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Thread: How do I do this shit sober 😬

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    Curious Guest IvyAddams's Avatar
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    Default How do I do this shit sober 😬

    Iíve been dancing for about 5 years now and the whole time Iíve always gotten drunk at work. Now Iím fresh outta detox and heading back to work after a several-month break but I donít wanna fall off the wagon. Have any of yíall tried to dance sober before? How do you do it? What can I say when a guy offers to buy me a drink without making it awkward? Any tips?

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    Default Re: How do I do this shit sober 😬

    Never been much of a drinker but had a deal with the bartender to make me fake drinks. You don't have to be honest, so tell a white lie like on a special diet & no alcohol allowed on it.

    Think of all the money you will be making since you will be able to concentrate on hustling. Instead of a drink, how about a table dance to the customers. Switching to day shift for a short period of time, it is less of a party atmosphere.

    Congrats on getting sober.
    Video blogs on Camming industry & how to succeed at camming.

    Personality is the glitter that sends your little gleam across the footlights and the orchestra pit into that big black space where the audience is. Mae West


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    Default Re: How do I do this shit sober 😬

    Honestly I went AA until I had 30 days sober. I don’t really go unless I feel like I need a drink. It’s a very patriarchal program, so it doesn’t resonate with me. But it’s useful if you just need to talk and get support to stay sober.
    Focus more on what you want than on what you donít want

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    Default Re: How do I do this shit sober 😬

    Also not a huge fan of the program, but unless you have a structured support system already in place it is the best thing out there for a newly sober person. If you live in a medium sized or above city you should be able to find women only groups. Remember your strength.
    If you never knew me, that'd probably be cheaper

    If you really knew me, you would know I don't need ya- Saweetie

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    Default Re: How do I do this shit sober 😬

    I’m not big on AA either, I found some other meetings that I like better. Waiting until I’ve got some more time under my belt does sound like a good idea tho, I’m only 8 days in right now and still taking naltrexone

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    Default Re: How do I do this shit sober 😬

    Ask for a club soda with a splash of cranberry/pineapple and most of the time they don't even notice you ordered a virgin drink with the loud music. Ex... Say it like, "club soda pineapple". With those mixers alone it sounds like there is alcohol in it already.. Just ask for it casually, and don't make it a big deal. Don't tell him what you want to get, just order it directly with the waitress/bartender. If he asks you want you want just tell him you're going to tell the server bc you can't decide yet.You can always tell all of the bartenders and waitresses in advanced, before you start too.



    It can be done. You can trick your mind into being drunk with a virgin drink. Good luck.

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    Veteran Member cutiecam's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I do this shit sober 😬

    Congratulations on your sobriety! I have immense respect for you, because it takes willpower, perseverance, and strength to start on a new sober path.

    When it comes to returning back to the strip club, you're going to need a strong, foundational support system. Friends or family that you can talk to through the times when you're feeling weak and want to give up, and the times when you want to celebrate your wins. I'm willing to be one of those people if you'd like to reach out on PMs.

    Next we' re going to have to identify your specific triggers at work that makes you want to drink. I have been sober for 2 years straight, but in the industry since 2009. I'm not sure what your triggers are but I can lay out some of mine:

    1. I need to drink to get in the mood/to feel flirty/ to feel sexy.
    2. That guy was so rude to me and it really got me down. If I have a shot, I'll be able to forget it and move on.
    3. I've been rejected so many times tonight. It seems like everyone's making money except for me.
    4. Drinking is so much more fun than being sober.
    5. Conversations flow more easily when I'm a couple drinks in. I not longer have to think about awkward pauses.
    6. Tonight is going to suck. I can just feel it. I'm afraid I won't make money. So ill just drink and maybe I'll start to feel a little bit better.

    Those are just a few of my triggers. Generally people who have drinking problems do so because they are coping with an underlying anxiety disorder. Alcohol slows down your thinking and blocks anxiety. This is why people who dread social situations need a drink or too. The social situation never went away, their anxiety toward the situation just went away. Anxiety is never about the thing you are worried about.

    Many people drink to remove: Fear (I'm afraid he ll say no and I won't make money!) Frustration (why is it that he said yes to her and no to me) Anger (she stole my customer, fuck her!)

    Anxiety also loves when you compare situations (so and so made more than me. Or. I was so much better my first year stripping, now I suck in year two) Anxiety also loves when you predict (Monday was bad, Tuesday was bad and now tonight will probably be bad too. Or. I've been turned down 5 times today, the next guy will probably say no too). Just remember that you are not a fortune teller. If you could even predict a stock with 51% accuracy every single time, you'd be one of the richest people on earth. Humans are shit at predicting.

    Anytime you come across fear, frustration, anger, comparison, quantifying, or prediction, just know that you are experiencing anxiety. The best response is to replace those thoughts with another thought of your choosing. Be realistic, be rational and be in the moment.

    Remember earlier when I said anxiety is never about the thing? Well, it's never about the customer. It's never about not getting the sale. It's not about needing to feel in the mood. It's about your anxiety. Sometimes our brains fire off anxiety into our minds for no reason. It just fires off to fire off. But your brain so desperately wants a specific reason why is fired off in order to prevent that from ever happening again. One day it decided to fire off when you were talking to a customer and your brain just associated it with that. The feeling of anxiety is a flight or fight response. It makes your heart rate increase, turns your stomach, makes you a little clammy. Etc. That's the feeling you should get when you see a Saber tooth tiger or a venomous snake! Not when you sell a Lapdance. That part of your brain is so old and anxiety
    hasn't caught up to the fact that we are not in the jungle anymore. We 're at Tittys amd Beer Gentleman's Club.

    When your anxiety fires off, I just realize it's my brain trying to protect me from a Tiger. It's my old reptile brain that hasn't caught up to the modern Era. Then I replace that anxiety thought with a thought of my choosing. Sometimes it comes back! Then I replace it again. Sometimes it comes back 100x in one night. Replace it again. You are literally foraging new neuropaths in your brain. It's used to your super highway of triggering thoughts and then your response to drinking. Now it's time to make a new path. It will take time and perseverance. It will start off as a dirty road, then a cobblestone, then a 1 way road, etc etc until it becomes a highway. Trust the process.

    Anyway my experience tells me that alcohol just masks underlying issues. Studies also confirm that vast amounts of people use alcohol to cope with anxiety. Let me know if any of this resonated. Even if you are not the OP I'm always here for my new sober ladies!

    Get ready to become a better person, feel fantastic and make the most money you've ever made in your life. Just one of the few amazing outcomes of being 100% clean and sober from everything.

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    Default Re: How do I do this shit sober 😬

    I'd stay out of the club for now, 8 days is not long at all. I hope the naltrexone helps.

    But seconded that you can either get fake drinks, pour a Red Bull into a glass of ice, etc. I rarely drank at work and if I did it was one or two. When I wasn't drinking, nobody really hassled me about it. Sometimes I'd be like "Tee hee, I'd love a drink but I'm cut off for the night!" which can also help in that they think you're already tipsy and will be more 'fun'. You can also tell them you're on medication that doesn't agree with alcohol.
    "People jack off with the left hand and point with the right."

    "You can check out any time you like, but you can never leave."

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    Default Re: How do I do this shit sober 😬

    Quote Originally Posted by cutiecam View Post
    When it comes to returning back to the strip club, you're going to need a strong, foundational support system. Friends or family that you can talk to through the times when you're feeling weak and want to give up, and the times when you want to celebrate your wins. I'm willing to be one of those people if you'd like to reach out on PMs.
    thank you so much! This is super encouraging and I’ll def reach out in the dms ��

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    Default Re: How do I do this shit sober 😬

    This is probably a stretch but does anyone know of any non-AA support meetings for sw? Cause I feel like that could help a lot of us and I’d even be down to facilitate over zoom. (This is the group if anyone’s interested hams.cc )
    Last edited by IvyAddams; 07-23-2021 at 09:45 AM.

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    Veteran Member LoveyD's Avatar
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    Default Re: How do I do this shit sober 😬

    You can do it! A lot of great advice here. ^^

    I barely ever drank at work because I just hate alcohol. I hated the way I aged overnight when I drank, the hangovers, the bloating and weight gain, the dumb decisions I made, etc. Hate barfing, hate the way it drained me energetically. Work was like my workout. I drank a shit ton of lemon water, so my skin looked great. And I never had to worry about being so drunk I'd flop around onstage like a fish out of water. So if you need reasons to hate alcohol, these are a few.

    Drinking alcohol ages you. Now you can enjoy the benefits of self-preservation.

    Congratulations on making a fabulous decision!

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    Default Re: How do I do this shit sober 😬

    Hi, OP! Congrats on the changes you've been making! That's a huge step in the right direction. I have to agree that stepping back into that environment so soon after the start of your recovery is a bit of a scary prospect. I have a lot of experience with folks who have process addictions and drug / alcohol addictions, and they tend to overestimate their willpower when they're fresh out of rehab / detox. This overconfidence usually leads to a rollercoaster effect... it can be super destructive.

    Are you sure this is the right time for you to be back in that situation?

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    Default Re: How do I do this shit sober 😬

    Have you looked into camming? That would at least be a different environment.

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    Default Re: How do I do this shit sober 😬

    Congrats on getting sober! I also have always drank and i too have danced 5 years. I recently quit dancing drunk. Its hard but worth it. I have more energy and I'm more alert. Idk where you live but if they have no liquor clubs I'd go there for a while. I order sparkling water. It's really uncomfortable at first ngl but you get used to it.

    Stay strong dude <3

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