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Thread: In a toxic "relationship" with my neighbor-I want out

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    Default In a toxic "relationship" with my neighbor-I want out

    Hi ladies. I've been seeing someone who lives in my apartment building...sigh. I will never make this mistake again. Two years ago, I moved to a small town where I didn't know anyone. I was tired of having roommates, tired of my family putting pressure on me to work a "normal" job. I just wanted to focus on camming and be independent. And for a while I was doing good. I felt very confident and self assured...but that was during the summer. Once winter came along, I started to feel very isolated. (I moved from the south to midwest). Anyway he and I started running into each other and talking more. He eventually asked me out. There was a lot of red flags I ignored. We moved very fast and I do believe I was being love bombed. He also talked about his ex a bit too much-found out later he was never over her and was still seeing her. For the first six months, he seemed so passionate. We had date nights, movie nights, he would surprise me with gifts etc. He was the one who mentioned living together, getting married one day, having a family. These are all things I wasn't even thinking about when I moved here.
    Then the 2nd year...it's like a different person. One minute he's super into me, then he's ignoring me and blocking my number. He's on a tight budget and can't take me out unless we go dutch. He doesn't respect my work schedule-I cam and shoot clips. If he's off he expects me to be off that day too. It's rare that I get gifts. First year was jewelry and flowers, and groceries. I asked him to help with groceries since he wants to keep coming to my apartment but won't contribute. We argue very often, and first thing in the morning. I don't feel confident, so I don't have the energy to cam. My income has been effected by this. I know I need to move on. I'm just not sure how to stay moving forward when we live in the same building.
    I was going to just move (quietly) and end it at the same time. But I don't have enough saved to move. I really have to focus. Should I just go no contact? I tried doing this a few times...we always end up talking again. My friend thinks that I'm overthinking it. Just because he's close doesn't mean I have to talk to him. But it's hard. Deep down, I know this isn't normal. I'm pretty sure he is a narcissist. But I've gotten used to him and used to seeing him...ugh. Just encourage me to move on? lol. I used to be a confident person. I didn't even realize I was happy. Now I feel so unsure of myself and stuck in the rabbit hole.

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  3. #2
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    Default Re: In a toxic "relationship" with my neighbor-I want out

    Keep working towards moving out.

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    Default Re: In a toxic "relationship" with my neighbor-I want out

    Clearly he does not have your best interest at heart. What is worse than being lonely, being used & in an abusive relationship. You have to be determined in your goals & what you want out of life.

    Does NOT matter how he treated you in the past, what matters is how he is treating you now. And do you really want to be married or have kids with someone like him?

    Focus on work, make a money & move.
    Video blogs on Camming industry & how to succeed at camming.

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    Default Re: In a toxic "relationship" with my neighbor-I want out

    ^ Such a bummer that you were treated well for a year but I agree .
    If he isn’t trying with you ( and Dutch dates are definitely not trying ) I would move on.
    You could try counseling but his behavior is pretty bad it seems like.

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    Default Re: In a toxic "relationship" with my neighbor-I want out

    You seem to think you caught a Narc and you are probably right.
    Many including myself on this site have managed to successfully get away from one .
    Poke around and read those old threads too for support !
    There are good Narc support groups on FB too ( hidden as they will not appear on your “ groups “ ).

    I have a theory that sex workers can be Magnets for these types ( they are obsessed with what people think and we “ show “ well enhancing their “ status “).

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    Default Re: In a toxic "relationship" with my neighbor-I want out

    Did you not post how you left one longer term abusive relationship & have a bad landlord in another thread? Well,no matter, sometimes we have to work on ourselves with getting therapy so as self care. So that we can manage bad situations better & learn the skills it takes to do better.
    Video blogs on Camming industry & how to succeed at camming.

    Personality is the glitter that sends your little gleam across the footlights and the orchestra pit into that big black space where the audience is. Mae West

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    Default Re: In a toxic "relationship" with my neighbor-I want out

    I think you're thinking of 'WanderingWoman".

    https://www.stripperweb.com/forum/sh...uld-be-Awesome

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    Default Re: In a toxic "relationship" with my neighbor-I want out

    Thank you for the responses. I mentioned one thing I wasn't happy with and he just ended up yelling at me on my birthday. He actually said " Today is trash." I was like wow, thanks for saying that on my birthday. He goes, "You're welcome." It's always like this. I mention one thing, he gets very mean and says cruel things or he will straight up ignore me. Then I actually stop caring and pull away from him, then he will be extra sweet and charming for a while. Then, as soon as I relax, he switches up again...
    He took me out for breakfast and lunch this weekend. Then started complaining that we are always going out and spending money. This is the first time we didn't go dutch in months. And he complained. This is the same man who surprised me last year with a new ring, earring and necklace for my birthday. And it's not so much that he didn't get jewelry this year. Times are tough right now, I get it. But he actually complained about spending money. And he said he we went "all out." No...we just went out and didn't split the bill.
    I have compromised so much of myself this year. I was very understanding of him being on a budget. But it's like we are playing house but I'm not really getting anything out of it. When we spend time at home, I feel like I'm catering to a child. He gets very fussy if he doesn't eat throughout the day. He is also fine just watching youtube, playing video games etc. I just don't feel inspired with him. I enjoy the intimacy, the sex is awesome. But I always feel emotionally drained after being around him.
    I have been reading up narcissism and exploring the older threads here. It has been very helpful to me. I know I want to move forward-it's just keeping the door closed for good. I prefer making clips over cam but my sales have been pretty slow.

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    Default Re: In a toxic "relationship" with my neighbor-I want out

    ^ I would definitely encourage you to leave him. Being with a fussy partner is so draining !

    It sounds like his $ situation changed and that is a big stressor. I had that happen with Corona times too but eventually you have to fight and scratch your way back to the cash even if it's not quite as much as before . You need to adapt and fight in this world. If he is just being lazy and zoning out at the house I can see your frustration.

    It definitely sounds like there are some abusive elements.
    Leaving seems best unless he is willing to change the behaviors NOW ( if he is a Narc he won't change bad habits ).
    He needs to prep and carry his own food throughout the day if he is fussy about eating .
    The next time is emotionally abuses you ( if it's safe ) call it out as abuse and demand it stop RIGHT THEN.

    Give him 48 hours to be out of your hair if abusive behavior continues.
    You'll need to evaluate if there could be a safety issue obviously ( it doesn't sound like the abuse has escalated to physical ).

    Wait , I actually read back and it seems like maybe you don't live together ( because you mentioned blocking your # which you can't really " block" living with someone ) . If that is the case it's even better. You can disconnect so much easier not living together.
    Last edited by carmen_b; 09-21-2021 at 03:32 PM.

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    Default Re: In a toxic "relationship" with my neighbor-I want out

    Please get yourself educated about the cycle of abuse.

    I took this course while staying in DV shelter- https://www.hazelden.org/HAZ_MEDIA/4...;ll_change.pdf

    Your gut is right- no contact is the best.

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    Default Re: In a toxic "relationship" with my neighbor-I want out

    ^ Going back to edit this a little further I would advise to play things extra safe .
    Just because it's " only " verbal abuse ( barf ! ) it doesn't mean it can't *quickly* escalate to physical violence.
    I personally took my abuse very seriously when I got out ( my abuser hadn't hit me but on the first threat of doing so I called 911 ). It is completely ok to call and ask for a safe walk out . This means that the cop will be there and be present. You won't be alone with your abuser and can gather all things up so you never have to deal with them again. You can ask for male friends and family members to be present also and drop by. If you have any fear demonstrate you are NOT alone.
    Last edited by carmen_b; 10-14-2021 at 08:35 AM.

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    Default Re: In a toxic "relationship" with my neighbor-I want out

    I was in the middle of typing and asking you guys for advice. When he just ghosted me out of nowhere??? He's at work right now. We had an awesome day yesterday but I found a ticket to the drive in his car the other day. So obviously, I'm still upset by this is. I relaxed yesterday but I needed to vent this morning. I texted him saying "You're not committed to me." He likes the text and goes yeah im done, you don't see the effort I put in, no more stress, etc. I was like wait-what? I said hey, if you're ghosting me again you better mean it this time." (He's blocked my number and ignored me for two weeks in the past). Then he was like "I'm done being talked to this way. If you show up here, I'm calling the cops." (I meet him at work for lunch pretty often).

    I'M SO ANGRY. What just happened??? This is the same man who came over with flowers YESTERDAY. And he said this morning that he couldn't wait to see me tomorrow.
    Now I'm blocked....wtf???

    I'm shaking right now and trying to calm down.

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    Default Re: In a toxic "relationship" with my neighbor-I want out

    Sounds like the trash took itself out. But I wonder do you want him or don't, your post are very confusing. Relationships this rocky & unstable are not good for either party involved. Do you want peace? Or NOT?

    Also sounds like he is setting you up for stalking charges and because it is his work.. then he has plenty of witnesses to help testify against you. Why would you want to be in a relationship where someone threatens to call the cops on you? Or maybe you are stalking him & just don't know how to let go.

    This all has nothing to do with sex work or camming, it is you venting about a crazy relationship. Please seek professional help or a group therapy to help you heal. So you can move forward & into a healthy relationship.

    https://www.helpguide.org/articles/a...lationship.htm

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/b...-love-yourself

    https://www.modernintimacy.com/13-ti...-relationship/

    https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-...rriage-4091900
    Video blogs on Camming industry & how to succeed at camming.

    Personality is the glitter that sends your little gleam across the footlights and the orchestra pit into that big black space where the audience is. Mae West

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    Default Re: In a toxic "relationship" with my neighbor-I want out

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    Sounds like the trash took itself out. But I wonder do you want him or don't, your post are very confusing. Relationships this rocky & unstable are not good for either party involved. Do you want peace? Or NOT?

    Also sounds like he is setting you up for stalking charges and because it is his work.. then he has plenty of witnesses to help testify against you. Why would you want to be in a relationship where someone threatens to call the cops on you?

    Please seek professional help or a group therapy to help you heal. So you can move forward & into a healthy relationship.
    My posts sound confusing because I feel confused. I just want the person I thought he was and I have to accept I was wrong about him. It's just hard because I thought we were having a conversation but just blocked me out of nowhere. And I can't explain how twisted that is...and threatening me with the cops? Never thought he would do that. I do want peace...the whole thing just really hurts.

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    Default Re: In a toxic "relationship" with my neighbor-I want out

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    Sounds like the trash took itself out. But I wonder do you want him or don't, your post are very confusing. Relationships this rocky & unstable are not good for either party involved. Do you want peace? Or NOT?

    Also sounds like he is setting you up for stalking charges and because it is his work.. then he has plenty of witnesses to help testify against you. Why would you want to be in a relationship where someone threatens to call the cops on you? Or maybe you are stalking him & just don't know how to let go.

    This all has nothing to do with sex work or camming, it is you venting about a crazy relationship. Please seek professional help or a group therapy to help you heal. So you can move forward & into a healthy relationship.






    There is no stalking involved at all. We spent the day together yesterday. That's why I'm shocked. Thanks for sending the links. I thought we could talk about this under life support-my apologies.

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    Default Re: In a toxic "relationship" with my neighbor-I want out

    Lose the dead weight and your income will recover.

    Sorry to bear the bad news but he will never be the guy he was in the beginning. He did all that to butter you up to get what he wanted (sex on demand, attention from you, arm candy when he goes out, etc). Now that you seem locked in to being with him, he can be his real self and looks like you’re staying n putting up with him.

    He is showing you who he is RIGHT NOW in the moment….that’s him. He is getting you primed for accepting half ass treatment in relationship.

    Those jewelry gifts. Have them appraised because if he is making you go Dutch cause he really is broke them that jewelry is probably not as valuable as you thought.

    You may need to move…….without telling him just incase

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    Default Re: In a toxic "relationship" with my neighbor-I want out

    Most abuse will follow a cycle. They lure you in with good times but it will never stay at that way. They will pester and poke at you ( or worse hit ect. ) until it's days of misery again. A healthy relationship is loving and supportive every day and not just on the " up " of the abuse cycle.

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    Default Re: In a toxic "relationship" with my neighbor-I want out

    ^ Lots to Google but this might help give you an idea about the pattern.
    https://www.banyantherapy.com/cycle-of-abuse-nvs/

    It's 100% better to be alone than with a person like this .
    Plus you will meet someone better later so just cut it clean.

    When you are not familiar with abuse you don't recognize the patterns.
    Once you experience it you can see it clearly .

    Now that he has " thrown you away " he will expect you to try to fight.
    Just don't. Move on and cut contact. Inform him that due to the abuse if he contacts you a restraining order will be next and you are prepared to take legal action. Document your abuse ( even it's just written notes ). If you ever need to go to court over this your documentation can be useful.

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    Default Re: In a toxic "relationship" with my neighbor-I want out

    Quote Originally Posted by WonderWoman0642 View Post
    My posts sound confusing because I feel confused. I just want the person I thought he was and I have to accept I was wrong about him. It's just hard because I thought we were having a conversation but just blocked me out of nowhere. And I can't explain how twisted that is...and threatening me with the cops? Never thought he would do that. I do want peace...the whole thing just really hurts.
    Sometimes you can’t “figure everything out”

    What you can figure out is this is unhealthy pattern in relationship. If you stay you will continuously endure this. You can’t fix a man who don’t want to change.

    If you leave now, you save yourself from being deeply hurt by this “man”. From what you describe, He is unstable, toxic, and manipulative.

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    Default Re: In a toxic "relationship" with my neighbor-I want out

    Update: He unblocked my number and gave me a lame apology. Then on Friday, he was super sweet. Then yesterday and today...back to being cold/ignoring me. So when he was leaving, I told him not to bother coming back tonight. I just blocked his number.

    I know it's best to move on at this point. I don't feel secure with him, especially with him threatening to call the cops.

    We don't live in the same apartment, but we do live in the same (small) apartment building. This has been the issue when we broke up before. We've went a few weeks without talking but then he would knock on the door and I'd let my guard down.

    So, I'm just trying to breathe, focus on myself and moving out of here.

    Thank you all for the responses-I appreciate it!

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    Default Re: In a toxic "relationship" with my neighbor-I want out

    ^ Even living close you can still ignore him.
    Hopefully he’s a different floor or something.
    Plus it might be worth transitioning to a move out ( eventually ).

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    Default Re: In a toxic "relationship" with my neighbor-I want out

    Hey.
    I agree with carmen_b. You can totally ignore that asshole, even if you live in the same building. It will not be easy, but he uses talk to do the shit he does to you.
    Talk is the first way for such bastards to start their lame fucking games. Even a simple 'hi'. They are ever-hungry emotional vampires, 'hi' is enough for them to bite and start draining.
    So next time just try to ignore him completely as if he was a stranger, just pass, pass, pass, don't look at him. Never open a door to him, when he knocks - stay silent. He would message you - ignore or better block. If that POS would try to grab you, it's YOUR right to call the cops.
    Idk how's that in the states, but maybe keep your phone ready to record everything (sound or vid) - idk if its allowed there, but at least it will give you the confidence. But I am sure he won't grab you. He won't dare. If you act like that, he will show you his ugly side in the whole glory, inventing different kinds of explanations, creating situations etc. Just stay firm, pass and ignore, give him no reaction at all. Once he gets you are not easy to hook anymore, he will fucking stop. But you better move to another place, anyways.
    Also recording his talk might be good thing personally for you, because our mind, it's like that..it wants to keep good memories and rejects the bad. So if you have a record of him talking shit to you....it could be sobering. (I don't mean to do it to use against him, but it could be a way for keeping your sight on this situation clear) He uses his 'nice' side just to keep you around him. Don't let him fool you. Seen such jerks. Fuck them.
    PS. I re-read my post, there are way too many 'asshole' and 'fucking', but god does that individual make me mad.

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    Default Re: In a toxic "relationship" with my neighbor-I want out

    ^ It sometimes IS as simple as ignoring them.
    Not every abuser will track their victims down constantly.
    I took a lot of precautions ( even now it would be really hard to see where I live since I don't have the address I share with J on ANYTHING ). My mail goes to another location.
    Once I told my abuser to leave me alone all he did was circle with texts and calls like a vulture ( typical ) which is what Luci is talking about.
    These idiots will often just move to an easier victim.

    ^ This is why GUILT can kick in , ugh. If you don't file a police report ( I didn't ) about the abuse then it doesn't " follow " them via paper trail. At the time I was worried about being outed ( my sex work has always been very discreet ).
    Last edited by carmen_b; 10-19-2021 at 09:21 AM.

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    Default Re: In a toxic "relationship" with my neighbor-I want out

    Quote Originally Posted by WonderWoman0642 View Post
    My posts sound confusing because I feel confused. I just want the person I thought he was and I have to accept I was wrong about him. It's just hard because I thought we were having a conversation but just blocked me out of nowhere. And I can't explain how twisted that is...and threatening me with the cops? Never thought he would do that. I do want peace...the whole thing just really hurts.
    You've been exposed to narcissistic abuse.

    I am sorry. I know it hurts.

    Learn as much as you can about Narcissistic abuse. Watch Youtube videos about it. Dr. Ramani is a good one. Please love yourself more than that creep and go no contact. Otherwise it just gets worse. I'm sorry. Your feelings right now are normal for having gone through this sort of thing. Been there myself, and a lot of the other members here have too.

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    Default Re: In a toxic "relationship" with my neighbor-I want out

    He actually said he blocked me because what I said really bothered him. And he wanted to make sure I wouldn't say it again. And all I said was, "hey I feel like you're not committed to me." Just really petty and it's not the first time he has done that.

    Also, he joked around before that he found my family on facebook. So if I ever stopped talking to him again, he'd know how to get in touch. (I don't use FB). It was really odd because he's never even met them. I'm trying not stress over that but it was odd.

    One more thing. The other day when we were arguing, he opened the door to my spare bedroom. And just looked at me coldly and acted like he was about to walk in. Now I keep the door shut because that is my work space. He *said* he supported me at first. But he would make comments here and there, whenever he saw my outfits. Or if he saw the lights/camera in my bedroom, he'd say "Oh you were shooting in our intimate space?" Things like that. So I started keeping everything in a separate room, with the door closed. When he opened the door the other day, I felt violated and I could barely talk. He knew I wasn't okay with that. Then he even said later, "Oh I wasn't trying to go through your personal space." right.

    As I'm reading this, I feel more sure of moving forward. I'm actually mad at myself for staying. I just hope I can find a new apartment sooner rather than later.

    I'm watching Dr.Ramani now. Wow! She is explaining everything so well. I'm like wait-did we date the same dude? lol.

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