip (this is related to what you'll be doing on the floor/stage): Be sure to cultivate customers who are gentlemen that will not be $20 one & done gropers. Furthermore, $20 one & done-ers get air dances .

    Other options are: Tell them no touching. Your body, your rules. It's never worth the money. There is nothing wrong with a dance that is more sensual/ has more air dancing. You could offer no lap dances at all. Or, instate a minimum: I will only dance for X amount (say $100) to weed out a lot of bad actors.

    That's all I can think of for now! Good luck!

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    Member xCrystalx's Avatar
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    Default Re: lap dance embarrassment

    thank you, I think its just taking me a little longer than most to get used to being naked in front of so many people. Pole dancing topless on stage isnt so bad, its walking into the lap room do a lap dance that can at times have be dying inside from embarrassment All the lap dancing happens in an open plan area of the club all together with everyone else and on busy night can be really crowded so i often find myself shoulder to shoulder with two other dancers beside me.
    The lap dances are non negotiable, the customers pay for a certain length of time, ten minutes, twenty minutes, half hour ect for a set price. Either way all the dances are full naked full contact, i cant just set my own rules. Its just something that a dancer has to accept where i come from, and as long as the person i am dancing for is respectful enough and doesn't grab and squeeze my ass cheeks to hard or try to twist my nipples right off my boobs i can deal with it.

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    Default Re: lap dance embarrassment

    Quote Originally Posted by xCrystalx View Post
    thank you, I think its just taking me a little longer than most to get used to being naked in front of so many people. Pole dancing topless on stage isnt so bad, its walking into the lap room do a lap dance that can at times have be dying inside from embarrassment All the lap dancing happens in an open plan area of the club all together with everyone else and on busy night can be really crowded so i often find myself shoulder to shoulder with two other dancers beside me.
    The lap dances are non negotiable, the customers pay for a certain length of time, ten minutes, twenty minutes, half hour ect for a set price. Either way all the dances are full naked full contact, i cant just set my own rules. Its just something that a dancer has to accept where i come from, and as long as the person i am dancing for is respectful enough and doesn't grab and squeeze my ass cheeks to hard or try to twist my nipples right off my boobs i can deal with it.
    Yeah sometimes it's weird being nude in front of people. I felt completely exposed on day 1 working nude for the first time in my life as a dancer. Sometimes you have to get used to it. Using that nudity as an advertisement and flaunting your body for other customers to see for potential money is worth it lol.

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    Default Re: lap dance embarrassment

    I used to dance in South Carolina at a club like that, I kinda liked it so I could see what other girls did in there dances it gave me new moves but I agree with what someone else said about just moving there hands where u want them to go and if they still r pushy I’d tell them they can’t touch there and they now owe a tip for trying..

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